Finding sanity in uncertainty
|
Posted:Dec 2, 2009 2:08 am
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2016 6:43 pm
2780 Views
|
Life, Love, and everything else it seems is not entirely what it is cracked up to be...
for those that really know me I know that my recent trials and tribulations have made an impact on the way I act think behave and also have drastically affected the way feel about everything...I am sorry if you have been affected by this change in me.
I am currently very much in Love but very lost and confused...I came home to die finally ready with nothing left to lose and tired of all the pain. I ran into the only person in the world who could prove me wrong in that it seems, apparently I have a lot left to lose and I can endure a lot more pain as recent experiences have shown me...but is all the pain really worth it?
My body is failing me, my heart is hurting, I am emotionally shattered...yet still I find joy in her attentions...just as the abused animal still loves and protects its master...maybe there is something wrong with me on a very fundamental level, something about my core being that "only" wants what I cannot now and never have had...I dream about the simple things like being in a caring loving relationship where I am not cast aside...a family life...being held by my love when everything else in the world is falling apart...being told thats its all going to be ok even if i know im being lied to...
why are these things involving the women I love strictly the territory of the assholes druggies convicts and abusers that have come before me? why do they deserve my dreams yet I dont? I am not certain I will get the chance to experience my dreams before I die in fact I know that I probably wont get to...but I will get to go to my grave knowing that I Loved truly and deeply keeping the promises I made to those I loved and holding onto hope for a better tomorrow for my .
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
