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| Thank you for taking the time to visit my world - my life journey in words. I invite you to follow along with me as I life each day fully, with no pretentions. What you will find here is a sharing of my innermost thoughts, my happiness, my frustrations, my sadness, my fears, my oddities, and, so much more. I am quite happy with who and what I am, as my life is ever so blessed. Like all of us, I have many different sides. I don't feel the need to justify myself to anyone, not in the slightest. While I am not everyone's cup of tea, common courtesy and respect is expected, not only to myself, but also all others who may share their views/experiences on my page. There is no tolerance for judgments or drama here - the practice of FUCKTARDISM is strongly prohibited. As the saying goes, "Misery Luves Company". If this is YOU, please take your circus elsewhere, as I only allow good, healthy stuff into my life.  |
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Can You Say Awkward ...
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Posted:Jun 10, 2016 8:45 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2016 7:22 pm
6844 Views
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If I reach out to someone and they don't respond, I take that as an "I'm not interested". Whatever reason it may be they aren't interested, it doesn't really matter. Will it make me feel better knowing that it's cause of distance, rather than they think I'm fat and/or too weird. No - not at all. Rejection is a part of life, in so many different aspects ...
Being asked why you aren't interested is very much AWKWARD - there could be any number of reasons. Some just have to know - it's like now their life's mission to find out why. Do you really want to know that "your cock pics of having unprotected sex with a million different girls = a walking fucking disease = if you were the last guy on earth, my luv of sucking cock would starve to death"? Or, 2 hours a week to spend with me is not acceptable. Or, any number of other things. The EMPATH in me sees no reason to possibly make someone feel bad and hurt their feelings and I refuse to go there. At the same time, I won't allow myself to feel harassed - especially after the last indecent in which someone told me they were going to take their own life and me along with them. My iggy runs amok sooner than later ...
Please, just accept when someone doesn't wish to know you. Anything short of moving on puts others in an unfair AWKWARD position. It's really not a very nice thing to do ...
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Top 20 Fetishes ... :)
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Posted:May 17, 2016 8:15 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2016 8:42 pm
6587 Views
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Hard to choose ONLY 20 ... HAHA!
1. Dacryphilia ...
2. Exhibitionism
3. Sharp & Pointy ...
4. Verbal Humiliation ...
5. Whips ...
6. Ass Punching ...
7. Canes/Bastindo ...
9. Sensory Deprivation ...
10. Oral Worship ...
11. Watersports ...
12. Fire ...
13. Wax ...
14. Role Play ...
15. Vibes ...
16. Masochism ...
17. Voice ...
18. Being Written On ...
19. Crawling ...
20. Food Play ...
What are some of yours?
P.s. My OCD was screaming at me to put these in alphabetical order - LOL - strongly resisted this urge ...
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Directionally Fucked ... :)
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Posted:May 6, 2016 8:05 pm
Last Updated:May 14, 2016 7:40 pm
6775 Views
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My last visit to see my in-laws in Georgia gave me a new rule ... I'm never allowed to go out into anything that would, at the slightest, be considered "the woods" on my own. EVER AGAIN.
Seems when I went into the backyard/woods to sneak a smoke, I had an issue of the directional kind. Sat on a tree stump, lit up, and just observed the scenery. Walked a bit to my left, or was it to my rite? Okies ... now I'm lost. All I see behind me are woods, trees, and dogs fenced in backyards barking, rather angrily. It was getting chilly and would be dark very shortly and I didn't have a coat on ... just a t-shirt, flip flops and shorts. I went into panic attack mode. All that was in front of me was a road. Yeah, I was fucked, imagine that, go figure. Am somewhere in the south in no mans land, was a good possibility I'd be the menu for dinner. Felt like I was staring in the movie "DELIVERANCE". Pretty sure I was going to die out there, or be barbecued by some mountain peeps who live in the woods ... ugh!!
I get out my phone, which almost drops, but, of fucking course, and call my hubby ...
me: I'm lost ...
hubby: trixie, where are you?
me: I was rite outside in the backyard, now I'm not ...
hubby: I'm outside now and I don't see you. Stay where you are and Ill call you. *calls my name* Do you hear me?
me: No, I'm scared, I don't know where the fuck I am ...
hubby: What do you see in front of you?
me: Uuummmm - a road with white lines ...
hubby: Walk to the left ...
me: *walking*
hubby: Are you coming to a corner?
me: No, all I see is more fucking trees ...
hubby: trixie, did you walk to the left or rite ...
