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Swinging bay-bee, yeaaaah  

partygald 40F
3106 posts
7/16/2020 9:01 pm

Last Read:
7/24/2020 6:31 am

Swinging bay-bee, yeaaaah

Was chatting the bf the phone last night and he was telling about trying introduce the girl he's currently seeing us, as in the husband and I. Granted, he's stuck in HK and has been trying get out here for awhile now but it doesn't seem likely that's gonna happen soon so, fair him. I think the fact that he's actually able see someone during these times is quite remarkable. But anyhow.

The conversation went down whether it was easier introduce a kink into the relationship with someone new, when you're still figuring out each other's likes/dislikes/kinks and what other stuff, or, with a long time partner when (you'd assume) communicate between both parties is on another level. There are pros and cons to both. I actually can't decide which is easier as yet, so I'd figure I'd share how the husband and I started. This is not gonna be revolutionary or even mildly interesting but, hey, it's my blog so... LOL

When the husband and I started dating, we were working in the same office and he was already married at the time. I was the office fling that kinda took on a life on its own. LOL. Also, I wasn't seeing anyone else at the time but I was already in the lifestyle (if that's the correct term) then. At the time, I had a group of friends that I played with regularly. We'd meet a few times a year, usually overseas, where we'd spend a few days just having fun. When the husband and I started getting a little more serious, I told him I wasn't planning on stopping my meet up with said group of friends. He couldn't wrap his head around it (and it eventually took him a loooooong time to accept it) at the time but seeing as he was still married, he kind of had to let that one go. By the time he left that lady (it was his second marriage), it had been a few good years and he kinda gave in. I had not met those same friends for awhile but I did continue to have a few relationships outside of the one we had.

After we got married, I did not have any concrete relationships outside of ours but was still popping off to meet up some fwbs here and there, but the frequency wasn't high. I also tried to introduce the husband to some parties that some friends of mine threw and it took him awhile but he warmed up to it. It was one of these parties that I got to know the current bf. He (the bf) was seeing a friend of mine and she was telling me about she knew him at an after party in one of those fashion parties that they do. The bf was a full time model at the time, and has a thing for older ladies . It wasn't how athletic or energetic he was from he stories she told me (although I got to find out first hand eventually) that piqued my interest, it was how easy it was to talk to him and how well he actually could hold himself in a conversation..Anyways, he got my in touch with me after they split and that was the beginning. I didn't think it would last as long as it has, but I'm definitely not complaining.

The husband was travelling a lot for work so the whole bf thing worked its way in quite easily. The fact that it took a long while to happen, and that two boys get along really well made the entire thing smoother than most relationships.

So a few things happened after the husband and I got married. Slightly less than a year in, he was seeing his ex wife on the side. I initially thought it was hilarious. The...oddest of odd circle of life shit to happen, right? LOL. Their marriage had gone sexless for years before they split. There were clearly other issues but the final straw was his infidelity in their marriage. After they had split and we got married, they had met up to sort out some issues and one thing led to another, and they rediscovered some form of lust for each other. When I found out, I didn't know if I should have laughed my ass off for the irony, or be pissed that he actually thought he couldn't tell me about it, or feel all warm and fuzzy inside cos, it really is a beautiful story. LOL. Rediscovered joys, emotions (even lust) is a beautiful thing. But anyhow.

We figured out I wasn't really pissed and I actually understood how he felt, and they hooked up a few more times before it got all<b> weird </font></b>between them and that was it. She's a nice enough person, and I actually feel most threatened by her than literally, all of the husband's partners since. (And THAT, is the difficult truth for me to admit. So whoa....big thing here ) But anyhow.

In the time that has passed, I actually encouraged the husband to find himself a gf. It started mostly out of selfish pursuits - clearly it allowed me to continue doing my thing. I made it quite clear from the get go I wasn't willing to sacrifice some relationships that I had. But secondly, I thought it'd help us connect better (in an odd way) when we came back together after spending time away from each other. Know what I mean?

Fortunately, it did. He's since had a few failed relationships outside of ours, but last year he started seeing this girl from work. I honestly don't get him and dating people in his office. LOL. Well, I shouldn't complain. So yeah, that's where we are now. I've met his gf before and she was initially suuuuper awkward with me but has since came around. We've yet to be intimate with each other but I do find her quite cute

So yeah, there wasn't a big point to this post - more like a confession-ish one. Now that THAT is off my chest, back to work -_-

partygald 40F
1963 posts
7/16/2020 9:03 pm

The title IS from Austin Powers.

Oh! And! Which do you think is easier?
- Introducing a kink into a new relationship?
- Introducing a kink into an older relationship?

Thanks for reading!!

ClitLickB4DickU 63M  
1392 posts
7/16/2020 10:55 pm

Yeah Baby......Shag-a-delic

Fascinating story, probably a true reflection of how complicated relationships actually are. Only Humans, and a few other species, actually try (and more often fail) to maintain monogamous relationships. Perhaps your situation is actually the Natural Order of things

ClitLickB4DickU 63M  
1392 posts
7/16/2020 10:56 pm


I've been wondering lately, are Humans the only species that engages in Oral Sex?

discreteSteve62 50M
2169 posts
7/17/2020 3:52 am

Oh! And! Which do you think is easier?
- Introducing a kink into a new relationship?
- Introducing a kink into an older relationship?

That depends most of all on the people involved in the relationship. It also depends on how broadly one defines kink. (For example, does that include ordinary sex with multiple partners?)

In general, I would think that it's easier in a new relationship, but only if the relationship and the relationship starts with the understanding that both partners are interested in kink. For example, if two people meet at a bondage class, they might start out vanilla, and put off the kink until they get to know each other a bit better, at least well enough for each to trust that the other will honor safe-words. If they meet at a sex party, and their kinks include exhibitionism (woohoo!), it probably doesn't take much more than one asking the other, "Can we play in the exhibitionism room?"

But when people don't start out knowing that the other is kinky, I think it would be easier within a relationship. As you note, communication within an existing relationship should make it easier to talk about trying something new. On the other hand, in some relationships communication is shaky.

In the case of counting play with other partners as a kink (even if the sex itself isn't kinky), I'd say that it's likely to be easy only in a relationship where it's a known interest from the start. It seems pretty risky if one partner, a week after sex begins in a relationship, asks, "Is it OK if we keep playing with others?" In an established relationship, it seems like it would be safer to ask something like, "Do you think it would be hot if we played with another couple?"

- - - - -

ClitLickB4DickU :

Oral sex has been documented in fruit flies, Darwin's bark spiders, widow spiders, brown bears, wolves, goats, numerous primate species (including humans, obviously), bats, cape ground squirrels, and sheep.

dogslife2live01 70M

7/17/2020 4:05 am

the ease of introducing kink in a relationship is dependent on the couples ability to converse openly

there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity

merlot5555 65M/55F  
1472 posts
7/22/2020 7:15 am story.... glad things are a work in progress... which is all anyone can really hope for.... if it's something you like... be honest from the start.... no hidden agendas..... no misunderstandings.... how you proceed or not, depends on the two individuals... and what they want in a relationship with each other....

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