this title would still like to know what a
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Posted:Dec 13, 2012 3:28 am
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2013 6:21 am
18485 Views
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It's from a nursery rhyme. (perverts) (better hope santa is very forgiving) (or strict) (Your call)
santa was in the self checkout area of my local supermarket. No kidding. He had the hat on, the snowy white beard and the gut going but was missing the rest of the uniform. (maybe Mrs. claus sent him out for tampons) (she's like a thousand years old) (there would be a menopause for the ages) (seriously do the math)
You would think santa would just send an elf. (they are probably too smart to go in the self checkout line) (the self checkout line) (yet another seemingly good idea ruined by semibeat technology and actual human beings) (how good of an idea is relying on potentially confusing technology and the uninformed to "streamline" the process. How good could that turn out to be?) (let's just say perhaps not) (we're being charitable because it's close to the holiday) (it actually is part of the holidays) (we say close because everyone will pretend to be nice until about the 26th) (then all bets are off) (do You think the poor checkout person who is sentenced to monitor the self checkout line is sent there as a punitive measure???) (the gulag selfacheckago) ("One Day in the life of Ivan Denisovich" is easier to read) (You should read "The Gulag Archipelago" if You get the chance) (both by Alexander Solzhenitsyn) (some of the funny stuff us humans get up to) (we didn't check to see what santa was actually buying) (we have a don't fuck with the omniscient policy here on this blog) (or we would if we weren't deranged) (it would be a good policy) (and keep us out of trouble) (we are safe from staying out of trouble anyway) (we are sorry if the tampon joke was out of line) (we are the kind of sorry that happens when You get caught) (which is a runny inauthentic type of sorry) (we hope to sneak by with that one) (we are looking forward to the good coal) (which is probably not realistic) (we are going to pretend that it is anyway) (massive evidence to the contrary notwithstanding)
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this title gave up fanatical zorastrianism because of the presents.
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Posted:Dec 11, 2012 4:28 pm
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2012 3:01 am
18085 Views
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i spent the day trying to keep penetrations to a minimum. (it sounds filthy) (in a frustrating kind of way) (it would be better if we could claim loads and loads of penetrations) (we have decided that honesty is the best policy) (for now)
SOME FUN FACTS:
Of 13,950 peer reviewed scientific articles published between 1991 and 2012, twenty-four reject climate change. Of course the jury is still out on the whole thing. (like the antipregnancy antibodies women's bodies magically create) (next week phrenology!!) (have to gargle it????) (too bad!!!)
Good old injustice scalyass was doing a Q&A session at a law school and managed to equate sodomy with murder. This was based on the idea of moral choices.
Why this is idiotic. (we are going to help) (tell santa about this for us) If two individuals indulge in sexual practices in the privacy and comfort of their own home it doesn't impact me quite as much as someone killing me. (just a for instance) (the best part is that this asshole claims to get wood over the "real" meaning of the constitution and the founders "intent") (just get "fascist asshole" tattooed on yer forehead and save everyone some time)
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this title passed the perhelion of it's orbit! Time to get drunk in an orchard and sing to trees!!!!
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Posted:Dec 9, 2012 8:22 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2012 2:55 am
18295 Views
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One nice thing about my work is because i can do all kinds of strange shit i get to do all kinds of strange shit. (it works for us) (what with currently operating on subsistence level entertainment) i just site built a door to hang a tv from. ( don't try this one at home) (well where else would they put the freakin' tv????) (good question!!!) (well????) (oh! sorry! good question up yours!!! and don't tap your foot at me either!) (with today's wonders of technology you can shrink your brain to the size of a pebble anywhere in the universe) (don't just sit there gloating about Your thumbs) (they probably don't help as much as You think they do) (except for handjobs) (that circular up and down motion is very pleasant) (so points for that) (we were going to try to claim points for typing but santa is watching and shit like that) (also the typing skills) (nothing to brag about) (we are like picasso with hammers and power tools though) (we hope that makes You hot) (possibly in some really poorly defined way) (due to Your nesting instinct or something)
i was reading that construction employment figures have not risen in correlation with new housing starts. This is because of the business model of the asshole across the street. (yes they are still there and still not finished) (it is also still a cluster fuck) (a long slow clusterfuck which some people might think is desirable) (until You move in and things start fucking up on You)
He's in business as an LLC. He uses mostly illegal workers for as much of it as they can. i have seen about 2 seemingly competent people come over to unfuck the more obvious shit but is doesn't look like steady work for them either.
When this clown gets in enough legal trouble he'll go out of business under the name he is currently using and go back into business as some other name. There's a bunch of ways to do this.
He beats the system on taxes and insurance and does fucked up work. He will get rich.
i could do this too. Two small problems.
Problem number one. i do not enjoy fucking people over. i truly wish that i did but i am not wired that way.
