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not sure if this makes me a vulture or the maid, but...
I was lying in bed, a million things chasing each other around my brain; and I think I'm on to something. I was thinking about maybe going to millis tomorrow night, and whether it would be weird because I haven't hung out with the chick who invited me in about 3+ years. That lead to 'I wonder if Rob still hangs out there. Not really interested in meeting his new girl.... Fuck. The girl who invited me is friends with Rob's cheater ex who hates me with a passion. DEFINITELY don't wanna run into her....!' SO, long story short, lying in bed thinking about all this stuff I caught on to a pattern.
Here is an abbreviated list of guys who had their hearts smashed to pieces by cheating exes within a year before I met them.....
ROB
PAUL
CHRISTIAN
THING ONE
THING TWO
I know there's other guys who i dated in the past four years that fall into this category, but most of them lasted about a month and they don't immediately spring to mind. For the record, I almost always meet these people and get close to them before I realize that I'm dealing with the walking wounded. Still, this is definitely a pattern worth psychoanalyzing, no?? Is there something in me that just makes me gravitate towards wounded birds and volunteer to pick up the pieces? Is it the mother in me that wants to take care of everyone? Do they smell it on me? Do I subconsciously seek it out in them? Is it because a wounded heart is a hidden form of weakness and I'm used to weak men? Because almost every one of them is on the surface the antithesis of my pansy assed husband. They're very masculine, very dominant, more than half of them have very physical jobs. They're MEN, you know? It's what attracted me to them all in the first place. I'm old school that way, esp after Doug. I like my men to be MEN and my women to be WOMEN. And never the twain shall meet! I don't like crybaby men anymore than I like butch women; it just doesn't turn me on. And I'm not in any way saying that their wounded emotions make them less MEN. Definitely not. It's just a pattern that struck me while I was lying in bed and it SCARED THE EVERLOVING PISS OUTTA ME!!!
They say that history is doomed to repeat itself, but this shit is ridiculous! If nothing else it's given me a whole new perspective on how I attract my lovers.
Anybody besides me think there's something to this?? It just seems like a few too many for a coincidence.....
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misplaced loyalties??
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Posted:Feb 29, 2008 9:48 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 11:43 pm
395 Views
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It's strange. How overly loyal I am to people who aren't even a part of my daily life. Case in point...
A few days ago I got an add request on myspace. It was from someone I vaguely knew, I had seen his band and hung out with him a few times about 3-4 yrs ago. At the time, he was dating a friend of mine. She and I were hardly tight, she's never been to my house, we just went to one of his shows together and my and I went to her house for a bbq once back then. One of those people you hang out with at the bar, occasionally chat with, but rarely see outside the bar.
But when I was checking out his page, listening to him sing, looking at pics, all I could think was I WANT....!
So being me, I made that painfully clear. Actually pursued the poor man alot more than I normally would. I mean, I'm not hideous, I'm nice, and I do alot of online dating, so all in all I'm never too hard up for a date or a fuck.
Now we're hanging out tomorrow night, and who knows if it will be anything more than one night of kickass rockstar fucking. Knowing me, anything's possible. I find it hard to believe any man would want to live happily ever after with someone who was so sexually blatant, but I'm hardly one to lose sleep over it. And given my history, happily ever after looks more like a joke with each passing year.
He always struck me as a really cool person, and he seemed to treat her extremely well. We have alot in common, both being single parents of boys, and share alot of interests. Even if we just screw each other's brains out once and go our separate ways, I think we'd still be cool.
So why, given that I haven't even seen this chick in about 3 years, do I feel slightly guilty?? I'm hardly poaching. I think they've been split for awhile, and it hardly seems like he is the lost love of her life, so what's the bfd??
I think it all boils down to the fact that I take better care of others (even the undeserving) than I do myself. I'm that person who will let you cry on their shoulder till 2am when they have to be up for work in 4 hours. I'm always going out of my way to do shit for everyone else. Cook you dinner, drive you home, sew you pajama pants and dye your hair. And I love doing stuff for the people I care about. But this is just ridiculous. I doubt she cares, and I have no idea why I'm even giving this much thought to it.
Fuck it. I WANT....and I'm gonna enjoy every freaking minute. 
*update* i was at his house for maybe an hour and 3 shots when she called me to hang out. for the first time in 3+ years. apparently she saw the blog on myspace and put two and two together. subtle, no? did i mention they've been split for a year and she's been with one of his friends since BEFORE they split? um, yeah. that's a bit fucking queer in my book**
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it never fails
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Posted:Feb 29, 2008 9:43 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 11:43 pm
295 Views
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story of my freaking life. meet cool guy. come on too strong. have amazing sex. and i can see him growing distant before i even leave his bed. maybe i should just chuck it all and stick with chicks for awhile. at least they'd be more open. not give you the warm fuzzies and then when you start to hope for things you can't have back away in fear.
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poetry about the emotionally unavailable men in my life...
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Posted:Feb 29, 2008 9:39 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 11:43 pm
299 Views
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{2/26/08 way past my bedtime o'clock}
your passion
warms me with it's fire
and fuels me
to be more
to do more
to actually try.
I wish I could bask in your heat every day
but I'm more likely to get burned.
I know the time is wrong for you and I.
But maybe someday.
after all, 'we have forever and a day'
*sorry for stealing that line, couldn't resist. and try not to read too much into it, k?
{2/28/08}*ps.. I'm getting the sinking feeling that thing one or thing two might have taken this poem as a desperate plea for a relationship or somesuch crap. I hope you both know, it's not. I'm completely aware of where I stand with both of you, and I'm content with things as they stand. {at least for now.} I have hope that one day your hearts will heal and maybe i'll still be around when that happens. Until then, I'm doing my best to maintain the status quo. Nonrelationships aren't my nature, so you have to bear with me when it seems like I might be falling too hard. Sometimes I am, but that doesn't mean I'm going to pressure you for something you don't want and aren't ready for. You both rock my world in completely different ways, and I hope that continues to happen for awhile. Or at least until something changes in my life or yours.
xxoioi
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To link to this blog (rm_punkmama828) use [blog rm_punkmama828] in your messages.
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