Hollywood Nights
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Posted:Jun 16, 2014 12:08 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2014 5:02 am
13808 Views
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So how was it for you?
Wet?
It was here...and not in a good way either 
Rained steady for two days....of course, on the bright side I was able to watch every game of the World Cup plus the Rugby match between Canada and Scotland without feeling guilty about not mowing the grass
Always a silver lining, my friends 
Sometimes you just have to look really, really hard...
On the down side....HiddenMythology's awards have been cancelled....such a shame... 
Of course this also means that all offers of Willy Showing have also had to be cancelled
No silver lining there...for you ladies at least
For myself and the male contingent of my readers, you can't even see the cloud for the silver lining
See?
It's all just a matter of perspective
It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good, as they say
And I was so looking forward to showing you my willy...
He's such a handsome fellow 
If there was a Hollywood 'A' list of willy's...he'd be on it for sure!
He'd be featured on Entertainment Tonight and everything!
Interviews with all the late night talk shows, covers of magazines....
The paparazzi would be following him around trying to get a picture of him exiting a limo with no pants on
People would be trying to copy his hairstyle....
He'd get invited to all the big movie premieres...
Can't you picture the scene?
Strolling down the red carpet.....
"What are you wearing?"
"This little number? Oh, it's by Trojan"
Yes my dears, he's the George Clooney of willy's
The Brad Pitt of penises...
The Hugh Jackman of huge...ummm you get the message, right??
Oh boy, I must be hard up for blog topics today lol
On the bright side...it can only go uphill from here
Well it can't get much worse, can it??
In other news....less than a week to go till Queen and Adam Lambert 
Can't wait for that one
I guess that means I'll have to resurrect my Concert Reviews feature
Been a long time since I did one
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The Games People Play now, Every Night and Every Day Now...
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Posted:Jun 11, 2014 1:18 pm
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2014 12:22 pm
14880 Views
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Hello my little tater lovers!!
Daily reminder to vote here:
[post 3419572]
You have voted, right??
And...
You have voted right??
See the difference a well placed comma makes?? lol
Oh punctuation, you are my favourite friend
Oh don't get jealous...you're my friend too, emoticons
Sometimes they're even interchangeable around here
See?
Hmmmm 
That sounds like a new breed of Transformer....
Heroic Autobots and Evil Emoticons
I wonder if I could interest Hasbro in buying the rights??
Anyway...it being HNW today, and since blogging is a waste of time on HNW when you don't post pics , I thought I'd try something different to fill this space
Bustybettyboopboopdedoopbeboop ( How DO you stop spelling that name?? it's a bit like bananannanana....  ?) has a little game thing going on...I thought "Hmmm, that sounds like fun", so here we go......
If you will leave a comment, I will:
1. Respond with something random that I know or think I know about you.
2. I will tell you what song or movie or celebrity you remind me of.
3. If you are a female, I will tell you the most likely place that you and I will ever make out.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me or at the very least make some something up that may give the other bloggers something to talk about
5. I will tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I will tell you what your name would be if you were the opposite gender.
7. I will ask you something that I have always wondered about you.
I've deleted the requirement for you to repost on your blog...but feel free if you wish
By the way...since I've picked up some new readers since I came back to life, it struck me that many of you don't know the first thing about me.... so here's a quick link to an interview done by my very good friend Flirty™ way back when....
When you say?
When I used to be popular and my bid for world domination was in full flight
Here it is:
[post 2829143]
Enjoy yourself!
Any questions?
Don't hesitate to ask....
Oh...and don't believe everything you read in the papers
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I Got Friends In Low Places
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Posted:Jun 10, 2014 11:46 am
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2014 12:19 pm
14393 Views
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Hello there, boys and girls of the perverted generation
You don't mind if I call you that , do you?
Too bad if you do
'Cause I just did
So......this is your daily reminder to go vote
Conveniently packaged right here:
[post 3419572]
There...all done for today with the shameless self promotion
Well at least as far as Merit Awards go anyway
Brace yourself for Sexual Shameless Self Promotion in a moment
Are you braced?
Then we'll begin...
And where to start?
