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Contemplations on Lifestyle and Other Things: ♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫
43 year old Woman in Etobicoke, Ontario, Canada
Looking For: Men, Women for 1-on-1 sex
I'm a writer, working in several creative fields, like marketing, so if you want to reach me, you absolutely have to find my mind first!
Mainly self-educated, have been single for a year now, kids are grown up and moved out. My life may not be exactly where I want it, yet, but it will be. I'm confronting the Dragon inside me, and using this wild, wonderful journey as the means to do so. But, that doesn't mean I'm into 'Dip, Zip'N Go,' or otherwise meaningless sex...I only experience that type of freedom with those I know and like/love, and I'm not hurting for friends in any way!
I prefer single men, but make no judgements on those that aren't. I'm one of those women who actually get out there and meet people, and while not all end up in my waterbed, I'm at least open to the possibility of finding the 'spark' that is so necessary for me.
Brain to brain, I'm just not into your dick,
How can I make it plainer than that?
Long distance apart?
Only if you travel near...
Find that spark, make me 'perk'
Prove to me you're not a jerk...
Not into literotica, or long email correspondences, and I'm truly only searching for fun, no-drama, loving, responsible relationships in my life.
And, if we meet, and I am not attracted to you, I may tell you, or I may not, as I hurt no one intentionally, but if I keep in contact, it's because I do like you! Don't take it personally...in a bar, if we met, and you were obnoxious, I sure as heck wouldn't call you the next morning, never mind nudge you awake! LOL
Oh, and I have a license, but no car, so please keep that in mind when contacting me.
My Ideal Person:
Smarts, gotta be passionate about something in your life, vibrant, full of humour, not too hard on the eyes. Creative, successful, rich can't hurt...LOL but I'm not a judgemental person...everyone has to rebuild at some point in their life, and I'm the Queen of Rebuilding! Someone who isn't looking for anonymous sex, and who will keep in contact, someone without guile,or deceit, and please, no uncouth boors!
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Singer on Cam, and not afraid to belt it.... :)
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Posted:Aug 17, 2008 4:58 pm
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2008 10:00 pm
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And, by belt, I don't mean those leather ties so in vogue here, what with all the sexy BDSM people 
I've been singing on cam, and since that is what I do in my real life, it's very easy, although I haven't made a living at it, by a long shot! But it's fun, and I think it builds my esteem more and more each day, and I don't give a damn who knows I'm doing it...I have never hidden anything about myself - my real name IS in my nickname, and I am very open and candid about my search for one man ...and it makes me feel GREAT! I have strangers commenting positively, and one nice man that I do not even know left a testimonial about my voice...wow! This blows me away! I mean, I've sung for crowds before, with bands, in bars, you name it, and while I find that it heals all my cracks, well, except for one, and a very important one at that  when I do it in public, in here, I'm not just a fabulous set of boobies and 'ass' and 'show your toes' requests...I'm a passionate woman, in ALL ways, and I hope I inspire people that view me to find their own passions, and have fun! Take the focus off of your genitals, as that just leads to navel-gazing, particularly if you are very well hung  and do what makes you happy. You're not on this sphere for long enough to waste time on unhappiness, and I know, as I gave up 28 years of my life with the wrong person before I could make a break for it, which is literally what I ended up having to do at the end...not even letting him know where I had gone, but it proved to be the ONLY way to seek safety.
Speaking of finding happiness with the RIGHT person, in my heart I know I have found him. He has the same name as my Ex did, and that was a huge hurdle on MY end of things for him, which was MY issue to confront, but no matter the size of the walls in our way, he just keeps coming. He's really lovely, sweet beyond compare, truthful, and passionate, and he loves me without a doubt.
Finding myself, and thereby, him...it all meshes together. I wouldn't have given him a second thought 2 years ago, as I wasn't ready, but I have an aching pit in the centre of my soul that only being with one man for as long as we have left together will fill. And if you think that 2 years of being on my own is long, well, he's been alone for 7 years! We are the same age, too, and his passion for music is the twist-tie that drew us together, as while all the other dates I've had in the past 2 years gave the nod to that interest, it was just that, and they really wanted something else from me, and you know what THAT was, right?... 
My band is going fabulous, having drummer 'timing' issues (I said, CLOCK, not COCK...!) ?* but it is so much FRIGGIN' FUN, and I'd really miss it if I wasn't able to do it anymore. We've done one gig so far, and more to come - Demo CD is being made in a few weeks, which is a necessity if you want to get out into the bars.
