Xac and Xin - Marketing Division
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Posted:Apr 13, 2016 10:44 am
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2019 9:37 pm
13715 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
In the past our profile has provided some details from us (each about the other) regarding why people should pick us, give us a rose, not vote us off the island, etc. However, in our most recent update we forgot to replace much of this info. We didn't realize this until just recently when we advised someone in one of our groups to add a bit more self-salesmanship to their profile when the room was asked for advice on how to spice it up a bit.
After telling the couple this we went back and reread our profile, only to find that we hadn't done a very good job of "marketing" ourselves either. Our profile lists much more about what we want in a person and what we don't want in a relationship than it does about any attributes that might make us appealing to anyone we might find attractive and interesting in the first place. For this reason, we have once again fired up the Xac and Xin Marketing Division! Without further ado:
Xac on Xin  -- Shy at first, once my sexy little fireball warms up to you, you will find an incredibly perceptive and amusing woman who can be very forward once she's decided that she likes you. Despite the fact that she is not 100% Italian, she is so classically Italian-looking - you know, fucking gorgeous  - that she frequently gets harassed by elderly women in the grocery store who insist that she has the inside scoop on what the best or freshest pasta is.
From the other side of her family tree comes "the Kavorka". If you are of Russian, Latvian, or Polish origin (that is much of the rest of my wife's heritage, although none of it shows, lol), then you may be familiar with this term. Roughly translated it means "the lure of the animal". People only need to come to the club with us one time and watch the way people behave around Xin for a little while, and then they will have a perfect working definition. Once she has a drink or two and gets over her initial nerves, this woman just oozes sex appeal out of every pore of her body - and damn it, that body lives up to the hype!!
She was a gymnast well into high school, and although these days many of the more serious, weight-bearing moves are out due to her having had surgery on her arms a few years ago, but the muscular body and the flexibility are both still there! I will of course, stop to point out that she can still do a naked handstand and that's pretty freaking hot!
Because the only time anyone will ever catch Xin without a bra on (including while sleeping) is when she is having sex or taking a shower, she still retains that perky look that I'm sure is part of the reason why she still gets carded from time to time. Don't believe me? Our real life friends on here, Desilucpl330, were with us the last time it happened. This wasn't a waitress just trying to be cute or polite. She was very rude about it and even after we put up a protest, she still refused to serve my wife unless she could produce her ID. It was hilarious!
That bra thing may seem a bit much, but you can NOT argue with those results! Meanwhile, another odd habit of hers that also started when she was younger was her hyperactivity and fidgetiness. This unusual behavior has also paid HUGE dividends, because as far back as she can remember whenever she was bored (like at her desk in school or work) she used to just sit there and repeatedly clench and unclench her thigh and butt muscles, just to keep herself relaxed and occupied enough to pay attention to what she was supposed to be doing.
In other words, you know that one exercise machine that lots of women at the gym get obsessed with at the gym right after they've had (I'm trying to say this without being crude - let's just say that lots of women suddenly become "size queens" and BBC fans after they've had a for a reason, and it's the same reason why first childbirths are almost always the hardest) - anyway, Xin has been performing this exercise on her own for literally decades!
Best of all, she hasn't had any that weren't by Caesarean. It may mean a bit of a tummy scar and a bit of lost muscle control from where they sliced her, but you know what else it means? For those that haven't figured out the gist of what I'm saying yet, don't worry. You don't even need this set of reasons to go crazy about her, especially not if you are a woman. Not much of what was just said really impacts you at all. It kind of makes me wonder why I bothered mentioning it, since we are barely open to the idea of couples (I.e. guys) at this point. However, it's still probably worth mentioning. We are "never say never" kind of people, and who knows? Even within the next several months, perhaps we could change our minds, lol.
Finally, I've saved my favorite parts for last. She has the sweetest pussy I have ever tasted. The closest flavor I can put it to is butterscotch. Don't worry, though. Anyone she plays with would have ample time for the taste test, because this lady is multi-MULTI-orgasmic (as in capable of 20+ in one session), and she's even an occasional squirter (or an all the time squirter if we only ever wanted to fuck in the same two positions, lol)!
Xin on Xac happyf; -- I can't remember exactly which one or exactly how the quote went, but a little while ago Xac and I were watching one of our favorite sitcoms and one of the female leads went off on a slight rant about what the mythical "perfect man" would be like. When she was done I leaned over and curled up really closely to Xac, who was caught off guard because I'm not much of a snuggler (too fidgety). He looked over at me and asked to what he owed this exciting turn of events. I told him he was adorable because he had absolutely no idea that the woman had just given a perfect description of him! This isn't even going to be close to what the lady actually said, but here's my best attempt at summing it up:
'The perfect man should be attractive, but never full of himself. He should be able to tell when something's bothering me without my needing to tell him, and he should sympathize with my problems without always trying to fix them. He should be really sensitive and willing to talk about his emotions - even cry in front of me - but he can't be a whiny little bitch. Like, he's gotta have a strong side; he's gotta be able to take some pain and some roughness in life and he's gotta be willing to just absolutely KILL for those that he loves. He's gotta know when I want him to be tender, and he's gotta know when I want him to just throw me on the bed, grab me by the hair, and just fuck my brains out like a wild animal.'
