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Confessions of the single girl....  

secret_lade 47F
11483 posts
5/8/2021 7:00 am
Confessions of the single girl....


"You're so lucky to be single. You can come and go whenever you please."

"It must be nice to buy anything you want without having to explain it to a husband."

"I don't know how you do it. I need my husband for everything."

"You're the strongest woman I know. I envy that!"

I broke one of my rules on Thursday and went to happy hour with a few lady coworkers after work.

Everything was fine and I was enjoying myself until....

One of my coworkers saw the guy next to me grin at me.

I didn't even see it.

We were sitting at the bar and my back was facing the guy next to me, my arm
stretched out to my side across the bar. He had accidentally grabbed my hand and I had pulled away instinctively.

"I saw that man grin at you!"

"Don't look now, I think he likes you!"

When you are the only single woman within a group of married women, this is the most embarrassing topic of conversation.

It's only a matter of time before it gets brought up.... It will always be brought up. Before you know it, everyone is marveling at how you could possibly 'still be single after all this time' and they are each wishing they knew someone single to fix you up with.

You are wishing you had a slingshot so you could shoot them between the eyes.

Thankfully the appetizers finally came and I ordered another beer, the topic of conversation shifting to how amazing the food was.

"Ah, shit. My husband's here."

I looked up and smiled, but I knew what was coming next.

"It must be nice to not have anyone to answer to."

I hate when married women do this, feel pity for you because they have someone who they are going home to and you do not. That infantilizing look in their eye when they pat your hand and tell you things like...

"Your day will come."

What if my day came and passed?

What if it never comes?

This comment is always followed by the married woman who is disgruntled in her marriage.

"Don't EVER get married again, honey! Don't give up that freedom! If something ever happened between my husband and I, I'd never get married again!!"

Yah, this coming from the woman on her third marriage.

Round Two of uncomfortable topics of conversation.

I sit and smile while I listen to the remaining two as they complain about their spouses and sex lives and inability to to get along with them and the stupid stuff the spouses do....

And I wind up feeling a little envious.

Here these women have someone to come home to, someone there waiting for them, and all they do is complain.

"He bought red wine instead of white!"

"He didn't rinse the dishes off before he put them in the dish washer!"

"He bought me the wrong lotion! I wanted the rose scented one!"

What I hear is, a couple of spoiled women who will never be happy with anything..... But I only smile and nod my head.

If they only knew what I really though.....

The reason I'm still single is because all the decent guys are attached to women like you.

So, there you have it.

The confession of a single girl..... One of them, anyway.

Happy Saturday.

secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/11/2021 3:27 pm

    Quoting CL_Love:
    Always enjoy your perspective. Thanks for sharing.
I'm glad you enjoyed! Thank you!


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/11/2021 3:27 pm

    Quoting hotdreamer1000:
    This is such a well observed post Jade. It doesn't just happen with being single - if you are the only one who is happily attached in a group of singles, sometimes they do the same in reverse! I think people are prone to wanting their friends to make the same life choices as they do - that way the can feel validated, and they don't have to question themselves. Right now, all your married friends are sub-consciously questioning whether they would be better off single like you are, and this comes to the front of their minds in the form of complaints, inappropriate questions and the desire for you to conform to their way of life.

    But it sounds like you are your own person and not easily swayed. I hope you find ways to tell them to stop trying to run your life without having to fall out with them, lol!
My birthday is next Tuesday and we all plan on getting together again Monday night. I guess I'll see what happens! I'm pretty sure I won't be doing an conforming, though. LOL


CL_Love 48M/47F
140 posts
5/11/2021 7:54 am

Always enjoy your perspective. Thanks for sharing.


hotdreamer1000 61M
11960 posts
5/11/2021 3:39 am

This is such a well observed post Jade. It doesn't just happen with being single - if you are the only one who is happily attached in a group of singles, sometimes they do the same in reverse! I think people are prone to wanting their friends to make the same life choices as they do - that way the can feel validated, and they don't have to question themselves. Right now, all your married friends are sub-consciously questioning whether they would be better off single like you are, and this comes to the front of their minds in the form of complaints, inappropriate questions and the desire for you to conform to their way of life.

But it sounds like you are your own person and not easily swayed. I hope you find ways to tell them to stop trying to run your life without having to fall out with them, lol!