Me: Uuummm, er, oh, I fucked up, I went rite. I'm cold and scared ...
hubby: trixie, stop, now walk to the left, just walk ...
me: I am going to get eaten by hillbillies ...
hubby: trixie, just keep walking. Do you see the end of the road yet?
me: Uuummm, no ...
hubby: Just keep walking ...
me: Not going to make it out alive. Should have willed my shoes collection to one of the girls ...
hubby: You will see your shoes again. Keep walking ...
me: This fucking sucks. My head is going to be on a dinner platter - an apple in my mouth ...
hubby: See the road yet?
me: I can't tell. Not wearing my glasses ...
hubby: Just keep walking ...
me: I see the road ...
hubby: Walk to the end, then turn left, that's our street. I'll start to walk down and meet you ...
me: Oh, good fucking lordy ...
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18
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The Friendship Aspect ...
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Posted:Apr 28, 2016 8:29 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2016 9:06 pm
6454 Views
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For me, FRIENDSHIP has to come first. It just can't be any other way in my world. If we can't talk bout our day's, joke round, and so on, I am definitely not going to give myself to someone, thru words or otherwise. Building a healthy foundation makes for the most intense of connections - this is what I am looking for. If all someone can OFFER me is the SEXUAL REALM, I have less than no interest. If you can't stimulate all parts of me - especially mentally - this will BORE the fuck out of me ... and FAST. While sex is fucking awesomeness of a stick, it doesn't rule my life. Being able to have an intelligent conversation is sexy to me ... SAPIO-SEXUAL. Being able to laff with someone is a huge turn on for me. These things all lead to the physical mingling of the bodies ...
I am not so much into couples - finding one person to mesh with in all ways - on all levels - is difficult enuf. Tho, I crossed cyber paths with one and we started to grow our friendship. It was pretty fucking awesome. Things slowly progressed and we ended up doing a phone 3some and it was all that and a bag of chips.
The thingy is that afterwards, they "FORGOT" bout the FRIENDSHIP aspect of the relationship. This was - is - highly PROBLEMATIC for me. It now feels as tho they see me only as a sexual release for them - this isn't anywhere near ACCEPTABLE in my world. We are all DIFFERENT, so, while it mite work for some, it's just not in my chemical makeup.
I had to make a choice - and there was only one that I could live with. Needless to say, this relationship crashed and burned. Taking the good and storing it safely away.
Tomorrow is another day of adding all new, healthy and good stuff to my life ...
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Thinking Out Loud ...
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Posted:Apr 25, 2016 7:58 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2016 8:06 pm
6101 Views
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Lying here all tucked in bed
Thoughts of us dance in my head
Your soft sweet lips on mine
Send shivers down my spine
My layers you gently peel
My inner soul you slowly heal
Craving to be in your strong arms
Far away from sadness and harm
Utterly safe and protected
Forever and eternally connected
Our intense powerful mental bond
As we continue to openly correspond
Should our paths never cross
My heart will mourn your loss
Keeping your beautiful words close
Savoring them like the bloom of a rose
Blessed for what we shared
My essence completely bared
Buckets of sad tears I will shed
Wishing all good things for you ahead
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Afternoon Delite ...
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Posted:Apr 13, 2016 11:59 am
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2016 7:35 am
6844 Views
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Written by mstrixietrixster ... May not be reused or republished in whole or in part without the author's expressed, written consent ...
As the sun shines in thru the bedroom window, I wake recharged, ready to start a new day. And, feeling quite frisky. Reaching out to touch the warmth of his body - instead finding only bunched up blankets . It totally slipped my mind that he had an early morning meeting. Reluctant to get out of bed, I finally make it to the coffee pot. It's a gorgeous Spring day out, so, I decide to enjoy my coffee on the deck. Thoughts of us spiral thru my mind - a stellar idea pops into my head. I finish my coffee, smile, excited at what the day will bring.
After showering, I run a comb thru my damp hair and throw a towel on. Walking out to the full length mirror, I stand before it and slip on a white lace bra, with matching white lace panties. To the left, my vanity, from which I pick up a bottle of body mist. The room soon permeates with the smell of honey-lavender. Rummaging thru my drawer and pulling out a white garter belt, I then move onto finding a pair of white thigh high stockings. Placing my stockings down, I proceed to put on my garter belt. Sitting down on the edge of my bed, I carefully put on my stockings. The feel of the material is so soft, as it glides up my freshly shaved legs. Style my hair - apply my makeup. It's always a hard choice deciding on foot wear. As I look thru my collection, my focus goes to my favorite blue pumps. Taking them down from off the shelf, I decide that I will wear my long blue coat. The color match is bout as close as I am going to get - OCD. I take one last look in the mirror before heading downstairs. Turn the coffee pot off, grab my purse, keys, phone. Out the door I go.
