Mourning a Fallen Hero
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Posted:Jul 21, 2016 7:16 pm
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2016 4:20 am
49651 Views
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I sit here trying to gather my thoughts. On Tuesday a dear friend and law enforcement officer in my state was brutally gunned down. It was a senseless act of gang-related violence. He leaves behind three and a fourth on the way. He was more than a friend actually. Were it not for him, I would not have graduated from the Kansas Law Enforcement Training Center.
See, I was in the military prior to becoming a cop. My experience with firearms was limited to M-16 A-1 and A-2 rifles- not handguns. My department issued me a Sig Sauer 45 caliber pistol to qualify with. Try as I may I could not fucking qualify with that beast of a gun. I was on the verge of getting kicked out of the academy.
Sensing my frustration, my friend Dave approached and offered to help. I was going home to visit my parents that weekend and I asked if he wanted to tag along. He spent the better part of the weekend with me out on my parent's land showing me how to fire the gun without breaking my wrist. It was a process but eventually he got me to where I was able to shoot well. My parents instantly liked Dave. For quite awhile after his visit, my mom dropped subtle innuendos that she thought he may be "the one."
I returned back to the academy the following Monday, went out to the range and passed. After we graduated, I visited him in KC and spent a long weekend with him. We kept in touch off and on through the years. A few times our friendship crossed into the sexual realm but it became obvious that we were better off as friends, not lovers.
Some people come into your life for a reason and Dave sure touched mine. It's been a difficult couple of days working though losing someone who in my eyes seemed so invincible. This has made me acutely aware that no one is invincible. In closing, I hope everyone who reads this hugs their loved ones a little closer. You may never know if that may be your last goodbye.
RIP my friend.
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25
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Totally Mortified
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Posted:Jul 17, 2016 9:17 am
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2016 4:32 am
46307 Views
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I spent most of the morning yesterday outside working in my yard, mowing, weeding and so forth. When I finished I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. I must admit, the yard looked GOOD.
I received an email from someone on my friend's list inviting me for a quick coffee date this morning. He was passing through town on his way to meet a and wanted to reconnect. (We had met at my birthday party a friend hosted at a club 3 years ago.)
After returning home, I saw what appeared to a piece of plastic someone had carelessly chucked out the window in my front yard. I went to retrieve it but upon closer inspection stopped dead in my tracks.
Imagine my horror when I saw that the piece of plastic was actually a USED condom. So. Fucking. Disgusting.
Could this be a message from married stalker guy An Open Letter To My Stalker trying to intimidate me?? Maybe I am reading more into it.
What does this sound like to you?
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19
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Rising Above Hate
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Posted:Jul 17, 2016 6:51 am
Last Updated:Jul 30, 2016 3:47 pm
41011 Views
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People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.
That is the truth. Let it sink in.
What people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them and how they view the world.
Now, I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things personally. In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.
The underlying key is to…
Watch Your Response
When something stressful happens in a social situation, what is your response? Some people jump right into action – but oftentimes immediate action can be harmful. Others get angry, or sad. Still others start to feel sorry for themselves… and victimized… and left thinking: “Why can’t other people behave better?”
Responses like these are not healthy or helpful. In fact, whenever your response lacks a mindful level of acceptance you’re likely taking things too personally. And you’re not alone. We all make this mistake sometimes.
If someone does something we disagree with, we tend to interpret this as a personal attack. For example...
Our significant other doesn’t show affection? They must not care about us as much as they should!
Our coworkers act inconsiderately at work? They must hate us!
Someone hurts us? Everyone must be out to get us!
Some people even think life itself is personally against them. But the truth is, almost nothing in life is personal – things happen, or they don’t, and it’s rarely all about anyone specifically.
People have emotional issues they’re dealing with, and it makes them defiant, rude, and thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a barking in the distance, or a bumblebee buzzing by) that you can either respond to with a peaceful mindset, or not respond to at all.