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/9/2021 3:53 pm

    Quoting bustinout20202:
    This is a thought provoking post and a great read! Your confession so succinctly put, sums up what I used to feel in my single days; and sometimes I confess, my married days. I have envied my single friends at times for their freedom and they have shared that they think I am lucky to have someone to come home to. For me, it would be the conversations by married women of how great or strong their marriage is, almost in a braggatory fashion, while I was struggling with family or relational issues of my own. I think it all goes back to the old adage, “The grass is always greener on the other side”.
The grass isn't always greener, but sometimes you are happier on the other side. Do I prefer being single over being married to my ex husband? You betcha!! I choose single and lonely any day. He bought a new truck on Friday. Went to go show it off at a friend's house Friday night, got drunk and hit a tree on the way home.

Yep, single and lonely it is.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/9/2021 3:44 pm

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    I just go with the flow, I don't have the energy to chase anyone these days. If something happens, great. If not, I got my little dog. She loves me unconditionally.
You should post a pic of your little dog, I'm curious to see what she looks like. You talk about her often, I picture a cute little puff ball.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/9/2021 3:40 pm

    Quoting sweet0necter:
    I'm split on married and unmarried... or widowed friends.. I have endured all those same senerios I even had a very frank discussion with a friend of mine who kept complaining about her husband. Not that she didn't have some valid points. But they are very codependent. And he is in general a top shelf guy.
It's a shame people don't see what they have before them and appreciate it while they can.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/9/2021 3:33 pm

    Quoting positively4you:
    I can so relate. One of my fave sayings I read is, “I would love a man in my life, just not in my house. “. Thats me. I cant do the wifey housekeeper crap anymore.
    Sex I can get. Sincere hugs, not so much.
    But I do enjoy the control I have over my day to day life. A good marriage is wonderful. A bad one, I prefer single.
I don't want to do the wifey thing either... I cleaned up after my ex husband and 3 kids for 17 years, that's enough. I really just want that partner in crime to go out and experience life with. Go places, see things...


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/9/2021 3:30 pm

    Quoting citizen4722:
    I doubt I'll ever get married but I would definitely liked to have given it a try.
There's still time!


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/9/2021 3:30 pm

    Quoting upsidedownsky:
    I think Pagan makes an excellent point about two sides to every argument. Indeed, two sides is indicative of the binary nature of our existence. We can only have one of two things, and we will always have an awareness of the counterpart to the thing that we have... We will always have awareness of what we do not have... And that knowledge it tormenting.

    But here we are... Discussing it... Recognizing it... Casting attention upon it.

    It is very interesting... You are someone I would love to sit with and discuss this sort of thing. (In a strictly platonic manner).

    I've come to terms with being the outsider... but it kind of makes me sad for you to be the outsider. (I don't care if they laugh at me and throw spoiled fruit at me... This was once a recurring dream of mine)
I'm a complex creature... My thoughts and opinions on things aren't usually all that widely accepted.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/9/2021 3:18 pm

    Quoting boobwhisperer69:
    Love your post and I agree that maybe my time has has come and gone! Married now and not very happy! I dont wish to be married or to be single! Just want a Lady that is right for me, for all the right reasons!! Both cases has there ups and downs!! Both situations are usually never happy!!
I've been both married and single..... And just attached for a while. Out of all 3, I preferred attached. I didn't live with him, so the time we spent together meant something and I made the most out of it each time we saw each other. There is a different level of appreciation for time when you know it is limited.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/9/2021 3:13 pm

    Quoting BiggLala:
    I 100% get this. I too hate being THE only single person in the circle of women friends. I also think all the thoughts you mentioned, and probably a few more.

    What I hear is, a couple of spoiled women who will never be happy with anything...
    -Exactly! A former friend, who was in the midst of a two-year affair at the time, often lamented how she no longer wanted to be married to her husband. She wanted to get a divorce and find someone she was more attracted to (hubby is a "great friend", but she doesn't want him anymore). She was afraid because she thought men her age today wouldn't find her attractive (men looked at her ALL the time). She'd tell me how she envied me that I knew how to do things, and marveled at my independence.

    I told her I HAD to know how to do things. Unlike YOU, I don't have a husband who has a hobby of refurbishing old furniture to decorate my 2,000 sq. ft. house, I don't have a hubby to fix my car, who does ALL the yard work, fix my plumbing, or provide equal (or more) income so that my paycheck is largely disposable so I can go shopping every Saturday. She especially recognized that last part, that their combined income afforded her the life to which she was accustomed (that allowed them to move into an ever bigger house). Yeah...color me saaaaaal-teeeee at her every time she marveled at me being single and showed any lack of appreciation for him/their marriage.

    (uhhhh....my bad for the long comment )
I have a friend like this too.... Except her husband is a financial advisor with a lot of connections to things.

"And then he brought home this Enclave that didn't even have leather seats. Who does that?? I deserve leather seats!"

