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| Blogs > rm_punkmama828 > relationship introspection... |
misplaced loyalties??
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misplaced loyalties?? It's strange. How overly loyal I am to people who aren't even a part of my daily life. Case in point... A few days ago I got an add request on myspace. It was from someone I vaguely knew, I had seen his band and hung out with him a few times about 3-4 yrs ago. At the time, he was dating a friend of mine. She and I were hardly tight, she's never been to my house, we just went to one of his shows together and my and I went to her house for a bbq once back then. One of those people you hang out with at the bar, occasionally chat with, but rarely see outside the bar. But when I was checking out his page, listening to him sing, looking at pics, all I could think was I WANT....! So being me, I made that painfully clear. Actually pursued the poor man alot more than I normally would. I mean, I'm not hideous, I'm nice, and I do alot of online dating, so all in all I'm never too hard up for a date or a fuck. Now we're hanging out tomorrow night, and who knows if it will be anything more than one night of kickass rockstar fucking. Knowing me, anything's possible. I find it hard to believe any man would want to live happily ever after with someone who was so sexually blatant, but I'm hardly one to lose sleep over it. And given my history, happily ever after looks more like a joke with each passing year. He always struck me as a really cool person, and he seemed to treat her extremely well. We have alot in common, both being single parents of boys, and share alot of interests. Even if we just screw each other's brains out once and go our separate ways, I think we'd still be cool. So why, given that I haven't even seen this chick in about 3 years, do I feel slightly guilty?? I'm hardly poaching. I think they've been split for awhile, and it hardly seems like he is the lost love of her life, so what's the bfd?? I think it all boils down to the fact that I take better care of others (even the undeserving) than I do myself. I'm that person who will let you cry on their shoulder till 2am when they have to be up for work in 4 hours. I'm always going out of my way to do shit for everyone else. Cook you dinner, drive you home, sew you pajama pants and dye your hair. And I love doing stuff for the people I care about. But this is just ridiculous. I doubt she cares, and I have no idea why I'm even giving this much thought to it. Fuck it. I WANT....and I'm gonna enjoy every freaking minute.  *update* i was at his house for maybe an hour and 3 shots when she called me to hang out. for the first time in 3+ years. apparently she saw the blog on myspace and put two and two together. subtle, no? did i mention they've been split for a year and she's been with one of his friends since BEFORE they split? um, yeah. that's a bit fucking<b> queer </font></b>in my book** |
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