my serenity prayer
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Posted:Nov 7, 2008 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2014 6:24 am
4228 Views
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God
Give me the patience to change the men that I can,
the aim to shoot the ones I can't,
and the desire to tell them apart.
Amen
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Dedicated to the one I'm stuck with!
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Posted:Oct 30, 2008 10:28 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2009 5:45 am
4064 Views
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Once in awhile part of a song catches my attention and I have to look up the lyrics. Heard this little ditty in the grocery store today. It's perfect!
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah, you PMS like a bitch
I would know
Yeah, you always think
Always speak cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me
'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh
'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
We used to be just like twins, so in sync
The same energy now's a dead battery
Used to laugh 'bout nothing
Now you're plain boring
I should know
That you're not gonna change
'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh
Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bipolar
Stuck on a rollercoaster
Can't get off this ride
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Two Wolves
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Posted:Sep 26, 2008 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2019 5:08 am
3759 Views
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One evening an old man told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, 'My , the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'
The old man simply replied, 'The one you feed.'
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Resolutions Revisited
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Posted:Sep 24, 2008 10:50 am
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2008 9:21 pm
3899 Views
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Oh boy, while cleaning out my desk I found a list of my 2008 New Years Resolutions. I SUCK at keeping resolutions. Mostly. Here they are, along with how I've done.
1. Eat a healthy diet.
 As I type I am eating lunch, a 4 pound cup of coke, a bag of Boardwalk salt and vinegar chips and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (the BIG ones!), but in my defense I am ill and nothing healthy sounded good.
2. Don't get pregnant.
Hasnt happened, won't happen (I had to have one I knew I could keep)
3. Exercise every day.
Ok, not EVERY day, but a lot more than last year
4. Don't lick a steak knife ever again.
Doing thith onth wath enough, kept thith one too.
5. Be nicer to my husband
Heeheee, read the blog about Karma.
6. Wash towels before the cabinet is empty.
BITE ME!
7. Wear sexy panties every day.
Yeah, ok, I'll settle for clean and paid for.
8. Quit smoking.
Yay me!!! I did it!!! 7 months smoke free.
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Instant Karma gonna getcha!
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Posted:Sep 21, 2008 11:14 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2008 4:24 pm
3772 Views
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What comes around definitely does go around! There's this mean man that lives here, I have to let him stay 'cause I'm married to him. We've taken on a MAJOR home remodeling project, several of them actually. I've learned he does not handle stress that well. Phase One of the remodel was an addition, to accommodate this we removed a sun porch that exited onto a wrap around deck. Three feet of the deck was also removed Along with a door being replaced with a window. One evening while we were insulating tempers got a little hot and in my DH's confused anger he threw open the window, and attempted to retreat onto the deck, the one that's no longer there. He fell 15 feet to the ground below the window. Hmmm, maybe he'll be nicer as the project progresses. A few days later we were cleaning up as preparation to painting, I oh so gently bumped the corner of the wall with my lil baby shop vac (my Christmas present from the mean man last year), I was immediately chastised and admonished to "be more careful dammit! you'll put a hole right through the wall!" Oh, so sorry! A few days later we laid flooring, the mean man came to report that the floor was done and there was only ONE hole knocked in the wall. He accidentally bumped it with a hammer. Hmmmm, lesson learned? Not quite. Last week's high winds took down a couple trees in our yard. In the spirit of happy family, myself and the mean went out to help carry branches. I didn't know there was a science behind hauling away timber, but apparently there is, and we just did it all wrong, much to the mean man's frustration. I was too busy hoping Karma didn't take a leg off with the chainsaw to get to upset with him. I thought for a day or two that perhaps that cosmic force was smiling on his nasty butt, but, this morning he woke up with poison ivy covering his entire right arm and most of his chest. At least some of us still shine on!
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Blowjob Rules
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Posted:Sep 5, 2008 4:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2008 11:21 am
4036 Views
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1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls -if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch TV...etc.... immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink, etc....
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."
