The Pakcik (Old Folk) Joke...
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Posted:Sep 25, 2015 6:32 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 3:33 am
9181 Views
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Seorang perempuan baru saja menjalani rawatan wajah sempena hari jadinya. Wanita itu sudah pun membelanjakan lebih kurang RM5,000.00 dan berasa sangat puas hati. Dalam perjalanan pulang ke rumah selepas menjalani rawatan itu, dia singgah sebentar di sebuah kedai mamak untuk membeli surat khabar. Semasa membayar duit surat khabar itu, diapun bertanya pada mamak tuan punya kedai itu.
“Mamak, boleh tanya tak? awak, agak-agak berapa umur saya sekarang ini?” tanya wanita itu.
“Lebih kurang 30 tahun”, mamak itu menjawab.
“Tidaklah, sebenarnya saya sudah berumur 50 tahun.” jawab wanita itu riang kerana orang masih menyangkanya lebih muda dengan wajah barunya itu. Tidak lama kemudian, dia singgah pula ke McDonalds. Semasa mengorder burger, wanita itu pun mencelah dan bertanya pada awek yang menjaga kaunter. Soalan yang sama seperti yang dia tanya pada mamak tadi.
Awek itupun menjawab, “Entahlah, rasanya dalam 29 tahun kot”.
Wanita itu pun menjawab, “Tidaklah dik, kakak sudah berumur 50 tahun.” Wanita itu bertambah-tambahlah happy, dan menyambung perjalanan untuk pulang ke rumah. Semasa menunggu bas, wanita itu duduk bersebelahan dengan seorang pakcik tua di satu Bus Stop. Sebab boring tunggu bas lama sangat, wanita itu pun bertanya kepada pakcik itu. Soalan yang sama seperti yang dia tanya pada awek McDonalds tadi.
Pakcik itupun menjawab, “Pak cik sudah tua. Umurpun sudah 75 tahun. Mata pakcik sudah kabur, tapi pakcik boleh tahu berapa umur seseorang wanita itu dengan satu cara. Dulu masa muda-muda dulu pakcik ada belajar.”
“Macam mana caranya?”, tanya wanita itu pula ingin tahu.
“Pakcik kena rasa dan kaji bahagian sulit wanita itu, barulah pakcik boleh bagi tahu dengan tepat”.
Mereka berdua diam seketika. Wanita itu pula rasa ingin tahu sangat-sangat apa cara yang digunakan oleh orang tua itu. Akhirnya wanita itu berkata:
“Ahh… tidak kisahlah pakcik, pakcik boleh rasa bahagian sulit saya, saya hendak tahu macam mana pakcik boleh tahu umur saya”.
“Baiklah”‘ kata pakcik tua tu.
Mereka berdua pun pergi kat bahagian belakang bangunan di mana tiada orang. Kemudian pakcik tua itupun menarik ke bawah seluar dalam wanita tersebut dan start lah meraba alat sulit wanita tersebut. Selepas beberapa minit, wanita tu pun berkata:
“Okay! Okay! cukup tu pakcik, saya pun dah mula stim ni...sekarang saya hendak pakcik beritahu berapa umur saya.”
Pakcik itu pun berhenti meraba dan menjawab, “Umur awak sudah 50 tahun.”
Mendengar jawapan pakcik itu, maka terkejut beruklah wanita itu.
“Fuiyooo…macam magic jer, macam mana pakcik boleh tahu?”, tanya wanita tersebut.
Pakcik tua itupun dengan tersenyum lebar menjawab,
“Pakcik beratur belakang awak tadi dekat McDonalds, heheheheh”.😜😜😜
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Better Late Than Never ..
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Posted:Dec 29, 2013 11:37 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 3:33 am
15878 Views
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As the above says.. Here is me Wishing everyone A Merry Christmas and a Happy 2014 ...
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November 2013
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Posted:Nov 4, 2013 7:00 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 3:33 am
16006 Views
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Hi Fellow Senior Sizzle . Its been too long since i posted due to the fact that i have moved and the current place does not have any internet service and to add more to it , new work has been a struggle too.
I do hope all of you have been great,naughty and bringing the spirit of togetherness. Managed to catch up with some of your blogs since it has been months. Nice to read and such amazing adventure.
I do hope that my internet issue can be solved , awaiting UNIFI .
Till then peeps.. Stay safe ,healthy and keep on Sexing.. !
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Jokes to be Shared.
