losing enthusiasm..
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Posted:Oct 6, 2014 7:58 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2020 1:25 pm
5151 Views
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It has been 9 years since I stumbled onto this site. My reasons for hanging around changed as time went on.
One constant that keeps me here is that my marriage is no better. No sex (5 years now), little communication (unless you count household tips and criticism), and very little affection. Sobriety does not fix everything..
I don't think that I can/will find what I need here. So many want to skip the flirting and getting to know you phase. Many want to believe that mutual attraction is not important (hey, I get a vote too).
I miss the group of friends from chat that I could talk and joke with. Even virtual friends can help you feel less alone. Until the lies and BS pile up higher than the sincere friendship attempts..
I doubt I will be around much longer
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You're looking for a BBW..
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Posted:Mar 20, 2014 6:25 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2018 7:43 am
5081 Views
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.. and you contacted me??? Not sure whether I feel insulted or flattered. I don't claim to be beautiful, but I for damn sure am not big.
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friends
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Posted:Aug 29, 2012 9:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 6:39 am
6662 Views
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... the most important thing in life. I have work friends and old friends and new friends and online friends and friends that have been intrinsic to a particular activity or situation.. and I have had play friends. Very few have ever had all the pieces of me. I have always been great at sharing and showing the parts that I wanted to. Trust is one issue; can't trust just anyone with my secrets. Or to not judge me for them.
Coming up on an anniversary here.. my dearest oldest friend's death. Losing her was the biggest wake up call for me. One of those moments in life when the universe smacks you on the head.. when i had to face the fact that I was sleepwalking through my own life.
I was so lost in my own sadness, I had pushed away some very special people. Used so much energy creating an illusion of happiness that i forgot to leave a little to help me actually FEEL something.
I want to let the barriers down, to stop fighting and pretending that everything is ok and that i am strong. But old habits die hard, and sometimes it is easier to pretend. There are some friends who have seen past the walls, or behind the curtain or whatever, and still seem to care. Even if i sometimes hide or push them away.
so.. much love to my friends. gotta remember to always cherish them..
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tried a little something different the other day
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Posted:Aug 28, 2012 1:43 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2012 2:02 pm
7279 Views
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my back tends to be a delicate part of me.. easily becomes sore with the least provocation, and I get that it's a hazard of my occupation. but the knots in my shoulders are much more stress related. Soooooo.. decided that after the traditional rounds of physical therapy, and chiropractor, and pain management, thought i would meander into the alternative methods. So, i found a reiki master to do a metaphysical healing. I told her very little about what i was experienceing. Closed my eyes and let her do her thing.wow, the pain went quickly away from the sore parts. felt some tingling along the extremities.End results, you ask? WEll, my back felt better that it has in years. and apparently i keep a lot of stress and anxiety bottled up inside, and way too many thoughts.
so it seems the walls built around my heart are made of concerns, lack of trust, assumptions and a little verbal vomit to hold it together
there are waaaaay too many thoughts running around this skull of mine. a(oooo.. big surprise).. and my chakras are all blocked up..
all i really need is somebody holding me close, that should melt the barriers aroud my heart
sigh.. somebody with the patience to deal with the old memories and to help strip away some leftover sadness
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getting my life back on track
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Posted:Aug 22, 2012 12:04 pm
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2012 9:09 pm
6779 Views
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So, the total weight loss was 24 pounds. Have kind of stalled there, due to a carb binge or two (dozen.. lol). So back to the gym I go! I also found a nice yoga studio. My gym has yoga, but it is very hard to relax and concentrate when the music from the Zumba class downstairs is pounding through the room! Apparently I suck at relaxing, and tend to be a tense little ball in many of the poses, so there is something to work on..
And I signed up for some online classes, both on a writing website, and for a masters degree. OK, another masters degree.
A dear old friend has moved back to the area, so I am looking forward to spending some time with her. (another area of my life lacking balance is the "friend zone".)I promise to stop neglecting my friends (Rich.. you patient, patient man)
There is a lot to smile about in my life. And so I shall!
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Ouch,...
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Posted:Aug 17, 2012 4:47 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2018 7:44 am
7231 Views
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So, in my inbox was a lovely offer to join Senior Friendfinder for free. As if the swarm of AARP offers isn't painful enough!
I do love to be reminded of my age!
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Wow.. June.. really??