I don't have to come second anymore, and I was so accustomed to being in that place that I didn't even know I could come first to anyone, and now I do.
Love you, *S* and yeah, you ARE one lucky bastard, and I'll never let ya forget it!...  and it's about time for you, because you are long overdue in my opinion. 50 years is a long time to wait for someone, hon, but I'm glad you did, and I'm really glad it's ME!
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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I've got a gig this weekend!
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Posted:Jul 9, 2008 8:00 pm
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2008 8:56 pm
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Haven't been around much, cannot believe my last post was last December!!!
Welcome to the minefield of 'me', so be careful where you step 
I've gone from not singing at that wedding, to looking for my own band, finding one, practising and rehearsing once a week, and now I have a gig, and it's in just a few days. The hardest part is not the performing, or the singing, but memorizing the words to so many songs has got me all bent outta shape! It used to be soooo easy for me!
This weekend's show is a fundraiser, for Breast Cancer, so it's fairly no stress, and hell with it, I may just bring the words with me...problem is, I'm now half blind, and cannot see them well anymore! GRRRRR So it's back to the memorizing, right?
I am single again, having decided that the young love was not finding enough time for 'us,' or rather, 'me', and that got really old fast - a woman can only take so much loneliness, you know? I'd rather be alone and NOT waiting for a call, than alone and HOPING, or THINKING that I would see him, as per promises...but no slams to him, we are still friends, we just don't have the romantic passion anymore that we used to, and that has been MY choice, not his, and yes, he was devastated 
I thought dating would now be easier, but it hasn't gotten that way - I still feel invisible outside of A F F and the cam room, where I can still get affirmation of my gorgeous good looks so I still do that when I need a boost.
Why is it so hard to find someone close by, who is looking for a LTR, with an outgoing, sexy, passionate woman such as myself?
Men that I have met only seem to want a 'piece', as they think that will be enough to satisfy them, and perhaps it is, for THEM, but I find that it's more like Chinese Food to me, and makes me hungry again a short time later, so now I'm just trying to suppress my sex drive, curbing my impulses, so that I don't get hurt. It's just easier that way. I cannot just keep jumping into sex with someone in the hopes that it will lead to something more...it has only done that once in my life, and I was 16 at the time, and he was looking for a victim.
How does one staunch their sexuality? Their need for another human being in their life on a daily basis? And not just for sex, or relief of that need, but more so for the 'check in': the 'hi, honey, how was your day?' and the 'let me tell you what happened to ME today...' I go home from work, and other than a phone call or two, it's zip, nada, zero, no communication other than the pc. And after being stuck on the phone all day at work, I dread the ringing at times, if that is understandable! I call it 'SKIN HUNGER'....the need for touch, with someone who values you, and cares about you, as you do for them.
I think I'm going to dry up, and get brittle hair and crinkly skin...I swear I've seen DUST BUNNIES down there 
Just had to vent, it's time for sleep, and I'm not sure this helped, but at least you know where I am coming from!
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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So where the H-E DBL Hockey Stix have I been?
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Posted:Dec 25, 2007 8:13 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2008 7:35 pm
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Not sure if I can use the word 'Hell' in a title here, so I chose the old-fashioned term as a safe bet..LOL
Haven't been around A F F much, that's for sure, my sweetie is keepin' me busy, and it seems like a strange idea to keep visiting the site, even if we DID meet here...I guess I am a 'one young man' woman...And I didn't even believe that about myself. Even though I've studied both relationships in depth, and tried to learn what it is I got out of both of them, I think that the only times I've ever been tempted to act upon my desires is when my heart is broken, sort of a, "I'll do this before you even get the chance to..." but that doesn't seem to be occurring anymore, and I don't understand it.
Is this trust, perhaps? I've never really trusted a man before, and I've even stopped searching for those tell-tale signs that we women look for that would prove me wrong. Well, that's not quite right, for I have trusted one man - my father, and he's never really led me wrong, when I chose to listen to him! But I sure as hell didn't trust my Ex, and I brought that baggage into this current relationship, but now it's just faded away, into the sunset...