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Posted:Jun 15, 2013 4:03 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 3:33 am
16865 Views
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1) A salesman go out of town for business. After a couple of weeks he comes home and tells his wife about it. "Guess what dear, I earned 4000 dollars by selling 50 mattresses and 30 pairs of panties." The wife replies "Really, well with just one mattress and no panties I earned twice as much."
2) A man is telling his friend of a recent experience: "I was walking along beside the railway line" he says, "When I saw this girl tied to the tracks. Well, naturally I freed her, pulled her off the tracks and ended up having sex with her all night." "Did you get a blow job?" asks his friend. "No!" he says, "I never did find the head."
3)Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, this economy sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking ass!" Too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language. "That’s okay," the blonde replied, "I have a very similar problem. If I don’t sell more ass this month, I’m going to lose my fucking car!"
4) Two parents take their on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the goes and plays in the water. The comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got !"
5)
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3 Guys Share a Bed
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Posted:May 21, 2012 10:04 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2013 4:03 am
20325 Views
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Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.
In the morning, the guy on the right said "I had this great dream last night, that a girl gave me a handjob"
The guy on the left replied "That's weird so did I"
Finally, the guy in the middle said "Lucky for you guys...I only dream't I was skiing"
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Joke 1
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Posted:May 21, 2012 9:53 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2013 4:04 am
20503 Views
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A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
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Gong Xi Gong Xi!
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Posted:Jan 21, 2012 6:59 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 3:33 am
20262 Views
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Greetings everyone!
I would like to wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year!
May everyone be bless with prosperity,wealth and health !
Gong Xi Gong Xi !!
Cheers Ya'll
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5 Things That Shouldn’t Happen In The Bedroom
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Posted:Sep 19, 2011 12:58 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2013 4:05 am
21202 Views
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1. Surprise butt sex.
I get it. The anus and the vagina are pretty close together, especially in certain positions, and a guy could easily make a mistake and go for the other hole. That said, there’s a difference between the accidental poke (ie: the instigator apologizes profusely upon realizing the error of his ways) and a clearly premeditated anal sex attack, which includes a whole lot of feigned ignorance (Really? You didn’t notice the complete lack of lubrication and the unusual tightness?) mixed with a ton of reluctance and a sad face when you don’t go along with it. Pure gauche.
2. Body shaming.
Being nude in front of someone else can be extremely scary. Most of us have at least one part of our body that we’re not 100 percent thrilled about, so when we get naked, we’re vulnerable. So that means play nice. Whatever flaw you perceive your partner’s body to have? They’ve already noticed it. Don’t pinch someone’s fat and make a face (based on a true story). Don’t scoff at his penis. And don’t spend time exaggeratedly gagging at what you perceive to be excessive amount of genital hair – if that is really an issue, bring it up later, in a mature, thoughtful way. If you ultimately don’t find someone else attractive, that’s totally fine, but there is no reason to be hurtful or disrespectful about it.
3. Pressuring.
Let’s say you really want to try some new position, or introduce a toy, or role play, or whatever. And you express your desire to your partner, and they veto it. Let it go. Move on for now. Don’t whine, pout, or try to emotionally manipulate your partner into doing whatever it is you want to do. Not only is it extremely annoying, but it can also make your partner feel like their opinions aren’t valued.
4. Comparisons.
I’ve thought about other people during sex before. I’m sure all of our minds have wandered, thinking about past experiences or indulging in a little fantasy sex with the celeb of our choice. That’s normal. But, for example, if your partner is going down on you and you can’t stop thinking about the way your ex used to do it, absolutely, under no circumstances, should you say anything like, “Oh, Brandon used to [do it like this/do it so much better].” You can guide your partner without bringing up someone else, especially someone you’ve banged before. That is insensitive, rude and callous.
5. Unwanted aggression
First of all, I’d like to address the practice of men pushing women’s heads down when we’re giving head. For any guys reading this, that is a big bundle of no. If you want us to go harder, faster, deeper, use your words. Most of us have gag reflexes, and we have to work up to porn star BJs. Calm down. On a more general note, please keep it consensual, all the way. If your partner seems hesitant, slow down, communicate, make sure you’re on the same page. Consent is a dynamic concept, and you can’t assume that the second clothes come off, everything is on the table.
Cheers
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Top Ten Rules When Working In Porn
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Posted:Sep 18, 2011 1:48 am
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2011 12:53 pm
21584 Views
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1.
Understand That Images Will Last Forever
Once you are on film your work will be out there for the whole world to see and will remain available should the distributor choose. Even if your video is discontinued it will still be out there and may even become pirated and viewable illegally. Not only that but the pictures promoting the film may not only be used by the distributors but may be easily copied by anyone who visits the web sites selling them.
