WHERE DID THE SEX GO????
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Posted:Nov 3, 2008 12:01 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2008 1:22 am
1508 Views
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WHERE DID THE SEX GO?
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
When she met him, there was so much passion. They couldn't seem to get enough of each other, but over the years they've gone from occasional lovers to rare lovers to...complete abstinence.
She's tried talking to him. He merely says, "Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship." Most people would assume he was cheating but she knows he's not. He just doesn't want to have sex with her anymore.
Passion fades. It's a part of life. When both parties are okay with that, they settle into something a little more comfortable. One or the other may regret not having more, but there are other things that consume them. Some choose to deal with it by having affairs. Some eventually leave.
But what if one person wants sex and the other doesn't? Traditionally, the woman is the one whose sex drive diminishes after marriage. Speaking from a woman's perspective, I believe this is because for women, sex is emotionally based. Once the romance starts to fade, the excitement over the newness wears off and sex becomes merely a physical act. Role playing and other creative sorts of things can help but in too many long-term relationships, people aren't willing to put in the work.
When a man loses interest in sex, people assume something must be wrong with him. His testosterone levels are off or he's having an affair. All men are assumed to believe sex is a high priority, so if he's not wanting sex it merely means he's not wanting it with her. Or maybe he's gay.
Isn't it possible, though, that in all human beings sex drive is just something that varies? Why is someone's sexuality questioned because he or she simply does not feel the same drive toward sex as the rest of us? Can't it be assumed that person simply does not really feel sex is all that important?
But you have two people -- one with a high sex drive and one without. They are literally going months without sex and this is unacceptable to the one with the higher sex drive. The partner who is resisting sex also resists therapy and refuses to admit anything is wrong. What can they do? Can this situation be fixed?
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A DIAMOND WILL MAKE HER LOVE YOU
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Posted:Nov 3, 2008 12:00 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2008 1:22 am
1471 Views
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A DIAMOND WILL MAKE HER LOVE YOU
Radio announcer: So, when was the moment you first fell in love with him?
Woman's voice (gushing): It was our anniversary and he bought me this jewelry box. He told me to look inside and when I did, there was this beautiful diamond necklace from your jewelry shop inside. I knew then that he'd bought my love.
As I was driving to work, listening to this crap, I realized some man somewhere will hear this and think, "All I have to do is fork over a few thousand dollars and she'll fall in love with me." Sure. Women are that easy.
It also occurred to me that somewhere out there is a man who wants to know how to make a woman fall in love with him. Because he's that crazy about that woman. Where do I get one of those men? A man who gets all nervous about the first date and is trying hard to impress me. He insists on driving to pick me up, he opens all the doors for me, he makes an effort to find out what I like to eat and doesn't groan and roll his eyes when I reveal I don't like sushi. THAT would put me well on the path to liking him which later leads to falling in love with him.
But I can assure you, falling in love has little to do with jewelry. In fact, as I was listening to this commercial, what had really made the woman fall in love in the story was that her man had gone to her mother and gotten a jewelry box she'd had as a . In that jewelry box was where he'd put the four thousand dollar necklace that the jewelry company was trying to sell. It was the gesture, not the money.
Most women joke about loving to shop, having the best in life, getting expensive things from the men we love. It really isn't all that true. What women dream of is being pampered by a man who adores us. We also dream of pampering that man in return. But when we dream of flowers being delivered to us at work, it has nothing to do with the money you spend...it has to do with the romantic gesture. The fact that you went down to the flower shop and made an effort. That's what makes it especially meaningful when you send us our favorite flowers rather than the standard red roses everyone else is sending.
And, yes, this works both ways. I know women who demand so much from the men they are seeing and give nothing in return. There's nothing wrong with holding out for a man who is willing to romance you but a relationship is a two-way street. You have to be equally as willing to put some effort in to make him happy.
Sure, we all dream of being like Madonna in Material Girl, showered with gifts from handsome men who adore us. But even in the video, it's the guy who pulls up in an old beat-up truck with a handful of flowers that wins her over...
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WE NEED TO TALK
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Posted:Aug 4, 2008 2:40 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2008 1:22 am
1470 Views
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Every woman has her limits.
Every relationship will have its time.
Every man will eventually hear a woman utter the four words he dreads. The four words that always precede trouble. Those four words?
"We need to talk."
