IT DON'T MEAN A THING, IF YOU AIN'T GOT THAT BLING
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Posted:Mar 20, 2007 9:28 pm
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2015 12:39 am
22367 Views
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keithcancook is very fond of springtime. He twirls around and even gets funky in celebration. His Ritual of Spring has become a time honored tradition involving Fresh Citrus, Sunshine, Rock n Roll, and tequila.
NEW THIS SPRING: BRING ME YOUR BLING!
Yes, I've become beguiled by bling. I sing for bling. You might even say that I'm a ding-a-ling for bling. So friends, bloggers, and countrymen! Send me your Bling! I need all the bling I can carry, plus a little extra.
I'm not sure what I'm gonna use it all for just yet, but if you follow The Venting Blog you know that I'm bound to come up with something sooner or later... 
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O-BLING-DI O-BLING DA, LIFE GOES ON
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Posted:Mar 16, 2007 8:51 am
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2015 12:05 am
24630 Views
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It's troubling that my siblings in BlingLand have been scrambling for blings everywhere. Doubling my trembling is the squabbling and grumbling, over blingie thingies resembling little more than scribbling.
Which I might add is somewhat enfeebling as it is enabling much quibbling between us as to whose blings are cobbling the most attention.
Now, I'm gambling that all this rambling is hobbling my readers ability to discern whether or not I find blinging to be ennobling. Or am I merely dissembling, and burbling over something for which I care nothing?
Anyway, fumbling with bling, nay, bumbling with bling seems to be the order of the day.
Mumbling: Oh lord, all this babbling and now I'm late for Blingo...
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The BlogLand Advertising Page
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Posted:Mar 4, 2007 7:30 pm
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2023 8:30 pm
25490 Views
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BlogLand Movies
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Posted:Mar 3, 2007 6:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2007 9:45 pm
19005 Views
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Here's some of my best-loved blog movies. Do you have any you would care to add to the list?
THE BLOGFATHER
BLOG FICTION
RAIDERS OF THE LOST BLOG
GOODBLOGGAS
THE SILENCE OF THE BLOGS
ABLOGOLYPSE NOW
TO KILL A MOCKINGBLOG
A BLOGWORK ORANGE
SOME LIKE IT BLOG
BLOG RUNNER
GONE WITH THE BLOG
THE BLOGS OF WRATH
BRIDE OF BLOGENSTEIN
PLANET OF THE BLOGS
A STREETBLOG NAMED DESIRE
A BEAUTIFUL BLOG
A BLOG CALLED WANDA
ALL ABOUT BLOG
AN AMERICAN IN BLOGLAND
AN INCONVENIENT BLOG
A BLOG RUNS THROUGH IT
A BLOG IS BORN
BEAUTY AND THE BLOG
THE BLOGS OF ST. MARY'S
DANCES WITH BLOGS
DAYS OF BLOGS AND ROSES
DEAD BLOG WALKING
THE BLOG HUNTER
BLOG, ITALIAN STYLE
DIRTY BLOGGING
BLOG DAY AFTERNOON
DREAMBLOGS
THE GREATEST BLOG ON EARTH
GUESS WHO'S COMING TO BLOG?
HOW THE BLOG WAS WON
MY FAIR BLOG
JURASSIC BLOG
BLOGGER vs. BLOGGER
THE LAST KING OF BLOGLAND
MISSISSIPPI BLOGGING
THE LAST PICTURE BLOG
DEAD BLOGS SOCIETY
THE LONGEST BLOG
BLOG IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING
MIDNIGHT BLOGBOY
MONSTER'S BLOG
THE MIRACLE BLOGGER
BLOGSTRUCK
BLOGGING ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS
MY BLOG VINNY
ON GOLDEN BLOG
BLOGGERS OF THE CARRIBBEAN
PLACES IN THE BLOG
BLOGS OF ENDEARMENT
THEY SHOOT BLOGS, DON'T THEY?
BLOG OF THE CENTURY
THE PASSION OF THE BLOG
SCHOOL OF BLOG
FREEDOM BLOGGERS
MARIA, FULL OF BLOG
MEET THE BLOGGERS
THE LAST BLOGGER
HOW TO LOSE A BLOG IN 10 DAYS
WE WERE BLOGGERS ONCE, AND YOUNG
BEHIND ENEMY BLOGS
REMEMBER THE BLOGGERS
OH BLOGGER, WHERE ART THOU?