Seatbelt on. I-POD plugged in. On the ride over, thoughts of anticipation circle thru my mind. He is so handsome dressed in a suit and tie - sexy - edible. I didn't notice his razor out this morning - which means he probably has a bit of scruff. Oh, good fucking lordy, I adore the way it feels against my bare flesh. Just the thought makes me dripping wet ... my girly bits start to ache. Glancing over at my pocket rocket, which I keep hand, just in case the mood strikes me, I consider masturbating. The thought is dismissed as some moron cuts me off - city drivers - UGH!
Driving into the complex, security waves me on. I find a parking spot fairly quickly pull in. Feeling a little anxious, previous experience has taught me to accept the moment. Allowing it time to pass, I drink some water. One of my favorite songs comes on - this calms my state of mind. I apply my ruby red lipstick. Adjust the belt on my coat.
I enter his building and make my way to the elevator. A few well dressed - rather handsome men - walk up and stand beside me - they smile - I smile. When the doors open, they allow me to go first. Somehow, tho, I end up standing in the front. Thinking to myself - can they sense that I am wearing close to nothing. Or, that my pussy is throbbing and my panties are saturated.
Nervously, I walk down the hallway to his office. This is the first time that I have ever done such a thing - not even sure what I will do - or what will happen. Knocking on his door, I wait for permission to enter. It seems like hours that I was standing there. Tho, in reality, it was only but moments until I heard his voice giving the okies to enter.
Opening the door, I see him sitting behind his desk, looking handsome as ever. Yes - scruff - so fucking stellar. He is surprised to see me, asks what brings me there. “I had some errands in the area and decided to drop by." He looks down at his desk, surrounded by a pile of paperwork. I don't even think bout it - I just do it. "My Darling, I have something for you." As he looks up at me, I drop my coat to the floor. He stares at me - lust in his eyes. Without a word, I walk behind him, start to rub his shoulders. “I thought you could use a diversion”, I whisper into his ear. The tension in his body starts to subside under my hands, in a matter of seconds.
Slowly, he turns his chair towards me and stands. My tiny hands are trembling as I unloosen his tie, unbutton his shirt. Kiss his chest. Running my nails down his body, I clumsily undo his belt. His gentle hands caress my full breasts, as he kisses my neck. Then, he moves down to my thighs. Whispering to me, "How I adore your body", as his hands take hold of my ass. His lips touch mine - a spark of electricity ensues. Pulling me in closer, his knee pushes into my sweet spot. My soaked sweet spot. I wiggle my body, grind it against his knee.
He undoes my bra - it drops to the floor. My nipples get hard instantly - his strong fingers pinching them. Roughly tugging on the barbells. Lite gasps of pleasure escape my lips. Slipping his hand down, he finds my luv tunnel thru my panties. Teasing me into a frenzy - leaving me in anticipation of what he will do next. It doesn't take long for me to feel his hand invade my wetness.
As he massages my tiny button, I beg for him to let me cum. He allows this, then finds my piercing and plays with it. Spreading my legs wider, he inserts two fingers inside me and orders me to cum again. Moans of pleasure fill his office as I cum for the second time, drenching his hand. Our lips still locked - I fade away into my happy place. He removes his finger - rubs the moisture onto my nipples. My hair now wrapped tightly in his hands - he forces me to my knees - with an evil laff.
“My little slut, you want to suck my cock, don't you?", he asks as he strokes my hair with tenderness. Looking up at him, my smile is the answer to his question. His crotch is bulging, making it a little difficult to get his zipper down. Using both hands, finally, his beautiful cock is unleashed. My mouth begins to water - anxious to taste him.
Telling me to lick the head, the underside, I comply. Wanting more, I try to engulf his massive hardness. He pulls my head up by my now not so perfect hair ... "I didn't hear you beg for it" ... "Daddy, oh, Daddy, please, your dirty wants to suck your cock, please, may I" ... my voice trails off and my eyes meet his. "You are such a nasty cock-sucking , my nasty cock-sucking ."
When he looks at me, his eyes see rite thru me. Always - all the time. That look in his eyes tells me that I can continue on. With one hand I stroke him - with the other I gently massage his balls. By his reaction, he is very much pleased. Taking his balls into my mouth, I look up at him. Slowly, I take him into my mouth. He leans against his desk for leverage. Using my hair to pull and push my head my head up and down, each time his tool goes deeper. "My sweet baby-girl, that's it, take all of it", he says, as he shoves the whole length of his cock deep into my throat. He luves when I gag - his cock grows even more in my warm mouth. Barely able to breath, he tells me not to move. And, I don't dare. The sounds of my discomfort get him off - and me.