That is my husband's personality in a nutshell. He has the kindest eyes that a girl could just lose herself in and he's got a great smile (when he's not busy being all self-conscious about it, haha) that just sucks you in, especially when you meet him in person. Xac has a very strong and warm energy to him. I don't really know how to describe it better than that, other than to add that when he gets all turned on - like right before we have sex - he literally starts emanating heat like nothing I've ever seen. He can be just laying there next to me, staring at my naked body, and all of a sudden I have to pull away a little because his hand that was only moments ago just resting on my stomach is now starting to become super warm and make me start to sweat, even though both of us are just lying there. It's really weird and I'm sorry, but I don't know how to describe it better than that.
Other, more tangible things about my husband are that he too, shared the same odd habit as a and as a young man that I did when I was younger. Another reason we are made for each other is that we are both a little hyperactive and a little fidgety. Xac also used put his fidgetiness to good use whenever a situation forced him to sit still for long periods of time. The end result of that can be found in his cock dancing video! 
I'm not sure if this habit of his also contributed to the next factor I want to mention or not, but I've still got to say that prior to my husband I was only aware of a few factors that were qualities that I wanted in a penis. It needed to be a certain length (and for me not TOO long - once again, NOT a size queen), a certain width was helpful, and as long as wasn't curved in either of the two wrong directions, I felt like I was good to go. Xac has introduced me to a new penile quality that I now would prefer any potential future partners to have for sure. I like to call it "bone density" 
The best way I can describe it is that Xac has superior control over... um, blood flow? Every guy can make his dick jump a little, get just a little bigger or a little fatter or whatever, but this man can flex his like a body builder! He can make the size and the width vary quite a bit while he's inside me, so in other words he is really good at making it vibe or pulse while he's inside me. He is also the first man I've ever met who can literally have sex again immediately after having sex! I don't mean like a short refractory period before he's ready again. I mean like just finished, still hard, looking to go again and totally can if I want to. I'm not going to lie, it's extremely rare that I do. If vigorous sex isn't for you, then most likely neither is my man!
Last but not least, Xac has a VERY gifted mouth. He has much more power behind the flick of his tongue than what I am used to, and that is definitely not a bad thing! He can even flick a light switch on and off something like 30 times in a minute (more about that in an upcoming post called, "Weird Shit We Do When We're Drunk", lmao
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Our New Contest for Fans
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Posted:Apr 5, 2016 12:14 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2016 5:49 pm
13815 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
We've noticed a popular move among some of our Senior Sizzle friends is to post some pics for the general Senior Sizzle world, some pics for those who are deemed safe and friend-worthy (we had those two parts covered), AND some pics that they keep private and only share via personal messages. Why we - a couple that hates trying to pose for pics and never remembers to take them in the first place whenever there's an appropriate time - would not possess the wisdom to do this is beyond us. Instead we've always posted anything we've taken the minute that we've taken it, leaving us with no way to show extra appreciation or interest to those who show one or both of those things to us.
We have decided to start handling things the way that these Senior Sizzle friends are, because they seem to be having some tremendous success on here. We will be taking some new shots and we have some general ideas for things we could do, but we'd like some ideas and inspiration. This gave us an idea for a fun new contest to hopefully boost our fan points a bit along the way as well. Here is our contest:
CONTEST
We have come up with six ideas for new shots/poses that we could do for some of our next pics:
1) A BONDAGE SHOT
2) AN S&m SHOT
3) A SHOT OF XIN USING A TOY
4) A COSTUMED/THEMED SHOT
5) CLOSE-UPS
6) A COUPLE SHOT
Anyone may comment on this post in order to cast a vote for a specific shot they would like to see, and we will let you know if we approve of your idea for a shot by whether or not we approve your comment.
If your comment is approved then you can vote to receive a private pic of the shot that you requested in your comment. You vote by spending fan points on us, and the top three total bidders over a period of ten days will be the ones who actually receive what they have requested.
TOP BIDDER WILL RECEIVE NOT ONLY A PIC OF THE SHOT FROM THEIR/HIS/HER REQUEST, BUT ALSO A PIC OF THE SHOT OF THEIR/HIS/HER REQUEST FROM EACH CATEGORY.
2ND HIGHEST BIDDER WILL RECEIVE A PIC OF THE SHOT FROM THEIR/HIS/HER REQUEST, ALONG WITH TWO OF THE OTHER SHOTS THAT WERE CHOSEN BY THE TOP BIDDER.
3RD HIGHEST BIDDER WILL RECEIVE A PIC OF THE SHOT FROM THEIR/HIS/HER REQUEST.
THREE SPECIAL NOTES:
* Because this is a time-sensitive ten-day contest and it is possible for a new bidder to end up outbidding an already existing fan of ours without actually ending up at a higher point total than that particular fan. We aren't looking to discourage our already existing fans, so we will make all 34 of them a deal right here: If any of you ends up among the top three bidders, you can receive two bonus shots of your choice (meaning 5 total) AND any of you 34 pre-existing fans that are above the 1500 point mark (regardless of where you started) at the end of this 10-day period will also receive a bonus shot of your choice (or still one shot of your choice if you weren't already one of the other winners).