GONE IN 60 BLOGS
THE WHOLE NINE BLOGS
10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT BLOGS
FEAR AND BLOGGING IN LAS VEGAS
ENEMY OF THE BLOG
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BLOGGERS
BLOGGER ON THE ROOF
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Ten Reasons Why BlogLand Is Like Italy
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Posted:Jan 27, 2007 3:48 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2023 2:44 pm
19982 Views
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Sometimes in Italy, you just can't figure out what the hell they are trying to say. In BlogLand it can be the same way.
Italians love large families. BlogLanders are like a large family to me.
Strolling and window shopping is a Roman past-time. Shopping for interesting posts in BlogLand is pretty much the same thing.
Along with their opera, Italians are very fond of their baroque. Often BlogLanders too, can be seen adorning their blogs and signatures with gaudy flourishes and finishes.
Italians enjoy going out and showing themselves in public. By definition, BlogLanders are no different.
Italians are creative and extraordinarily expressive. So are BlogLanders.
While inefficiency abounds at all levels of government in Italy, the trains still run. In BlogLand, where stuff is always breaking down it's still possible to get a post out in some form or other.
The Gelato in Italy comes in myriad colors and flavors. It reminds me of the posts of BlogLand.
Awe inspiring classics from antiquity lie underneath the very ground in Italy. The same can certainly said for the basements of BlogLand.
Italians can cook. So can keith.
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Selections From the BlogLand Dictionary
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Posted:Jan 26, 2007 12:00 am
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2023 7:31 pm
18694 Views
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historigasm hiss-tor-i-gazum
n. A euphoric, goose-pimply sensation resulting from exposure to significant historical sites and artifacts. example keithcancook experienced a powerful historigasm when he visited Piazza San Pietro.
Ciao! 
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Grandma and the Snake
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Posted:Dec 17, 2006 5:55 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2010 11:31 am
22241 Views
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For the Holiday Season, The Venting Blog is proud to present The Grandma Manuscripts. These are a series of true stories that I hope will delight you all as we remember those that we love.
When I was 16, I got a snake for a pet. I bought it with my own money and although my parents weren't too keen on the idea, they indulged me. It was a 3 foot boa constrictor, and I thought it was pretty cool. My grandmother however did not like snakes. In fact, she felt that they were representations of evil.
Before she came for her next visit, my parents told me that I had to get rid of the snake while she was here. One of my friends agreed to take the snake for a few weeks so I sent all the stuff over there.
However, he did not clear this with his parents as I had thought. After my grandmother arrived he brought me the snake. He said he could not keep it. He did not bring me the aquarium, as it was too big to carry and he did not have use of a car that night. Another of my friends was due back from a beach vacation the next day, and I planned to take the snake to him.
Now the question was what should I do with a snake without a cage for one night? Being a quick thinker but apparently not a very deep one, I came up with a plan. My grandmother had done all the laundry that day. My hamper was clear. I pulled a clean t-shirt out of my drawer and put it at the bottom of the hamper along with the snake. Grandmother would not be disturbing laundry baskets at least until the next day, so I felt that I could get the dang snake in and out of my house and no one would be the wiser.
Shortly after, all the family were gathered in the den and we were watching a movie together, even grandma. At some point she got up and started piddling around but I took little notice, my attention mostly focused upon the television.
Suddenly a blood curdling scream came from the area of my bedroom. Before anyone could react my grandmother came running into the den, arms flailing wildly. She went to the middle of the room and then went down to the floor. It was the most dramatic scene I had ever witnessed. My mom and dad rushed to her aid.
I saw that she was ok (mostly, as I couldn't understand the Italian she was babbling), and being the only one there who had a pretty good idea of what this was all about, I slipped away and went to my bedroom. There on the floor was the t-shirt. On the other side of the room was the snake. The poor woman had the dang snake right in her hand! I guess she couldn't abide the fact that there was an unwashed t-shirt and she just had to do something about it.
I grabbed the snake and bolted for the door. I didn't know where I was going, I just got the hell out of there. I was in big trouble and I didn't want to face it just then. I started down the street with no destination in mind. Soon the futility of my "escape" became clear, and I turned and headed back home where my stern faced parents awaited me.
I got in a lot of trouble for that incident, and as usual, my grandmother interceded for me to lessen the blow.
Over the years, that story has become a family classic.