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No really, I'm fine
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Posted:Jun 23, 2008 4:19 pm
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2008 5:56 am
3257 Views
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Here's a blog entry, some people have missed me. (Thanks for your loyalty!) Nothing bloggity has been happening lately. My are home for the summer (63 days and THEY GO BACK), most of my friends have their home for the summer. The garden is doing nicely. This is the first truly quiet moment I've had in over a week, and instead of enjoying the solitude I'm trying to come up with something to do. I'm thinking a pedicure and a nice drink, something sweet and creamy and girly. I just wanted to stop in and say hello, I'm alive and well and just waiting for my next "I'm so blogging this" moment.
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Strawberry Fields For-Freaking-Ever
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Posted:Jun 13, 2008 8:54 am
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2008 12:15 pm
3089 Views
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Spent some time in a Pick-Ur-Own strawberry patch this morning. Yielded 23 pounds of berries. I'm not crazy about the idea of genetically messed around with food, but Mother Nature really could have done a better job on strawberries. I say lets make them the size of Grapefruit, oh hell, why not watermelons while we're at it. The bushes they grow on could be about 5 foot tall, a convenient height for most people. They should naturally repel horseflies and snakes (no better way to get the old ladies out of the good rows than yelling "SNAKE" though!) And perhaps we could engineer them to ripen at a cooler time of year, like March, maybe a second crop in October. An added benefit would be on the bush fermentation, the majority of these berries will be stomped and allowed to fester for weeks until it's wine instead of a bubbling gurgling vat of ooze. I'm in favor of getting all liquored up right at the farm.
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Letting go
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Posted:Jun 11, 2008 5:22 am
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2008 5:45 am
2944 Views
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To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I don't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle of arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
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Some questions for the man upstairs
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Posted:Jun 6, 2008 5:10 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2024 6:57 am
2896 Views
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Yesterday I received an email that included the line "If I could sit on the porch with God the first thing I'd do is thank him for you!" A touching sentiment to be sure, but while there are many things I'd thank him for, I've got some questions for him too!
Why did you use the same skin on elbows and testicles?
Why can't meanness just make people fall over dead?
The platypus? Really. What was going on when you made them up? Half duck, half beaver?
Why did you make so much stuff green? I understand the science behind photosynthesis, but you made the science, so why not make some trees magenta or the grass plaid?
Have you rethought the whole mating for life idea? I mean, its okay for birds, but is that still the rule for people?
Is there a special place in hell for the person who came up with the idea of cramming cotton through that little opening in medicine bottles?
These are just a few of the things I ponder. It would be cool if God would come for a visit now so I can ask him because I'm sure that when I make it to the Pearly Gates the first thing out of my mouth will be "Okay, I know, but let me explain..."
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It seemed like a good idea!
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Posted:Jun 2, 2008 5:42 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2008 12:26 pm
3138 Views
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I view my role as a mom as part terrorist, part Sunday School teacher. I try to know when to build my up and when to wear them down. My girls had a little blow up this morning, I decided that it would be a valuable lesson if I made the 10 year old write an apology letter to the 14 year old. This is what she wrote, word for word.
"I'm sorry Mom overheard me call you a stinky, cry baby liar this morning. But the truth is, you really do kind of stink. Not as bad as a skunk, but once I lost a wet dirty sock in my sleeping bag in the camper, and it laid in there for a couple days, and that's how you smell. You do cry a lot too! Dad keeps saying it's puberty, if that's what hormones do, I don't want them! As far as the lying goes, we both know about that don't we? Don't worry I won't tell Mom about your secret boyfriend. I'm glad you're my sister and I feel bad when we fight. I have no idea how your CD's got all mixed up either!"
Like I said, it SEEMED like a good idea! I have no idea where this gets it!
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Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue!
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Posted:May 29, 2008 9:08 am
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2008 11:22 am
3213 Views
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Wow! Who knew life could be this chaotic?
I'm usually pretty good at rolling with the punches but golly moses things are nuts around here. I'm pretty sure there's a law that have to go to school 180 days a year, and it's been that way for a while, so why the hell do we wait until day 175 and have the 1st grade play AND the 4th grade picnic simultaneously?? Now throw a family night at the dentist, a 14th birthday, band try outs, a newly planted garden that needs babied along, elderly parents, overdue library books, another school concert, fund raising and a possible slight case of PMS into the pot and you have a nervous breakdown just waiting to happen!
Ok, I'm better now.
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Aha!
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Posted:May 22, 2008 5:11 am
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2008 4:24 am
3116 Views
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"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
~Katharine Hepburn
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