A blanket fort.
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Posted:Mar 21, 2016 4:01 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2016 4:13 am
5063 Views
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I need a blanket fort. Preferably in someone's else house. Some place where husbands don't whine, don't bicker, and dogs don't shed.
Just some blankets, some pillows, some peace, some quiet.
I'll maybe string up some Christmas lights in there for ambience.
A book would be good. I haven't had uninterrupted reading time in forfreakinever.
Definitely music, Van Morrison.... Enya.....something peaceful,, but not too peaceful.
I'll bring the blankets, pillows, music and snacks even. I just need roughly 8 square feet of floor.
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Blogging under duress
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Posted:Mar 11, 2016 4:20 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 9:28 pm
4824 Views
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Here I am again. In blog land. I say it's under duress, but it's mostly of my own free will. A couple of my friends have started blogs here, and out of a sense of camaraderie, I'm back. I did miss the blogging community,
Yesterday was the 8th anniversary of joining this site. They were fast years. A lot has changed, both in my life and here. A lot has stayed the same too. Everything cycles. It all comes full circle.
Have I met many people from here? No. Only 2. I got lucky and met 2 really great men within days of joining. I still count one as one of my best friends, the other had some really sucky life events occur, I miss him. actually, I've met a few bloggers for lunch dates as well, but I'm not counting them as people I "know". Do bloggers still do that? Do they still settle into groups that watch each other and have occasional meet ups? I'm so out of the loop.
It's been over a year since I've blogged, so I'm rusty. One of my last blogs was a pictorial bucket list, I've crossed one thing off the list. I'm not planning on running out of time soon, the others will happen. I still hate school bus drivers, and all other drivers that can't make a proper left hand turn. That seems to be something that doesn't cycle, it's a constant source of irritation. Other things have cycled, I'll have to think about which changes are blog fodder, and which aren't. Discernment is the better part of an entertaining blog.
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All I Want For Christmas
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Posted:Dec 10, 2014 4:55 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 9:28 pm
9768 Views
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All I want for Christmas is to be sane come Christmas morning, and not too batshit crazy between now and then.
What is it about the holidays? We all go a little crazy. I could say it's because we've lost touch with the true meaning of Christmas, but I'm not so sure this is an appropriate site for that kind of talk. Plus, I'm a realist, even the church ladies will cut you if you try beating them to the last Elsa doll. If their lil darlin wants it they will do anything in their power to get her that damn frozen doll. I'm cool with that, my like Olaf better anyway.
Now if I could just get my little darlins to tell me what the fuck they want, I'd be set. So far all I have is that wee one wants a hatchet, and the eldest one wants a Klinkhammer shirt. She also wants a bigger bed, hardwood flooring in her bedroom, some fresh paint on the walls, and a TV. I'm thinking she needs to get her ass back in college so she can maybe not live in that room for the rest of her life, but we'll adress that after Christmas. The middle is cool, she just comes up to me in stores and hands me stuff that she wants, then I say "maybe, now go away." So yeah she knows every single thing she's getting, but she's not feeding into her moms batshit crazy. I like that .
My thoughts on decorating.....No one cares as much as you do, so take it easy. The last 5 years I've cussed and muttered "I'm getting a new tree next year" the entire time we're setting up the tree and stringing the damn lights. I guess I meant it last year, because I bought a new one this year, a prelit one, just assemble and plug in. It's not set up, that's this evening's family fun. I bought new ornaments too, I'm thinking if I don't have to go the attic for ornaments, I won't haul down all 87 boxes of Christmas decorations.
Baking....buy cookies, support local small businesses, save yourself the mess and stress, yet still mow through an extra 3,000 calories a day. Some grocery stores will sell you the entire christmas dinner, just reheat and eat. Be sure to pick up another cookie tray while you're there. You can never have too many cookies. Never. Ever.
I'm not sure I've ever been this "far behind" when it comes to Christmas, I used to have the shopping done around halloween, I'd normally have a few batches of cookies in the freezer by now. The tree is usually up the weekend after Thanksgiving. I'm slacking this year, and I feel pretty damn good about it.