Problem number two. i take great pride in my work. Whatever kind of work i do i do it hard and well. This is also a tragic mistake in my business.
i'm curious as to any career counseling that might be forthcoming.
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this title has just invented parawassailing... good thing, no spellcheck in the title box!!!
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Posted:Dec 8, 2012 6:41 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 2:24 am
18155 Views
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The management of this blog wishes to announce the production of the first eskimo musical "NO NO NANOOK" is temporarily suspended due to the lack of tap dancers. (something about breaking the ice) (which we thought was a good thing) (not in all cases) (so it would seem) (all we know is that the polar bear and the walrus are both pissed) (walruseseseseses) (oops!!) [yet another dangerous plural word] [approach with caution] (we are happy we got to say "approach with caution") (not that we care or anything but it is one more thing off the old bucket list) (actually having a bucket list makes two things!!) (we're done now) (we are just going to bask in the false sense of accomplishment) (the walrus [not the clever plural avoidance] [sounds like a psychological problem doesn't it???] [really, just say, "i'm afraid You have 'plural avoidance' in a serious voice a couple of times] [don't claim to have anything better to do either] [You're reading this] (if it making You really hot we want You to give into that feeling) (then seek help) (what about the poor walrus) has one of largest peniseseseseses [the risks we take for our beloved readers) in the animal kingdom) (we hope that cheers some one up) (it's penii) (we're not doing that one again) (look i'm standing under the mistletoe) (good luck with that) (fine, seven years bad luck then!!) (that's mirrors, dumbass!!) (santa's going to know you said "dumbass". you won't get anything) (it's still mirrors) (what happens with mistletoe?) (it doesn't sell too good after christmas)
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this title will definitely remember it's silver BELLS the next time it goes a wassailing
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Posted:Dec 5, 2012 6:22 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2012 4:07 pm
18716 Views
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The management of this blog requests that You ignore the clanking noise which we hope will prove to be temporary. (more like pray) (we are fond of our balls) (go figure) [purposeful title correlation alert] [for those of You keeping score at home]
Dave Brubeck died today. Do Yourself a favor. Listen to "Take Five". Way, way cool and in 5/4 time too.
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this title had to put in some extra wassialing to make up for the massive figgy pudding overdose
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Posted:Dec 4, 2012 2:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2012 5:27 pm
18128 Views
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i was reading a thing about Ashley Judd possibly running for senate against mitch mconnell (we know it's spelled wrong) (we dislike him intensely) ("our goal is to make him a failed one term president") (here's an idea) (that's not a legislative goal ya fuckin' asshole) (don't think i like our fearless leader any better than that dipshit) (i do like people who do their fucking jobs) (as opposed to constantly running for reelection) (we did get the worst legislative output in modern history) (how fucked is that?) which would improve the visuals a good deal if nothing else. (we have no idea what her political views are) (we also can't vote for or against her) (just kind of interesting)
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this title has just learned round john virgin's secret identity... wassailup with that?
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Posted:Dec 4, 2012 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 2:17 am
18235 Views
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Aren't theme's wonderful? (no) (asshole!)
study silence
soft regards
wind sweeps through in empty places
debris swirl
almost dance
lacking blessing from kind graces
hunger cries
hearts don't move
a wonder what else beats inside
is a distance
hard enough
and far enough to true the lies
nothing changes
selfconsolation
flashing lights to turn away
find a mindless solitude
change small things to stay the same
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this title was indicted for wassailt with a deadly miseltoe and got it's chestnuts roasted in an ope
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Posted:Dec 3, 2012 4:59 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 2:15 am
18627 Views
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In an effort to slightly totally derange the holiday spirit or something like that the management of this blog is planning to do some interesting (delusional) (the running commentary after the more obvious misstatements should not be construed as the actually mental health professionals) (we make them weep) (so the are just possibly good guesses) (or more eyewash) (or reindeershit) (not to be confused with bullshit, horseshit or any other types of authentic shit) (no animals were harmed in the making of this blog) (except the monkey) (the poor poor monkey) (he got to wear the santa hat, that should be one happy monkey) (the poor poor monkey) thematic titles where we have some fun with some historic holiday traditions. Like wandering around drunk and singing. (we were early adopters of this as a year round type of phenomenon) (phenomonomonomenomomomom is a dangerous typing word) (be careful using it) (You don't want to get stuck like that this close to the holidays) (You probably have shopping or card writing to do or something) (probably better if You just avoid typing that word altogether for a while) (unless You are a trained professional) (or can type) (one of those) Or wandering around drunk and singing to trees. Fruit trees for those of You who are here for the remarkably accurate historical stuff. (seek help)
If You are wondering the theme for the week is wassailing. It does not involve one of those helmets with horns on them. Unless You like that sort of thing. Then the drunkeness and singing would probably lead right into any funny clothing You think You might enjoy. (for those of You who are not totally confused, try to hurry up) (think of the rest of the class) (the rest of the class?????) (that one could have worked)
Don't worry we will probably get tired of this based on mental acuity and attention span.