We separate, sometimes for days at a time, and I don't have those little niggling doubts inside me, whispering, "is he lying..?" We come back together again, after an absence, and take a couple of hours to warm each other up mentally again, and then we start playing with each other, using our tired old jokes on each other and STILL laughing at them, even though we've heard them many times before. And as soon as we start kissing, well, game on...The heat is smokin'!!! Isn't passion supposed to die an early death when it comes on this strong? *counting my blessings, here!
My music is going fabulous - playing guitar as much as I can, but I've returned full-strength to my first love, i.e. singing. Doing the Blues Club, but I'm adding an element of R&B, and even Soul, to it, and it feels GREAT! Otis, Wilson Pickett, Aretha, Sam Cooke, I'm hearing these songs for the first time, and they're wonderful! I stayed away from the Club for a long time, after the wedding thing, as I felt like a fifth wheel, but the wheel's back on the road again.
And now here's something that I have to pinch myself to believe: I'm GOING TO ENGLAND the first week of January! (yes, it's with my Dad, as he's 80 and I didn't want him to go alone..) but I'm paying for it all myself! Two weeks, overseas, MEEEEEEEEEE....
Is that a pig flying? Did the Pope change religions?
I don't quite understand how I got here, but I've sure come a long long way from that cowardly mouse in the corner I used to be.
Have you ever read the Velveteen Rabbit? In it, the velveteen rabbit becomes a boy's new toy for Christmas, and he feels unworthy next to the other fancier toys, but when the boy gets sick with a serious illness, it is the Rabbit that is chosen to comfort him. The novel is about 'becoming real' and not focusing on being just an object, and it's an analogy for where I am now.
I've become real, thanks to my experiences both on this website, my new sweetie, but mostly, myself, acting with no fear or hesitation, just going for it..
Love and miss you all,
(((Softboobyhugs)))
Ellenback
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The Wedding
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Posted:Apr 30, 2007 7:16 am
Last Updated:Dec 25, 2007 8:15 pm
7868 Views
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Actually, it's still on, it's just me that's not going.
I had asked the groom-to-be when I should be there, after practising with the band on Saturday afternoon.
In no uncertain terms, I was told, "well, honey, you don't have an invite..."
See, my good friend Cat is the main singer, I'm just the 'back up' singer, it seems.
And here I thought I was part of the entertainment crew. This wedding is a cash bar, and I wasn't planning on attending the wedding, just the reception, in order to sing the songs we've all been working on together for most of a year. And then Cat started to sing the songs I had always done, and she asked me to come in on the harmonies, which I did, not knowing why the change. Cat really is so much better than I, and perhaps it was a financial decision on the groom's end, but we weren't getting paid for this gig.
I thought my days of being the relief singer were over, I thought I had shown my passion and commitment and ability to everyone, and that they considered me a singer in my own right.
And I'd been picking up a weird vibe for the past couple of weeks when I went there, but I had thought it was because I had been bringing my guitar with me, as I liked sitting quietly in a corner and working on my chords, so I stopped toting that 40 lbs with me.
I'm not sure if Cat even knows, but I did thank her for singing with me, and I told her I'd see her in a few weeks...!
It's strange, actually, as just this past week I met up with a female bassist, and we began to hatch plans to put together a female rock band - we hope to have all women, if possible, doing songs like Roxy Roller, Baby, It's You, 20th Century Boy; Girlschool and Scandal and Suzi Quatro, etc. We had great fun, and now we're looking for a lead guitarist, since I'm not by a long shot ready to take that over - I keep forgetting to play when I start singing! I really am going to pursue this fully now, which is what I'm meant to do, I think.
My MP3 player is messing up on me, and I was getting frustrated with it, because I don't generally go anywhere without it, and the power kept going off, making it reset to where it had started, then click click click running through all the songs to where I had been listening to, only to power off again!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR Well, it's older, and I need a new one, but I can't afford one yet - I'm waiting on 4 years of tax refunds! As I walked around the apartment complex property on Sunday, though, I saw something in the grass - it was an Ipod Nano in a case! It works, although I don't have any way to charge it up, but now I'm going to post a notice and if anyone can identify it, they can have it back....but if not, it's mine, right? Do you think this is a sign? Is Karma trying to tell me something?
I went to a meet'n greet on the weekend, after having that bomb dropped on me on Saturday, and while I really tried to 'party hearty', my soul just was not in it. #1 Reason? My sweety couldn't be with me, as he had to work both Saturday night AND Sunday morning. So here I was with all these couples, and single men and women, most of whom I know personally, and no date. There were other single women there, but they tended to affix themselves to the males and ignore each other, for the most part - it's only natural I suppose. So I sat with my good male friends and we talked music and life for a while.
