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standoffish or insecure  

nastynancy22 60F
32 posts
12/20/2014 6:59 pm
standoffish or insecure

Not sure if anyone will read this blog, but here goes. I have participated in the lifestyle for several years but only on a one to one basis, until the last couple years. Now I find myself wanting to participate in more of a group setting. Having attended two great parties at my play partners house where there was lots of fun and play by others.

The night of the first party my insecurities overwhelmed me and I spent most of the night hiding in the bedroom I was sharing with my partner. It has been brought to my attention that I was behaving very standoffish. I am sorry that is how i was perceived, My past experiences with this life style have not always been positive. Being a BIG girl , I don't want to assume that others want to visit with me let alone possibly consider me as a play companion for even a few moments. I observed others that knew each other and appeared to be comfortable with each other. I totally was not ready for the influx of emotions I experienced and it was mostly my own insecurities.

I would like to know if anyone else has had a similar experience. How can I convey to the members of the group that I am not being standoffish or thinking I am better than anyone else In reality it is the exact opposite. I don't think I am sexy, thin, beautiful or attractive. This totally befuddles me as I am so self assured in other areas of my life like my professional life. I would really appreciate any feed back I could get.

The second party I should have eaten and not had so many drinks. For that night I am sure I owe several apologizes. I hope that those I offended with my drunken behavior will understand that insecurities were at there highest and they can really mess with how one act and reacts with others. I would not want my standoffish behaviors to keep me from enjoying the lifestyle the way I want too. I want to experience everything there is with my partner Idahonuke2 at my side.

I would really appreciate any feed back, I don't want my insecurities to keep Idahonuke2 from experiencing the fun that i am sure this life style has to offer because I can't figure out how to get past my stuff. I would like to know If I am the only one to have ever felt this way or if others have had concerns of similar nature.


nastynancy22 60F
29 posts
12/21/2014 7:02 am

thank you txmature


bigdog7_11 70M/72F
535 posts
12/21/2014 9:40 am

First of all; you are just being normal. Everyone has some type of misgiving when in a party situation no matter how "attractive" they are. You are just working through your insecurities and that takes effort and time. Keep working on enjoying yourself and let yourself have fun. You will find that most in this lifestyle are accepting of people for who and what they are. The ones that don't aren't worth messing with. Just because someone does not want to have sex with a person does not mean they are looking down on that particular person. We all have certain ideas what what and who we are attracted to and has nothing to do with body size. I enjoy certain larger women and certain smaller women. There are also certain ones of both sizes I do not want to have sex with. I am always friendly with all and absolutely considerate of their feelings.
So just enjoy yourself and don't worry so much about what others MIGHT be thinking.
Good luck, have fun and be safe.

nastynancy22 replies on 12/21/2014 1:35 pm:
Thank you bigdog I appreciate your comment and it has helped I have no expectations that others will be attracted to me if they are it is a bonus

VerandahPoly 78M  
526 posts
1/26/2015 4:29 am

If I were at the party, I would be making a beeline for you, Nancy. Two of my most memorable moments were with plus size ladies; one at the Sutro Baths in San Francisco, and one lingering in the hot tub with a lass after a Mensa monthly journal stapling event.

For myself at Senior Sizzle, I handled It by posting a video called "I Yam What I Yam" making a slow 360 degree nude turn in the kitchen. Nobody would be contacting me who was repelled by a bear. I've been surprised by how many were specifically attracted.

Did your welcoming gesture to the guy who came early loosen you up to enjoy the rest of the party and get into it? How generous you were to Dennis and the other couple.

I took a look at you guys in response to Dennis looking at me, and I was happily surprised to find my friend Kitty posting in his blog.

NJGUY08090 55M
4307 posts
3/3/2015 7:08 pm

Nancy - It all comes with how comfortable you feel with the people at the party. I often worry about how I look what I'm wearing . I try to be cool but I often still feel awkard. I just hope it doesent show

hotfun_1966 56M
3677 posts
12/4/2015 2:15 am

Insecurity is normal when you're first trying something new. There is always a learning curve, some sharper/steeper than others.

Eye69women 54M
16 posts
7/30/2021 5:24 pm

Hi Nancy, I'm new to this also. I haven't experienced any yet, I was married and very faithful to her, a one woman man, she was a one man woman. She finally got to where she wanted me to read adult stories together.
At first she was appalled at the how shall I say it cheating going on.
But over time she wanted me to read more and more to her. We would talk about them, question's like would you like to do that? It would be interesting we would say, but I'm happy with just you to each other. Like I said earlier she was opening up more about sex, she had a bad experience with her first marriage. He cheated on her, in their house in their bed. She caught them there. Not that I wanted to swing, we were happy just reading, talking and making love. She was thinking more and more on the subjects we read.
Now that we're divorced after 20 years, I'm starting over and looking to experience group fun with no reservations.

Like the post comments said, we're all new to this and apprehensive about what to expect. Should you participate or not. We're all individuals with our own pace to set.

And you can't please everyone. Some are more advanced in the scene than others. To me their the ones with the problem, those more advanced should have more tolerance to the beginner's. And keep their comments to themselves. It was rude of them to make you feel insecure about your first party.

I'm by trade a wall flower also. Party's just make me feel uncomfortable, awkward, self conscious, etc. This type of party sounds very fun.

You just can't expect everyone to just jump right in.
post 3547536]

Eye69women 54M
16 posts
7/30/2021 5:34 pm

Oh I forgot, you look great in your picture. My ex was a BBW. It takes all kinds. I weigh 245, I have a bit of a belly, but can still see my feet. ha ha

Also think of the guys there. We're all different downstairs, so some will get insecure seeing a guy packing more package.

I've learned over the years to just ignore people's comments. I was teased a lot in my younger years.

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