|
Phone rings 10/10/2017
-Alcoholic Anonymous there? -Yes brother, how can I help? -You are about to save my life brother. How do I make the perfect
mojito?
1 Comments, 31 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
|
|
Would you like to go large with that meal? 10/7/2017
I wasn't sure where I should write this, I think it's
quite fun to bring up the size of my cock on our second date
but I've recently took a moment to think this out again.
It is NOT under average at all, lets just get that out the
way because my cock does have a temper. So, my friends from
back home would have silly competition on who could jack
off the fastest, that one was my worst ...
2 Comments, 55 Views,
7 Votes
,1.77 Score
|
|
A priest gets pulled over for a DUI 10/7/2017
A priest gets pulled over for a DUI check. The police officer
can smell the wine on the priest, and he even sees an open
bottle of red wine sitting next to the drive. When asked
If he had been drinking, the priest said "Only water,
officer." With that the police officer pointed at
the open bottle. After looking at the near empty bottle
of wine the priest smiled and said "Oh my ...
3 Comments, 60 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
|
|
Can't Take It 10/4/2017
With all the political correctness these days, it seems
that people just can't take a joke for what it is anymore.
I mean come on people, don't let a joke over shadow common
sense and real decency. thoughts?
1 Comments, 19 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
4 Comments, 84 Views,
13 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
1 Comments, 9 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
2 Comments, 19 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
1 Comments, 8 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
1 Comments, 7 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
A Barbie Joke 9/26/2017
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn,
she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, 'What
would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas'? <br><br>
The little girl replies, 'I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe'.
<br><br>
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, 'I
thought Barbie comes with Ken'. <br><br> ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
|
|
Another for the Ladies 9/26/2017
Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the
merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I
need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
<br><br>
The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm
thinking of having my asshole bleached!" <br><br>
To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't
picture your ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Which Hair 9/26/2017
A lady is working hard in her office when a co-worker tells
her that her hair smells good. Immediately, she goes to
her boss and tells him that she has been sexually harassed.
<br><br>
"How?" asks the boss. <br><br>
"He said my hair smells good, " replied the
lady. <br><br>
"Wouldn't you take that as a compliment?" ...
1 Comments, 70 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
Paid for sex 9/25/2017
A man comes home after a hard days work, only to find his wife
of 20 years packing a suitcase of clothes and personal items.
He asks, "What's going on?" His wife replies,
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I heard I can get paid
$800.00 for sex." The man's eyes get big and he immediately grabs his
suitcase and starts packing it with clothes. "What do you think ...
2 Comments, 80 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
|
|
Ice Cream 9/24/2017
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parkour.
<br><br>
Slowly and painfully, he pulled himself up onto a stool.
<br><br>
The waitress greeted him, asking how can she can help him.
<br><br>
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. <br><br>
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' <br><br>
'No, ...
3 Comments, 63 Views,
12 Votes
,4.39 Score
|
|
Hot Mamma 9/24/2017
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
<br><br>
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the
street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. <br><br>
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
<br><br>
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
|
|
Pistol 9/24/2017
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went
to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like
you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself
a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the
two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position.
The man felt the urge to ejaculate and ...
2 Comments, 57 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
|
|
Sex pills 9/24/2017
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband
is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but
warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her
to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night,
she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the
doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
I put it in the potatoes like you said! It ...
2 Comments, 47 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
Blowjob 9/24/2017
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today
we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does
anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!"
Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your
multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, ...
3 Comments, 50 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
|
|
Garage Door 9/23/2017
Garage Door <br><br>
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing
his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. <br><br>
His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning
when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
<br><br>
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door,
and walked into his office puzzled by ...
0 Comments, 56 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
|
|
Ice cream 9/22/2017
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher
asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the
shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No,
two, but I like how you're thinking." ...
1 Comments, 41 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Mountain dew 9/22/2017
Girl: "Can you use 'Mountain Dew' in a sentence?"
Guy: "Yes, can I 'mount-ain dew' you?"
1 Comments, 11 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
The Aussie 9/21/2017
An Aussie drover walks into a bar with his pet crocodile
by his side. <br><br>
He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's
mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close
his mouth for one minute. 'Then he'll open his
mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In ...
1 Comments, 46 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
|
|
jokes jokes 9/20/2017
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal
illness and have only 10 to live." <br><br>
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
<br><br>
Doctor: "Nine." <br><br>
Check out this really funny jokes: http://Senior Sizzle.com#ixzz4tDhNPsoL
0 Comments, 18 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
A Vampire’s Nightcap 9/20/2017
What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were
passing the morgue? A: Let’s stop in for a cool one!
1 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