Like you, I’m only human, and I still take things personally sometimes when I’m in the heat of the moment. So I’ve implemented a simple strategy to support the practice of watching my response. In a nutshell, I proactively remind myself NOT to take things personally. Anytime I catch myself doing so, I pause and read the following mantras to myself. Then I take some fresh deep breaths…
-You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.
-You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
-There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.
-Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Listen, and then operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.
-You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough. You don’t need other people to validate you – you’re already valuable.
-If you truly wish to improve your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, stop allowing other people to be responsible for them. Stop allowing other people to dominate your emotions.
-All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once an innocent baby. And that’s the tragedy of living. So when people are rude, be kind, be mindful, be your best. Give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it.
As I am finishing up this post, I am reminded of all the senseless violence we see in our world today.
Please don’t attach yourself to it.
Do your best not to take it personally.
Do your best to let it go – to rise above the hate.
A small group of people may try to build barriers between us, but the rest of us can find a way to fly above them. Others can try to pin us down with a hundred thousand arms, but in numbers we can find a way to help one another back up. Yes, there are many of us out there, more than any of us likely realize, who know love is the answer. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to trade an eye for an eye. People who love in a world without conditions, who love into hate, into refusal, with faith, and without fear.
And that gives me hope. Make love not war.
How has “taking things personally” affected your life and relationships? Do you have any thoughts or insight to share? I would love to hear your feedback. Please leave a comment.
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11
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Dirty Secret: Shower Sex With a Stranger
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Posted:Jul 16, 2016 12:13 pm
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2016 6:44 pm
39897 Views
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After a long, hard workout at the gym I was dripping with sweat, my skin glistening with perspiration. As I rounded a corner I bumped straight into my secret gym crush. I blushed profusely and murmured an embarrassed, "Sorry!" Was it my imagination or did I feel his hands pressing me against him ? I dismissed the thought and quickly headed to the parking lot.
I was about to get into my car when I felt a firm hand on my shoulder spinning me around. It was him. "Hey, you didn't give me a chance to apologize before you ran off" he replied. "It was my fault. I, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going," I stammered. I noticed he was just as sweaty, presumably from lifting. I tried to act nonchalant but inside my heart was racing.
"I'm Will. At least let me buy you a drink as a peace offering" he suggested. "Now?" I asked. "Do you have some place to be?" he questioned. "Well, no, but at least let me shower first!" I laughed. "Well now that you mention it, that makes two of us" he replied smiling.
The image of his taut, ripped body glistening and wet in the shower appeared vividly in my mind. FUCK.
"I have a loft right around the corner. You are welcome to shower in the guest bathroom" he offered. Defying all logic- my brain focusing on pure animalistic lust, I nodded and followed him to his car.
Upon entering the apartment I was taken aback. The architecture was modern and inviting. I followed him inside. It was then that reality hit me. What was I thinking? He led me to a large guestroom. "I can throw your gym clothes in the wash, if you'd like. There's a robe in the closet." "Probably a good idea" I remarked. I realized I had not brought clean clothes with me.
I went into the guest bath, stripped naked and handed him my clothes through the partially open door.
I turned on the shower and stepped inside, feeling the warm jets of rain cascading over my body. As I rubbed my body down with soap, I heard the bathroom door open. I peeked through the curtain to see him undressing himself. A rich lather of white soap covered my skin, washing down my breasts and thighs. "I thought you could use some help" he half smirked. As his cock sprung free of his boxer briefs, my pussy electrified with arousal. The fever of sexual desire blossomed from the tip of my clit to the base of my belly like a rose bud just awakening.
He stepped into the shower with me. I wrapped my fingers around the shaft of his cock, gently stroking him. He moaned voraciously, throwing his head back as though my touch relieved him. But the animal within him awakened quickly. He grabbed my shoulders, spinning me around, and he slid his cock up and down the slit of my ass crack teasing me. His hands gripped at the perfect rounds of its cheeks.