** This contest will be based upon the 10-day period running from 12:01am Eastern Standard Time (where we live) on 4/5/16 until 12:01am Eastern Standard Time on 4/15/16. The winners will be declared as soon after 12:01am on the 15th as possible, and we will try and post some sort of leaderboard update at least once or twice per day.
*** Our comments section has the Agree/Disagree option enabled. For those that wish to participate in some minor fashion without spending any points on us, you can agree with someone else's vote by clicking the Agree option. At the end of the ten-day period, the vote for a particular shot that has the most Agrees will be added as a pic to our profile for all to see. The only possible exception here would be if the shot idea with the most Agrees already belonged to one of our Top 3 Bidders - which are meant only for the eyes of those people and not the masses. If the shot idea with the most Agrees belongs to one of those three winners, then the shot posted to our profile will end up being the one with the next highest amount of Agrees.
________________________________________________________________________________________
Update on 4/15/16: During the length of this contest, 20 new people placed initial bids (only one of which was for the minimum of 50), and 11 people increased their bids, leaving us with 20 new fans and just over 29,000 points! Also during the time of this contest we were catapulted up to the #1 ranking for couples in all of Pennsylvania!! THANKS SO MUCH to all who participated, ESPECIALLY the several members who ended up with 4-digit bids!!!
The shot with the most votes was for Xin with a toy (TBD by our first and second place winners), and that will be added to our main profile within the next few days.
Our contest winners:
FIRST PLACE - ethicalslutMissy, who has won any shot of her request from all six categories. We know what one of the shots we need to give her is already, and we know there's another we will almost certainly need to take down the road, but for now we are missing quite possibly the most important piece that is required for that shot!
SECOND PLACE - Desilucpl330, who will receive their toy shot, plus two out of the other five private pics that Missy chooses.* (NOTE AT BOTTOM)
THIRD PLACE - cheyennerhayn2, who may receive the shot of her request from the six categories
* Desilucpl330 also deserve an Honorable Mention for making sure that the toy shot received so many votes that is completely obliterated any potential arguments related to the confusion that we allowed to happen briefly by not managing the posts (or rather, the voting on the posts) well enough to prevent duplicate entries. Sorry for any confusion to the few that may have been paying that level of attention. Our bad. 
These entries with short-term issues were able to be voted upon for two of the shots before we found them, and one of them was the toy shot in question. However, even if all votes occurring by the duplicated entry for the toy shot were removed and only the votes from the first entry for that shot were counted, it STILL would have won! Obviously, we don't know that you were specifically responsible for the extra couple of votes that put it over the top, but since it was the outcome for your own idea, we are still giving you guys credit, haha
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HNW - Chair Pose
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Posted:Apr 20, 2016 6:14 am
Last Updated:Dec 23, 2016 5:53 pm
9116 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
Our profile already has a bunch of chair poses, so here's a close-up of one of the ones that we didn't put in there... HNW Bloggers
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HNW Bloggers
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Posted:Apr 13, 2016 1:29 pm
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2019 8:54 pm
12899 Views
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A little while ago we joined another group here on Senior Sizzle called the HNW Bloggers (Half Naked - or Nekkid, lol - Wednesday), and every Wednesday we will be posting a themed shot that has been predetermined by the group. This will be our very first blog posting with a pic added to it, and we will be linking them from here to the group as well. This week's posting is themed "Uniforms". It's a tentative start for us, but we hope you like it. They are likely to get more risqué as time goes on!
** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
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The Bisexual Double Standard (a.k.a. "Ladies, My Wife Doesn't Play Alone")
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Posted:Feb 3, 2016 10:29 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2016 7:51 pm
15105 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
Jill likes Jack, and she likes having sex with Jack.
But Jill also likes Julie, and she wants to have sex with Julie.
Jack is married to Jill, and he likes having sex with Jill.
However, after Jill introduced him to Julie, he also wanted to have sex with Julie.
Julie is attracted to both Jill and Jack, and she would like to have sex with them both.
The three of them get together and have a threesome. In this threesome, Jill has sex with two people she wants to have sex with. So does Jack. So does Julie. EACH ONE OF THEM IS HAVING SEX WITH TWO PEOPLE THAT THEY FIND ATTRACTIVE, SO CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW JACK IS THE "LUCKY" ONE?
I am SOOOO tired of hearing about how an MFF threesome involving two bisexual women is somehow slanted in favor of the man, or how the man is automatically taking advantage of his bisexual wife or girlfriend in order to get to have sex with another woman. Isn't the wife or girlfriend ALSO taking advantage of the fact that she is bisexual to be able to have sex with another person as well?
Maybe this doesn't all add up if the wife or girlfriend is just bi-curious, but if you are a real, full-on bisexual like my wife is, you should get that there is no real difference in this equation. If you are just contacting us because you might be a little bi-curious, but you primarily are looking to get together with me, then we aren't the couple for you. However, if you are a bi woman who is contacting us because you are only interested in playing with Xin and never me, please don't insult my intelligence by offering this ridiculous DOUBLE STANDARD.