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Grandma and the Angels
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Posted:Dec 15, 2006 12:29 pm
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2006 9:13 pm
19316 Views
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For the Holiday Season, The Venting Blog is proud to present The Grandma Manuscripts. These are a series of true stories that I hope will delight you all as we remember those that we love.
My grandmother was a very spiritual woman. For her, the forces of good and evil in the world were animate and could interact with mortals here on earth. She was visited by both the angels of heaven as well as those from the nether regions .
These visions both disturbed and fascinated me. The fascination lay in the way she seemed to have concrete answers to mysteries that priests wouldn't touch. What disturbed me was that I found I doubted her.
She put much faith in dream reading, and she interpreted her dreams as premonitions of things to come. Significant events such as deaths, accidents, births and the like often came to her in dreams and she was able to provide many examples of these dream events becoming actual events.
She was actually visited by an angel, and she told me about it. This angel appeared to her in a public restaurant. Prior to my grandfathers death by accident, my grandmother was seated at a booth eating alone. She was looking down reading the menu and when she looked up there was a beautiful man seated across from her. That was how she described him - beautiful. He was dressed in a fine suit and she said that his eyes were clear . The clearest, most beautiful eyes she had ever beheld. His skin was very pale, without blemish.
The angel told her that a very bad time was coming, and that she would lose that which she loved. He told her to prepare for a time of great trial and peril. She begged the angel to not allow these things to come to pass, but the angel softly yet firmly told her that they were to be. She said she looked away and when she looked back he had vanished. Shortly therafter her husband met his fate.
The trials predicted by the angel came to pass as well. She found she felt doubt concerning God, and her faith was shaken. She was tempted to leave the path of her faith and for a time she felt that God had abandoned her. She told me she found resolve and battled the bad thoughts and in the end wrapped herself within her faith. It was at this point that she was visited by Satan.
She said she went down into her basement and while she was down there she realized she was not alone. She said the Dark Angel was there. She felt his presence and there he was. He was sort of wrapped in shadow but she could see him.
At this point I pricked up my ears because at last I was going to hear something concrete about this Satan character that the priests had filled my head with. I was frightened by the idea of "satan" and it was with both dread and unbridled curiosity that I leaned forward in rapt attention.
I was waiting to have the horns, hooves, and tail confirmed, but no. This angel too, was beautiful. The eyes, the skin, all of it was like the other angel. But this angel had a presence that chilled to the bone. I suppose it was like an aura or something.
Oddly, I cannot remember the words she used, but I will never forget the gist of what happened. Apparantly this dark angel sensed that her formerly unwavering faith was filled with doubt. She had almost pulled herself away from her faith when she rediscovered her resolve, and embraced once again her faith in God. Satan did not want to lose my grandmother now that he was so close.
I remember all the hairs on my body tingling as my grandmother related this to me. I can almost again feel the dread I felt that moment, even as I write about it now. I leaned in even closer almost trembling, as I waited to hear the tale of the battle between Satan and my Grandmother.
But no. There was no battle. These words I do remember, nor shall I ever forget them. She looked at the Dark Angel and she said, "Get thee behind me satan, in the name of thy Lord Jesus." With that he was gone.
Funny, but I was rather disappointed. It seemed incredibly easy to defeat the demon. At the same time it was comforting to know that I need not fear satan again since now I knew the magic words that would make him disappear.
Interestingly, my fear of going down into basements can be traced back to that day.
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Grandma And The Fleas
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Posted:Dec 14, 2006 8:43 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2017 1:01 pm
21255 Views
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The Venting Blog is proud to present The Grandma Manuscripts. These are a series of true stories that I hope will delight you all as we remember those that we love.
We had a when I was a . That lived to a very old age. His last year was miserable and no matter what we did we could not get the fleas to stay off of him. Well he died, and this event occurred during one of grandmas visits.
The first few days were hell in that house. Without a to hop on those fleas began hopping on us. I would walk through the house in shorts sans shoes and they would jump up on me. I tried to kill 'em in the bathroom. I flicked 'em off my leg into the toilet and flushed 'em.
I decided that was no fun. Besides, the little buggers would hop on out and only half of 'em were getting flushed. So I filled the sink with some water. I decided it was easier to get 'em in there. But they wouldn't drown. They would float around until they got to the side and then they would spring out.
Irritated, I came up with a new plan. I put a slick on the surface of the water by using some liquid soap from the kitchen. Now when I put 'em in there they stayed there. And died there.
