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| Thank you for taking the time to visit my world - my life journey in words. I invite you to follow along with me as I life each day fully, with no pretentions. What you will find here is a sharing of my innermost thoughts, my happiness, my frustrations, my sadness, my fears, my oddities, and, so much more. I am quite happy with who and what I am, as my life is ever so blessed. Like all of us, I have many different sides. I don't feel the need to justify myself to anyone, not in the slightest. While I am not everyone's cup of tea, common courtesy and respect is expected, not only to myself, but also all others who may share their views/experiences on my page. There is no tolerance for judgments or drama here - the practice of FUCKTARDISM is strongly prohibited. As the saying goes, "Misery Luves Company". If this is YOU, please take your circus elsewhere, as I only allow good, healthy stuff into my life.  |
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Quote Of The Day: 7/5/20
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Posted:Jul 5, 2020 6:02 am
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2020 10:23 am
2552 Views
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“May your Sunday be blessed with luv, joy, peace and happiness" - Unknown
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Quote Of The Day: 7/2/20
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Posted:Jul 2, 2020 2:40 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2020 5:55 pm
3945 Views
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"Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words" ~ Margaret Mitchell ...
Kissing - YUMM!! I could do this for hours ... clothing optional. Adore the intimacy ...
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Hawaiian Blessing ... :)
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Posted:Jul 1, 2020 5:38 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2020 6:43 am
3704 Views
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My D/s Mommy shared this with . It absolutely has made a difference in just a few days and works great as a mantra! Paying it forward - truly hope this can helps others! 😊
Ho’oponopono
A powerful Hawaiian prayer ...
Have you heard of Ho’oponopono and the Hawaiian therapist who cured an entire ward of criminally insane patients, without ever meeting any of them or spending a moment in the same room? It’s not a joke. The therapist was Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. He reviewed each of the patients’ files, and then he healed them by healing himself. The amazing results seem like a miracle, but then miracles do happen when you use this method, or Dr. Len’s updated version called Self I-Dentity Through Ho’oponopono (SITH). I had the pleasure of attending one of his lectures a few ago and started practicing immediately. The results are often astounding. Do you need a miracle? What you might wish to understand is how this can possibly wor How can you heal yourself and have it heal others? How can you even heal yourself? Why would it affect anything “out there”? The secret is there is no such thing as “out there” – everything happens you in your mind. Everything you see, everything you hear, every person you meet, you experience in your mind. You only think it’s “out there” and you think that absolves you of responsibility. In fact it’s quite the opposite: you are responsible for everything you think, and everything that comes your attention. If you watch the news, everything you hear on the news is your responsibility. That sounds harsh, but it means that you are also able clear it, clean it, and through forgiveness change it ...
Hawaiian forgiveness:
There are four simple steps this method, and the order is not that important. Repentance, Forgiveness, Gratitude and Love are the only forces at work – but these forces have amazing power. The best part of is you can do it yourself, you don’t need anyone else be there, you don’t need anyone hear you. You can “say” the words in your head. The power is in the feeling and in the willingness of the Universe forgive and love ...
Step 1: Repentance – I’M SORRY
As I mention above, you are responsible for everything in your mind, even if it seems be “out there.” Once you realize that, it’s very natural feel sorry. I know I sure do. If I hear of a tornado, I am so full of remorse that something in my consciousness has created that idea. I’m so very sorry that someone I know has a broken bone that I realize I have caused. This realization can be painful, and you will likely resist accepting responsibility for the “out there” kind of problems until you start to practice this method on your more obvious “in here” problems and see results. So choose something that you already know you’ve caused for yourself? Over-weight? Addicted to nicotine, alcohol or some other substance? Do you have anger issues? Health problems? Start there and say you’re sorry. That’s the whole step: I’M SORRY. Although I think it is more powerful if you say it more clearly: “I realize that I am responsible for the (issue) in my life and I feel terrible remorse that something in my consciousness has caused this.”
Step 2: Ask Forgiveness – PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Don’t worry about who you’re asking. Just ask! PLEASE FORGIVE ME. Say it over and over. Mean it. Remember your remorse from step 1 as you ask to be forgiven.
Step 3: Gratitude – THANK YOU
Say “THANK YOU” – again it doesn’t really matter who or what you’re thanking. Thank your body for all it does for you. Thank yourself for being the best you can be. Thank *insert religious preference*. Thank the Universe. Thank whatever it was that just forgave you. Just keep saying THANK YOU.
Step 4: Love – I LOVE YOU
This can also be step 1. Say I LOVE YOU. Say it to your body, say it to *insert religious preference*. Say I LOVE YOU to the air you breathe, to the house that shelters you. Say I LOVE YOU to your challenges. Say it over and over. Mean it. Feel it. There is nothing as powerful as Love.
That’s it. The whole practice in a nutshell. Simple and amazingly effective.
P.s. I changed the religious preference that was there to insert your own, as I don't think/feel this blessing should be directed towards a specific religion. There as so many different faiths out there - not really fond of limitations. Inserted my own and it worked just the same ...