Note to Q, if you read this, I'm very proud of you! I had a great time riding the subway with you, I'm glad you got to see The Club, and you're a very smart guy, and handsome, too! I'm glad you're finally starting to kick life's butt back to the sewers.
There was one down part to this party, mainly that because I had no real date, I was FAIR GAME for any lizards that happened to turn up, and yes, there was one. "Sorry, I'm not into you, I'm not available, you make me uncomfortable, stay out of my space...!" and still he kept coming, the damn groper! 
It wasn't his issue - it was mine, as it stirred up all my feelings of being used, manipulated, helpless, and even though I told him in no uncertain terms, no signals of mixed messages, I still feel like I should have laid him out on the floor. I think I'm still trying to work through my inner lumps of powerlessness, and perhaps if I had popped him one, I would have gone far towards getting rid of some of those lumps! But I wasn't into the drama scene, and swallowed again, only to unload when at home and out of the matrix. My sweety really helped me talk it through, and yes, he was very angry at the situation, and my emotions, and wished he'd been there, etc., but that's not the point. It was MY learning that needed to be done. There were a few guys there that noticed this lizard making the women feel 'icckkyyy' and offered to take him outside, but in a venue like this, no one needs a huge fight happening, and apparently the guy is penitent today, although I haven't heard his apology. It takes something like this to bring all that old shit up again, that you'd thought had gone away, and believe me when I say that while I'm proud of being so strong and mean to him, I felt, inside, as if I was 11 years old and frightened and powerless and confused again.
A F F truly is a microcosm of the real world, but condensed down into a miniscule, 'in your face,' format - you can't help but want to run from it sometimes. Confronting demons inside has never been something I've hidden from, though, and I'm not leaving until I've learned just what it is I'm to learn.
All in all, a very strange weekend...when you think you're up, you're down, and when you're down, you're actually up...right?
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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I have a Wedding to go to, and IT isn't MINE...
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Posted:Apr 9, 2007 7:19 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2007 6:50 pm
7709 Views
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Just thinking about it, kind of confusing, actually, since I've always been the 'attendee' on the bride's side, rather than IN the wedding party. Now, I'm going to be singing at it, and one of my song choices is "Misguided Angel, by Cowboy Junkies," (viewpoints welcome! it's kinda umm down on guys, isn't it? Or did I misconstrue?) Well it was either that or "NO MAN'S (fucking)WOMAN" (brackets are intentional and additional by me... ) by Sinead O'Connor. I've been listening to that song over and over and trying to play it on the guitar, and how the hell do you get the rhythym? My damn right hand is sore, but perhaps that has been exacerbated by my ahem journey of self-exploration!
Hey, when WAS the last time I masturbated?
Did I get your attention yet? Yes, smart, ascerbic women write, even in here...we are NOT just BUPPIES and teets...ok, that one woman from Omaha, now, she really IS all Buppies and Teets..
You'd think every guy who views your cam is a wanna-be Steven King, or Tarantino...nooo I am NOT going to bend my legs behind my head, or put my eye there...now, IF I could do that, I'd be in Cirque De Soleil, instead of sitting round the TV every night...hoping I'm finding a Mr. Right...
Actually, that's a line from the aforementioned Cowboy Junkies song, not a comment on the current direction of my life! Another birthday coming up, next Saturday, gonna be 49, and I'd change my profile to reflect that, but I'd be bounced out of this 'salvation of my soul called A F F' while I get approved..of GETTING OLDER!
And, playing the MUSIC card if you're not into music is just not playing fair with me...
Oh, and it was an hour ago, in case you were wondering... 
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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Kentucky Bound and Handles On My Bed:
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Posted:Mar 20, 2007 4:06 am
Last Updated:Apr 6, 2007 1:12 pm
8150 Views
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I may have mentioned this before, once or twice, but I've never flown...I've been on an airplane - my Dad was head draftsman for De Havilland and he worked on the designs for various small planes, including the Beaver, Otter, and the Hydrofoil, and as a family, we were invited to step on them and see the interiors once a year, fancy that!
But, I've never been off the ground, which apparently is akin to saying nowadays, "a telephone...? What's that?" 