"I have been watching you. Teasing me at the gym. You love teasing me don't you? "Mmmhmm" I remarked as he grabbed my hair and kissed my neck roughly. "Well, it's my turn to tease you now." he hissed. This man couldn’t resist my ass, even if he tried. He knelt down and bit it gently, smacking my wet, bare ass with the palm of his hand. It jiggled pleasantly. This kind of rough play is utterly irresistible to me.
He’s fully erect now, nestled in the warmth of my cleft. He has to lower himself slightly to compensate for his greater height, and the running water defeats some of my lubrication, but eventually he is inside me, thrusting forth into depths which are still something of a mystery to him.
He turns backing me against the tile wall, the water cascading evenly over us both. He thrusts slowly but with strength, so that I feel every inch of him. I gasp into his mouth.
The angle is wrong for the hard fucking we both desire.
He slips out, turning me so that I'm facing the wall. He thrusts the underside of his shaft between my buttocks a few times, then lowers himself, repeating the action so the upper surface of his length thrusts between my labia. My fingertips press his cockhead against my clitoris, guiding him back inside my throbbing pussy.
He holds my waist, tightly pulling me back onto his thrusts. Hearing my moans and gasps of pleasure, he fucks harder, faster. He grabs my wrists, sliding my hands higher on the slick wall. I feel my nipples and breasts electrify against the still-cool tiles.
The adrenaline wave begins to surge deep inside my loins. I shudder involuntarily feeling my body convulse. “Oh fuck! Oh yes!” I scream. He feels the velvet grip of my pussy constricting, clutching at him, beckoning him forth. He surrenders to the call, seizing my waist once more and thrusting as hard and as fast as the wet floor allows. I slip my fingers down over my clitoris rubbing my pulsing clit in a near frenzy which pushes me over the edge.
His orgasm comes in unison with mine and he loudly hisses in my ear, "Oh fuck, yessssss.." His cock expands, pulsating as he plants his seed deep inside me.
His cock slips from my pussy quickly, seemingly of it’s own volition; I feel his seed running down the inside of my smooth thigh, pooling briefly on the shower floor before it is rinsed away into the drain.
We linger in the shower, washing each other, our soapy caresses merely warm and friendly now. How long do we stand there? How much time do I spend kissing and running my hands up and down the taut arc of his spine?
Eventually the spell is broken. He towels me off, picks me up and gently carries me to his bed.
"Ready for round two?" He asks with a sexy gleam in his eye.
To be continued..
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12
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Random
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Posted:Jul 15, 2016 5:11 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2016 6:49 am
36187 Views
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20 Things I love:
1. Running in the misting rain
2. Sweet potato fries- the homemade kind!
3. Steamy shower sex- need I say more?!
4. Flip flops and 'short' shorts- I secretly love it when you check out my ass!
5. Morning sex
6. Enjoying a glass of homemade sangria while listening to blues music
7. The kindness of strangers
8. Spanish tapas- yum!
9. Feeling my adrenaline surge right before I orgasm
10. Hitting the elliptical hard because I know my secret gym crush is checking me out
11. Surrounding myself with positive people
12. Growing things: my tomato plants are doing awesome this year!
13. Being content with myself and my flaws
14. Watching girl on girl porn
15. MUST. HAVE. COFFEE.
16. Sitting on my back deck becoming one with nature
17. Content with being single and not seeking to fill a void
18. Embracing my artsy side
19. The feel of warm sun on my naked body- nude sunbathing totally rocks!
20. Your rough hands pulling my hair and slapping my ass as you thrust hard into me from behind
What are some things YOU love?
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13
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Bizarre Dream
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Posted:Jul 13, 2016 5:23 am
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2016 4:40 am
35616 Views
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Symbols are the language of dreams. A symbol can invoke a feeling or an idea and often has a much more profound and deeper meaning than any one word can convey. At the same time, these symbols can leave you confused and wondering what that dream was all about.
This morning I awoke after I had a bizarre dream. Here is how it played out:
I saw myself attending what appeared to be a pool party. However, the facility that housed the party was indoors. I got the feeling that there was more to the party than just swimming and surmised that this was probably a swingers event. I was at the event by myself, watching and observing.
