CLASSIC POSTS #1
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Posted:Jun 28, 2008 11:10 pm
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2010 12:30 pm
22402 Views
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While working on a wholly other project, I came across an old file which contained an old link to an old post. Curious, I followed the link, and entered the post.
It was written by a young blogger in a young blog, addressing an ancient issue.
Anyway, I liked it enough to save it. But, to what end, I now wondered?
Aha! But, of course! To bring it back from the basement for you guys to see! Since the author has since deleted the post she will remain anonymous.
So, without further ado let's go back to the Autumn of 2006, and the post titled:
Cheater, Cheatee, or Other
I'm ALWAYS the girl that the cheater cheats with, whatever that is called. I can't seem to get out of this trend. As much as I tell myself I'm NOT going to sleep with my friends that have girlfriends or wives etc... I just cant stop myself. I am making a formal apology to all people that have been cheated on out there. I am sorry for being a part of the problem.
Enter keithcancook, jaw agape
8/14/2006 6:51 pm Lordy! I have been blogging for a long time, but I have never seen a post such as this. I'm so stunned that I am at a loss for words. 
I wonder if you are to be commended, damned, both, or neither! 
Thank you for making my day with this! 
Blog On!
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So, what do y'all think about this one? I suppose that many who wander into a site such as this have some experience with this sort of stuff. I know I do. Still, I hadn't quite run into this approach to cheating before. And haven't since. (which is the other reason that I liked her post enough to save it. It's unusual).
Even so, in my opinion, it's not much as far as an honest apology goes. Rather disingenuous, don't y'all think? She apologizes, but does not seem to intend to desist from her beguiling ways.
Anyway, all that remains is for y'all to answer her implied question. The one that I didn't touch... What would you call the girl who the cheater cheats with? 
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THE BLOGLAND HISTORICAL SOCIETY
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Posted:Jun 14, 2008 9:00 am
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2015 6:48 pm
23798 Views
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Hello, bloggers! How are y'all doing today?
Welcome to the BlogLand Historical Society page!
With the current total number of blog posts for all BlogLand briefly standing at ONE MILLION, FOUR HUNDRED FIFTY THOUSAND, NINE HUnDRED and THIRTY-TWO, (and continuously increasing at a highly industrious rate), we at the Historical Society are interested to know when each of our fellow BlogLanders began blogging.
To contribute to this project, please go into your blog basement and find the number of your very first post. Then enter it here, in the BlogLand Historical Society database.
If you wish, you may even post a link to it.***
We begin by posting the original post number for
keithcancook
7219
***The current president of the BlogLand Historical Society is a bit, um, batty, and he has a history of blogging in basements. He would most likely use those links as portals into the past. 
blog on, my friends!
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THOUGHTS WHILE DRIVING SOUTH THROUGH SC, GA, AND FL. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
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Posted:Jun 12, 2008 12:31 pm
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2008 9:47 pm
21757 Views
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- North? North, South Carolina? WTF? It's already sorta confusing, but what if you lived in the west part of that town? West North, South Carolina? Jeesh!
- Can I get a public radio station with talk through these parts? It's all Jeezus, Jazz, and Classical. I want my BBC! ...I chose Classical, and it was good.
- WTF is the matter with Georgia? One rest stop when you cross the state line, and then nothing till you cross into Florida well over 100 miles later??? I'm not the only one thinking that, too. Every trucker leaving Georgia pulled off into that one...
- Jupiter, Florida. Home to Tiger Woods and other famous athletes. Yet can they provide travellers a pot to piss in at 3AM? Hell no. Grrr. Karma will catch up to that uppity place sooner or later.
- Finally! At last! I got my BBC south of Daytona. -Yanno, I go to sleep every night with the BBC on. ...Five minutes later I awaken to find myself on cruise control at 75mph leaving the shoulder and heading into the swamp gator's domain. Yikes! No more BBC for me. A new rule for night driving.
- The "cold coffee" cure. Yep. A few seconds after slowing to 60mph and easing back onto the highway I attempted this "home" cure. You pour whatever is left from the cup into the palm of your hand, and then rub it into your sleepy eyes. It works! I still had many hours to go, but I was scared awake and stayed that way.
