Try to Remember to Forget
 
The possibilities are endless....
There’s a fine line between criticism, critique, and being rude.... balance that line well
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Do Not Let Your Ass Hit the Steering Wheel
Posted:Apr 24, 2020 9:08 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2020 9:27 pm
7755 Views
1996 driving down the highway had be the next festival ready set work and didn’t have time pull over… my then boyfriend and I were in his suburban... at first I was hesitant, but then I said “fuck it”... I live with as few regrets as possible...and what an experience... the only instructions...Hop on, hold on, don’t let your ass at the steering wheel…. Mine didn’t
Fucking while driving.. My my..
I don’t know if it was the thrill of the risk potential death, getting caught.. but it was amazing . I’ m sure some truckers got a quick peak.
And one thing does hold true:
Do not let your ass the steering wheel...
2 Comments
Perspective, Perception, Persecution
Posted:Apr 24, 2020 2:38 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2020 9:27 pm
6884 Views
“Your case against me is so very clearly stated
I plead no contest, I just turn and shrug
I've come to figure all importance overestimated
You must mean water when you get on your knees and you beg me for blood…”— John Barlow/Brent Mydland

I have always tried to live my life with as few regrets as possible.
My list isn’t long, but there are things that I have done that I learned not to do again,
Amends made to those I hurt by my actions
Intentionally or not.
Somethings I can’t do a thing about and it’s those moments that kill my soul.
I can find a fix, a solution, a credible story for why things happened and my part.
I own it like a rare gem
Something to study, to ponder, to look at the imperfections and I own it.

The first time I freaked out, I tried to make you understand that the rebar, cement inclosure so
carefully constructed was to ward off those whose tongues like swords cut away piece by piece
Trophies bloody bits
Nothing was going to happen like that again
Until
The cement started cracking, the rebar fell to the wayside, the wounds healing slowly yearned for light. I owned it. The careful construct
I owned it, it was not fair to anyone….

The persecution to be persecuted by a perception I can do nothing about
Had we met at a bar would you hold it against me
Or a club
Or a dinner
Had our paths crossed in any other place in time
Would the judge and jury still find me guilty?

My list of regrets has grown two-fold
I regret that there is nothing that I can do to change your perception.. that’s yours and yours alone to concur
I regret that I too learned to yield my tounge like a sword, but I take no joy in it no trophies, I’m
Just battered
My wounds need mending..
The list can wait
To say I regret our paths crossing in this place and time would be a lie..
And that’s one regret I don’t need.. to persecute myself for something I can fix, I can alter and control.

Change your perception
A whole new world opens up, change your perspective.. you’ll see I’m going to show you
Safety here..
Your actions, your deeds did that
Maybe you should take your own advice
Send the judge and jury away
Persecute me for my wrongdoings
I’ll take it

But not for yours.

2 Comments
“Honest to the point of recklessness, self-centered to the extreme”—R. Hunter
Posted:Apr 20, 2020 3:21 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2020 9:28 pm
6850 Views
As each day pases and the spots in my memory attempt to cling certain sensations are
Heightened by the loss of one… touch...
memories flooding with Hawaiian scented candles , the wind kissing my cheek,
The hot sun suddenly cold by a gust of wind tantalizing and teasing at the same time.

Like the first time you kiss a person there’s awkwardness and anticipation
Everything becomes very still and silent an
energy that’s created like a premonition
all of your cells become awake
like a silent storm
you know something’s coming you can feel it
like electricity in the air and then when it happens
If it’s a good kiss everything becomes magnified every sense, every fiber in your being becomes alive.
As you explore with your tongue and lips the tastes, touch, texture
and if it’s a good kiss it becomes deeper
there are no words
the nonverbal communication,
the energy that explodes
Your lips touching their’s
a give-and-take on both
ends drawing energy from each other.
And when you finally stop kissing
you cannot believe what has just happened
you look at the other person and see the reflection of yourself in their eyes as they see themselves in yours…..

Even an awkward first kiss is special it does not come so organically
there’s a need to learn how someone likes to be kissed how much tongue to use
A bite on the lip
Sucking someone’s tongue
Whether they like it or not and if they don’t then you adjust and adapt and as you pull away the nonverbal communication slightly different as you gaze upon the person who is gazing upon you and think
this could work.. with a little work

And the telltale kiss the one that lets you know no matter what you can’t get past it
it’s just not meant to be your mouths
do not connect right
tongues not synchronizing and again the nonverbal communication that is known between both people
this isn’t going to happen this is not going to work
Yet those people try because hey first kisses are awkward, right?