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A catchy title is beyond me this morning
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Posted:Dec 2, 2014 4:25 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2014 4:08 am
9638 Views
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I hope everyone had a nice holiday. My Thanksgiving ended with a trip the Emergency Room with my mom, she's pretty ok, still in the hospital, has an infection and needs some tests run. It's all good.
In other news....
The have a new school bus. Today was the first day. He was 10 minutes early on his first pass. The nice thing about living on the fringes of the school district is that the bus drives by, turns around, then picks up the . After turning around, he sat at the neighbors driveway for about a minute. The neighbor's youngest last rode the bus in about 1991. My must have got a little chilly because they started dancing around trying to get the drivers attention. He finally figured it out. He was 3 minutes early, but he's new, and obviously has no idea what house numbers are.
Oh, it's a mini bus, my 16 year old was mortified.
As much as I bitch about school buses, I would never want to drive one. I'd be fired for threatening to drive into a tree if the little fuckers don't sit down and shut up. So, yay for bus drivers, all of them.
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A beaver says what?
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Posted:Nov 25, 2014 7:33 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2016 4:14 am
10301 Views
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This afternoon at work, a few of us took a break together and a coworker was talking about animal bingo, a game she's played with her grandchildren, all of her grandchildren and she's "pretty fucking sick" of this game. She said everyone gets a card with pictures of animals on it, and everyone takes turns pushing some button that plays an animal noise. She explains "There's a cow and a pig and a and an elephant and a monkey and a beaver"..waaaaait a minute, I interrupt with "what the fuck noise does a beaver make?" Being the grandmotherly type, she ignores my question and continues her story. Another coworker and I make eye for an instant and immediately look at the floor and choke on our giggles. I said "you really want to make the beaver noise don't you?" Then the giggles erupted.
The beaver noise.....muff puff.......queef........vart.......you know.....a pussy fart.
The most embarrassing, and simultaneously hilarious thing that has ever happened during or after sex. To me personally anyway.
Well, ok, the disappearing butt plug was pretty damn funny, but we're on a different subject today.
Ladies, what do you do when your vajayjay cuts one? Giggle? Blush? Pretend it was the dog, not you? I suppose you could blame the dog, if it was a quiet dainty queef. But a big ol' VVVAAAAAARRRT? No one is buying that it was the dog.
Gentlemen, what's your reaction when your partner's pussy lips give you that round of applause? Are you amused? Grossed out? A little scared?
I seriously wonder about this shit.....I need a hobby.
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From the mouths of the aged.
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Posted:Nov 21, 2014 12:22 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2014 4:10 am
10438 Views
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I work with the elderly, absolutely LOVE my job. I don't have to wipe butts or anything, my job is "Life Enrichment Coordinator", I basically goof off with the old folks all day. The residents are usually pretty quiet, well behaved, easy to love. Not so much today though.
Here are a few snippets of conversations from today.
Downstairs, in the "dementia unit"
The scene: The dining room, I'm seated across from sweet little old lady #1 and beside sweet little old lady #2.
Sweet little old lady #1: "grrrrrooooannn.....ugh.....mmmmmph.....ummmmph....oooohhhh"
Me: "Why are you groaning?"
SWOL#1: "Why am I driving? I'm not driving"
Me (a little louder): "No, why are you GROANING, are you having pain?"
SWOL#1: "No, I'm ok, I can drive if you want, but we have to take your car, my took my car."
Me (practically yelling): "I didn't ask you to drive, I asked why you were groaning."
SWOL #1: "Well just tell me where I'm driving you."
SWOL#2 (muttering under her breath): "You're already driving me crazy"
SWOL#1: "Did you hear what that bitch just said to me?"
The scene: The upstairs dining room, playing bingo now. A visiting nurse and her trainee walk through the room and say good bye. The trainee is a young man with a totally bald head.
SWOL#3 (who is 99 years old, very prim and proper, has no sense of humor): "I bet his head gets cold."