She doesn't work.... But gets a new car every year. If it's not good enough, she bitches about it for an entire year. She complains about hating sex, about how much he works, her gifts are usually not as expensive as she wanted, and constantly accuses him of having an affair.

I'm pretty sure he is having an affair.


bustinout20202 64F  
395 posts
5/9/2021 9:41 am

This is a thought provoking post and a great read! Your confession so succinctly put, sums up what I used to feel in my single days; and sometimes I confess, my married days. I have envied my single friends at times for their freedom and they have shared that they think I am lucky to have someone to come home to. For me, it would be the conversations by married women of how great or strong their marriage is, almost in a braggatory fashion, while I was struggling with family or relational issues of my own. I think it all goes back to the old adage, “The grass is always greener on the other side”.


mc_justmc 61M  
6611 posts
5/9/2021 4:42 am

I just go with the flow, I don't have the energy to chase anyone these days. If something happens, great. If not, I got my little dog. She loves me unconditionally.


sweet0necter 47F  
2017 posts
5/8/2021 4:13 pm

I'm split on married and unmarried... or widowed friends.. I have endured all those same senerios I even had a very frank discussion with a friend of mine who kept complaining about her husband. Not that she didn't have some valid points. But they are very codependent. And he is in general a top shelf guy.


positively4you 71F  
4300 posts
5/8/2021 3:36 pm

I can so relate. One of my fave sayings I read is, “I would love a man in my life, just not in my house. “. Thats me. I cant do the wifey housekeeper crap anymore.
Sex I can get. Sincere hugs, not so much.
But I do enjoy the control I have over my day to day life. A good marriage is wonderful. A bad one, I prefer single.


citizen4722 63M  
71574 posts
5/8/2021 1:34 pm

I doubt I'll ever get married but I would definitely liked to have given it a try.


upsidedownsky 41M  
491 posts
5/8/2021 10:46 am

I think Pagan makes an excellent point about two sides to every argument. Indeed, two sides is indicative of the binary nature of our existence. We can only have one of two things, and we will always have an awareness of the counterpart to the thing that we have... We will always have awareness of what we do not have... And that knowledge it tormenting.

But here we are... Discussing it... Recognizing it... Casting attention upon it.

It is very interesting... You are someone I would love to sit with and discuss this sort of thing. (In a strictly platonic manner).

I've come to terms with being the outsider... but it kind of makes me sad for you to be the outsider. (I don't care if they laugh at me and throw spoiled fruit at me... This was once a recurring dream of mine)

*. *. *


boobwhisperer69 58M  
6990 posts
5/8/2021 10:45 am

Love your post and I agree that maybe my time has has come and gone! Married now and not very happy! I dont wish to be married or to be single! Just want a Lady that is right for me, for all the right reasons!! Both cases has there ups and downs!! Both situations are usually never happy!!


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 10:23 am

    Quoting BDaddys:
    I'm sure you'll find your prince, or he will find you x
Maybe.... But I'm not holding my breath.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 10:22 am

Thank you.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 10:21 am

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    It's amazing how if you're single, life is bliss, you're lucky you don't have to answer to anyone, your time is your own....blah, blah. But those same women are trying to set you up with someone to date and possibly marry. And a lot of those women who are married are wishing they were single. But then they'd miss their husbands because who would they call when they have a dead battery? The jar of pickles has the lid screwed on too tight and they can't open it. Oooo...the cat barfed....honey, could you clean that up? You know I can't handle that. Both sides of the argument for married/single life have their merits and their downsides.
You are 100% correct, both sides do have their merit. I'm fortunate as I've been on both sides of that argument, married and single.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 10:19 am

I don't expect everyone to feel the same way I do.... These are just my thoughts at this point in time.


BiggLala 49F  
29734 posts
5/8/2021 9:54 am

I 100% get this. I too hate being THE only single person in the circle of women friends. I also think all the thoughts you mentioned, and probably a few more.

What I hear is, a couple of spoiled women who will never be happy with anything...
-Exactly! A former friend, who was in the midst of a two-year affair at the time, often lamented how she no longer wanted to be married to her husband. She wanted to get a divorce and find someone she was more attracted to (hubby is a "great friend", but she doesn't want him anymore). She was afraid because she thought men her age today wouldn't find her attractive (men looked at her ALL the time). She'd tell me how she envied me that I knew how to do things, and marveled at my independence.