I love my wife, and I have ZERO desire to sit idly by and watch her form a separate relationship, romantic or sexual, with anyone who isn't me. Now if you are interested in forming some sort of relationship with both of us, then please feel free to reach out to us. We have been waiting to find you for a long time!
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Our Ideal Woman (a Xac and Xin collaborative)
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Posted:Apr 4, 2016 9:50 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2016 10:21 pm
13655 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
OUR IDEAL WOMAN:
1 ) Already understands the dynamics of polyamory, and doesn't require the difficult crash course.
2 ) Maintains an image of strength and confidence, even if life sometimes tries to take it from her.
3 ) Brings terrific beauty into the world every single day just by being who she is in it.
4 ) Encourages the less fortunate, the downtrodden, and the hopeless that society has given up on.
5 ) Reaches out to us in cute little ways from time to time, to let us know she is thinking of us.
6 ) Walks her own path through life, with others welcome to join if they can keep up.
7 ) Easily sees through our cool defenses, realizes our weaknesses, and still says nothing.
8 ) Writes or otherwise shares her thoughts with the world in an unapologetic fashion.
9 ) Accepts - and possibly is even a little turned on by - our darker sides to our personalities.
10) Needs nothing from us and just wants to be with us because she really enjoys our company.
11) Turns us on so badly that sometimes we just discuss what we want to do to her as foreplay.
12) Yearns to be with us even when she is far away, just as we continually yearn for her.
13) Opens herself to the experience of learning to care for and be with two people simultaneously.
14) Understands that although from time to time there may be others, in our eyes there is no one like her.
15) -- lastly, she knows what this means and why this isn't just a random list of 15 things to us.
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Just How Kinky Are You? (by Xac)
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Posted:Mar 26, 2016 12:00 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2016 10:20 pm
14382 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
At first I thought this would be a very hard question to answer, but then I stumbled onto a pretty cool site that I'd love to tell you about, except that Senior Sizzle tries to prevent other websites from being discussed. The name of the site is BDSMTest, and it is a .ORG, if you know what I mean... if you don't, message us and well find a way to let you know the link for the site.
Anyway, I went to this site and took their online test, and at the bottom of this post I am placing my results for the whole Senior Sizzle world to see, now that Xin and I have decided to cautiously re-open Pandora's BDSM box and once again let our freak flag fly! If you haven't read any of our other posts, don't get too excited. We won't be freaking with you, lol.
We tend to restrict the comments for our blog, because a lot of people just say some really dumb things that have nothing to do with the actual point of the post. Men of the world: "Awesome post! I wanna tap that ass!" or anything like that is NOT what we consider a relevant comment to any of our posts.
For this blog in particular, I am going to add one more specific restriction: WE WILL ONLY BE ACCEPTING AND POSTING COMMENTS THAT START WITH THE PERSON STATING THAT THEY TOOK THE ONLINE TEST AND DECLARING WHAT THEIR TOP TYPE IS (meaning the highest percentage on the entire list). For instance, my name is Xac (although not really, lol), and I am 100% Switch and 100% Experimentalist. You can see the rest of my results below.
To any of our unicorn group friends that might like to share their type(s) in a setting that is a little less public, feel free to just post it back in the group or share it with us privately, but please do take the test. I'm dying to know what flavor of kinksters you guys are, lmao. Xin says she's dying to know what flavor you are too, but I think she means something else...
My BDSMTest-dot-org test results:
100% Switch
100% Experimentalist
99% Primal (Hunter)
94% Bondage Giver (a.k.a. “Rigger”)
94% Bondage Receiver (a.k.a. “Rope Bunny”)
93% Dominant
92% Voyeur
91% Brat Tamer
90% Sadist
88% Non-monogamist
87% Brat
87% Masochist
86% Exhibitionist
81% Master
81% Submissive
72% Owner
68% Degradee
66% Degrader
60% Primal (Prey)
55% Daddy
55% Slave
37% Age-player
24% Boy
17% Pet
10% Vanilla
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Partially Polyamorous?? (by Xin)
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Posted:Feb 7, 2016 8:21 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2016 7:57 pm
15411 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
Since joining the lifestyle Xac and I have struggled to properly express how we want to function in this world as a couple, what we want from our experiences, etc., and during this time there are a few terms or labels that we knew to avoid. For instance, one thing of which we have always been certain is that WE DO NOT WANT THIS TO BE AN OPEN MARRIAGE. The idea of either of us moving freely about the world, having sex with whomever we might desire - as if there was no one waiting at home with whom we have an extra special connection - frankly makes us both feel a little sick on the inside.
However, since I am a late-blooming bisexual, Xac and I decided that after sitting on these feelings for over two decades, perhaps the best thing for me emotionally wasn't to just keep it all pent up for the rest of my life without ever being expressed. In a typical single person's situation, I could simply start dating women and begin getting those desires met almost immediately, but from my current perspective that would have me behaving like I were in an open marriage, which makes me feel weird inside. The one barometer that Xac and I use in this lifestyle is that if it makes one or both of us feel weird inside, then we don't do whatever it is.