Me: (speechless, blinking incredulously)
SWOL #4 : "I'm sure he wears a hat."
Me: "I think we should take a field trip to Buffalo."
SWOL #4: "You know, the more you talk, the more sure I am that YOU. ARE. CRAZY."
Me: "Well I keep coming back here every day don't I? I shouldn't even have to speak to confirm the state of my mental health."
On my way out the door, I catch this happening, downstairs again.
Coworker (talking to our resident kleptomaniac, SWOL #5) : "Hey, can I have that please?"
SWOL#5: "No, I'm sorry, it's mine."
Coworker: "No, I'm pretty sure it's my pen."
SWOL#5: "No, this is my pen."
Coworker: "I really need that pen, I didn't bring anymore"
SWOL#5: "Maybe you should buy your own fucking pen, this one is mine." (Stuffs the pen down her pants)
Me: "Have a good weekend folks." (Runs out the door)
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I'll admit it
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Posted:Nov 16, 2014 8:42 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2016 4:16 am
10318 Views
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No, really I'm not sorry. I'm bitchy. It happens.
I'm bitchy for 87,000 reasons, and no real reason at all.
I think it's all the Christmas crap everywhere I look. It's everywhere I tell ya! The damn grocery store is all decked out for Christmas. I don't have a thanksgiving turkey yet and they're shoving Christmas down my throat.
Could be the fact that everyone and their freakin' brother was at the grocery store at the same time I was today. There's snow in the forecast. I stood in line for 10 minutes at the damn deli. People that don't drive in the snow should stock up on spam in July, deli meats don't last till May.
Could be that 1 snowflake makes everyone forget how to drive. My with the learner's permit wanted to drive home from the store. I said "sorry, no, mom might have to put some dumbass in the ditch today, honey"
Could be that I'm just exhausted, joint pain wears on you after a couple sleepless nights.
Could be that it's Sunday night, the end of the weekend. Back to work tomorrow. I usually like my job, but never on Sunday night.
I could list the other 86,995 reasons, but that would just confirm that I have no real reason to be bitchy.
It's just my special gift I guess.
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3
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Thanks
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Posted:Nov 11, 2014 4:53 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2024 9:28 pm
10088 Views
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So it's Veteran's day.....Usually, when I feel quite strongly about something I'm able to express my thoughts through grandiose verbiage. I create beautiful prose to make the reader feel my emotions.
When it comes to our country's veterans, I can't.
I come from a long line of military folks, my dad was a flight engineer in WWII, many served after him, and many more before him. My family has been military back to our country's revolution.
It frustrates me that I can't put the words together.
To any veterans reading this, I apologize that all I can offer you in return for your service is a humble and sincere thank you.
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Lyric of the day
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Posted:Nov 6, 2014 6:11 am
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2014 4:53 am
10193 Views
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I wake up most mornings with a song in my head.
Usually a happy, upbeat, "you got this" kinda song.
Today, I woke up to this.
.."And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, oh yeah
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain..."
I'm not sure there is enough coffee for days like this.
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Misadventures in BDSM
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Posted:Nov 4, 2014 11:26 pm
Last Updated:Mar 11, 2016 4:24 am
9737 Views
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It's all fun and games until the buttplug disappears.
True story.
Yeah.
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6
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Fisting, is it even possible?
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Posted:Nov 4, 2014 5:47 am
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2014 7:23 pm
9642 Views
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I've decided to start setting little goals for myself.
The one at the top of the list is to be fisted.
There have been a few attempts, we've come close, but haven't quite had success.
So I guess I'm looking for a Fisting for Dummies Tutorial here. All tips, tricks, and hints appreciated!
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2
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Well hell
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Posted:Nov 3, 2014 6:17 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2014 5:47 am
9388 Views
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It seems I need a remedy for my remedy.
I have no rebound cold symptoms, so I'm still calling it a successful cure.
There are side effects. My "situpon" is a little tender, I think I have a bruise on my bum, my low back hurts, and a good nights sleep last wasn't quite enough to make up for no sleep the night before.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still smiling. Just moving a little slowly.
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