I told ya this new job was bringing me places I wouldn't expect: I'm flying down to Kentucky tomorrow (IF my passport comes thru today!) to partake in a huge Truck show in Louisville. I'm taking some kind of milk run, as planes go...Toronto to St Louis, then another one to Louisville on the way there, and something else on the way back!
This is a 'Show and Shine' with the leading manufacturers taking part, and I'm to demonstrate to them just how pretty their semi-'s look with our LED lights all over them!
So I've been stressed - worrying about the passport, haven't had much chance to worry about getting into a large chunk of metal and careening through the air, way up high...ack! Oh yeah, I'm afraid of heights! And why is my boss ditching me and taking a different flight....? Things that make ya go hummmmmm??!! Oh well, I didn't want to spend hours with him, anyways...
Well, this should be fun! At least I'll get to have some GRITS for breakfast - boy, do I miss them! You just can't get them up here in Canuckyland.
I'm only gone a few days, will be back this Sunday, and probably no access to comments etc till I get back, but just wanted to let you know that I love y'all!!!
As for the handles on my bed: I recently got a new King Size bed for my new apartment, and my sweetie and I have watched this mattress setup 'travel' across the room countless times! We're always pushing and pulling the mattress to line back up with the wall, since SOMETHING makes it move...a lot! I'm in the process of looking for a King Size Bed Frame (something with a Sleigh headboard, perhaps?) but for now, we're just using a wooden platform, and believe me, it ain't working! We've banged our shins purple on the plywood beneath the mattress...ummm, how, you ask? Well....
Do you think that handles might help?  
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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Is it still called 'MUFF DIVING' if you remove the MUFF?
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Posted:Mar 5, 2007 3:37 am
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2008 8:54 pm
8371 Views
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It's 5:30 a.m., and I have to go in to the office all this week (GRRRR!), so I should still be sleeping...but I had a dream, and just had to write down my thoughts, so 'BARE' (spelling intentional!) with me on this convoluted path... 
You may not have known this about me before, but I ABSOLUTELY ADORE ORAL SEX! OK, I'm out of the closet now (IS there even a closet for we cunnilinguistic-lover types? Wouldn't it have to involve a storm-drain?)
There are many oft-used terms for it, particularly on this site, from quaint and colloquial, to out-and-out concrete. Check out these ranges: PUSSY-LICKING, PUSSY-EATING, GOING DOWN, GIVING HEAD, EATING YOU OUT, right up to LOTUS-FLOWER, DINING AT THE PINK TACO, and yes, MUFF DIVING....(I'm sure you'll all tell me if I missed any!  )
(NOTE: My Grandma from England, when she visited, brought her muff, but the little feet on it freaked me out...! Hey, I was a , and that's what I thought a muff was all about!)
But with the trends to shave off most or all of one's hair, 'down there' can we still call it Muff Diving? Would there perhaps be a better term for a lovely physical, wet, sloppy and intimate act with one who has been shorn? 'BALD-BASKING', or 'SLURPING THE SMOOTHIE' or...go ahead...be creative in your comments! You know you want to!
My Ex and I used to call it, "French" for some unknown reason, and it was more his term, than mine. I felt uncomfortable even asking for it, and often just allowed him to 'PARK THE PORPOISE' without allowing me any time to prepare, and we even used lube.
Hmmm...I've had a 'Tube O' Lube' sitting on the shelf for the past 6 months, and I think I've reached for it...ohhh...ummm...ZERO TIMES! I don't need it, would it be beyond the realm of Ebay? "For Sale: one almost-new 'TUBE O' LUBE' (got rid of long-term spouse, have new boyfriend, NO LONGER NEEDED...!
My sweetie actually asked me a few days ago if he was pleasuring me enough, as he had doubts, mainly due to lack of experience in relationships in general, and about his prowess and skill in bed. Hmmm...I dunno...haven't you SEEN THE FLOOD that ensues from our daily round of lovin'...? To quote a girlfriend from this site: GUSHHHHHHHHHH! Well, to be honest, my love, you DOOOO need a little more practice...OH YEAHHHHH! By George, I think that's almost PERFECT...!
LITTLE KNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: I could receive oral sex, and nothing else, and sleep like a baby right afterwards, and that would include the wet loins.... I had to go out and buy 3 new sheets for our bed, just to make it thru a week, without having to do laundry constantly!