Often it is that she needs clarification on the relationship. Where are they going? Is this progressing somewhere? She wants to make sure they're both on the same page.
Every relationship has a point where this conversation is reasonable. If a woman has been seeing someone for two years and he's made no mention of it progressing beyond sex and good times, it's likely a talk is WAY overdue if she's wanting something more. But that's the extreme.
Usually, in many relationships, "the talk" comes way, way too soon.
In an ideal relationship, a couple will have open communication. Anytime something is bothering her, she should feel free to go to him and talk to him about it. He should be open to discussing what is in his heart, whether it's something she wants to hear or not. That's an IDEAL relationship. Often it doesn't work that way.
Often "the talk" has the effect of making the man feel pushed into a corner. Whether she says it or not, he feels as though he's being forced to commit, right then and there, whether he's ready or not. Will he ask her to marry him? If so, when? How many will they have? Will they have a or a cat? Will they live in the country or the city? Where will they live when they retire? Will they buy an RV? Move into an active senior community? Stay in their house...?
All of this based on one simple question. Usually something as basic as, "Where do we stand?" or "Where do you see this going?"
When a woman asks this question, it is simply in an effort to open communication in a relationship. She is not demanding he commit now.
The problem is, she's asking him to tell her the future. She's pressing him to give her a timeline for when he'll be ready and if he's not ready now, how can he possibly know how he'll feel a month from now or three months from now?
It boils down to this. If the relationship is not progressing at a pace that seems quick enough to her, she's going to get restless. She'll want to know if things are ever going to change. If it progresses at a comfortable pace, chances are she'll never feel the need to say a word. Things will just flow. If it moves too quickly, then she'll be saying "We need to talk" for completely different reasons. Either way, the words "We need to talk" are usually not good news.
There has to be a better way.
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SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX
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Posted:Aug 4, 2008 2:38 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2008 1:22 am
2258 Views
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Her: I have to really get to know a guy before I can have sex with him. The worst thing would be to give into it, then find out down the line it isn't going to work out.
Him: I have to have sex pretty early on in a relationship. The worst thing would be to get four or five months in and be crazy about a girl, only to find she's bad in bed.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?
Over here, in aisle three, we have a perfect little property for your consideration. Her personality is like sunshine on a rainy day. She's a sex kitten in the bedroom and a lady outside of it. Once you've got her heart, she will do anything, and we do mean ANYTHING you ask.
Please tell me guys because I'm failing to understand. Do you REALLY have to have sex with a woman to know whether or not she's good in bed? And if she's willing to climb into bed on the fourth date, don't you wonder just how many other men have conquered her? And wouldn't you want her to have sex with you because she wanted to, not because you told her you needed to test drive her first?
I call bullshit on your line. I do. I don't have to test drive a man to know whether or not he can satisfy me in bed. It's there, in the way he treats me. In every other way he lavishes me with attention.
If he doesn't call very often or try to romance me, chances are he's not going to work all that hard once we do progress to the bedroom. Chances are I'm not going to want to go to the bedroom with someone who isn't even trying to win my mind as well as my...other body parts.
A man once told me easy women aren't as good in bed. I have no idea if this is true or not -- I've never been with a woman, easy or otherwise. (Sorry to shatter anyone's fantasy!) But if I were a man, I'd want the woman who was a sex kitten only for me. I would want the sweet, classy lady who turns into a wildcat as soon as the bedroom door is closed. And how would I know she's like that? Probably by her not giving in to my advances early on. Probably by the way she carries herself, her subtle flirtations, the sensuality of her kisses...
To me, the test drive is in the conversation. It is in how he seems to be feeling about me. If I don't feel he's crazy about me, that I'm on his mind throughout the day, sex isn't going to happen. Ever. Of course, we all know a man is going to push to see how far he can go, but a real man honors her wishes.
If he's looking only for sex, he'll give up and go find someone easier. If he's looking for more, he'll actually appreciate the respect she has for her own body and give her the time she needs to become comfortable with him.
What makes a woman good in bed? Her feelings for you. And if they aren't there, what do you get? A woman who is engaging in a purely physical act without putting her heart and soul into it. Which means your "test drive" is about as useless as the line of crap you're spewing it with.
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TO MY LONG LOST LOVE AND WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
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Posted:Jul 6, 2008 3:05 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2008 1:23 am
1610 Views
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It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship- and find out you still care for that person.