Blog On!
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King of the Ocean
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Posted:Jun 7, 2008 8:52 pm
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2011 8:49 am
21715 Views
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When keithcancook first saw the sea as a lad, it made a lasting impression on him. It seemed as if he had found the edge of the world, beyond which lay mystery and adventure. When he first learned to swim he went into the sea to learn its ways and discover its mysteries. Yet he could not seem to get very far into it. Each time he ventured in, the sea hurled him back to shore. Time and time again he tackled the sea only to find himself washed back to the sandy beach.
He soon discovered that the sea had no master, and that within its realm mere mortals were at its mercy. Undaunted, he continued to test himself, to show the sea that he was unafraid, and to inflate his own sense of strength and independence. He hurled insults at it, shouting at the top of his lungs. Yet the roar of the sea was lounder than he, and the winding wind carried his puny cries to that place where unheard sounds are sent. (Where that is nobody knows, since the sounds are never heard in the first place).
He tried to show the sea that he was strong, and used his football skills to tackle and block the mighty waves as they came crashing in. Yet the seas parted and passed around him as he threw his body against the endless rush.
He attempted to ride the waves, to have them serve him as his chariot to the shore. In this he was more successful, and soon he was gliding gracefully on top, racing in to shore just ahead of the cresting wave on which he rode feeling as Superman, flying through the heavens.
Every year he would return to the sea, and every year he would shout his insults, bash his body sideways into the crush of an oncoming swell, and ride the tide on in to shore. And in his mind a legend was born. The legend of the King of the Ocean.
I am the King of the Ocean. I tell myself this every time I enter in to my domain. I ride the waves until I can ride no more, and though battered and bruised, I remain unconquered.
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18
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South Florida
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Posted:Jun 5, 2008 12:14 pm
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2008 9:12 pm
20811 Views
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Bye ! I'm off to the tropics for a quick dip in the ocean. See y'all next week.
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7
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The Top Ten Reasons Why Long Hair Sucks
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Posted:Jun 2, 2008 2:57 pm
Last Updated:Jun 5, 2015 12:37 pm
21903 Views
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Some folks have inquired where keithcancook has been for the past year. Well, he's been out back growing his hair...
The Top Ten Reasons Why Long Hair Sucks
It flops around and gets in yer eyes all the dang time.
Countless hairs on the sink, floor, counter tops, furniture, walls, ceilings, and floating around in the air, become your constant companions.
Hair clogging the shower drain. It's disgusting to have to pick up clumps of it every time you bathe.
It's hot, and makes yer neck sweat.
It gets ugly and woolly-looking.
Your hats don't fit right anymore.
You need to always be aware of where the nearest brush is.
It hurts when you go to bed and forget that it's tied behind you in a ponytail.
Your friends have great sport making fun of it.
Strangers constantly approach and attempt to purchase various illegal items from you.
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So, Ya Wanna Be a Nation, Do Ya?
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Posted:Mar 18, 2008 7:25 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2008 8:42 pm
22224 Views
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What makes a nation? Its people, yes? They are the primary ingredient. Well, what makes a nation stand out? Hmmm, being a member of the United Nations seems to be part of the criteria. I guess that makes you legal. It is also good to have a lot of territory, but part of the problem is that some nations never seem to have enough territory and go out looking for more.
(I guess in some ways that can be good, since it makes it easier on geography students. They will have fewer nations to memorize the location of. Also, the United Nations building can only fit so many. With larger nations consuming smaller nations there is more room for everyone to stretch out as there are fewer seats cluttering up the place).
When they are not under attack, some small nations will try to build good soccer teams. If they can win a medal in an international competition, then they are well on their way to worldwide acclaim. Or in any sport for that matter. Hell, your whole damn nation can be flat as a pancake and located in the tropics, but you can still send a bobsled team to the Winter Olympics. That gets you recognition, but often it is mostly snickers and bad jokes about you. Nations should be careful when taking this route to get some attention.
It also helps if you have some nuclear weapons. That gives you instant recognition. If you are a nation with nuclear weapons folks will take you seriously in most cases.