(ANOTHER NOTE TO YOU ALL: KITCHEN SEX IS THE BEST! I wonder if SWIFFER knows that we use those cloths to mop up after a TORRENTIAL TRYST OF TONGUE-ING? The guy who invented TILE gets a (((softboobyhug))) from ME...
So, can you tell now what I was dreaming about? I may just head back to bed, nudge my sweetie awake, and remind him that it's been HOURS since he visited THE LILYPAD...
  
Damn, this guy is friggin' fantastic - it's something about the passion he brings when he 'DINES AT THE 'Y'...and technique! I once had a guy licking away at me, and I was trying to get into it, and suddenly...SNORES were emanating from him! What the....Uhhh..hey BUDDY...wake up, oh hell, just friggin' stay there, I can pretend in my head...
If you've never been orally massaged by a PRO (ok, so I taught him everything he knows... ) I would have to think that your life is missing an essential element! Actually, I didn't teach him much - he brought this talent to the table, and I just allowed it to develop, since he loves to get all wet and messy and ohhhh...damn...NOW I'M HORNY AGAIN!
Please enjoy the complimentary coffee and donuts, listen to the elevator music, and forgive the interruption, but your hostess needs to attend to some VERY IMPORTANT business, and will return in about an hour...
Did I mention that he's been gifted with FOUR TONGUES???
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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Impossibly high standards?
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Posted:Mar 1, 2007 6:28 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2007 7:52 am
7996 Views
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It seems to me that quite a few people are searching for someone they can't have, in normal life, for example, I've heard women in chat say, "I'm looking for a guy, he has to be over 30, hot, rich, single, available, and ready to pay attention to me, and only me..." HONEST!
Would they sit at a bar and turn guys away that didn't fit ALL of the above qualities? Why is it okay to do it in here? And these are women that may have a few things going for them, but they are NOT of similarly high quality as the ones they search for in a guy.
Then there are others, who don't have those impossibly high standards, who are looking for a connection, something that involves emotions, the mind, and lust and even love would be good, right? LOL
Once I figured out which type of woman I was, and whom I was looking for, it was relatively easy for me to connect with the right types. Last night, in bed, my sweetie and I were talking about what had drawn us together, and it was this very 'connection' thing that came up...he'd had sex with a few women, but couldn't really enjoy it, and the only sex I had enjoyed had been activities with guys that truly treasured me...
Some women seem to offer up sex at times as a way of attracting guys that they would not normally have a chance with, and the guys go for it...But what's the point of having a really hot guy in your bed...ONCE? Better to choose someone that you find attractive, smart, fun to be around, that will come back to your bed, again and again...or even nightly! Woohoooo
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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I
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Posted:Feb 7, 2007 9:03 am
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2007 7:13 pm
7842 Views
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Mainly, because I have found someone...We're pretty much living together, now, and while the balance of power is not yet equal, we're working on that, together!
My new job is solid, just trying to produce results, and I'm exploring my inner soul further, dipping into Wicca learning’s and rites, and becoming whole in ways I could not have imagined over a year ago.
I'm not saying goodbye, as I believe I still have lots to learn about myself from writing and reading, and talking, but the clique-y collusions that come from the chat rooms are a thing of the past to me now.
I can't believe that The Goddess has blessed me as much as she has, and for that I give thanks to Her! I now have the freedom to do as I please (actually, I HAD that all along, but that fact was only revealed to me after many errors in judgement!)
My music is still a deep central part of me, and I don't think I could go on without a daily dose of either listening, or singing. I even have an upcoming gig, a wedding that will take place on Cinquo De Mayo (May 5th) with a bunch of new songs to get down, and yes, the band is packing up from the Club and performing in a new location in order to make this gig happen...will wonders NEVER cease? LOL I better pick up some speed of learning songs on my Yamaha FG460-SA, huh?
I spent the entire weekend with my little granddaughter, AND my man, and found, if not complete acceptance, at least...a quiet whispering of "I understand!" from my about the 'age' thing...she even said, "have fun with your BF, Mom..." LOL
My man, and he IS that, even though he's young (no snickering, now...!) is still learning about 'US', as I am, and is not treading as lightly as he once was, and this sure feels like love, to both of us. He's gentle, and I no longer question his loyalty and devotion, and he's the complete antipathy to my EX and all that he stood for...We communicate endlessly, and the SEX..? OMGGGGGGGGG LOL And here I was going to toss him aside for stupid reasons, once upon a time...like ageism, and prevailing attitudes, and worry about what anyone else thinks! No more...(NOTE to readers: don't let your preconceived ideas rule your life!) No one, until now, has conquered THIS dragon inside me like HE can...!