That is why we started going to swingers clubs, because here I could stay with Xac and have the experiences with women that I was seeking. Unfortunately, what we have discovered is that although the swinging world is filled with bisexual women, it is still hard to have access to them for play because most of these bisexual women have husbands with them who are eager for swap. Along the way, a few of these women I was very attracted to, so Xac and I decided that we would become swingers who swap. This would at least give me a chance to play with the woman for a little while before moving on to "that other part".
Now there are some men out there who are swingers that are good looking and that I might consider having sex with... in a world where there is no Xac. Luckily, my world does have a Xac in it, so this just isn't something which I care to do unless a lot of time has gone by and we are having a really difficult time finding a woman to be with who doesn't have a man in tow for swap. Sadly, we are having a great deal of difficulty finding a single bisexual female, so this ends up being a concession we have made a few times.
After making this concession a few times though, I steadily came to the realization that although swinging and swapping can be a blast, it just isn't meeting my needs enough. For me to have a good time getting physical with someone, I need to click with them and trust them. This is extremely unlikely to happen in a one-time meeting at a bar or club, especially since a woman's having her husband with her when you first find yourself attracted to her can kind of be a chemistry killer if the husband talks too much or spends too much time trying to speed up the swing process. On one occasion when a woman's husband was trying to put some serious boost to the speed of our swing process by over-talking about his physical prowess, flexing his muscles, etc., Xac made me shoot wine out of my nose from laughing so hard as he said to the guy, "Dude, do you even understand how little of a factor you are in this whole situation? My wife thinks yours is hot, and that's the only reason why either of us is invited to this party, so you don't need to keep doing all that shit."
After enough of these experiences I have learned that what I really need is a FWB situation with a woman so that I can get the most out of my experiences. Ideally this FWB situation would go for the long-term so that I didn't have to constantly start this horrible process over again. It has definitely been a struggle along the way, and we are not eager to repeat any of it.
Because I am happily married, I am not really interested in dating outside of my marriage. That just makes us both feel weird because Xac would not be ever be dating someone else, and that doesn't seem fair. The only solution left then, is for us to find a woman interested in dating us both, because then neither of us would be dating outside of our marriage.
We were and are fine with all of this. What we were not fine with was having someone on here tell us that we aren't swingers, we are a polyamorous couple. This kind of made us both cringe because we have always associated polyamory as being part of the "pod people" who all love each other, live together, etc., and we just aren't feeling any of that. Then we decided to do a little more research into polyamory.
After talking with a few polyamorous couples, we learned that even they often have a person that they call their "primary", which means that although one might care for several others, that person will always be their "one" who is most important in all of their joint life's considerations. This term made us calm down a little bit, because our hugest fear with polyamory was that something like that could somehow devalue our importance to each other in our relationship (again, there's that weird feeling we both get when we know something doesn't feel right). If one can have a primary person, then polyamory must just be a way of expressing the acceptance of various levels of relationships along side that primary one. Lots of people have close friends along with their marriages. Polyamorous people just prefer to have sex with these friends as well, which kind of makes them no longer friends. These days that person is called an FWB.
Therefore, if what we want is to both be in a long-term secondary dating or physical relationship with another woman, but we want to feel certain that the primacy of our love won't be tainted along the way, then it may stand to reason that we are... [gulp] just a little polyamorous? We've joked about being "partially poly" plenty of times before, but I am writing this today because today is the day that I started to realize that perhaps I should stop saying it as a joke?
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The Karmic Lessons of the Lifestyle (by Xac)
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Posted:Jan 27, 2016 10:45 am
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2016 7:59 pm
14978 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
I am not proud of some of the decisions I made in my early relationships. After my aunt that helped my mom raise me passed away from cancer when I was in middle school, I was kind of broken for a little while. However, I wasn't always able to see just how badly some of the women that chose to get close to me during these times were cutting themselves on my jagged edges (metaphorically, just to be clear).
As I got a little older and was able to figure myself out more effectively, I was just so eager to move forward from where I had been stuck in my life that I didn't really spend much time looking in the rearview mirror to see some of the wreckage that I had left behind me... AND THEN XIN AND I STARTED SWINGING, lol.
Are there any other men on here besides me that have started to notice the similarities between what happens to us as we develop or try to develop relationships with others on this site and things that they used to do to the women that they dated when they were younger (or for some of you, perhaps these are things you still do)? Or am I the only one that is willing to admit that he used to be able to do a really good impression of an asshole?
Since joining this site and a couple others like it, we have been given fake contact info, we have been stood up on a date, and we have had people that we were actively dating disappear into thin air with zero explanation. We once even made the mistake of introducing one potential unicorn to another, only to watch the two of them run off together (and cause a butterfly effect that would soon thereafter dismantle an entire invite-only Kik group that we had worked hard to put together).
The part that has not been lost on me is that every single one of these things I just mentioned is something that I had done in one way or another at one time or another to multiple women during my early dating relationships. So to all the women that were hurt by the actions of the younger, much more stupid version of me, I would like to extend my sincerest of cyber apologies (whether you ever get to see it or not). I totally get it now.