Well, a young lady of the Kiwi persuasion made a post about an, and I quote, "undercurrent of blah" which caught my attention
Mainly because I'm mentioned
There's nothing guaranteed more to get my attention than mentioning me
I am after all the number one attention in these parts
I defy anyone to disagree on that score
Now don't get me wrong....I was mentioned in a good way lol
Apparently I'm one of the exceptions to the rule
I have one thing to say about that....
That pleases me to no end
Hee hee hee
Sorry...got a little giggly there
Apparently myself, and a certain purveyor of Scottish Hi-jinks who shall remain nameless are among the few exceptions
Pretty cool, huh?
It should be noted here that I myself am a purveyor of Scottish Lo-jinks
Most of my long term readers know already that I'm one of those damn immigrants that come here and take your jobs and steal your women
Must be something in the soft waters of Scotland that brings out the Jinks in us
That or the draft up our nether regions...one of the two
Anyway...on the subject of mentions.....
I have a confession to make.... 
I'm one of those people who on occasion, will enter their own name into the search field to see if I show up, unbeknownst to myself, on other people's blogs
Try it and see...you might be surprised where you show up lol
I did it this morning in the interest of research, of course,...
OK, OK....
....in the interest of nosiness
Not at all stalkerish
I actually show up all over the place
But one post caught my attention in particular....
Why? I hear you ask....
Because no one ever told me!!! 
Apparently I could have had a Live Wheel of Female Tongues!!!
And no one ever told me!!!!
Dagnabbitt!!!
I'm shocked and stunned!!!
Shocked and stunned I tell you!!!
Look! This is my shocked and stunned face :
Yes...so thanks for nothing Flirty ™ !!
Why wasn't I told about this????
So yes, ladies and gentlemen....I am officially bringing back the Wheel of Tongues to polite conversation.... and if you don't know what that is, there's a certain young lady you can ask... I don't know where she finds these things but her reviews used to be a staple around these parts
Actually... here's the item in question:
Ah yes...the olden days... when men were men and Wheels had Tongues
*sigh*
Still, it's never too late....
Just form an orderly line right over here ladies....
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I'm your prime top cut of meat, I'm your choice...
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Posted:Jun 9, 2014 12:25 pm
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2014 11:58 am
14468 Views
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I wanna be Elected!
Thanks Alice!
lol
Well, well, well....
No...not the water getting contraption
Just more of a general "hmmmm" moment
Like this:
Why?
Because I've been nominated in Hiddenmythology's Merit Awards thingy
Pretty cool huh?
I even have a vote...I checked this morning
I'm nominated in the Most Inspirational Blog Group B
Right here: [post 3419572]
Feel free to go vote if you feel the need
No pressure or anything
Yeah I know...I have no chance of even getting out of the first round
But it's pretty darn cool just to be named
I've never thought of these random meanderings as being anything more than just that...random meanderings ( meandering randomness...whichever you prefer )
I forget that you all take the time to read, and comment and that it might mean something to you.....even if it is just a quick giggle at the end of a long hard day filled with crap you could do without
A couple of minute's worth of escapism from the real world....
Or even if you just think to yourself "my life might be crazy...but I'm not as crazy as HIM"
You could even think to yourself " I bet I get laid more than he does"
And you'd probably all be right
lol
Yes, ladies and gentlemen....no one in either their right minds OR who is getting laid regularly would have the time or the inclination to sit here and do this day after day after day after day after day.....
UNLESS.....
They were a complete and utter attention
And....you'd be right again
Nevertheless...every person who strolls through here is an appreciated visitor... I'm thinking of leaving mints out to show you how much I appreciate you...
By the way....guys....those white things in the urinal aren't mints... ;P
Just in case.... you never know
No....my male readership are a discerning bunch...they know the difference...I think
Makes me wonder where the teeth marks come from though....  amp;
Enough of this toilet humour....
Back to the real purpose of this missive, this epistle, this...ummm...errr...chronicle of the absurd
Whew!
I almost couldn't think of a third descriptor there
That would really have ticked me off....
Ummm...what was I saying?
Oh yes....