But what if you cannot afford to build nuclear weapons? Heck, you may even be peaceful and not want any. Or worse, what if you aren't even able to afford a bobsled team? Well, if you want to be a nation, but need to be one on the cheap, then do like much of the rest of the world and brew a national beer!
Yes, a national beer is the way to go.* If you can get it into the marketplaces of larger nations a small nation can be recognized for it's beer. Jamaica is an example. Red Stripe is available in my city. Never having visited, I have come to identify the nation through its now famous beer. (Admittedly, the Reggae music is a big draw too).
Not to be outdone, Jamaica's Carribean neighbor The Dominican Republic, has been brewing Presidente Pilsener as a national beer in an attempt to get some love. And it is working. Although I have never drank a drought of Presidente Pilsener in my whole entire life...I want to. When Trinidad saw what was happening guess what they did? Yep, Royal Extra Stout. Sure they got it from the British, but ya gotta go with what ya know sometimes. Besides, I still want some.
Other small nations trying to get in on the game of global recognition have been hard at work to develop and market a brew that they can call their own. They can even mention it in tourist brochures too. Iceland has Viking Beer. I have never tased Viking Beer , but I want to. And when I think of Iceland, I think of Vikings. Now I will also be thinking that I want to try real Viking beer. It must be real. It is from the land of the Vikings and it has viking printed right there on the label. If I can drink REAL Viking Beer, then that is almost like being a Viking. I like Vikings. I want to drink their beer and be a Viking too.
New Zealand has Stenlager. Um, it sounds Germanic to me, but WTF do I know? Other than that I WANT some Stenlager in my stein right now.
Thailand has Singha Lager. I am not sure what that means, but its lager, and I want some.
Well whaddaya know? Here's a surprise. Alarmed by this bold Thai stroke, nearby Sri Lanka jumped up and furiously began marketing its own version of a national brew, the yet to be famous Lion Stout. Sure, they too got it from the British. (every colony got ale. they couldn't attract colonists without it). The Sri Lankans were in such a hurry that they failed to attach a more culturally defining or exotic sounding name to their product. Hey I'm happy with it. Hell, I even want to try some of it. Besides, I am sure that in the local tongue Lion Stout probably sounds pretty cool.
Some nations are confused when deciding the name of their national beer. Venezuela's national beer is Polar Pilsner. Um, excuse me Venezuela, but wouldn't Equatorial Pilsner be more appropriate? I understand it is probably hot there all the time, and you guys might believe that calling it Polar Pilsner will get people there to feel cool if they drink a beer with a temperature metaphor attached to it.
However, that is not the case. For crying out loud I will just get my beer from Antarctica if I want polar beer. As soon as someone colonizes the place that is. Once folks start living in a place they begin brewing beer. They may have to import the raw materials, but they will brew. And sooner or later they will market a national beer to attract some tourists. Followed by a bid for a seat at the United Nations. Whatever happens, as soon as Antarctican Ale becomes available it is certain that I will WANT SOME.
* Unless you are a moslem nation. Then you may have religious issues that preclude the brewing of a national brew. Of course you could secularize like Turkey has done. Then you can have a national beer like Efes Pilsener Premium Beer even though you are not allowed to drink it. So, they want to be in Europe. At least they are not stupid. They know that European Beer is the BEST IN THE WORLD, and if they want folks to think they are Real Europeans they damn sure better have a beer to back it up. All I really know about Turkish Beer is that I want some of that stuff too.
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keithcancook vs. the Radio
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Posted:Mar 12, 2008 9:54 pm
Last Updated:Mar 15, 2017 8:18 am
25539 Views
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So, my father has gone out of town for a few months, and he asked me to keep an eye on his house and water the plants, etc. Being a dutiful , of course I complied, and for the past two months I've gone over every few days to take care of the place. I would switch on different lights, and even spend the night on occasion.
Last night I went over there, and it was dark in the house. Hmm. Did I forget to leave any lights on? 
I entered through the door which led to the kitchen, was about to fumble for the light switch... ... when suddenly a man's voice spoke LOUDLY in the darkness right in my ear!
Without thinking I thrust my fist out towards the voice. HARD!
OW! CRASH! PAIN!
