Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now

It's 1:30 am.....  

secret_lade 47F
12720 posts
7/23/2021 11:01 pm
It's 1:30 am.....


Of course I'm wide awake.

I'm sitting on my couch with the Tilly Cat purring in my ear, Joaquin Phoenix is traipsing through the woods outside 'The Village' on the TV.

I had kind of a shitty day at work today.

It seems like all of my days are kind of shitty anymore, though....

I am experiencing an unending funk that I just can't seem to shake.

You know that feeling you get when you are keenly aware that everything is changed, that nothing will ever be the same again? I feel that with my life right now and I'm having such a very hard time with it.

Not even the beach is bringing me peace anymore.

I am mourning the absence of my Boot Camp Boy so VERY much. I am pissed off at my father for dying and leaving me with a fucking mess take care of after 38 years of being absent from my life. I am hurt by the Hippie, someone I had once thought of as a best friend and partner in crime, who used my deep seated insecurity against me in my moment of weakness as I reached out him.

And I feel alone in this world.

I tell people a million times a day.... It will be ok.

But, I'm going be completely honest here....

I don't think it will be ok.

AndreJoh2021 18M
4 posts
8/6/2021 11:36 pm

nice blog


brofessionalfrk 36M
2 posts
7/27/2021 5:37 am

Hugs and kisses queen


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/26/2021 2:59 pm

    Quoting jolielaide:
    secret, you've had a lot of shit go down lately and you've weathered it like a champ. it is bullshit to keep hearing "it'll be better" or "you'll be fine, give it time" in moments when a woman needs comfort and support. on the real, it is absolutely OK to feel like it ain't gonna be OK. once things change, it's never the same, ain't gonna be.

    tbh, every time i think pb&j, i think of youmy heart is with you ... . i know the struggle and the struggle is real.

    from here on out, it is a one day at a time thing. between your work life and home life, you do SO MUCH for other people, we spread ourselves thin without realizing it sometimes. START DOING things just for YOU even if it's a pedicure and you keep that massage chair on 5 minutes longer, or stop at wendy's for that frosty; i tell them to twist that shit because, yes, i want BOTH

    bottom line: your feelings are valid. and you don't have to wear the 'cape' every day. the moon still shines even on the darkest night.
You are right, a lot of stuff has happened in my life in a very short period of time. There are times when I feel overwhelmed just by feelings alone.... And I do very little for just, me. I took your advice though.... I scheduled a pedicure for myself for later this week. I haven't had one in FOREVER!


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/26/2021 2:51 pm

Thank you.... I say that to my coworkers all the time.


jolielaide 50F  
1667 posts
7/26/2021 11:11 am

secret, you've had a lot of shit go down lately and you've weathered it like a champ. it is bullshit to keep hearing "it'll be better" or "you'll be fine, give it time" in moments when a woman needs comfort and support. on the real, it is absolutely OK to feel like it ain't gonna be OK. once things change, it's never the same, ain't gonna be.

tbh, every time i think pb&j, i think of youmy heart is with you ... . i know the struggle and the struggle is real.

from here on out, it is a one day at a time thing. between your work life and home life, you do SO MUCH for other people, we spread ourselves thin without realizing it sometimes. START DOING things just for YOU even if it's a pedicure and you keep that massage chair on 5 minutes longer, or stop at wendy's for that frosty; i tell them to twist that shit because, yes, i want BOTH

bottom line: your feelings are valid. and you don't have to wear the 'cape' every day. the moon still shines even on the darkest night.


topherific 58M
5070 posts
7/25/2021 3:38 pm

i have faith in you


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/25/2021 6:15 am

    Quoting jajo696:
    " I ,as your mom, will never say you cant come home. However, you have to look inside yourself and answer to yourself IF coming home is really what you want to do long term. Answer for yourself, isnt this what you always wanted and planned for, what is the alternative, try and answer your what if's. Each day that passes, you are closer to your goal. I will support you in any way and however you need. coming home may be a temporary solution"
I've only touched on the subject once. I encouraged him to keep moving forward.... I said that as much as I would love to just tell him to come home, he'd been working way too hard to achieve this goal to give up now. I reminded him of what he told me after his first poolee workout. He said "Don't worry Ma, your boy's got this!"