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Quote Of The Day: 7-1-20
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Posted:Jul 1, 2020 6:15 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2020 3:19 am
3372 Views
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"The day is full of possibilities, full of hope, full of laffter, full of life" - ...
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Quote Of The Day: 6-30-20
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Posted:Jun 30, 2020 3:50 pm
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2020 12:14 pm
3254 Views
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"If masturbation is a crime, then I should be on death row" - Jeremy Pivens ...
I've masturbated every nite for the past 30 days. Last nite, when I picked him up, swear I heard him crying for mercy - LOL ... and, no, I didn't feel bad. Hopefully, his engine won't let me down tonite ...
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Dear Former Warden:
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Posted:Jun 29, 2020 6:59 pm
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2020 6:08 pm
3720 Views
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You spoon fed my entire essence pure poison 24/7 thru your words and actions. Little by little, cutting me off from everyone and everything. Your consistent mental assault tearing me to shreds, dying more as the seconds went by. My want to live dwindling to the point where I just wanted it to be over – I was basically dead already. In the same thought, my brain told me to fight, not to allow you the satisfaction of watching me struggle to take a breath ...
16 months in your “prison” ALMOST broke me. I believed all you said … how I was this and that … how I’d never make it without you … how I now had no support system so where would I go. No job, no money … and so many other harmful things …
Despite your brainwashing, somewhere deep inside me, I knew I had value. Like Hide & Seek, you hid my worthiness. You changed up spots - trying to confuse me – making me think I was going crazy. Every now and then, I'd find it, keeping a small part of me intact. You never thought I’d have the intestinal fortitude to break free – neither did I …
The grieving state of you has passed. I know that mite sound weird as why would one feel sadness in leaving an unhealthy relationship. It’s hard to explain … guess it’s one of those things that unless you’ve been there …
Anger mode … prompting my quote for today. Working thru it, as I won’t allow this emotion to fester, to breed … YOU aren’t worth the energy, worth the time. You aren’t worth space in my head … not only are you late with your payment … you are several months in arrears. So, this is it … that piece of paper on the door … an eviction notice … you will vacant the premises. And, due to being an Empath, one of my traits that disgusted you, I won’t be following up for unpaid funds … you aren’t worth another ounce of ANYTHING …
The luv I have for myself far outweighs the anger I feel towards you … so, ya, you are officially dismissed … 😊
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Quote Of The Day: 6-29-20
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Posted:Jun 29, 2020 12:41 pm
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2020 2:43 pm
4038 Views
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"For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness." - Unknown
Anger is powerful by it's very nature. With the door open, it hovers like flies garbage. The slightest opening often breeds revenge and hatred. In the of a finger, you can be overtaken by it's side effects ...
Process it - close the door - throw the key into the Universe. If we carry it round with us, we may soon find ourselves locked in, the weight of the door like a steel beam lying across our soul crushing it ...
Listen for the sound of happiness - it's calling ...
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Quote Of The Day: 6-26-20
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Posted:Jun 26, 2020 6:13 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2020 4:44 pm
3504 Views
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"Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can" - Unknown ...
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My Hiatus ...
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Posted:Jun 25, 2020 8:18 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2020 8:55 am
4834 Views
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For the last 16 months, I have been thru a very traumatic event, on top of being diagnosed with a new illness. As if having an untreatable, incurable auto immune disease isn’t enuf … as if having the triple fucking play of OCD, ADD, and Dyslexia isn’t enuf … and, ya, my new thingy is also forever, until the Great Spirit spirals me up thru the Universe … I land on a cloud … appreciating the peaceful and calmness … wait for the next take …
Things were getting worse by the day, my isolation from the outside world more and more. Barely able to leave the house, unable to talk to anyone, no social media. Manipulated in ways that I cannot even express.My new illness used to make me continually dependent – the bad ouchies of my auto immune disease used against me. Being an Empath outraged him, tried consistently to “break me” of this “habit”. My reaction to each incident the same, were often times followed by hours and hours without speaking to me, sometimes even days. Words - machetes cutting thru every part of me – my innards torn out – my clothes saturated in red. All I could do was watch my blood drip onto the ground beneath me. Now and again, watching to see if the clear of my tears would make a ripple in the dark coloring as they hit it the puddle under my feet. It was only a matter of time before I was lost forever – my demise imminent. The red liquid that ran thru me totally depleted – a shell starting to form round me ...