Satisfied with this method of pest control, I made forays through the house and gathered up dozens of 'em. Soon the sink was a major flea graveyard. Being a I tired of this exercise after awhile and went off in search of other pursuits.
Later that evening we were all seated at the table for the evening meal. I almost choked on my food when my grandmother excitedly told my mother that she had found a solution to the flea problem that had been plaguing us. "It's incredibly simple, all you have to do is put some soapy water out and they will jump right in."
I didn't say a word as my grandmother described her theory. Before I went to bed, she laid out little dishes of soapy water in strategic areas to entrap the fleas. Being a conscientious young lad, I gathered up some fleas, and put 'em in the little dishes. I didn't want to trick her. I just wanted her theory to work for her.
I put fleas in her dishes over the next several days until she left to visit elsewhere. Now that I am older, I wish I had told grandma about the fleas. I wonder if she embarrassed herself out there laying soapy flea traps in peoples homes when she was visiting. Knowing my grandma, I am sure that she ascribed it to the southern climate or southern fleas when it didn't work. For her, the flea/lemmings were a reality.
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Grandmother's In The Attic
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Posted:Dec 13, 2006 7:50 pm
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2010 6:18 pm
18019 Views
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For the Holiday Season, The Venting Blog is proud to present The Grandma Manuscripts. These are a series of true stories that I hope will delight you all as we remember those that we love.
My grandmother was noteworthy for many things. One of them involved cleaning. She didn't just tidy things up, she deconstructed a room and put it back together again. When she decided to clean the garage (which she did every trip to our house) all that was in the garage was carried out. Then came the hose. She'd flush that garage out with water and then sweep all the water out. I still remember her barefooted, with that hose in her hands. I can picture it like I am standing there.
Occasionally she would attempt to clean the attic. One day when I got home from school I walked into the den and stopped cold. There was a pile of deconstructed ceiling on the floor in the middle of the room. Above was a rather large hole and I could see straight up to the rafters.
Wide eyed, I ran to the back of the house where my mother and grandmother were. OMG. Apparantly while cleaning the attic she put her foot on the sheetrock and plunged through. She didn't fall all the way down. She caught herself and was hanging there with legs dangling. No one was home at the time. My mother was next door having tea and gossiping with the neighbor.
My little sister was the first to find her hanging there. Now my sister was a bit goofy as a youngster. (she is my most valued confidante today, but as a term of endearment my grandmother called her "Dumbdora" on occasion). So my sister walks in and sees grandma hanging.
"Linda! Linda! Go next door and get your mother!" my Grandmother cried. Linda calmly walked across the street to my mother. "Mom, grandma wants you" she said. My mother, in the midst of her beloved cup of tea and deeply involved with the latest neighborhood gossip, barely looked up and said "Ok, I will be home in a minute."
Linda went back home and found grandma still hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room. "Linda! Did you tell your mother to hurry? Go back and bring her here NOW!"
"Okay grandma" Linda says. So she runs over to the neighbors house and yanks on my moms skirt..."mom, grandma needs you and she says to hurry, she is hanging from the roof!"
Well my mom, the neighbor, and Linda all come running over to our house. When they got there my grandmother had managed to pull herself up and make it safely back to earth. Just after that I arrived at the scene.
I sure do miss my grandmother, she didn't just tell stories. She was the stuff of stories.
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keithcancooks grandma
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Posted:Dec 13, 2006 8:06 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2006 11:50 am
17432 Views
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For the Holiday Season, The Venting Blog is proud to present The Grandma Manuscripts. These are a series of lighthearted stories that I hope will delight you all as we remember those whom we love.
My maternal grandmother was a very interesting woman. She was a full blooded Sicilian and she was one of nine . Her husband ran the local tavern in Hermanie, Pa. and he was one of the most popular men in that little town. He died rather young in an unfortunate accident, and in the following years my grandmother moved around quite often.
She would stay with various family members for a month or three and became a professional baby sitter. She would care for the of her many when they would leave town for vacations and other sundry reasons. Over the course of this she developed quite a style. To entertain the she told them stories. She made them up in her head and over time these stories and their characters developed continuity and carried a rich background. As , these stories mesmerized my cousins and sisters and myself. Television was in its infancy and was something we were beginning to love, but when grandma began her storytelling we all gathered around and listened eagerly.