It's not just about the injury of the incident itself. It's about the much bigger injury, namely the slow whittling away of your trust in the common courtesy and decency of humanity. Even long after they had gotten over whatever it was that I had specifically done, the damage done to their psyche in general would stay with them. I can't tell you how many times I have sworn that we would abandon the lifestyle after being stood up, lied to, or otherwise mistreated by a shady person or couple, just because my feelings were hurt.
I was over the specific person or couple almost immediately, but my frustration and distrust with this system would remain for much longer than that. I'd be lying if I said that I don't remain a little cynical even today as a result of a few of our worse experiences. Karma's a bitch. What can I say, other than I guess I deserve a little of the cynicism I'm sure I instilled in others earlier in life, right?
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Swinger VS. Poly
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Posted:Jul 14, 2016 10:12 am
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2019 8:26 pm
11484 Views
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So because a recent nightmare situation of ours seems to have been largely related to a non-shared definition of the word "poly" by two couples. As a result of this issue, we tried (are trying?) to create a group that is solely for those who are poly or at least interested in the possibility of learning about poly and/or pursuing something poly.
We've discovered that there isn't much of a poly presence here on Senior Sizzle, but we feel like there is a good chance that this is because there are a number of people on here who are incorrectly identifying as swingers without realizing it. Doing that was actually the most painful mistake we've made over the past year (even worse than the one above), so we're starting this topic for two reasons: 1) to see if we might be able to save any others from making this same mistake; 2) to test out our theory that more people here would identify as poly (or at least more poly-ish than swinger) if they were given the proper, broader definition of the term.
When we started, we were positive that we were "swingers" mainly because we were certain that we weren't poly. This was because at the time the word poly to us meant like falling in love with a third (or more), moving in together, and having some sort of group marriage ceremony or something. The sound of that was very frightening or at least unappealing to us at the time, and even after all we've learned over the past year, that still isn't our goal. Meanwhile here we are, still poly as fuck and definitely not swingers, lol.
This is because of the better understanding that we came to have about what it really means to be somewhere on the relationship spectrum that is considered polyamory. We could start discussing that here immediately, but we think we'd like to start out by hearing from people how they currently define the term "poly". There are no wrong answers, just the satisfaction of our shared intellectual curiosity. Yeah, we might be a little nerdy 
Anyone got some thoughts on what it means to be poly vs. a swinger that they're willing to discuss here? We'd appreciate it. 
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Compersion (by Xac)
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Posted:Mar 10, 2016 4:52 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2016 8:01 pm
13565 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
PolyOz (one of the larger resources we've found for the polyamory community) defines compersion as "the positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship; sometimes it is called the opposite or flip side of jealousy, although it can coexist with jealousy."
I know there are a few places where we've already written about our growing disdain for the swing/swap portion of "the lifestyle" and how we had both quenched our slut thirsts long before we ever met or started swinging. We've also mentioned that we greatly prefer hooking up with people that we feel some sort of emotional or intellectual bond with over hooking up with strangers. However, we've maintained all along that at best we are only "partially polyamorous" - or as I now prefer to call it, poly-adjacent, lol.
However, the more that we've thrown around the P word at all, the more I've felt compelled to do more research into the polyamorous side of the lifestyle, because Xin and I have both lived in fear of it since the minute we first started doing any of this. You should always face your fears, so we figured the first step should be to identify what that fear is for each of us.
That part was actually pretty easy, because it is the same thing for both of us. Some early life lessons (or should I say mis-lessons? dis-lessons? un-lessons?) may have left us both a little less emotionally secure than some others might be, so for each of us the notion that anyone would bother to choose the hot mess that is us for their lifetime partner has always been rather absurd. Yet, sometimes the Universe just hands a person sign after sign and makes everything so crystal clear that he/she has found "the one" that we each found ourselves not only willing to admit it to ourselves, but also willing to admit it to each other. We were soul mates (a word that makes Xin almost choke to this day, lol), and chokable or not, it was absolutely true.
Maybe one day I'll put the story of how she and I met up here somewhere one day for the Senior Sizzle world to see, but we've seriously shared it with so many people that to some it might make us more easily identifiable than even some of the partial face pics set aside for our non-friends here on Senior Sizzle. For now, if you are already our friend and you are curious, just message us and we'll be more than glad to share it.
Anyways, let me back to the point from a moment ago. We were both terrified of the notion that somehow the other might desire to turn "the one" into "the two", or "the three", and that this would immediately diminish our connection to the other. To be quite honest, our initial experiences with swinging/swapping did kind of have the expected effect upon one or both of us. Now I realize that the reason for this was that we kept ending up with couples where one or both of them had already grown bored (or perhaps was never excited by) their sex life, and they ended up not being very happily married but we wouldn't figure that out until later.
This is definitely not us. We may not be awesome at a whole lot of things, and when it comes to sex, we don't want to toot our own horn, but  As such, what one or both members of these couples was trying to do was have some sort of intense sexual bonding moment with a person who wasn't their spouse, and that's just not what we were looking for at all (unless it was between Xin and another woman). For people seeking this type of thing through swinging, we are apparently like catnip at a club because we only know how to dance one way - REALLY FUCKIN DIRTY. happyf; happym; >>! Apparently, this showcases some of our um... hidden talents?