I told her I HAD to know how to do things. Unlike YOU, I don't have a husband who has a hobby of refurbishing old furniture to decorate my 2,000 sq. ft. house, I don't have a hubby to fix my car, who does ALL the yard work, fix my plumbing, or provide equal (or more) income so that my paycheck is largely disposable so I can go shopping every Saturday. She especially recognized that last part, that their combined income afforded her the life to which she was accustomed (that allowed them to move into an ever bigger house). Yeah...color me saaaaaal-teeeee at her every time she marveled at me being single and showed any lack of appreciation for him/their marriage.

(uhhhh....my bad for the long comment )

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flannel_light 58F  
3179 posts
5/8/2021 8:36 am

Interesting post

May the light bring peace into your life.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 8:35 am

    Quoting  :

You're welcome.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 8:34 am

    Quoting LikeVariety:
    Such a great write-up and perspective. Yes. It sounds like your friends are very spoiled. They are with men that actually listen and try. But it sounds like they and their husbands really need to understand and talk about things in their marriage. Words and thoughts like 'allowed' and 'have to' aren't supposed to be the first thought when describing spending time with friends and husbands respectively. Maybe they haven't done enough for each other and there's too much distrust in the marriage and relationship. There was a time when they 'wanted' to do things with their husbands first. Maybe they forgot how to date and be 😊 with each other. Just my $0.02.
A lot of what women say is pure talk.... The woman who's husband was picking her up? Sat in the parking lot for 45 minutes before he came in and joked around with us for another 10. They use their husbands as excuses to get out of stuff.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 8:30 am

    Quoting author51:
    I am happy most of my women friends are single also..lol.
ALL of my friends are married..... So I get these scenarios often. It really kind of sucks.


pagancountrygirl 63F
5776 posts
5/8/2021 8:29 am

It's amazing how if you're single, life is bliss, you're lucky you don't have to answer to anyone, your time is your own....blah, blah. But those same women are trying to set you up with someone to date and possibly marry. And a lot of those women who are married are wishing they were single. But then they'd miss their husbands because who would they call when they have a dead battery? The jar of pickles has the lid screwed on too tight and they can't open it. Oooo...the cat barfed....honey, could you clean that up? You know I can't handle that. Both sides of the argument for married/single life have their merits and their downsides.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 8:27 am

    Quoting KX450F2016:
    A lot of the "good guys" get overlooked for whatever the reason may be. As for me, I will probably be single for the rest of my life. I settled on my last relationship, never again! However anyone I do want, I get stuck in the friend zone or they aren't interested at all. So I am just enjoying things as best I can. At this point, not sure I'm even looking for a hookup or why I'm even here. LOL
I've been asking myself lately why I'm here. I do enjoy the blogs and writing, but the messages I receive from the men on here are, for the most part, terrible. My new favorite is the guy who keeps sending me pics of bondage equipment. Apparently no Thank you is not a clear enough message.


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 8:21 am

    Quoting Massass1963:
    This is a very intriguing blog ... like many of your blogs are!

    I find it fascinating that people, usually women, want to see their friends married when they themselves are less than thrilled at being in a marriage.
    It makes me wonder if "misery loves company" is taking place here!! LOL
    As a single man, I HIGHLY doubt I will ever re-marry. I DO love my freedom. Do I get lonely? Eh not really. I think it might be a bit different for women, though. You tell me! It is socially acceptable for a single man to go most places alone, including to bars and eating out. I never feel out of place, if that is what I have to do. I DO love the company of a nice woman, though. I have way more fun (not just sexual fun, either) with a female friend than a male friend.
I don't ever see myself getting married, but I do want a close bond/friendship with someone. There are times that I do feel lonely and it's probably because I do not spend a lot of time with other people outside of work. On my own time I'm pretty much a !oner. When I go places alone people tend to stare at me, especially if I eat out of go to the bar. The assumption for the solo female is that she's looking to hook up.


naughtyultimate1 59M  
1360 posts
5/8/2021 8:16 am

way too true, great post


BDaddys 55M  
333 posts
5/8/2021 8:12 am

I'm sure you'll find your prince, or he will find you x


LikeVariety 53M
1 post
5/8/2021 7:56 am

Such a great write-up and perspective. Yes. It sounds like your friends are very spoiled. They are with men that actually listen and try. But it sounds like they and their husbands really need to understand and talk about things in their marriage. Words and thoughts like 'allowed' and 'have to' aren't supposed to be the first thought when describing spending time with friends and husbands respectively. Maybe they haven't done enough for each other and there's too much distrust in the marriage and relationship. There was a time when they 'wanted' to do things with their husbands first. Maybe they forgot how to date and be 😊 with each other. Just my $0.02.


author51 58F  
115712 posts
5/8/2021 7:48 am

    Quoting author51:
    I am single myself and do miss not coming home to a man the odd time, but I enjoy my space and freedom also. If love finds me again at some point, than my door is open to it. To that one man who does it for me and I him.. Good post.
I am happy most of my women friends are single also..lol.

