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Consistency, Why it is one of the most important attributes and why we can never trust without it:
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Consistency, Why it is one of the most important attributes and why we can never trust without it: Anyone that knows me will know that I work every day(or at least tell them i do) to be the exact same person every minute of my life, whether you see that as a good thing or not depends on the person. Even shitty food made exactly the same way every time will garner loyal fans of it eventually but great food without consistency will leave a business closed in a few months. When it comes to people, we make excuses for a persons uncharacteristic actions as bad days and not the true representation of themselves and I would agree to a certain extent. Most people dont see the overall long term damage that "having a bad day" has on a relationship. Predictability and setting your watch to someone sounds uninteresting and boring to the outsider, taking for granted the monumental effort to be fair and measured every waking moment by discounting its value. I view inconsistency as hell, and a nightmare of shaky ground. I think of it as the same way that you could never be sure if someone is telling you the truth if they have a habit of lying, is the same way I dont know what person to expect if they are inconsistent depending on the weather. When it comes to toxic relationships it is easy to see that these inconsistencies are way worse. The rules that apply in one moment can be rewritten and changed to justify a person behavior. This usually manifests itself in contradiction or hypocrisy but it is no less inconsistent since both apply. If you have a person that goes by the golden rule 80% of the time but the other 20% they are irrational, unfair, or dont follow their own axioms then you dont have a stable relationship, you have something that seems like it can get to a point it can be but in a flash tomorrow's hopes or goals for that first home or having can be flipped at a moments notice. On top of that is that most people dont actually strive to not lie as much, attempt treat their loved ones less unfairly, or most importantly, set aside some time daily to introspectively recount their interactions and see if they were unfair, dishonest, or being hypocrite to those people. If a person is 80/20 and not actively trying to be more consistent then there is no evidence that it will get better but more so that it will get worse. Another issue with being 80/20 is that you could be the greatest person to someone only to have all the karmatic goodness thrown out the window by just a few dick moves. The exchange rate on shitty things isnt a 1 to 1 but more like 100 good deeds to one bad deed. For example, a man that only punches his wife once each year but is the best partner outside of that doesnt negate the terribleness of that action. It also is no solace to a wife waiting for an inevitable punch throughout the year knowing it is coming some day would leave her in a constant state of fear or stress when signs start to show it may happen soon again. This can be applied to lesser violent examples but the point still stands. If you cannot guarantee a bad flip out or argument wont spiral into some disaster you dont have a solid foundation. We justify these actions by compartmentalizing them. We say we will never let a girlfriend or boyfriend do A or B but then let our family walk all over us or vice versa. We say they are good people but you just dont want to work with them. The latter meaning this, they are decent people unless they have any stress or worries, then they become a cutthroat asshole who would eat you if it came down to it on a deserted island. Another thing we seem to do is assume people being cheerful or positive are charlatans of sorts. Putting on one face to the public and behind closed doors another. I know these people exist and that hypocrisy over a long enough timeline will be exposed. There are plenty of ways to find them out but I think these people are easily found out by how much contradicting they do over time. I used to work with the king of contradiction, this person would tell his employees to do two different things and then depending on the mood lambaste them for not choosing the other. That guy would also put on a mask to the public but it wasn't long(still too long) before everyone realized he was a fraud. Outside of that instance you have earnest people trying to become consistent, putting in effort to be more positive and less cynical and it is misconstrued or cancelled because they slip up once or twice. I used to judge too quickly on these people who wanted nothing other than to put forward the person they truly wanted to be but just couldnt nail it most of the time. I dont think these people are equipped or focusing on the right paths to get there but they are trying and that does count for something. Redemption: Say you were a dead beat father or a shitty friend you need a path to get back to an ideal person you would like to be but you need the tools and work to do so. This requires effort on consistently not being the person of old and all the people you burned till you got to this point will assume you are once again lying or one week away from the next train wreck. Consistency is even more important here because you have to distance yourself so far from the asshole you were that the people in your life dont remember it every time they are around you. That is the penance of changing, that you could change your whole life but it will take evidence for anyone to trust you. Not because of some grudge or ill will, but because the evidence of the past still never being debunked with time and proof. Most people dont know how to start that process but I see it as very easy. Treat your friends, family, and partners like gold and demand they do the same. Set aside an hour to reflect on the day and judge yourself for your actions with others that day. Analyze and make sure you were a good friend or person and apologize and admit youre wrong to the person if you werent. Be afraid of being on the wrong side of any argument. This isnt turn the other cheek, I would never suggest you put up with anyones bullshit but if you want to get to a place where you know you deserve to not deal with someone being an asshole to you, you have to get to a place where you are consistently not in the wrong. This takes a long time to train your brain to not react out of jealousy or ego from something you take the wrong way. It is a muscle you work on to make sure whatever interaction you have you didnt contradict yourself and you stuck to your own rules. From that comes the demand for others to do the same. Why should I work so hard to be a good friend when none of mine are? Why should I be the one to work so hard on this relationship when the other side isnt. Why should I respect my family over blood alone when they consider me only as a tool or something to use. Whatever case comes up I dont think you get to self respect without becoming a person that deserves it. Contradiction and inconsistency are easy ways to know you arent there yet. Hypocrisy and lies are an easy way to detect a terrible human being and I could point to many people but Trump and his ilk stand out like a shiny beacon of fuckery. Anywho, im done for now, dont think being consistent is an easy task and take for granted the people that are, some may be gifted by a good upbringing with little or no trauma but others had to remove so many demons and bad rules that got them through life till now but are stunting them from the next progression. I spent my life from 19 up trying to undo all the bullshit I was taught along the way but I wish I would have been given this tid bit of a toolset among others way earlier in life cause it would have been a shit ton easier. |
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