The Inner Conflict and Searching for a Meaningful Relationship
|
Posted:Sep 7, 2007 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2007 5:01 pm
6613 Views
|
It's what I do. I want a loving relationship. I am getting better though. I'm not as impatient as I once was. Things, while still dark and gloomy, don't seem to be quite as impossible as they once were.
In a way, I'm fortunate. I haven't really connected with any woman in person since my wife left. There hasn't been any major threat to my current single frame of mind. Not due to lack of connection,but more due to distance. That fact of life, that I have so often cursed since joining this site. Distance. Women, intelligent, sexy, fun, women. All so far away. While I hate it, it has helped me keep a level head, whether I want it or not. (And I don't want it, I do want to touch and kiss a real live flesh and blood, hot, intelligent and sexy woman.)
So,I bide my time. Waiting. My patience is actually improving. I've settled into my new life. I'm growing accustomed to my routine. While I do want to find love, I don't know if I am ready for it.(That probably tells me I'm not ready.) I'm not worrying about knowing if or when I will be ready. I'm pretty sure I will be ready at some point in the future. (Baggage and all.)
I have known for sometime I want to cultivate a complete relationship. To take my time. Allow it to grow, if that is what's going to happen. I want the physical. But I don't want to confuse that with love. It can grow into love, but I don't want to confuse the two. I want it to be real.
Sorry if this is getting repetitive. But, it's how I sort things out in my head. Maybe a "Friends with Benefits" relationship may not be such a bad thing after all.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Stabbing the Tenticles Of Love
|
Posted:Sep 6, 2007 1:35 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2017 3:39 pm
6379 Views
|
Love scares me. Oh, I want it, I want it bad. But, I also fear it. I don't want it to control me, devour me eliminate me.
It's such a vile monster, love. It can rip your heart out, show it to you while it's still beating and bite a big chunk right out of it, smiling all the time. And then it can be the most compassionate partner one could ever imagine. Stroking, caressing and soothing your battered heart.
So, what I need to do, is keep it at a safe distance. Don't let it in too close, keep it's vile tenticles off of me. I can't get wrapped up by it. But I want it near. I want to know it's available when I am ready for it.
I can't wait to be ready for it.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
A Radio Moment with Ron and Fez
|
Posted:Jun 12, 2007 4:31 pm
Last Updated:Aug 1, 2009 9:45 am
6379 Views
|
I popped on my XM Satellite radio this afternoon and Ron and Fez were discussing live CD's. They were playing Lou Reed's "Sweet Jane", a song that has to be my personal favorite. It was the live version off of "Rock and Roll Animal". Ron was extolling the virtues of Lou as the song was playing. My radio volume only goes to 30, and that's where I had it. An absolutely magnificent moment. Radio Gold.
What made it even more special was that, just before I got into my vehicle I heard a song that brought back some uncomfortable memories. Anne Murray's tragic "Last Dance", I call it tragic because it was the song that my wife insisted on playing at our wedding. Kind of ironic, especially the part about "may I have this dance for the rest of my life". But, thanks to radio genius Ron Bennington my palate was cleansed of the stain left upon it by that vile abomination perpetrated on my ears by some horrific radio station.
This is in no way meant to condemn or criticize Ms. Murray, she had no way to know what horrors my wife would inflict upon the memory of that song
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
|
|
In Search Of Imperfection
|
Posted:Jun 2, 2007 6:46 am
Last Updated:Jan 24, 2008 4:46 pm
6715 Views
|
One thing that has discouraged me from trying things over the years is that I can't be great at it. I don't write well enough to be published. I always thought if I can't be great, what's the point.
One day, during one of my many ventures through Barnes&Noble, I came across a book written by Michael J. Fox's father-in-law. (I think that's who it was. If I remember correctly, his father in law is pretty successful in his own right, but I could be wrong) I wish I had bought the book or remembered the name. It was a self help book that discussed that very topic. Why do things if you can't be great?
The book planted the seed. I came to Senior Sizzle and started watering that seed. I write, it's far from perfect, yet it is working for me. It has worked wonders. Writing here has helped me get to the point where I can be content, and for periods of time, happy. I have more happy moments than I have in a very long time. Part of that is because I have been writing here.
The point I am trying to make is, I took the chance to write. I write the best that I can. And it has worked for me and that's why I am doing it.
Now I have to decide what I am going to do next in my search for imperfection.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
A Miscellaneous Melange of Mindless Mayhem and Morose Mumbling
|
Posted:Jun 2, 2007 6:32 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2009 10:19 pm
6962 Views
|
Is there a difference between fear of commitment and not wanting commitment? For example, there are a number of people who are coming off long term relationships and may not be ready for a long term relationship, it's not fear they are just not ready.
My friend silversprings mentioned dancing in one of her blogs, something along the lines of "dancing like no one's watching". I love to dance, I hate to dance in public. I don't like the feeling of being watched. I'm way too self conscious. And the music has got to be right, I can't dance to everything. I do like to slow dance though. Especially with someone I like.
Music was one of my passions that took a back seat during my marriage. Not because it was off limits, but because of too many interruptions, , wife, work. I was unable to spend the time or money on music. (No musical talent or ability here, just a love of rock, blues, motown, punk, some new wave, alternative country and maybe just a hint of big band swing) I do fantasize about being able to dance to big bands. I guess that would be a guilty pleasure. That will have to be on my list of things to do.
It would be nice to learn to play guitar. I have one, left handed, which works out good because the only thing that I would do left handed is play guitar. Unfortunately, with zero musical talent or ability I can't even get the damn thing tuned.
I took a black and white photography class in college, I enjoy it. Developing the film can be a pain, but I love printing. That's another item on my list of things to start doing again.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (passer58by) use [blog passer58by] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
1
|
|
21
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