What I had hit was no man. It was the @$#%&! radio that I had left on to ward away intruders. Yep. A radio. I had left it on NPR and it was the BBC show. They seem to have a lot of pauses on that show, and there was an ongoing pause when I entered the house. Thus it was quiet and dark before that damn newscaster started spouting.
I would have posted a picture of the busted radio which I heroically defeated with a single punch - except that I had left my camera next to it earlier when I was taking nature photos of the lake behind his house. The camera went down with the radio, and now it won't work either.
Jeeze-O-Pete! No camera, no radio, a rapidly swelling right hand, and on top of everything else I soiled my pants.
Welcome to my world.
Editors note: The comments in this post are better than the actual post. Thanks y'all!
Blog on, everybody!
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Classic Comments #14
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Posted:Mar 11, 2008 9:59 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2010 1:15 pm
21172 Views
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The Venting Blog Presents: Classic Comments
Hi ! While bopping in the basement of the Mayor of Blogland I came across this old comment which caused me to laugh all over again. So, here's one from the blog of Her Eminance, [blog sexyfitwoman], foremost among us with her never ending sexual curiosity, and whose profile pix are the primary cause of blogal warming, (as well as the stiffening of my own eminence to blogactic proportions)
Now, without further ado, let me take you all back to July 24, 2005, and her post [post 53627].
sexyfitwoman 7/24/2005 2:35 pm
I'm very interested in this scientific, double blind cum tasting study, but what was I thinking? What about pussy tasting?
I think there are many variables that need to be tested, and sweets are only one of them.
But to be sure it isn't a specific type of sweet, like say chocolate, I think a variety of sweets should be tested.
And then there is fruit. There should be a mixed fruit test, and then each fruit should be testing alone, so maybe start with cherries for two days. Make sure the test is well done, eating cherries for two days is a lot of prep and it would be a shame to have to start over. Then say, strawberries for two day, then grapes, then banana, then apples, etc.
I'm sure research testing how different fruits make pussy taste could go on into September. Then, we can move onto the vegetables.
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7/24/2005 5:57 pm
Hopefully the taste testers will be allowed to eat straight from the box. |
For more Classic Comments see:
Classic Comments 1 (This one's a real hoot folks. Check it out)
Classic Comments 2 (love poetry between kcc and mzhuny)
Classic Comments 3 (a song for the BlogLand Retirement Home)
Classic Comments 4 (bad puns)
Classic Comments 5 (even worse puns)
Classic Comments 6 (slapstick comedy)
Classic Comments 7 (insulting an ol pal)
Classic Comments 8 (another nauseating pun)
Classic Comments 9 (reworking of an old Christmas story)
Classic Comments 10 (giving mzhuny what she wants)
Classic Comments 11 (papy's shrinking boobs. Plus you will find a bonus classic comment by my friend, and fellow punster [blog 1hotwahine] )
Classic Comments 12 (a bent rendition of Edelweiss)
Classic Comments 13 (an incomplete cluster fuck)
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10
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Classic Comments #13
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Posted:Mar 10, 2008 10:00 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2011 10:36 pm
23103 Views
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The Venting Blog Presents: Classic Comments
The main thing that keeps me in BlogLand is the interaction with other bloggers that occurs in the comment areas of our posts. I thrive on the banter between bloggers that is to be found there.
I knew when I left my original comment in the blog of the irrepressible [blog Ready_11] (who will always be ReadyToLay to me - and which will become evident if you read on...), that it would be brought back for this series. What I didn't expect was the conversation that followed over the next several days.
As a result, I have decided to include that running conversation in this post.
Still, my main motivation for including it in this series was the fact that I, keithcancook, was able to soften the irascible, hotheaded Ready, and cause her to forget her anger.
With that said, let us go back to September 23, 2007 where we find the lovable Ready all wound up over the shitty service we receive from our friends at Senior Sizzle...
Her post [post 1058268] begins:
Ready_11 9/23/2007 10:51 pm
FUCK THIS PLACE...IS THERE ANY PART OF THIS SITE THAT IS NOT A COMPLETE CLUSTER FUCK..??..I'M OUT OF HERE..!!
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Enter keithcancook....