You will also run the risk of someday having a friend or family member and/or employer seeing your photo or video. Is their reaction something that you will be able to handle?
2.
Be Current In Testing For STDs
When working on a porn shoot they will most likely want you to show that you are STD free. They will want proof via paperwork within 30 days. Often times if you show up without paperwork they will not let you film. You should not film with someone who does not have their paperwork either. Also remember that just because someone is tested they may have been with a personal sexual partner that gave them an STD in-between the time they last worked and may not be STD free. This is one of the risks of doing this type of job.
3.
Have Proper Identification
You are going to have to have proper identification in order to do any type of legitimate work within the porn industry. You will need two forms of identification with photos on them These are required by law. You are also required to hold up your ID and be photographed with it. If you do not show up with your IDs then you will be sent home.
4.
Have Good Personal Hygiene
You are going to want to be clean when you show up to work so make sure to bathe, douche, have your pubic area in good condition and look as though you have some pride in your appearance. You should also bring hygiene products to freshen up with in-between takes such as baby wipes, etc.
Pubic Hair - The best thing to do is to wax, laser or use electrolysis. Razors leave rashes and ingrown hairs.
Body Makeup - This can be used to cover any blemishes that you might have on your body. If you do a lot of work you may have to cover bruising.
Don't Forget Your Behind - Anal bleach may be a good call and something you can pick up at a local drugstore.
Porn Star Tip- One thing to keep in mind is that studios looking for A-list porn stars prefer that their actors do not have tattoos. If you are considering getting one- don't. If you have one, consider removal or not featuring it. If you are not shooting for the glamor of an A-list porn star status, this may not be an issue.
5.
Be Punctual & Quick To Perform The Way You Are Asked To
This is a job and you are going to treat it as such. Be professional, get there early and make sure that you have brought the things that you will need such as hygiene products, costumes and other things that you have been told to bring. Even if you are the star of the shoot, you have other people such as costars, gaffers, film crew, the director, makeup and wardrobe crew that are all having to be paid to be there. The last thing you want to do is not be prepared as it will give you a bad reputation and could lead to loss of a job or work in the long run. Again, this is a business and you must treat it as such or you will not be asked back. The old adage of time is money is never more true on a film set so make sure you respect others if you want work. Do not just blow off a shoot, make sure you call in advance to turn it down.
6.
You Are Being Paid To Be Cooperative
Remember that the screenwriter, producer and director have hired you to do a project that they envision. Most of them have spent hours developing a project that you could ruin in minutes by being uncooperative. Although most filmmakers will listen to constructive criticism, or ask for some creative input, be very tactful and never forget that they are paying you to be in their project, not the opposite. Also be courteous, friendly and respectful of your coworkers. Prima donna attitudes are not tolerated easily.
7.
Do Only The Sex Acts You Want To
Make sure that you are well informed about the studio that is hiring you to do work. When you do an interview make sure to ask what sex acts will be expected before you go so that there is no misunderstanding about what you are willing to do. You have the right to say no at any time, however try not to wait until you are doing a scene to change your mind. You are costing them money and time and this will not go over well for your professional reputation. That is why we encourage you to really think this through BEFORE you do it.
8.
Don't Perform On A Non-tested Professional
You do not have to perform sex acts in order to get a job. Most legitimate talent and casting agents, directors and producers are not required to get HIV tests done and you should be very wary about sexually servicing them for a job. You should be hired on the basis of your looks, talent, professionalism and availability. Remember that even if you do give in and provide free sex that you may still not end up with a job.
9.
Don't Sign The Model Release Form Until You Have Payment
If you have not worked with a studio before, you may want to let them know that you won't sign the model release until you have payment to ensure that you are compensated. You will be playing hardball with them and may even risk a job, but the bottom line is that a video cannot be released until they have that paperwork and with porn producers you need to make sure that you protect yourself and get paid. What you may want to do is ask that they have your payment ready at the beginning of the shoot and you will sign the model release once your payment is given to you. Let them know that before the shoot so that there is no conflict on the day of filming.
10.
Be Loyal To Your Agent
If you get an agent, you should treat them as well as they have treated you. If they have set you up with a lot of jobs and great income than make sure you pay them in return through your loyalty.
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Top 10 Reasons To Go To Work Naked
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Posted:Sep 13, 2011 2:29 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2011 8:01 pm
21155 Views
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You’ve always wanted to do it, now here are the top 10 reasons to go to work buck naked!
More here: Funny Lists
10. No one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.
6. So that -with a little help from Music- you can add “Exotic Dancer” to your exaggerated resume.
5. You want to see if it’s like the dream.
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in mypants.”