The only way to prevent this issue was to take out the fourth person. It wasn't always the guy (okay, it was usually the guy), but whomever the fourth was, they almost always fucked thing up by just making it feel wrong somehow. The reason we know that the issue isn't just that being with another couple inherently makes us feel poorly is that we do have one "Goldilocks couple" that we still play with from time to time, because WOW, do they do it "just right".
Especially after our first threesome (which was MFM and has been blogged about elsewhere) went so poorly, however, Xin was terrified of having a similar experience with MFF. (Summarized, I decided we should try it as her first foray into "the lifestyle" because she wasn't yet comfortable with her bisexuality. In the end I got my feelings hurt because I didn't do a good job of explaining my boundaries, and all three of us left feeling wrong and none of us was trying to hurt anyone else or being inconsiderate of another's feelings.) As it became overwhelmingly clear to Xin that she was bisexual and she began having a few more experiences with women, she decided that the difference between the MFF and the MFM scenario is that there isn't any physical connection between me and another straight guy to build from in an MFM. In other words, a smart straight guy will correct anyone who proposes MMF instead of MFM, because the difference is entirely in the middle, lol.
Because of the fact that in an MFF scenario, either she would be in the middle and there would be no problem - let's face it, if you find yourself sandwiched between the one you love and anyone else you find attractive, you pretty much chalk it up as a good day unless one of the other two has a complaint - or the unicorn would be in the middle, in which case we'd be literally sharing an experience (in the form of her body, lol). We decided that this seemed exciting enough and we were definitely strong enough to give this a shot, but I could see that Xin remained a bit wary of letting another hen into her henhouse (farm terminology... unexpected - my brain is a weird place sometimes).
I suspected that this would all change once she had her first experience of compersion (THERE's that word again! Were you starting to wonder what the hell this post had to do with its title? Lol), but I wouldn't know for sure until our first experience with a unicorn. Sadly, we had a number of experiences with other couples before finding our unicorn. A number of these experiences left me a little damaged by the lifestyle. If it weren't for the fact that I am the unhealthiest kind of masochist and a strong believer in deserved karma, we probably would have stopped, but instead I insisted, against Xin's protest, that we continue so that she could still have experiences with other women.
Instead, as a result of these experiences, we decided to use our Goldilocks couple to reverse-engineer (OMG, I freely admit to being a huge nerd right now) a very strict set of boundaries and protocols for couples that want to play with us. Literally, what did or would J & R do in that situation? We haven't really played or gotten serious with any couples since doing this... but our friends the Coyotes have a standing invitation
After longer than we like to admit in our search, we finally found a unicorn who seemed like a great fit for us (and one day, I promise to finish the blog entry about our first meeting with her, lol), so we decided to meet at our local club. Skipping over everything that is or will be covered in the story in our blog, we reached a point in our final scenario where we had this gorgeous woman sandwiched between us being gratified by a sea of hands and mouths, and she let out a rather large orgasm. At this moment, I decided to take a look over at Xin to see how things were registering for her at that moment. I didn't realize it, but the huge smile on her face told me she had been watching me for several seconds once our unicorn friend had started to get "extra squirmy", and she was in total approval, even seeming pretty aroused by it.
I later on asked her what was going on with that smile, and my wife, who is basically a man with a vagina in terms of how she chooses to emotionally represent herself to the world, got a little teary-eyed and said, "Don't you think I've noticed the effect that some of these situations have had on you? It's like I've watched your self-worth and self-confidence slowly slipping away, and there's been nothing I could do to bring it back. In under an hour I just watched you return to being you. I haven't seen that guy in a little while, and he is really freakin hot!"
She was right. After a number of bad experiences spaced too close together, I had felt my mojo slipping away, and I had been slowly becoming more terrified that I wouldn't be getting it back. In an instant I had bounced back to my former self. We walked out of the back room at the club, and as we rounded the corner into the main room, I was met with tons of eyes from people who had been keeping an early eye on our unicorn adventures at the bar and had stayed closer to the back end of the room to see and hear how things went from there. These eyes belonged to a bunch of men that really wished that they could have been me for that evening and a bunch of women who wanted to know if we had room for a fourth. I'm tempted to say Mr. Mojo Risin', but I'm afraid that some of our fans have no idea who Jim Morrison is, lol.
I asked Xin if she felt any jealousy during our time with our new unifriend (friendicorn?) and she said there was none at all. When I asked why she said that there wasn't a point where she felt I was "slipping away" from her despite the fact that I was obviously thoroughly enjoying what was happening between me and our new friend, nor was there a point where she did not feel that Ms. Corn was just as much into her. That combined with the fact that she even felt herself more attracted to us both as she was also seeing the two of us together is an excellent example of compersion.
With regard to myself, I tend to experience strong feelings for others when they show genuine caring and concern for Xin especially whenever she needs it most. For instance, our cat Constance (not her real name) passed away two nights ago, and yesterday was VERY hard for us because she was a special cat. Out of all of the people that we told, one of the most heartfelt responses (aside from the Coyotes - thanks again, guys!) we received was from this same unicorn.