A few days later came the chance – there were not many – I had to make this happen. Despite my fear, out of touch with family and friends, no job/money, not knowing where I would go, I had to make this fucking happen. Now … as there would never be another tomorrow. Somehow, I had to pull this off. No idea how or where I would find the strength and courage. The only thing I knew was this: I REFUSED TO DIE HERE IN AND UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES …
Two hours – max. Erred on the side of caution … 1 ½ hours. I packed what I was able to, almost breaking my ankle trying to get my stuff and throw it in bags, back and forth down steps, back and forth to my car. The pain of the twist was excruciating, just told myself to walk it the fuck off and move the fuck on. Time was not in my favor – not my friend. Next, I can't find my phone. Precious minutes ticked by while I looked and looked, the thought I am never going to make it out full force in my brain. My tears falling on everything I touched – some even landing on things I did not. And, for my next trifecta … where the fuck are my car keys … I just had them like 2 seconds ago. Trying to retrace my steps, the clock continues. Opening bags – taking things out – no keys. Repack. Hands and knees on the floor. Seconds are adding up to minutes. No keys. There was NO fight left in me - I was never getting back home. I would NEVER see my family and friends again, meet new people, get high, laff, listen to music, hit the farmers market and yard sales, color, go to Goodwill and thrift stores, build a jigsaw puzzle, make luv, fuck, wish upon a star or see a cloud, see a thunderstorm and count the strikes, go to a movie, do arts/crafts, watch reruns of Addams Family and Munsters, burn toast, smile at a stranger and hope I added to their day, push a cart in the food store while listening to my I-POD, find out how the series “Billions” ends, serve breakfast in bed and make homemade sweet treats, indulge in caffeine, have a clutz-o-matic moment, write stories and poetry, eat pizza and cheese fries and chicken, see a concert, enjoy the chill that nite air can bring, watch a candle flicker and absorb it’s embers, wear stiletto’s and jeans, drink a beer, help others with my energy and good vibes, use my pilates ball and my ten pound weights, bask in my skull fetish of clothing and shoes and jewelry, play dress up, put lipstick on and do my hair, pet and feed animals, give myself a mani/pedi, ride a ferris wheel and play pinball and go into the house of mirrors and haunted houses, have my ass spanked and my body stenciled, see a waterfall, feel the calmness of saran wrap/duct tape and hot wax, smell a flower, wear a pink or blue or wig, run my fingers thru man fur and trace his lips with my fingertips, learn to swim, get another tattoo, dance and kiss under Mother Nature as she let loose her cry, change out my piercings and get more, use an elevator, be mesmerized by the moon, load groceries into someone’s car who is struggling, watch wrestling, and a trillion other things. Throw in the bucket list and things that I never even considered. All of that bouncing thru my head … all in a matter of mere minutes. My brain waves firing so rapidly that my thoughts were like bullets from a firing squad …
Sitting on the floor, shaking, hyperventilating, knowing the chance that I was going to get caught was increasing with each millisecond. That would be it – the end of the line for me. Then, I saw one of my boxes lying on the floor that I used for some of my hair accessories. The sayings printed on them – live for today – hope for tomorrow – believe in miracles – the feel of my mom with me. Knowing full well that should he come home, it would be ugly scene. Mentally preparing myself for what may come, barely able to get myself up off the floor, holding onto the bed, I threw the pillows off, the covers down. Hearing the familiar sound of keys jiggling – found them sitting between the edge of the bed and headboard …
Exactly one month ago from today, I drove over an hour with what I could fit into my car, checked into a Motel 6. Made a few calls, finally having control back of my phone. With help, I was blessed enuf to secure an apartment within days. Moved in with a borrowed air mattress and two lamps …
My family and friends kept vigil, my well-being in their thoughts and prayers, never giving up hope. Keeping the faith in me to find my way back home – even when I was not able to. The glow of their porch lites, a constant, the whole time I was “missing” …
A lot of damage has been done – body - heart – soul – mind – spirit … the total and complete essence of everything that is me … of everything that I am. Some days I struggle a little – some days I struggle a lot. Despite that, each second of each day, I continue to get stronger, to rebuild my life and relationships. Keeping positive – mantras – meditation …
Anything and everything are in MY POWER … never will the hands on a clock tick by that I’m not grateful and continue to be positive … the future is full of possibilities … the future has no limits … I will never give up keeping the faith in the Universe – in myself. No looking back, only moving forward … 😊
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Quote Of The Day: 6-25-20
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Posted:Jun 25, 2020 7:17 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2020 7:57 am
2197 Views
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"Look forward, not behind. Your best days are still in front of you. Be focused and keep your dreams alive" - Unknown
The past is gone. The present is here and now, glimpses of the future show thru. Never look back. Live for today. The future is yours ...
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Quote Of The Day - 6/23/20
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Posted:Jun 23, 2020 3:43 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2020 2:04 pm
2214 Views
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"Friends are connected heart to heart - distance and time can't break them apart" ... Unknown ...
I've met a lot some super duper uber kewl people here - most of which live eons away. The chances of ever breaking bread or laffing together in person are slim to nil. However, that doesn't make them any less important just cause I can't see their smiling face, or cause there's a time difference. I'll take a virtual hug from a friend across the miles just as I would take one from a friend who lives 15 minutes away. Friendship is an universal gift ...
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To link to this blog (trixietrixster) use [blog trixietrixster] in your messages.
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