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/25/2021 6:04 am

    Quoting reallyready46:
    I get it, been there and done that. Seems like life can just pile it on. I am still going through my parents stuff after like 4 years. I do what I can and when things get tough or other things come along with the car or house, I put it aside until things slow down some.
    As strange as this sounds when my mom died, a year later I had her closest friends for a lunch. Her picture sat at the head of the table with a glass of her favorite Wine. It was healing to hear stories about her. It made me realize that in the end, we all fail, laugh, do crazy things and try to get by the best we can. She is my mother, but in a weird way I see her as human.

    I hope for the best for you. I hope you can heal and get back to health.
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.


reallyready46 61M
1311 posts
7/24/2021 11:51 pm

I get it, been there and done that. Seems like life can just pile it on. I am still going through my parents stuff after like 4 years. I do what I can and when things get tough or other things come along with the car or house, I put it aside until things slow down some.
As strange as this sounds when my mom died, a year later I had her closest friends for a lunch. Her picture sat at the head of the table with a glass of her favorite Wine. It was healing to hear stories about her. It made me realize that in the end, we all fail, laugh, do crazy things and try to get by the best we can. She is my mother, but in a weird way I see her as human.

I hope for the best for you. I hope you can heal and get back to health.


jajo696 66F
3901 posts
7/24/2021 10:50 pm

    Quoting secret_lade:
    The hardest part of all this.... Is that he wants to come home. He is homesick and writes how much he wants to come home. Every fiber of my being wants to tell him to just come home, but I can't. As much as I want him to come home, I want him to succeed.
" I ,as your mom, will never say you cant come home. However, you have to look inside yourself and answer to yourself IF coming home is really what you want to do long term. Answer for yourself, isnt this what you always wanted and planned for, what is the alternative, try and answer your what if's. Each day that passes, you are closer to your goal. I will support you in any way and however you need. coming home may be a temporary solution"


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 9:32 pm

    Quoting lickeyzsplit:
    Hi there you still on ? It will be ok ! I know exactly how you feel ! Last year I lost both my Mom in march and 2 months later my wife of 29 years ! The feeling of it all being over because your kids have moved on with their lives just makes things worse I know but we have to have faith that some thing good will happen for us soon ! That is what keeps me going I have recently welcomed a grandchild to our family and there is another on the way to welcome into this strange world, so with my losses of loved ones perhaps these grandkids will bring happiness to balance the world ...I know these words don't mean much,,, but Life will get better !! Hope all goes well and your world gets friendlier to you ! Take care xoxo
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and your wife.... Those are very tough losses. I don't anticipate any grandchildren in my near future, but I will keep hanging in there. Thank you for your kind words, they are much appreciated.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 9:26 pm

    Quoting big54al:
    Everything will be OK
I hope so.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 9:25 pm

    Quoting lust4life59:
    As someone who's been in a similar position, I can honestly say, it wont be the same, but it will eventually be OK again.
I am anxiously awaiting the 'ok again'.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 9:22 pm

    Quoting nicebuttocks1950:
    Good morning to you! I hope today goes better for you. Don't dwell in the past. Take each day as the come, and try to make the best of them. I am sure this is advice you have heard plenty of times. You need a friend to talk to!!!! You can talk to me, but we are too far seperated for anything else but talking. Ralph
thank you Ralph, for the offer to chat. It is very much appreciated by me.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 9:21 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I recently watched Joaquin Phoenix "swinging away" in "Signs". It will be OK, things always even up in the endless ebb and flow.
I watched that this morning too. I was having a real Joaquin Phoenix moment this morning, I think.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 9:19 pm

    Quoting jajo696:
    Being completely honest...you have had your world rocked of late. Of course it will take time, and it wont be ok. You will learn to incorporate these changes into your daily living, but life as you knew it ....will never be the same.

    ......from someone who has definitely been there and is still trying to incorporate~
The hardest part of all this.... Is that he wants to come home. He is homesick and writes how much he wants to come home. Every fiber of my being wants to tell him to just come home, but I can't. As much as I want him to come home, I want him to succeed.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 9:05 pm

    Quoting hogknot:
    "I'm ok"... deadly words some times. When life keeps handing you shit, it's your choice on what to do with it. 1 800 662-HELP might be a good place to start
I'm not suicidal, even when I'm down and out I have too much to live for. Thank you, though.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 9:03 pm

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    You've been through a lot of shit lately. Unfortunately, there's not an easy or instant cure. Things may never be the same since life is always changing, but you'll eventually find a new "OK". Just remember you have family and friends that love you.
I have been through a lot of shit.... Why is it that it always happens all at once? Why can't that shit storm be sprinkled throughout the course of a year? It's like the universe says.... 'Ok boys, she's down! It's been 2 weeks since her son left for boot camp, why don't we just throw a death in the mix to liven things up a hair!'