9/25/2007 8:38 pm
Come to The Venting Blog where only incomplete cluster fucks can be found... 
blog on!
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Next follows the reply and counter-replies...
Ready_11 9/26/2007 11:20 pm
Damn it Keith you just made me *laugh*...Now stop that..!!..How can I piss and moan if I'm *smiling*..!!
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9/27/2007 12:10 am
It's my job, Ready honey. It's what I do... 
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Ready_11 9/27/2007 3:19 pm
And you do it so well
You do know I'd do you in a Heart beat
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9/27/2007 5:57 pm
Aw, you would be welcomed with open arms, lover girl. 
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Ready_11 9/28/2007 7:34 am
..So did we just have cyber sex..??
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9/29/2007 10:06 am
LMAO! Sort of.
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Ready_11 9/29/2007 10:33 am
Ready lights a cigarette..ahhhh I hope it was as good for you as it was for me..!!LOL
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9/29/2007 8:32 pm
What? Can't you see my after-glow? 
Now yer bogarting. Pass it on over...
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Ready_11 9/30/2007 8:42 am
Why yes you do look radiant..oh and here..passes ciggy...So is this where we do it again or snuggle or at our age just fall a sleep..??
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9/30/2007 8:39 pm
Roll over and find out, sugar muffin!
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Ready_11 10/1/2007 9:09 am
Ouu..rolls over and snuggles...waits to see what happens
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10/1/2007 9:30 am
All I'm gonna tell you is that it will feel very very good...
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Ready_11 10/1/2007 10:28 am
Ready *giggles and squirms in anticipation*
Not to mention your becoming quite the distraction  ...Ready Fans herself..!!
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That was pretty much it until I went back two months later (yes, I cannot desist from basement blogging - it's in my blood I believe...) and found another blogger jumping in on the action...
TheOracleofFire 11/11/2007 4:41 pm
I love how Keith can make a woman feel... Ready!... for a threesome?
LOL... he made you forget you were pissed... now I wonder what we could do together...
L'Oracle de L'Amour
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Ready_11 11/22/2007 12:51 pm
Yes I hear what your saying..LOL..Well I don't know about that but I'm definitely up for a little one on one with *Him* *Wink*
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11/26/2007 3:09 am
(surprise)
H
 (modesty)
H
(pausing to consider)
H
 (conceiving an idea)
blog on, my darlings!
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Ready_11 11/26/2007 1:49 pm
We Shall..!!
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BlogLand sure can be a lot of fun if you have the right attitude! Plus it helps if you return to posts where you commented to continue the fun...
blog on, everyone!
For more Classic Comments see:
Classic Comments 1 (This one's a real hoot folks. Check it out)
Classic Comments 2 (love poetry between kcc and mzhuny)
Classic Comments 3 (a song for the BlogLand Retirement Home)
Classic Comments 4 (bad puns)
Classic Comments 5 (even worse puns)
Classic Comments 6 (slapstick comedy)
Classic Comments 7 (insulting an ol pal)
Classic Comments 8 (another nauseating pun)
Classic Comments 9 (reworking of an old Christmas story)
Classic Comments 10 (giving mzhuny what she wants)
Classic Comments 11 (papy's shrinking boobs. Plus you will find a bonus classic comment by my friend, and fellow punster [blog 1hotwahine] )
Classic Comments 12 (a bent rendition of Edelweiss)
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15
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Classic Comments #12
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Posted:Mar 9, 2008 10:19 pm
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2015 9:47 pm
22493 Views
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The Venting Blog Presents: Classic Comments
Yes folks, that's right. I've been reduced to posting comments that I've made in your blogs. As I have noted before ( Classic Comments 3 ) , sometimes when I visit a blog I am inspired to break out in song. Such was the case when I stumbled into the blog of simon482006 this past October.
In her post titled: [post 1101370] simon took a shot at one of my favorite all time musicals - The Sound of Music - with the following rendition.
simon writes:
simon482006 10/21/2007 3:26 pm
Sing along to the tune of "These are a few of my Favorite Things"
Big Hairy Balls and a Dick in between them
Fucking my Pussy U give me ur Semen
Pounding my Pussy and making it Sing
These are a Few of my Favorite things
When the Condom breaks When I menstruate
When Im feeling SAD
I simply remember my Favorite Things
And Then I dont Feel Sooooooo Baddddd
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Not to be outdone I reached into my bag of tricks and yanked out this little ditty...