I can taste his pre-cum starting to ooze. Feeling his body tense up, he applies more pressure to the back of my head, keeping me in place. He instructs me not to swallow, but, to hold his precious cum in my mouth. He is pumping his cock harder now - his breathing more intense. Hot, white, liquid spurts into my mouth, as he lets out a loud RRAAWWRR!!!!!!!!!!!
Pulling his cock out of my mouth, "show me, show me my cum," ... opening my mouth, his cum still there, he instructs me to gargle with it. I do as he asks, without hesitation. "Swallow" - I gulp it down. "Show me" - I open my mouth - stick out my tongue. "Good girl, you always make Daddy so proud", he kisses my forehead, strokes my cheek.
Sitting down and turning his chair back towards his desk - back to business. I dress, compose myself as best as I can. Bending down, I kiss him and leave.
Waiting for the elevator, I debate in my mind a repeat performance. It stops a few floors down. When the doors open, that same group of men appear. Somehow, again, I wind up in front. I can sense them starting at me - can they smell sex on me - do they notice my messed up hair - or the glazed over look in my eyes. Reaching the ground floor, I walk off, somewhat in a hurry. As I am bout to reach the exit, I look back to find them smiling at me and I smile back ...
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11
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Walking Klutz On Wheels ... :)
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Posted:Apr 9, 2016 9:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2016 7:42 am
5933 Views
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Need a suit or armor - LOL - or to be incased in a plastic fucking bubble ...
My newest klutz performance was Tuesday nite at work My shift started out the same way as normal - pick up the from skool - home - snack - karate - Dunkin Donuts for his Gatorade - back home.
The terror from hell eats everything in site = gate. Dam thingy comes up to my girly bits - can barely clear it - even using the door frame for balance.
As I attempted to get over the gate, my foot got caught and tangled. Over I went, zoomed a few inches in the air, landed on my left knee, my leg all twisted and stuff. The gate came apart - was fixable. Me ... the jury was still out.
It figures this happens just before the mom gets home, so, yeah, I'm still sprawled out on the floor. Definitely a little embarrassing. Explaining to her what happened, she wants to help me up. OMFG - no way. All I could see in my head was her taking a tumble to the ground. Finally, I got up. Painfully. Bad pain, very bad pain. She got me some ice and we joked bout it. Told her my lawyer would be touch. While it was pretty bad, I managed to walk to my car and get home.
By the time my hubby got home, it was really swollen and stuff. Did I mention bad pain?! (Masochists only like good pain!!). He helped me upstairs to bed, ice. Wednesday morning I couldn't walk. To Urgent Care I do. Thank gawd I didn't shatter my knee cap, or fracture it. They said I got very lucky. Landing it on my knee a few centimeters either way could have definitely caused a more severe injury. It's very badly bruised, swollen, somewhat discolored. 
Today, I surpassed the hobbling stage and started to walk fairly normal. Tho, steps are still problematic. So is masturbation, as I am feeling the effects bout now. Tho, it was well worth it.
Hopefully, by Monday I am back up to speed!
*EDIT - 4/18 ... turns out I have a slight fracture in my knee. Nothing like getting x-ray results 2 fucking weeks later. This is so not kewl ...
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7
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Chemisty ...
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Posted:Apr 5, 2016 8:01 pm
Last Updated:Apr 9, 2016 8:27 pm
5900 Views
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Not having chemistry doesn't necessarily mean that the other person did something "wrong". It's an organic flow, a natural progression. There definitely isn't any kind of manual or video on this ...
Chemistry is: when his lips touch mine and there is an electrical current that flows between us. Engaged in a lip-lock of epic proportions - our lips like magnets ...
Chemistry is: getting all excited at reading his words thru text or email. Or, seeing his number calling and liting up like a firefly on a summer's nite ...
Chemistry is: inhaling the air he exhales ... the pure need to be as close to him - one with his spirit - as humanly possible. The desire to crawl into his soul ...
Chemistry is: that undeniable feeling of passion ... transcending into another Universe when together ...
Chemistry is: the way his hands caress my nakedness ... my bare flesh ... the way my body reacts. My mind. My soul. My spirit ...
Chemistry is: that connection that takes you another dimension - another Universe ... just by his words, his voice ...
Chemistry is: the way his eyes shine - the way they smile as they see rite thru you ...
Chemistry is something that either it or isn't. It can't be forced. And, it really can't be explained as in "how do I connect with you". Uuuummm - being asked this or something similar is really AWKWARD. Not everyone is a match ... and, yes, sometimes, this fucking sucks. Tho, we just have to accept it ...