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 8:57 pm

    Quoting citizen4722:
    It'll never be as OK as it used to be after having the virus ripping through our world.
    It's OK to feel alone. Just free your mind and your ass will follow
I've been really trying.... And sometimes I think it'll be ok, for a brief moment, And then it's not.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 8:50 pm

    Quoting bustinout20202:
    "You know that feeling you get when you are keenly aware that everything is changed, that nothing will ever be the same again? I feel that with my life right now and I'm having such a very hard time with it."

    ABSOLUTELY, I know that feeling! Just know that you have friends out here pulling for you!
    And Breathe, my friend!
    Sending you hugs!
Thank you... That is so appreciated by me. I've been internalizing way to much the last few days. I know better than to do that.


secret_lade 47F
8018 posts
7/24/2021 8:45 pm

    Quoting boobwhisperer69:
    Change is hard sometimes! But will get better with time! Wouldn't a good tight sincere hug be awesome right now? If I were nearby I'd give you one!
These changes have been really, really hard... I'm not really a hug person, but, at the moment, I would openly welcome one.


boobwhisperer69 58M  
7479 posts
7/24/2021 7:14 pm

Change is hard sometimes! But will get better with time! Wouldn't a good tight sincere hug be awesome right now? If I were nearby I'd give you one!


bustinout20202 64F  
722 posts
7/24/2021 5:31 pm

"You know that feeling you get when you are keenly aware that everything is changed, that nothing will ever be the same again? I feel that with my life right now and I'm having such a very hard time with it."

ABSOLUTELY, I know that feeling! Just know that you have friends out here pulling for you!
And Breathe, my friend!
Sending you hugs!

~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~


citizen4722 63M  
72684 posts
7/24/2021 2:00 pm

It'll never be as OK as it used to be after having the virus ripping through our world.
It's OK to feel alone. Just free your mind and your ass will follow


upsidedownsky 41M  
600 posts
7/24/2021 11:40 am

BIG HUGS SL...

*. *. *


pagancountrygirl 63F
5978 posts
7/24/2021 10:16 am

You've been through a lot of shit lately. Unfortunately, there's not an easy or instant cure. Things may never be the same since life is always changing, but you'll eventually find a new "OK". Just remember you have family and friends that love you.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


hogknot 55M  
963 posts
7/24/2021 5:16 am

"I'm ok"... deadly words some times. When life keeps handing you shit, it's your choice on what to do with it. 1 800 662-HELP might be a good place to start


jajo696 66F
3901 posts
7/24/2021 4:32 am

Being completely honest...you have had your world rocked of late. Of course it will take time, and it wont be ok. You will learn to incorporate these changes into your daily living, but life as you knew it ....will never be the same.

......from someone who has definitely been there and is still trying to incorporate~


mc_justmc 61M  
6749 posts
7/24/2021 4:26 am

I recently watched Joaquin Phoenix "swinging away" in "Signs". It will be OK, things always even up in the endless ebb and flow.


nicebuttocks1950 71M  
275 posts
7/24/2021 3:34 am

Good morning to you! I hope today goes better for you. Don't dwell in the past. Take each day as the come, and try to make the best of them. I am sure this is advice you have heard plenty of times. You need a friend to talk to!!!! You can talk to me, but we are too far seperated for anything else but talking. Ralph


lust4life59 62F
2244 posts
7/24/2021 3:33 am

As someone who's been in a similar position, I can honestly say, it wont be the same, but it will eventually be OK again.


big54al 67M
2231 posts
7/24/2021 2:04 am

Everything will be OK


lickeyzsplit 58M  
1300 posts
7/23/2021 11:16 pm

Hi there you still on ? It will be ok ! I know exactly how you feel ! Last year I lost both my Mom in march and 2 months later my wife of 29 years ! The feeling of it all being over because your kids have moved on with their lives just makes things worse I know but we have to have faith that some thing good will happen for us soon ! That is what keeps me going I have recently welcomed a grandchild to our family and there is another on the way to welcome into this strange world, so with my losses of loved ones perhaps these grandkids will bring happiness to balance the world ...I know these words don't mean much,,, but Life will get better !! Hope all goes well and your world gets friendlier to you ! Take care xoxo


Become a member to create a blog