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
…and (drum roll, please) the number one reason to Go To Work Naked:
1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00.
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Oni-kyan, Shakotan and Hippari - Japan Style
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Posted:Sep 11, 2010 8:34 am
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2010 11:27 am
22008 Views
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Oni-kyan (Demon camber), Shakotan (car with lowered body) and Hippari (pulled or stretched tires) are some of the more extreme wheel and suspension modifications that can be seen on many cars at car shows and parking lots in Japan. Although not restricted to ‘low rider style’ vehicles such as older ハイソカー (Haiso Car) and performance cars, it’s probably these that are most associated with the tuning technique. Current model vans and VIP cars also get the treatment and are becoming more popular, even showing up at small local shows like the Sunshine Kobe Super Auto Collection. The aim of these types of modifications are not only to get the car as low as can possibly be with the most negative camber and widest wheels, but to alter the overall look of an everyday car to get it looking how the car manufacturer should’ve made it in the first place… real tough!
Oni-kyan(鬼キャン)
Oni-kyan literally means ‘Demon Camber’. It’s been used for many types of car modification whether it be a drift car, a 街道レーサー (’Kaidou’ or Highway Racer), or even RC cars but these days it’s mostly found on VIP cars or modified vans. For a while Demon Camber was popular with drifters but has since fallen out of favor as the negatives like increased wear and loss of overall stability outweighed the positives of having more front end grip… so Oni-kyan has become a visual style more than anything. The wildest Oni-kyan fitments are usually in the realm of VIP cars, often they run 12 inch or wider alloy wheels that necessitate a lot of negative camber in order to fit these wider wheels underneath the standard wheel arches while keeping the car as low as possible.
To get the best effect the offset of the wheels are carefully chosen to get the top outer edge of the rim exactly in line with the body work with the bottom outer edge sticking way outside the body of the car, sometimes at angles of 10 or even 15 degrees! Depending on the owners budget, airbag or coil over suspension is used to get the car low while front and rear upper arms about 10mm or more shorter than standard are used to get Demon Camber angles. Front wheel drive vans (even Kei vans) with beam rear suspension use ‘camber axels‘ to get up to 8 degrees negative camber at the rear.
Shakotan (シャコタン/車高短)
Shakotan means ‘Lowered Car’ or literally ‘Short Height Car’. Just like any other country Japan also has its car enthusiasts who want to reduce a cars height to increase its cornering performance or just to look good. So the name Shakotan can be applied to any car that has had its ride height reduced… not only for American style ‘Lowriders’ or cars which mimic those in the 1980s manga ‘Shakotan Boogie’. The more extreme ‘Kaidou Racers’ which have huge and almost cartoon like over fenders, body kits and wings aren’t classed as Shakotan even though they use similar modifications and cars as a base to work from; older 1970s era Shakotan (to an extent) keep the original lines of the cars clean, often with much more subtle over fenders and wings like race cars of the 1960s and 70s (Gurachan/グラチャン), whereas Kaidou Racers take this general style to the extreme with a lot of original modifications as well.
Lowering techniques go from big dollar airbag suspension set ups right down to the cheapest method… using a hacksaw to cut the springs to the desired height. There’s even a term ‘No-sas’ used in Japan which is a shortened form of the English term ‘No suspension’, which is exactly that, cars running without springs at all to get the lowest height possible. An overhaul of vehicle registration laws in Japan in 1995 resulted in passenger cars being limited to a ride height no lower than 90mm.
Hippari Tire (引っ張りタイヤ)
One thing that goes hand in hand with the above mentioned modifications is Hippari Tire. It literally means ‘pulled’ (or stretched) tires where a tire is mounted onto a wheel that is too wide for its usual fitment, for example: a 195/60/15 tire mounted on a 10 inch wide rim.
The most extreme examples can often be seen on older cars where a much wider but relatively small diameter rim with minus offset is used with a high profile tire and aggressive lowering. This necessitates the use of Hippari tires so the side wall of the tire misses the inside of the wheel arch and allows a lower ride height, often right down to the outer lip of the rim. There are a few reasons why drifters use Hippari tires on their cars, one of them being that the side wall gets stiffer as the tire is stretched which reduces flex. The performance aspect has been debated over time and again though and it seems Hippari tires - just like the modifications described above - have more to do with style than they do with any performance advantage… the thousands of Kei cars and vans in Japan running Hippari tires are testimony to that.
And You Thought It was some new sex moves ?? GOTCHA!!!
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