Back to the drawing board - always keep the faith - never give up hope ... in anything ...
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7
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Hazardous Duty Pay ... :)
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Posted:Mar 17, 2016 8:21 pm
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2016 7:54 pm
6886 Views
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Me: I need a raise ... hazardous duty ...
My Boss: The or the dog?
Me: Uuuummm - both ...
So, yeah, getting hit in the head with a basketball is really not fun. Walking the terror fucking blows big time. He pulled so hard on his leash that it gave me an abrasion on my wrist. And, he ate himself out of his harness. Walking a broken bike up a hill - while holding the from hell. Oh, and my toes still have recovered from the hoover board incident. Which, of course, there was numerous ones. Having the smallest of my pintsize companions wanting to see if his friend is home - while walking the broken bike and the devil dog - and knocking on the wrong door. Having to chase down the 4 legged monster, fishing things out of his mouth. Including shoes, pieces to games, paper, toilet or otherwise. Oh - rite - my gloves and keys. Taking 3 to McDonalds drive thru window at rush hour and no one can decide what they want. Math homework.
Taking the to karate and watching him break a board - videoing it for his mom - she was so grateful! Going to batting practice and cheering them on. Watching their dance lessons thru close circuit TV. Giving them extra quarters for the candy machines. Making funny faces. Spending time with them at the movies or Dave & Buster's. Fixing breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks for them. Baking. Reading bed time stories. All of this and more rocks out ...
My pseudo 7 year old is on string break next week. He has big plans for us - LOL - Dave & Buster's. Playing in the park - he is determined to get me on the see-saw. This should prove to be rather interesting for sure. Going to see "Zoo-Topia" ... of course, in 3D. I mean, is there any other way to see it?! Pizza. Rita's water ice. Jigsaw puzzle building. Baking "eyes" - pretzel's with M&M's. Cartoons. Play-dates. Video games. His list keeps giving birth ...
These makes me so smile - so attached to them. I do adore , just didn't work out that popped any out. The dog - UGH - LOL ...
Definitely got the perfect job for me. Being a responsible adult, yet, I get to still be a little girl. Like Peter Pan ... never growing up. No rocking chair in my near future ... unless I am fucking on it, then fall asleep in his arms.
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4
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911 ... Speed-Dial ...
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Posted:Mar 14, 2016 8:10 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2016 4:23 am
6866 Views
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I can't even count how many times I have dialed 911 for a medical emergency within my lifetime to date thus far. My mom, my brother. And, I watched a co-worker die rite in front of me. Tho, I do know it's enuf to never want to have to use that combination of numbers again.
The other nite, I almost had to dial those numbers for my hubby, again. He was diagnosed with a brain issue bout 4 years ago or so. This only after bout 6 trips to the ER. A few times it was a close call. Remnants of when my ex-hubby had to be airlifting to hospital specializing in trauma. He went into a coma one morning. Suffered 2 strokes and aneurysm out of the nowhere. Anywho ... the docs finally ruled out it was his heart - the heart monitor was negative. Then, we moved onto the brain. All the tests came back and it was discovered he has a condition is which "stress" causes the T3 Region in his brain to spike, which can cause seizures. As if I didn't know this from the numerous times this happened, with no warning signs. The docs said I saved his life, just like my ex.
It can happen any time of the day, tho, it's more likely to happen at night after work. And, during sleep, which is what happened the other nite. I wait, and wait, to see how bad it's going to get and/or how quickly it passes. After so many times of watching this happen, I have it down to a science. A coughing spell ensues. He will get lite-headed, clamy and break out in a hot sweat. Then, either he falls back asleep or pukes. If he falls back asleep, I watch him all nite, afraid to sleep and hope everything will be okies. If he pukes, 911 it is, and then I freak the fuck out and go into panic mode. Either way, it's not really a good thingy.
The meds are helping a lot, tho, they aren't a cure-all by any means. And, of course, all meds have side effects, which can be worse that the reason why you are taking them. It's always a choice, the lesser of 2 evils. Sometimes, it's more like potluck, when the actual issue can be just a bad as the side effects of the meds that one takes for it. In this case, the seizures are much worse than the side effects, tho, they aren't exactly good either.
There really isn't anything that will correct the actual issue that the brain has.
The meds have definitely decreased the frequency of these episodes. One incident every few months is better than one incident every few weeks.
We just continue to be hopeful and keep the faith the meds will continue to work and minimize the risk of having a seizure. And, continue to be grateful that their is a med he can take - side effects and all.
As in all things, I am definitely the forever eternal optimist!
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To link to this blog (trixietrixster) use [blog trixietrixster] in your messages.
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