I'm your yankee doodle dandy in a gold rolls royce...I wanna be elected!
wanna saviour, don't need a fake....I wanna be elected!
We're gonna be elected, elected, elected
Respected, selected, call collected
I wanna be elected, elected
(fade)
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What Lurks on Channel X?
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Posted:Jun 5, 2014 11:50 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2014 3:04 pm
13976 Views
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.....and we're back
Abnormal service has been resumed
Bet you're glad about that
So, my frisky ponies, in the words of today's youth.....'SUP?
I saw a truck on the way home last night...
SO??
Let me finish....
It had a decal on the back window.....it was a company truck I should add at this juncture, for a supply outfit that I'm guessing sells fasteners to the construction industry
The decal read (and I'm somewhat paraphrasing here - I should have taken a picture ):
If you want to
Screw it - Tap it - Drill it -Grind it - Hammer it - Nail it
We got it!
Isn't that fantastic??
LMFAO
I laughed all the way home
I thought that was brilliant...but it made me wonder....
Was that slogan deliberate, or by chance??
Or do I just have a filthy mind?
Ok, Ok....I know which one it is
lol
Aren't you glad I shared that??
Hmmmm...I bet the Love Nest is ticked off that they missed out on that one.... 
Mind you, I don't think they really need a snappy slogan....
They have somewhat of a captive audience...at least in their bondage department
LMAO
Sorry...couldn't resist that one lol
Sometimes you just can't let the easy ones go by...especially when you're trying to fill space
That's one of the tricks of the trade, boys and girls
On a semi - related note, I volunteered to be a Blogging Big Bro on Busty's blog......
Actually I volunteered to be a Big Spud...which I'm eminently qualified for...since I am big...and a spud
Apparently she hooks you up with someone, and the idea is that you pass on your accumulated wisdom and top notch blogging technique to someone just starting out
God help the person that gets landed with me!!
Poor sod LMAO
I think they'll be asking for a refund pretty quickly lol
So what do you think of my technique so far??
lol
Luckily, I make love better than I blog
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The Number Of The (Sexy) Beast
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Posted:Jun 3, 2014 1:32 pm
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2014 3:05 pm
13660 Views
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Good day my cheeky little sex muffins
It's bright, beautiful day here today
The kind of day where you run naked through the sprinklers and scare all the neighbours
Trust me...if I ran naked through your sprinklers...you'd be scared
Actually, now that I think about it....running would be a relative term...a 400lb couch potato doesn't move too fast
More like a slow amble
Actually I've been told it's kind of like watching a landslide, given that I'm only 5 feet tall....
But oh well....
Enough about me....
Yeah right...it's NEVER enough about me
I'm the number one, grade A, total and utter attention
Otherwise I wouldn't be doing this blogging thing...and I wouldn't have kept it up this long either
Actually I've received a nomination in hiddenmythology's blog awards... thanks to a young lady who shall remain nameless for the moment
She knows who she is
I was shocked and stunned let me tell you...shocked and stunned
But more on that later in the week...it's not voting time yet
Be prepared for shameless self promotion, if not outright begging for votes
But more on that later in the week...
So....
Can you believe it?
I posted my first blog here on April 14th 2009!!
That's five years, on and off
I was quite shocked at that
I've only made 262 posts though...so that averages about 1 per week for the total time I've been doing it
Of course I basically had a two year "hiatus" in there too....
Which brings my average up to one post every 4.18 days
And given that I don't post on weekends....that makes my average 1 per 2.98 days
Oh!
And then there's public holidays and sick days and ....
lmao
Nah...not going to go there
The point is...I'm quite prolific in a "don't make that many posts" kind of way
Or alternatively...statistics can be manipulated to tell any story, true or false
You pick whichever one you like best lol
On that note.... I read somewhere recently that 100% of injuries can be avoided by not hurting yourself.
And never forget that 9 out of 10 cats who expressed a preference said they preferred Whiskas
I love cats....
No...that's not strictly true actually....
I love pussy
I may be a puss-a-holic
When I'm feeling French I often say to myself:
Ou est le Puss?
lmao
I'm silly
I can't help it though... vagina's tend to make me that way
They turn me into a dribbling mess if the truth be told
But I wish I could turn them into a dribbling mess
*sigh*
Maybe one day....