It was getting late and decided that I was ready to leave so I went to get my car. Only it was not there. I thought I might have forgotten where I parked it but after thoroughly checking the grounds realized the car was gone. Only I had my keys so I wondered how the hell my car could have just "disappeared".
I called police surmising the car had been stolen and after being on the phone for what seemed like forever, the cop informed me that my car had in fact been stolen and was found abandoned in Oklahoma City. I got worried and had to know was the car totaled, destroyed?
I was feeling very anxious and stressed wondering how in the hell I was going to get home because SURPRISE- I couldn't find my purse containing my wallet, ID and credit cards! Suddenly I had an idea, maybe the owner would drive me home if I agreed to give him a blow job. The prospect of performing fellatio was not something I wanted to do to get a ride home but then..
I woke up.
FUCK.
I had to figure out what my dream meant so I went on dream dictionary and looked up "Car."
Here is what it said:
"To dream that you forget or can't find where you parked your car indicates that you are dissatisfied or unhappy with an aspect of your waking life. You do not know what you really want to do with your life or where you want to go.
To dream that your car has been stolen indicates that you are being stripped of your identity. This may relate to losing your job, a failed relationship, or some situation which has played a significant role in your identity and who you are as a person." (via dream dictionary)
Then I realized I probably shouldn't have been reading before bed. Right before I dozed off, I was reading the book, "Green River Running Red" by Ann Rule which chronicled the carnage inflicted by the green river serial killer.
Lesson learned.
Have you had any fucked up dreams that left you scratching your head? If so, I'd love to hear about it.
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10
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A Novel Concept
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Posted:Jul 11, 2016 6:26 pm
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2016 3:24 am
34798 Views
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“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” ~Winston Churchill
Lately, I've stumbled upon several blogs that appear to be antagonistic or perpetuating drama.
Here is a word for you: Optimism.
It can turn a situation that looks negative or bleak into an opportunity or something to learn from.
It can replace the draining thoughts of pessimism with something that will give you more energy and enthusiasm again.
And it can help you to jump over obstacles, to keep moving when you fall or stumble and to not give up just because of temporary setbacks.
Lately I've found myself drawn to blogs that are positive and have been shying away (and considering removing myself from watching any blog) thats appears to be outwardly negative or antagonistic. I have enough drama with my and blogging (whether it be reading others or posting) offers me a means to escape. I sure as heck don't want to come here to read more drama!
Here's a novel thought: perhaps we should all focus on injecting more optimism into our own blogs rather than attacking others.
Because we tend to reap what we put forth the long run.
And in the short run, well, we get an added benefit of giving smiles to others when we spread our own optimism. Not to mention our self-esteem will receive a boost when we rise above the pettiness.
Here's a challenge: let's see how many bloggers can make a commitment to inject more positivity and less pessimism into their blogs.
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10
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Dichotomy- Maintaining Boundaries Between Personal and Professional Life
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Posted:Jul 2, 2016 8:13 am
Last Updated:Jul 14, 2016 5:38 pm
37780 Views
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Di·chot·o·my- A division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different. Synonyms -contrast, difference, polarity, conflict.
Therapists have an ethical, moral and often a legal obligation to keep professional boundaries from intersecting with the personal lives of their . A dichotomy exists when these two paths intersect.
Case in point: I have an off site profile on a vanilla dating site. I am not shy about sharing a face picture there. I have nothing to hide nor is my profile sexually suggestive.
The vanilla site sends notifications when someone views your profile. Imagine my (feigns) surprise to see that a 's single dad viewed me. That was last year. A little background: he shares custody with his ex who has remarried. Both are involved in their 's mental health treatment.
Neither of us ever spoke about encountering each other's profiles. However, every so often he casually mentions seeing me working out at my gym which he did last week.
How does a professional therapist respond to such matters?
Me: "Oh really? I didn't even know you worked out at my gym. (Of course I knew he was there checking me out) "When I'm working out I am so in the zone, I don't pay attention to anything other than my workout." BAM! Shut down.
Aaaaaand that's how you do that.