10/21/2007 4:06 pm
LMAO! Good one simon!
Sing this one to Edelweiss...
Anal vice, Anal vice
Every morning you seat me.
Dark and tight, it feels alright
As long as I do it discreetly.
It's awesome I know, when I see myself grow
see myself growing more clever.
Anal vice, Anal vice
I Pray my dick I don't sever.
blog on!
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For more Classic Comments see:
Classic Comments 1 (This one's a real hoot folks. Check it out)
Classic Comments 2 (love poetry between kcc and mzhuny)
Classic Comments 3 (a song for the BlogLand Retirement Home)
Classic Comments 4 (bad puns)
Classic Comments 5 (even worse puns)
Classic Comments 6 (slapstick comedy)
Classic Comments 7 (insulting an ol pal)
Classic Comments 8 (another nausiating pun)
Classic Comments 9 (reworking of an old Christmas story)
Classic Comments 10 (giving mzhuny what she wants)
Classic Comments 11 (papy's shrinking boobs. Plus you will find a bonus classic comment by my friend, and fellow punster [blog 1hotwahine] )
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9
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The Adventures of cook & kooc
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Posted:Mar 9, 2008 7:26 pm
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2015 3:48 pm
20574 Views
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keithcancook
koocnachtiek
Over the years, keithcancook and koocnachtiek, the primary characters of The Venting Blog, have found themselves in some unusual situations. In the following example from the Spring of 2005, cook has discovered an Australian lass in distress...
In her post I can't take it any more we find wyvernrose in some serious need.
wyvernrose 5/17/2005 11:46 am
I can't take it any more
I need it, I want it, I need to be touched and played with, I need to feel the body press against mine, the caress of the lips, the brush of the skin...
My body is throbbing craving demanding,
I must have it NOW!!!!!!!!!
My body is totally aware waiting for it just the feel of your breath ANYWHERE!
take my crop, use it, bring it along up the inside of my thigh, stroke me, touch me, Slap me, HIT me with it!
bring that ice, drip drip drip, between my breasts, across my cheeks, between my crack, mmmmm Fill me with its chill!
Enter me, your shaft of heat, fuck me back to LIFE!
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Enter keithcancook...
Jeezus H. ! I am on my way in an Aussie hurry!
I'm coming too! Don't leave me out of this keithcantwait! We can both do her...
Okay, if you insist kooc . Grab that other oar and get to work!
...Oar? ...You idiot! By the time we get there she will be over it. They have jet planes these days don't ya know?
DOH! |
With nothing else for it, our intrepid heroes begin rowing furiously. cook rows north, while kooc rows south... (I reckon they're both idiots)
Hey! This oar is a stage prop made out of Styrofoam! It will never last the journey! wyvernrose aint gonna wait, and other bloggers are rushing to her aid. No doubt Tala will beat us to her.
GRRRRR! Now what? We are in a pickle for sure.
It's just another fine mess you have gotten us into. Up the ocean with a useless paddle.
Whoa! You just stop right there kooc. That's MY line, your part is to play the straight man. |
Meanwhile, Tala, ( [blog Tala4u2] ), has sprung a trap and sent a koala invasion force by sea, and Flying Penguins through the air...
Hey! What's that on the horizon? No No. Over there! Do you see THAT?
OMG!!! It's the koala INVASION FLEET! Grab that oar and row for your life!
Forget it. It is TOO LATE. Look up koocnachtiek. Our doom is at hand. We are being flanked by Flying Penguins!!! |
Will our heroes avoid the evil forces arrayed against them? Can the dastardly Tala prevent them from completing their holy mission?
And what of the fair damsel in distress, wyvernrose? Will she ever achieve satisfaction for her holy of holies?
Stay tuned to The Venting Blog for the answers to these and other questions concerning a wholly bent blogger...
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To link to this blog (keithcancook) use [blog keithcancook] in your messages.
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