Artwork: Sam Flores
2 Comments
Manual to Automatic
Posted:Apr 15, 2020 8:10 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2020 9:33 pm
8543 Views
“ Dark Angel, What's botherin' you?
So strange, you'll do that you do
Dark Angel, you're makin' blue..,”—- Lyrics by John Perry Barlow/Bob Weir

Getting a pinched nerve from masturbating is not only frustrating( double entendre), but made realize it’s time invest in a vibrator.

Catch 22- Super horny, but not enough to put my health at risk meeting someone new, yet.

( I was laughing at myself about the pinched nerve, so please, laugh away.. it’s funny)
7 Comments
No Easy Answer....
Posted:Apr 13, 2020 6:15 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2020 3:54 am
5964 Views
“Promises made in the dark dissolve by light of day..”—- Lyrics by R. Hunter/B. Weir

Not just lovers, friends too.
The friend that promises you that friendship comes first, but you feel like an afterthought.
At some point we’ve done this, I have.
It’s shitty.. do, and ne the receiving end of.
90% of the time unintentional.
But that 10%.. the ones who do anything for attention..
The ones who value our time more than we do theirs, who try so hard fit into your life that you wish they would just go away.
Text not returned, calls pushed to voicemail, which you might listen too eventually.
Promises of trips that will never be taken, places you will never go…
When I explain the importance of friendship, how by 47 I have buried more friends, people I cherished, than someone my age should, how I buried my brother, weeks before we met. Carried his casket and kept saying “ this isn’t real.. he’s 39.. this is a joke”...
You assured me we were working on our friendship..
I told you I couldn’t be friends with someone if I couldn’t trust them.
I believed you when you said I could
I’m not sure what’s worse
Missing a friend who died
Or
Missing one who’s still alive, but has pushed you aside.
Even in this lockdown not a peep to see if I’m ok in isolation
My ex in South East Asia messaged me
An old lover that I wrote off messaged me
My people messaged me
But you, with the promises..
Not a peep. Silence.

Take time to check in on people.. now is not the time to shut people out…
Answer the text or the call even if it’s just to say you can’t talk now…
If you can’t give someone that smidge of respect, of decency or kindness
Maybe it’s better that your promises were worthless, empty words.
You told me once you didn’t have many friends
I didn’t understand why, at first.
I get it now.
Hopefully someday you will…and when you send a text or if you call..
I hope that person gives you what you deserve in this life.
Nothing more
Nothing less.
Good or bad..

Just what you deserve.

Art: Sam Flores
2 Comments
Messages, IM.. Thursday Release...
Posted:Apr 9, 2020 4:57 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2020 4:25 am
5938 Views
Beating a dead , perhaps. Maybe there’s a glitch, maybe not. It is infuriating only see partial messages, have copy and paste the user name explain you can’t read their messages, and the person sends a whole other long message... or be able send messages people you once could...
Or have IM set be “busy” but that hardly ever almost never works.

I woke on the slowly becoming frustrated side of the bed today....
Self-satisfaction only goes so far.
But meeting someone in this modern-day version of “Love in the Time of Covid” meets “100 Years of Solitude” is wearing thin...
I may be picky
But my appetite is insatiable
I feel like a vampire
Starving, waiting to feed
I may be picky
But I am not risking my health...
No matter the hunger in me growing
Like the plant from “Little Shop of Horrors”
Feed me
Feeed me....

Rant over.
1 comment
Looks Like Palm Sunday Again
Posted:Apr 5, 2020 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2020 6:29 pm
5924 Views
The palm of your hand on my thigh
The palm of my hand on your chest
Head into that odd spot half on pillow half on your shoulder
Your palm on my pussy fingers finding their way
Exploring
My palm on your pelvis my fingers slipping sliding snakes beneath your shorts
Slowly wrapping around your shaft
Your head next to mine
I stifle a cry
Of pleasure
Of wanting
Whisper warm
In your ear
My moaning to your breathing
Your palm
My palm
Both moving in synchronicity
Your palm
My palm
Entwined
Your palm engulfing mine that last time.
My palm cupping the phone
My palm lays empty
My palm on my chest feeling my heartbeat
My palm on my breast
My thigh
My pelvis
My pussy
Searching for the handprint you may have left behind
Fingers deep exploring following your trail
My palm finding yours in the
Crevices of my memory
I tuck your palm away safely
My palm lays open
Waiting.
0 Comments
Song of the Day—- “Days Between”— Lyrics by Robert Hunter
Posted:Apr 2, 2020 11:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2020 11:22 am
4847 Views
Seems fitting for the times. These are the “days between” what life was.. what was taken for granted... how many events missed, hanging out with friends, going the theatre, ballet, concert, art show... being out late( because where I live they issue citations at night). I can’t wait hug my friends, go see my parents, go see music...