So, have you experienced a dichotomy between your professional and personal life? If so, I'd love to hear about it.
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10
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Low Key Weekend
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Posted:Jul 2, 2016 7:17 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2016 12:25 pm
33799 Views
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I had not made plans for the holiday weekend up until last week. It was probably a good thing because we all know how unpredictable teenagers can be. My decided at the last minute she wanted to spend the holiday weekend with me so I had to come up with something.
Lucky for us there is a nearby campground and even luckier for us, we were able to rent one of their cabins for the 4th. We'll be spending the 4th "roughing it" by the pool- haha!
So the baking bug is starting to hit me. It usually does around this time. Yesterday my and I baked and decorated a patriotic red velvet flag cake.
Today I'm thinking about baking a berry cobbler! I just love cobbler. It reminds me of when I was a living in the country and we would go pick wild blackberries growing on my parents farm. We would bring them home and my mom would turn those delicious berries into a cobbler.
What are some of your favorite baked desserts? If I could bake you something what would you have me bake for you?
To all of my American "friends" I hope you have a happy and safe fourth of July.
XOXO,
{=}myelin
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18
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An Open Letter To My Stalker
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Posted:Jun 26, 2016 7:44 am
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2016 9:59 am
35964 Views
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Dear Married Guy Stalking Me and My Blog,
Since 2007 you have popped in and out of my life. We met on this site. You were single back then. At first, your contact seemed benign and I trusted that you were mentally stable. Even though you lived in my city, I made the mistake of giving you my cell phone number which led to a few sexual trysts. The last tryst you became extremely rough and abusive. That put the nail in the coffin.
Over the years you would randomly text me and you interpreted my slightly aloof banter as an open invitation for sex. It was not. I would block you for awhile, feel guilty, then give you the benefit of the doubt and re-allow contact until you did it again. Occasional blocked calls would pop up on my phone that I suspected were from you.
It has been over a year and I thought you had finally moved on but I was wrong. Last night out of the blue you randomly texted my phone to let me know you were reading my blog and following my sexual escapades. Interesting because I don't share much information about my sexual escapades on my blog. Then it hit me. You are a delusional guy. You are also a sociopath and a narcissist.
You continued messaging me even though I refused to respond. In the middle of the night you texted to advise you were sitting outside my house. At that point you crossed a line. I don't care if you were joking, your behavior is unacceptable. Again more prying texts from you this morning. I have told you to lose my number and as of this morning I have permanently blocked you from texting and calling me. However, the law says I can't stop you from driving by my house.
You do know I am a former army soldier and police officer, right? I happen to also be an expert marksman. It would be unwise to continue your exploits. You can create many online personas but those personas do not intimidate me.
Consider yourself warned.
~Me
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14
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Ticket Purchased!!- Update
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Posted:Jun 25, 2016 8:31 am
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2016 11:45 am
31380 Views
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Well, that was fast.. I just booked a flight for an adventure with a blogger in August! I'm excited to see him again and I hope he's just as excited to see me too. Stay tuned. More details to come. 
Headed to Chicago labor day weekend!
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7
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Mixed Messages
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Posted:Jun 22, 2016 6:15 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2016 8:32 am
29387 Views
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Last week I met with a married couple for a consult. During the consult the wife posed this question to her spouse, "If you don't love or care about me, why do you stay and continue to have sex with me?"
His reply, "Because you are just a convenient hole to fuck." The spouse admitted he had been done with his marriage for the last several years but had accompanied her to the appointment to reiterate that he was not in love with her.
Interesting enough, he became teary-eyed while sharing the pain and anguish that she put him through with her drug addiction. (I had to wonder how he could get an erection for someone he so clearly seemed to despise.)
Men, I get that you are hurt. It sucks. Being vindictive and spiteful is childish. For Pete's sake, if you are done with somebody, fucking end it. Quit sending mixed messages and playing games.
Have you ever held on to a relationship when you knew that it was over? Why did you stay?
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To link to this blog (myelin36) use [blog myelin36] in your messages.
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