You can never have enought JOY in your life....xoxo

I KNOW YOU39 RE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE


author51 58F  
115712 posts
5/8/2021 7:47 am

I am single myself and do miss not coming home to a man the odd time, but I enjoy my space and freedom also. If love finds me again at some point, than my door is open to it. To that one man who does it for me and I him.. Good post.

You can never have enought JOY in your life....xoxo

I KNOW YOU39 RE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE


Massass1963 58M
1537 posts
5/8/2021 7:43 am

This is a very intriguing blog ... like many of your blogs are!

I find it fascinating that people, usually women, want to see their friends married when they themselves are less than thrilled at being in a marriage.
It makes me wonder if "misery loves company" is taking place here!! LOL
As a single man, I HIGHLY doubt I will ever re-marry. I DO love my freedom. Do I get lonely? Eh not really. I think it might be a bit different for women, though. You tell me! It is socially acceptable for a single man to go most places alone, including to bars and eating out. I never feel out of place, if that is what I have to do. I DO love the company of a nice woman, though. I have way more fun (not just sexual fun, either) with a female friend than a male friend.


KX450F2016 52M  
186 posts
5/8/2021 7:29 am

A lot of the "good guys" get overlooked for whatever the reason may be. As for me, I will probably be single for the rest of my life. I settled on my last relationship, never again! However anyone I do want, I get stuck in the friend zone or they aren't interested at all. So I am just enjoying things as best I can. At this point, not sure I'm even looking for a hookup or why I'm even here. LOL


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 7:23 am

    Quoting xDude456:
    Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed your entry reveals that being single is not all is bliss and we should enjoy our partners, if we find one
Yes you should.


xDude456 59M
16495 posts
5/8/2021 7:10 am

Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed your entry reveals that being single is not all is bliss and we should enjoy our partners, if we find one


secret_lade 47F
7231 posts
5/8/2021 7:00 am

"You're so lucky to be single. You can come and go whenever you please."

"It must be nice to buy anything you want without having to explain it to a husband."

"I don't know how you do it. I need my husband for everything."

"You're the strongest woman I know. I envy that!"

I broke one of my rules on Thursday and went to happy hour with a few lady coworkers after work.

Everything was fine and I was enjoying myself until....

One of my coworkers saw the guy next to me grin at me.

I didn't even see it.

We were sitting at the bar and my back was facing the guy next to me, my arm
stretched out to my side across the bar. He had accidentally grabbed my hand and I had pulled away instinctively.

"I saw that man grin at you!"

"Don't look now, I think he likes you!"

When you are the only single woman within a group of married women, this is the most embarrassing topic of conversation.

It's only a matter of time before it gets brought up.... It will always be brought up. Before you know it, everyone is marveling at how you could possibly 'still be single after all this time' and they are each wishing they knew someone single to fix you up with.

You are wishing you had a slingshot so you could shoot them between the eyes.

Thankfully the appetizers finally came and I ordered another beer, the topic of conversation shifting to how amazing the food was.

"Ah, shit. My husband's here."

I looked up and smiled, but I knew what was coming next.

"It must be nice to not have anyone to answer to."

I hate when married women do this, feel pity for you because they have someone who they are going home to and you do not. That infantilizing look in their eye when they pat your hand and tell you things like...

Your day will come.

What if my day came and passed?

What if it never comes?

This comment is always followed by the married woman who is disgruntled in her marriage.

"Don't EVER get married again, honey! Don't give up that freedom! If something ever happened between my husband and I, I'd never get married again!!"

Yah, this coming from the woman on her third marriage.

Round Two of uncomfortable topics of conversation.

I sit and smile while I listen to the remaining two as they complain about their spouses and sex lives and inability to to get along with them and the stupid stuff the spouses do....

And I wind up feeling a little envious.

Here these women have someone to come home to, someone there waiting for them, and all they do is complain.

"He bought red wine instead of white!"

"He didn't rinse the dishes off before he put them in the dish washer!"

"He bought me the wrong lotion! I wanted the rose scented one!"

What I hear is, a couple of spoiled women who will never be happy with anything..... But I only smile and nod my head.

If they only knew what I really though.....

The reason I'm still single is because all the decent guys are attached to women like you.

So, there you have it.

The confession of a single girl..... One of them, anyway.

Happy Saturday.


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