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Ah, Ha, Ha, Ha, Staying Alive
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Posted:May 26, 2014 10:30 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2014 5:34 am
13175 Views
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Yo dudes and dudettes!
'Sup?
Can you dig it?
See how super, fab,hip and trendy I am?
And as for my clothes?
Wowzer....
Got my hipster slacks, flared of course (at the KNEE no less ), platform shoes and shirt open to the waist
I'm one cooooool duuuuude
Owwwwww!
Hunh!
I gots it going on!!
Don't you think?
Think I'll grow me a Burt Reynolds 'tache.....
I was thinking maybe the full Tom Selleck, but I'll have to work up to that one
Oh that reminds me....I have to order my chest wig....
Three or four lonely hairs just don't cut it with the ladies
Got to have that "just escaped from the jungle" look
Owwww!
Hunh!
Yes, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk....
But plenty of time to blog it up a storm
Aren't you glad??
Welcome to the dark underbelly of the city at night...
Oh...wait...that's not right....
Ummmm....
Sorry got confused there....
Thought I was writing a 70's detective novel there for a moment..but I wasn't
But maybe I should...
That's quite a good line...I should write that down...oh wait...I just did
Problem is...I wouldn't remember where I wrote it
Oh well...there goes another million dollar idea down the drain lol
I could be rich by now...if I wasn't so undisciplined and lazy
Lack of talent doesn't help either
*sigh*
Music loud and women warm, I been kicked around since I was born...
But it's alright, it's ok, you may look the other way...
Mmmmmm just how I like it
Loud music and warm women
Does it get any better than that?
I don't think so.....
When I'm rich and famous I'm going to get me both of those
Owwwwww!
Hunh!
Now I just need to figure out how to become rich and famous....
Anyone got any ideas?
Oh....I know!!!
Become a blogger!!!
There's money in that right??
No??
Fame then??
No??
Well, shit...
So why does everybody do it then??
Oh.... of course!!
To get laid!!
How's that working out for you??
We can try, to understand, the New York Times effect on man...
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother....
Oh sorry....is the music bothering you??
Can't concentrate on reading my blog for it??
Well that doesn't matter...I was only Jive Talkin' anyway
I bet you can't get that song out of your head for the rest of the day
You're welcome....
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Got the time tick tick tick ticking in my head...
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Posted:May 23, 2014 9:58 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2014 5:18 am
13426 Views
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Well here we are again....end of another gloriously fun filled and exciting week
Yeah right
lol
Gloriously fun filled and exciting NOT
But it was a week....and it is the end
Being a typical Friday, it's a mad rush to finish what I can today, so I'm just taking a few minutes to pump out another post
See how much I love you guys and gals??
I could be putting my few spare minutes to good use and relieving myself
But no....dedicated blogger that I am, I'm here creating a magical missive to delight and entertain you
Actually....if the truth be told, blogging is addictive
And yes boys and girls...I'm a giant attention
You noticed that did you??
lol
If you didn't...where have you been????
lmao
I just love to bask in the glow of fame
All fifteen seconds of it
Didn't you know?
You used to be able to get 15 minutes of fame...nowadays it's more like 15 seconds
Hmmmm, sounds like my sexual prowess actually
Mind you...15 seconds with me is probably pushing the envelope
Yes ladies...that does include travel time, undressing and foreplay
LMFAO
Yeah, as if
More like 30....
On a good day....
If I'm sufficiently rested...
and I've been in training for six weeks prior...
Most guys around here will guarantee to make you come....
Me?
I'll guarantee to make you run screaming for the nearest exit
Don't believe me?
You should.... I've always said honesty is the best policy
And let's face it, it's a lot less effort to be honest than it is to keep all the lies straight
Yep...that's me in a nutshell...honest, trustworthy and no good in bed
Look at it this way, if you go in with low expectations...you'll never be disappointed
Anyway....enough of this drivel.... back to work!
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To link to this blog (spudsy1000) use [blog spudsy1000] in your messages.
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