For a brief shining moment I watched Xin move from very depressed to finally a little happy (even if just for a moment), and when this wore off she was still in a far better place than she had been prior to that. Instantly, I felt warm inside towards our new friend, because she had taken the spirit of the woman I love and lifted it to a height I had been trying to get her to on my own all morning (I was just too sad myself). Compersion lies in the fact that none of these feelings would have arisen if I had run into her in person somewhere without Xin and she had only been able to say them to me. My love for my wife and the way that this new friend treats her is what generates any positive feelings that I end up with towards her (aside from sexual urges - pretty sure that's all her, lol), and based upon my wife's description from above, I feel like we are in agreement on this concept. Poly adjacent it is! Lol
Whoa, I just glanced back at this, and it is crazy long and rambling. I hope anyone bothers to read it all and can even follow it. If you can and did, congratulations! Get in touch with us right away, because we apparently speak a special language that very few people understand even though it's written in English - and you can understand it! Some people think it's the ADHD? Do you think it's the ADHD? I'm not really sure... SQUIRREL!!
In all seriousness, I'd like to hear other people's opinions or experiences with regard to compersion. Anyone have thoughts??
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6 Couples We Avoid When Swinging (by Xin)
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Posted:Feb 3, 2016 2:04 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2016 8:02 pm
13959 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
1) ALL OF THEM, whenever there is a sexy single bi female around, lol
But seriously...
2) Couples that have been together for less than a year and have already decided that their fresh relationship is up for the challenge of swinging (unless they were both seasoned swingers when they met).
3) Couples that have been swinging for less than 6 months. These couples almost always break up, and when you are regular playmates with these people and this happens, you get sucked into the drama.
4) Couples In the club where the guy is clearly calling all of the shots. If there's a couple that you have your eye on, and the guy seems WAY more interested in swinging than his wife or girlfriend does, then you should avoid this couple as a courtesy to the lady. She is very likely being emotionally pressured into the lifestyle. She doesn't want to be there, but she is terrified that she will lose her man if she doesn't see it through.
She is saying yes to his idea of swinging with you because you seem like a cool couple and it is likely to be the least painful of all possible experiences for the evening. This is not the same thing as being up for it or having a good time, and it will show as soon as you start to engage with her physically.
5) Couples where the lady is only bi-curious and is heavily leaning on the side of being "party bi", which means she was the girl that made out with other girls in college because it got her more attention from guys. This lady will play the role of the bi woman all night long, right up until its time for our clothes to come off. Sadly, by then she will have wasted the entire evening.
6) Couples that clearly want to focus on the ladies for the blink of an eye before moving on to swapping partners. We are in this primarily for the F/F contact, so if the lady came planning to play with Xac more than me or the guy came in a rush to play with me or insisted upon playing with me first before I could play with his partner, then we are likely to insist upon F/F play only for a few dates before moving on to swap. If the couple won't commit to this, then either the lady isn't bi enough for my taste (pun intended, lol), or the man is way too pushy and in control of the situation, but either way, we aren't going to be interested.
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Two Distinct Styles of Swingers Clubs (by Xac)
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Posted:Jan 26, 2016 5:06 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2016 8:03 pm
10581 Views
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** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven**
In our recent travels as swingers, we have come upon a few different clubs that we stopped to check out, and along this way we discovered something that we hadn't previously considered. There are two different types of swingers clubs, and we only like one of these types.
Type #1 is our kind of club. It is built like a regular club, but it just happens to have a number of different rooms in the back where swingers can go to play. Although there are always a few exceptions to this, for the most part this type of club tends to be much more restrictive about single men - because let's face it, 99% of the time they just fuck everything up and they don't belong in the lifestyle (my apologies to the remaining 1%, you are appreciated) - and it tends to cater more towards couples seeking their unicorn and couples seeking other couples (but one at a time). This atmosphere tends to be far less threatening unless you happen to run into one of those few unfortunate couples that are just hard to get away from, and there tends to not be too many of them in these types of settings, because the other couples there slowly chase them away over time.
Type #2 is totally NOT our kind of club. This is usually either someone's home that has been converted into a club, or it is the most bare bones type of operation you have ever seen. It almost feels like they just threw up four walls and a ceiling in order for people to be able to feel like they belong to a special sort of environment while they all have sex with each other. The majority of the people there all give off the same vibe, and that vibe is "Hey, we're all swingers, so why don't every single one of us just get it on?" Btw, the answer to this question is of course, "Because far too many of you are not attractive, and we are not open to being with unattractive people just in order to be with other attractive people at the same time. Neither of us is the "take a hit for the team" type, and this is basically the prevailing theme of the entire location. At one such location, we had been invited there by a couple that we were giving serious consideration to swapping with... right up until we had watched her get together in one way or another with about five or six different people in a span of about an hour. We actually left the place before the night was even supposed to be over.
So you've got to ask yourself, are you a Type 1 or Type 2? If you're an attractive, friendly, fun-loving Type 1, we'd love to hear from you. If you're a Type 2, you should know right up front that this isn't gonna work out.
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To link to this blog (xacandxin) use [blog xacandxin] in your messages.
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