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this title tried to go a wassailing and sprained something...... twice
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Posted:Dec 3, 2012 6:48 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 2:13 am
18416 Views
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(we are trying to be good enough to get the anthracite coal in our stocking) (that is the good kind) (we are trying to be realistic about things) (not really but it's the big goodness push where we hope santa will kind of ignore what went on the rest of the year) (popular opinion to the contrary notwithstanding) (it's not going to work, santa sees everything) (so does the easter bunny) (and other mythical beings) (it's called being omniscient) (if You want to get all technical about it) (like jack frost) (he's not omniscient, he just nips at your nose) (we have other locations in mind on the whole nipping spectrum) (also way way less nipping) (and more of other hopefully more pleasurable stuff) (we can do nipping) (and will even consider noses) (that would make us feel better) (someone with stranger kinks than we have) (very uplifting) (it could be one of those holiday movies) (okay probably not) (not enough elves or something) (we have extra elves in here) (they are working in santa's sweatshop) (toyshop!!! we said toyshop!!!) (we should have probably gone with the idiot spelling of "shoppe" which has always pissed us off for no reason) (also "ye olde") (which may have been okay when the spelling was contemporary) (and probably wouldn't have pissed us off 400 years ago or whenever) (look more historical inaccuracy) (this blog has everything) (except probably the anthracite in our stocking) (we are probably reaching on that one)
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this title was involved in a tinsel situation that needed a reindeer hostage negotiator to resolve.
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Posted:Dec 2, 2012 9:17 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 2:10 am
18553 Views
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(we made a deal with santa) (we are boys with santa) (or hallucinating) (fun either way!!!!) (You now have a free santa pass) (or we're hallucinating and there's anthracite in Your near future) (don't trust us!!!) (it's probably the hallucinating one) (or not) (What naughty thing would You use Your free santa pass for) (maybe we can get the easter bunny to bail You out if You get in trouble with santa) (life if full of uncertainties isn't it) (it's because of the randomness) (and therefore technically not our fault) (except for the culpability and egging people on) (also know as "accessory after the fact" by stodgy people) (what naughty thing would You use Your free pass from santa for????) (go for greatness)
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this title got confused and went to a news exposition...... give Yourself some time.
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Posted:Dec 1, 2012 2:51 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2012 2:07 am
18781 Views
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It's the holiday season! (time to break out the red velvet jockstrap) (with the furry white balls) (make of it what You will) (don't stick anything in Your eye) (hum soothing christmas carols instead) (drink lots of spiked eggnog) (hurl in technicolor) (we're going to toast our nuts) (that didn't go to well the last time) (it did cut down on the depiliation time on the manscaping) (sort of) (which could almost be viewed as a positive) (we don't actually toast our nuts) (we just get the little cans) (and then spend some quality time trying to overcome the food security measures) (which could represent occupational therapy) (in an alternate universe) (we have loads of them) (don't be jealous) (we have no problem with You getting on the naughty list) (we just have way way better stuff to get on it for) (yes it was kind of double entendre) (spellcheck does not believe in double entendres) (Goddess knows why)
After a brief period of time, (about an hour) the spate of christmas carols always puts me in the holiday spirit of wanting to maim something. Last year i was working inside with music. One of the great things about working by myself is not having a radio. (we would have total control of the radio) (except for not being able to hear it a good deal of the time and having enough crap to carry in the area of tools and materials) (we can also play music that we like in here anyway) (and sing to ourselves) (yes, it is fucked up) (but entertaining) (once You get over the initial fear) (we also talk to materials) (and all kinds of other entertaining stuff) (we do this on kind of a subvocal level) (but still out loud) (we pissed someone off one time when they heard us) (he was an asshole anyway and chose to take it the wrong way) (so we told him we were busy all the times he called) (he can't even get into desperation city) (we generally roll with assholes) (being some of them ourselves and all) (but there are limits) Because of some of the bands i worked in i have a good number of alternate lyrics for christmas carols. Some of them are just stupid, others are incredibly filthy. (we are justifiably proud of the incredibly filthy ones) (only a real pervert would be jealous) (way to go!!) With all the rather sexually imaginative people here i am sure someone else has also come up with some dirty christmas lyrics besides myselves. You can tell me.
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this title was the result of pavlovian programing.
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Posted:Dec 1, 2012 2:20 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2012 9:06 am
18271 Views
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you lie easy in your splendor
i seek the heat of you there
beyond the still diamond coolness
a fire burns to make their light
the reflection of the flames tells of their heat
the hunger to consume
and they burn so hot as they strip away
leave shiny raw nakedness
the ardor and desire
until nothing stands
and the heat of You and i
lies spent and consumed
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