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blue i often associate colors with moods. this evening i have shifted around from a drab periwinkle; just no energy, want to sit around & sigh kind of color, to a roiling dark navy/steel blue mix; ready to rip off the head of a pro wrestler & shit down his neck, to now. a gray dawn. i got to thinking about L.G. tonight. if you don't know who that is, read a few pages back. also, my first post was about him, although he wasn't named in it. i don't really expect many comments from "the regulars" either, i just need to talk about him. we haven't talked in a month, & its killing me. my brother rented a room from him for several months recently, & things got to where every time we talked, it was a solid bitch session about what he was doing that drove L.G. crazy. things came to a head, i couldn't take feeling in the middle anymore & after he got rude on the phone, i told him what i thought in an email. bro has since moved out (they straightened things out before he left) & they still talk regularly now. i sent another email saying i wasn't going to retract what i said, but that i missed him & hoped he would respond. he hasn't. so now, after sending him a last email saying that it would be the last, i feel caught. after the abusive history with men that ive survived, it was a major milestone for me to be able to stand up for myself in a civilized fashion & say i wont be treated that way. (NEVER had a problem cussin fightin & generally "gettin red" when i didn't like something.) so if i apologize, I'm pretty sure he would relent, but then i cheat myself. & if i don't.... well he is as stubborn as i am, or more so, so this may be the end. I'm not sure how i feel about it, & its worth. a few weeks ago if he had called me & said "I'm moving to NC & you're getting branded" i would have been making space & calling around for bod. mod. shops. the idea of never having him in my life again is so foreign, i just don't know..... hes just been a part of my life for so long! there's not much sexual i haven't done with (or talked about it with) him. i was thinking about a couple i got a message from on here earlier, & started imagining the 4 of us together. i feel really empty right now, so I'm gonna go. probably wont post for a few days- real life strikes again! but i will check in & say hi. later! XXXOOOXXX chanda XXXOOOXXXchanda |
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6/28/2006 7:44 am |
If you feel you are right hold your ground.Things have a way of working themselves out.We hope it works well for you and will be thinking of you.
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ocelot--- hope your situation turns out better than mine is so far!! at least you talk.... floyd... i know im right, but being right dosnt make it easy. im holding my ground... thanks!! OX ........ that which does not kill us... i'll be the strongest sub in the world.....snuggles in at your side on the couch.... its a good thing to have friends  XXXOOOXXX chanda XXXOOOXXXchanda
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buck- thanks for the stories & giggles... some of those stories sound familiar... only mine were involving jim beam. didnt grow up around here so it wasnt me--- but its probably a good thing- from the sound of it, we would have gotten each other in a lot of trouble!!! still got some darvocet & lortabs.... & as for my "herbal supplements"-- im getting a new shipment delivered "right to my door" today!! HUGS!! XXXOOOXXX chanda XXXOOOXXXchanda
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snuggling in ....purring..... thank you OX XXXOOOXX chanda XXXOOOXXXchanda
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Damn, Chanda! I really feel for ya! No advice or anythin'...Just wanted to let ya know...My heart felt wishes that somehow things will work out for ya! ~spunky XXXOOOXXX chanda XXXOOOXXXchanda
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