I have been blind-sided, here, and while we may not have everything we want in life, yet, we're walking together, both in the shadows, and the light...
and, it feels fantastic!
I am finally at peace, untouched by the swirls and eddies that once slammed me carelessly from one side to the other, able to stand above the chaos that reigns below, as the lunatics take hold of the asylum...
This is just what I wanted, and needed...
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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The Ferocity of Females:
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Posted:Nov 16, 2006 5:18 am
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2007 7:41 am
8254 Views
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I've always known that women can be one's best friend, and conversely, one's worst enemy, and the recent past couple of weeks have proven both sides of this coin.
I was fired, by a female, who did not particularly love my down to earth, empathetic and creative manner from the get go, and used a situation where I had not actually done anything untoward as the jumping point to dump me...someone else had "allegedly" sent on a communication of mine to the , who then became upset with our organization about the casual tone ("quick and convenient") of the email to my reps. Bullshit! We were losing that anyways, as they'd been steadily pulling back, and they STILL haven't lost them completely, and I don't buy that anyone sent this on to them, and I'd done this 3 other times, with the exact same wording, without any kind of discussion about it from my superiors...Breathe, Elle!  But, they stiffed me royally, financially, and I'd just moved, to a more expensive place, with higher monthly bills, and at first, I panicked...and I still haven't signed their damn release forms to get their meagre settlement!!!
So I floundered around for work, accepting any and all, and have sampled chocolate milk, pushed DVD's in retail stores, and have otherwise returned to the streets to do the exact same thing that I'd once asked others to do. But, I found that that felt great...I'd given up my own business doing this, in order to have the stability of a steady paycheque, and I thought I'd lost the contacts I'd established.
But I hadn't.
They're chasing meeeeeeeeeee...LOL I'm turning work down now, but diplomatically, so that I don't burn any bridges, but I'm just swamped! It's almost 8 am, and here I am finding 10 minutes to write, and I have to get going in a half hour to work late, and then do laundry, and clean up my apartment, because I'm holding a birthday party for my friend Shelly tomorrow night (combination house-warming and her birthday!)
Talking about biting off a lot..LOL
But it's a casual party, I do have help, and I've been speaking with lots of my 'reps,' whom, I had always considered friends, in order to slough some of this overflow work onto them. I'm charging a small 'finders fee' to the organizations, and honest, I think this is where I'm going to be in a month or so, doing what I did at the marketing company, but for myself! That's just awesome!
The point of this, is, while I've met some women in my life that I would not trust around sharp objects, or my man (back off 'D', he's MINE!), I've also been blessed to find those that truly support me, and even love me, and for the first time in my life, they are female! The above-mentioned Shelley...? SHE ROCKS.......!!! (and I can even hear her saying those two words in HER voice...LO I think I'd trust her with my deepest thoughts, and my life (well, she IS a licensed lifeguard, definitely someone great to have around deep waters...hehehe)
I also have a few female reps across Canada that have contacted me, and they are demanding that I put them to work, and one in particular, Bev, who has told me she "doesn't need to work, but wants to," and only for me! My former marketing company has apparently had an exodus of people that have refused to work for an organization that would not continue to employ ME, as it was only me they trusted to ensure they got paid, that I knew what I was doing, and apparently mass chaos is reigning there now. Bev, in particular, has even told me that if I start up a business in this field, she'd look after her area, and would seriously consider financially backing me up...which I could definitely use, as funds are extremely low while I wait for things to come in. So she and I are in negotiations...and this comes to my point about the ferocity of females: Women fiercely protect their young, their men, their homes, and they can also, at times, protect one another! I would never have gotten this support while I was still involved with the chaos of my former life, dependent upon an addict to somehow pull things together for me. Now that I'm steering, these women are coming out of the forest to clear a path for me, cheering me on!
Funny how things work out, huh? I guess the Big Guy does know what he's doing...and while I felt lost for a few days after being let go, I didn't see the room on the other side of the doorway, and all the people waiting inside it for me to arrive!
Thanks, all of you, I do love you, and Happy Birthday, Shell!
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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Ok, THIS is where the Sex is....!