A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
When the door of happiness closes, another opens but oftentimes we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear them from, but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from his heart.
Never say goodbye if you still want to try - never give up if you still feel you can go on - never say you don't love a person anymore if you can't let go.
Love comes to those who still hope although they've been disappointed- to those who still believe although they've been betrayed, need to love those who still love although they've been hurt before.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Hope you find the one that makes you smile.
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Hope you dream of that special someone.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gifts.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person, too.
A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.
The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves, and not twist them with our own image - otherwise, we love only the inflection of ourselves we find in them.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches
ALL OF THESE THINGS I SHARED WITH YOU OVER THE LAST THREE YEARS, PLEASE REMEMBER!
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THE KIND OF BOY ANY GIRL WANTS
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Posted:Jul 5, 2008 9:00 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2008 1:23 am
1684 Views
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I don't care if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend right now.... I don't care if you are a guy or a woman.....just read this, it will make a difference.....
When she stares at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]
?
When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you
[ Grab her and don't let go ]
When she starts cursing at you tryin to act all tuff
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]
When she ignores you
[ Give her your attention
When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]
When you guys are just standing there
[hold her hand]
When you see her start crying
[Just hold her ]
When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind]
When she's scared
[ Protect her ]
When she talks to her other friends and you're still there
[ Grab her waist and remind her you are still there DONT walk away ]
When she steals your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesn't answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]
When she says that she likes you
[SHE REALLY DOES MORE THAN YOU COULD UNDERSTAND!!!]
When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]
When she bumps into you;
[ bump into her back ,but not too hard, and make her laugh ]
When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]
When she says it's over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she reposts this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- call her every day just to tell her that u love her!
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Whose ass am I kicking baby?"...super cute...
-AND DON'T EVER CHEAT ON HER!
LOVE YOU, D
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SLEEPING TOGETHER
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Posted:Jun 25, 2008 1:04 am
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2008 11:08 pm
1685 Views
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I was married for ten years...about half of my adult life. After my divorce, it didn't take me long to adjust to sleeping alone. Why? Because he rarely went to bed with me without being high while I did all of the sexual performance, which I enjoyed by the way, However, really, I've been falling asleep alone for most of my life.
One of the hardest things about being in a relationship is getting used to sleeping in the same bed as someone again. It always starts out with those first, occasional nights...then works up to a regular thing. At first you're all romantic and snuggly.
But then you realize he snores like an old man or he discovers your body heat is so high, he's breaking a sweat...so you separate. Snoring is alright as long as you kiss me everytime I wake you up from your snoring!! Him on his side of the bed, you on yours. Your backs to each other. You may as well have twin beds, you're so far apart.
This is all well and good, unless you've been in one of THOSE marriages. You know the kind, where everything starts out passionate and romantic and eventually deteriorates to...well, both of you sleeping on opposite sides of the bed.
You wonder if soon you'll start coming up with excuses to get out of sex. Which is absolutely not me but I am sure it is some of you!!
Then you'll become one of THOSE couples. You see them all around. They have sex on special occasions, missionary-style, probably without bothering to remove his flannel PJ top and her face masque. They barely even speak anymore, unless it's about something in the house needing to be fixed.
Ack. You're an old boring married couple before you've even gotten past the first few months.
Then there's the "morning after." You get up and shower, put your makeup on, get dressed. How does this NOT feel married? Am I the only one who finds all this extremely...awkward?
But you have no choice. You have to break through that barrier. The only way you'll become comfortable peeing when you know he's on the other side of that door is if you do it a few hundred times. The only way you'll grow as a couple is if he sees all the silly little quirks that make you...YOU.
It's never like this in the movies. They wake up, all smiley and pretty, and we cut to the next scene. Even in romance novels, they are up and out of the house before the romance of the night before can wear off.
Life isn't a romance novel. Unfortunately.
Love is messy and awkward. It's about growing together as a couple, which involves baby steps. It's about learning his morning routine and him learning yours. It's about him (gasp!) seeing you without makeup, with crusties in your eyes and your hair all messy from the wild sex you had the night before.
But what I want to know is -- does anyone REALLY enjoy snuggling? Can anyone sleep that way for eight hours or more? Or is snuggling just something that looks good in the movies?
Time to find out......... - Love, D
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