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Posted:Jun 1, 2012 12:00 am
Last Updated:Jul 18, 2012 9:15 pm
7125 Views
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20.5 is the official weight loss number at this point!! Down a size in almost everything.
I didn't get the promotion. Oh well, I do enjoy what I do and perhaps another opportunity will come up.
In the morning, I will fly to Cancun with my sister and dear friend for a lovely girls' weekend of fun, sun, sand and booze. Time to just relax and let loose and not think. tired of thinking. makes my head hurt and just goes in circles.
gonna rock my 2 piece bathing suit and just laugh a lot
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aaaah well...
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Posted:Apr 14, 2012 2:21 pm
Last Updated:Jul 18, 2012 9:04 pm
7209 Views
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Found out I did not get the promotion. No worries though, because I do love taking care of patients.
At least I took the chance..
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No guts.. no glory..
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Posted:Apr 9, 2012 11:32 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 6:39 am
7041 Views
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So, I went ahead and submitted my resume for the manager position. The interview went really well, and she said it is down to 2 of us. and so I wait..I am feeling really positive about this, particularly due to the support of the nurses who are supporting me. It is rather gratifying to think I have made a strong impression in only 3 months.
The diet is going well.. 13 pounds down! And 2 inches gone from my belly, hips and chest (not the boobs.. the chest). I am starting to wear the clothes from the back of the closet that have not fit in quite a while. I even made it to the gym twice this weekend. If I could burn calories making excuses not to go, I would be a shadow of myself. Shift worker or not, I have to work out.
Feeling a little stressed and frustrated lately. Just worked on taxes, which of course led to some tense conversations. (Really? MY spending habits are the problem? Lemme do some math and disprove that argument). And the impending retirement means he will be home more than he will be at work. I hate when my alone time is disrupted. Aah well, that will get me out of the house to the gym if nothing else does!
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weekend alone
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Posted:Mar 24, 2012 3:32 pm
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2012 8:10 am
7454 Views
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So, I find myself home alone with a weekend off. And I am behaving! Whaddayou think about that? lol. Some friends were planning to come from OK for the weekend, but they weren't able to make it. Disappointing, but that is life.
Went out with some folks from work last night; karaoke and dancing. Had a blast! Only got groped once, by one of the girls. She is contemplating a boob job, and is currently obsessed with breasts. Hey, we are all nurses and thoroughly comfortable with bodies. Despite several margaritas, I did not sing. I never do. As much as I love music, I was not gifted with a voice for public enjoyment. Unless you count my dog. He listens without complaining.
I am taking advantage of the solitude by getting some spaces organized, chatting with friends and watching movies. I have even done a bit of writing.
I'm feeling good. I'm feeling happy. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend
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.. a cosmic thump on the head...
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Posted:Mar 14, 2012 12:29 pm
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2012 3:18 pm
7143 Views
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Whenever I find myself having a pity party about my issues and concerns, and I have become self absorbed and selfish, I hear about someone who has much more serious and important problems: a major illness, the loss of a loved one.
and I am humbled
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just sittin here
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Posted:Mar 13, 2012 11:49 am
Last Updated:Jul 18, 2012 9:17 pm
7374 Views
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pokin my belly, which looks far less blobby and rolled up to me.. lol.
I had a great weekend. It is always wonderful to see the , who are happy and (mostly) healthy and successful. (and smart and funny and gorgeous.. of course)
There was a "surprise" birthday party thrown in my honor (one of my friends let me know ahead of time). So nice to see old friends. Lots of hugging, lots of laughs. And two of my bestest dearest friends are planning to come to TX in a week and a half for my weekend off! So I am busy making plans. Fun fun! (Somebody will need to be in charge of bail money...)
Kinda tanked the diet though. Two words.. gourmet cupcakes! Oh, and wine. So three words! but I still lost another pound from thursday to monday.
Last night at work, I arrived, thoroughly sleep deprived. But then I started caring for a woman in labor, and it was like a switch had flipped. I had energy, and felt great. One of those moments where you feel like you were in exactly the right place.
I have been mulling over a decision though. there is an opportunity for a management position at my job. I am qualified, and I believe I would do an outstanding job. (organization is a bit chaotic, but i am actually damn good at sorting it out and calming things down). The downside would be the stress.. 24/7 responsibility.. lots of challenging personalities to manage. And do I really want to stop doing patient care?
this would be easier if i didn't suck at making major decisions.. lol
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