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Posted:Nov 1, 2006 8:35 pm
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2006 6:01 am
8315 Views
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So where was I? Oh yes, laying on my bed...I jumped up and decided to head out to the balcony, and stare at the skyline again. Brilliant idea, take a picture of the night sky, with all the tinkling lights (there's the pee reference, again!)
I have to get a cork for my bladder...damn!
So this is the picture, isn't the night sky lovely behind the pigeon netting? I'm freakin' brilliant, huh? Geez...turn flash off first before hitting 'snap'...
Well, that's about it, have to go masturbate now... Told ya there was gonna be sex! And I'll be thinking of all of you reading this, and swearing at me for not removing my hands from my pants and typing out the words for your enjoyment...but this is between me, and my toys, and my new bedroom, and my new discovery...the bathtub faucet!
That's for next posting...LOL
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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Damn, I Forgot to Write about Sex!
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Posted:Nov 1, 2006 8:28 pm
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2006 7:55 pm
8306 Views
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Now how did I do that? LOL
Ok, so I opened the door, and saw a wonderful thing: my OWN place, for the first time in my life, I was coming home to my OWN space.
I decided to take some pictures, and hunted around for my camera...but first, a quick smoke, a drink of V8, and that peeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...then I spotted the curtain's I'd meant to put up before dark, but hadn't. Hey! If I take off that rod, I could slide the tab tops over it and then put it back up!
#1 RULE OF DECORATING: do not remove anything when you do not have screwdrivers to put it back up with, or a ladder, or if there is an EASIER way...
Never one to back down from a challenge, I tried various methods of putting these damn things up. I was able to undo one side of the rod (it's one of those apt flat rods, with the little circly thingy's on it that roll, and there is a kinda clamp that tightens onto the rod, got it?) I was too short to reach, so I got my chair, and eventually a stool, and placing the stool on the chair, and standing on it, I was able to reach!
#2 RULE OF DECORATING: BUDDY SYSTEM!
So, I'm wobbling away on this perch, finally get all three clamps undone, jump down and slide on the tab tops. Yes! This will work! Now, all I have to do is put it back up, and presto! Darkness...right?
Wrong....45 minutes of fighting with those stupid clamps, and finally I just damn gave up. I got out the supersonic-sized roll of sticky tape, and taped that sucker up there in the middle. I was able to get the clamps on either end tightened, just the damn middle looked ghetto.
So here's a picture of the curtains...do not giggle at me! I'm just lucky to be alive...
911, what is your emergency? Well, I was putting up curtains, and I fell and cracked my head open, and no, I no longer have health benefits, cuz I just got FIRED!...
Ack!
Ass first, remember...!
Then I went around, swearing occasionally at that damn rod, telling it to stay up no matter what, and taking pictures for you all to see.
And yes, that's my bed...so I've been waking up by 6:30 or so all this week, even though I COULD sleep in, and after staying up late at night, too. The light was sapping me. But, the curtains are too light to really do much more than damp it down. But, they're up! LOL
If they fall down, fuck it all, I'm leaving them down, and all you pervs can rent helicopters to come see me naked up here...
So, then, I lay down on my bed, and taking out my camera, I....
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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Elle's Place in Life:
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Posted:Nov 1, 2006 8:12 pm
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2006 7:56 pm
8394 Views
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I had a long distance to go, but it took less than usual this time, since I'd moved closer to The Club. I stepped out of the subway and found that the temperature had dropped, like, 150 degrees Fahrenheit, and there was an evil wind whipping. Inside though, my core was warm, and I watched in amazement as the clear night air sparkled the stars with an intense brightness.
I whirled around as I walked towards my building, blown away by the vibe of the night, the blue moon, and that bright North Star. (note to self: 'whirling' is not a great idea when you are a little bit high...!) People tried to pass, but I was too fast for them (I had to pee!) I pulled my keys out and got ready for the lobby door..yes! It was locked! Now I could use my key...ack, so many of them, oh, yes, it's the biggggggyyy...damn I gotta pee!
Hopping on the elevator, I took in the smells - metal, curry, and some kind of Asian spice, and omg, that is NOT peeeeee...LOL OK, so there was no pee smell, unless it was from me... This place is always clean, and I don't mind the cooking odours, because it means life goes on all around me.
I opened the door to my apartment, and...
(((softboobyhugs)))
Elle
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