One of her creations was ladybird. Ladybird brought candy and left it on the windowsill for "good" . I loved ladybird. I would constanly be asking grandma if she knew when ladybird might be visiting us soon, and where she might be at this moment. Grandma would tell me that ladybird was visiting these here and those there and that she would never forget to check in on little keith and his sisters. I believe that ladybird was the inspiration for my first hobby as a young boy....bird watching and building and painting bird models that my mother would buy for me.
My own received visits from ladybird as I continued this storyline even though grandma was not with us anymore. Also, my were told stories in the "grandma tradition" when I put them to bed each night. Occasionally I would read to them, but they were more eager for "daddys stories" which I made up (usually as I was telling them); creating my own roster of original characters (they really loved my "mad john" stories).
Storytelling as a form of entertainment for seems to be waning in these modern times. Now parents prefer to let television, movies and other forms of media entertain their rather than spending the time with them themselves. Such a pity...
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Classic Comments #9
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Posted:Dec 6, 2006 11:21 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2014 10:11 pm
22078 Views
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The Venting Blog Presents: Classic Comments
Ho! HO! HO! Today's Classic Comment is of a holiday nature as we travel back to a Christmas past with our friend PurryKitty2. Purry was feeling a bit festive as she challenged BlogLand to rework a beloved holiday classic.
Here is a reprinting of her post [post 146932], first published on November 18, 2005.
PurryKitty2
11/18/2005 2:39 pm
I am in a festive holiday mood and thought we could have a little fun.....
Lets write "Twas the Night Before Xmas" together....the only catch is you have to finish the story and say what would happen if I was in your house ; (Y)
So here goes.........?*
Twas the Night Before Xmas and Purry was in my house.........not a creature was........... >>! .........visions of sugar plums..........well somebody's plums
Happy Holidays My Blog Friends! I look forward to hearing how you finish the story
Purry {=}
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Always up for a challenge, keithcancook took the reins and delivered his gift. See it all in Purry's blog [blog PurryKitty2].
11/18/2005 4:59 pm
Twas the night before Xmas
and Purry's in my house.
My "creature" was stirring,
my hand in her blouse.
Her stockings were spreading,
her feet in the air.
In hopes that my creature
soon would be there...
Purry lay naked all tucked in her bed,
diddling her sugar plum, while giving me head.
She spread out her "kerchief", I slipped in my "cap",
And the bloggers who witnessed, all stood up and clapped.
When inside my mind there arose such a clatter
orgasmic crescendos exploded and splattered!
Away to nirvana we flew like a flash,
then Purry, she shuddered, and shook her sweet ass.
The moonlight did glisten on her heaving breast
revealing a rosy complexion all over her chest.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
but a thousand small goosebumps and one tiny tear. |
MERRY CHRISTMAS BLOGLAND! 
For more Classic Comments see:
Classic Comments 1 (This one's a real hoot folks. Check it out)
Classic Comments 2 (love poetry between kcc and mzhuny)
Classic Comments 3 (a song for the BlogLand Retirement Home)
Classic Comments 4 (bad puns)
Classic Comments 5 (even worse puns)
Classic Comments 6 (slapstick comedy)
Classic Comments 7 (insulting an ol pal)
Classic Comments 8 (another nausiating pun)
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Classic Comments #8
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Posted:Nov 9, 2006 8:36 pm
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2015 8:09 pm
23423 Views
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The Venting Blog Presents: Classic Comments
Hi ! In this episode of Classic Comments you are presented with another groaner from keithcancooks plethora of pathetic puns. (He's full of 'em).
Todays selection stems from the blog of the often absent, (and presently without profile pic), atta_girl. She posted the picture at left, along with her query on July 17, 2006 in her post oops.
look guys
atta sees
a dick
stuck between
that poor girls knees
and atta wonders how it got there
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That things gonna spurt. I'm not permitted to tell you when though.
(it's on a knees to hose basis). |
Sorry for that one, y'all. I cannot seem to stop myself... 
For more Classic Comments see:
Classic Comments 1 (This one's a real hoot folks. Check it out)
Classic Comments 2 (love poetry between kcc and mzhuny)
Classic Comments 3 (a song for the BlogLand Retirement Home)
Classic Comments 4 (bad puns)
Classic Comments 5 (even worse puns)
Classic Comments 6 (slapstick comedy)
Classic Comments 7 (insulting an ol pal)
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To link to this blog (keithcancook) use [blog keithcancook] in your messages.
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