Lyrics by Robert Hunter.

There were days
and there were days
and there were days between
Summer flies and August dies
the world grows dark and mean
Comes the shimmer of the moon
on black infested trees
the singing man is at his song
the holy on their knees
the reckless are out wrecking
the timid plead their pleas
No one knows much more of this
than anyone can see anyone can see
There were days
and there were days
and there were days besides
when phantom ships with phantom sails
set to sea on phantom tides
Comes the lightning of the sun
on bright unfocused eyes
the blue of yet another day
a springtime wet with sighs
a hopeful candle lingers
in the land of lullabies
where headless horsemen vanish
with wild and lonely cries lonely cries

There were days
and there were days
and there were days I know
when we ever wanted
was learn and love and grow
Once we grew into our shoes
we told them where to go
walked halfway around the world
on promise of the glow
stood upon a mountain top
walked barefoot in the snow
gave the best we had to give
how much we'll never know we'll never know

There were days
and there were days
and there were days between
polished like a golden bowl
the finest ever seen
Hearts of Summer held in trust
still tender, young and green
left on shelves collecting dust
not knowing what they mean
valentines of flesh and blood
as soft as velveteen
hoping love would not forsake
the days that lie between lie between

2 Comments
The Thrill is Gone....
Posted:Mar 24, 2020 7:54 pm
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2020 8:50 pm
5102 Views
One of my favorite songs covered by David Grisman and Jerry Garcia.
Sums everything up so nicely
So neatly.
So it is.
Or “Sitting here in Limbo”
Great lyrics...
I don't know where life will lead me
But I know where I've been
I can't say what life will show me
But I know what I've seen
Tried my hand
At love and friendship
But all that is passed and gone

I’ve spoken with some cool people, met a couple of people
Made and lost a friend

This little girl is moving on.
3 Comments
Well that's different
Posted:Mar 19, 2020 6:50 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2020 5:38 am
4579 Views

Rant and Rave- Post denied for content.... which was ranting about safety.
I have to go back and look again.

Good to know....
2 Comments
The Best Way to Wake Someone Up, or One of My Favorite Things....
Posted:Mar 16, 2020 3:31 am
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2020 4:49 am
4596 Views
The Following is true: 100% truth 😊😉🤭

Waking up before you
The bed a mess of blanket, scent and heat
Radiating, pulling me closer.
Your back
I nuzzle up behind and I form my body
Your contours
But the heat you radiate, sparks in a surge
Of energy, insatiable hunger that must be fed
I need feed
take you in my mouth
feel you slowly stiffen, and stir
Awake
Your moans feeding my soul
Your hands on my holding my hair just so..
Your hands searching for my breasts
As I take more and more of you in…
My body shifting, my mouth rotates
Without skipping a beat,
Your hands between my legs, but I don’t let you in
I’m feeding on you
Self-satisfying I moan with the sounds you make
Your hand spanks my ass
I am almost filled
Your hand spanks my ass
I am about be filled
Your hand spanks my ass
You finally release
Warm nectar down my throat
Warm nectar from between my legs.
The hunger subsides, for now.
I look at you, kiss your smile, and whisper “Good morning.”

OR

I feel a stir
A shifting behind
I’m between the land of dreams and this physical
World
But I feel you wrap around
Little spoon
your big spoon
You level your body so our hips are aligned
Is this a dream
I hear myself guttural sound out my mouth
Feel you hard against my back
Feel your hand between my legs
Opening gently
My juices dripping onto your soft exploring fingers
I feel you getting harder
Breathing harder
Opening up from the front
You take from behind
Moving slowly
I can’t be dreaming, am I dreaming
I lift my hand, my fingers finding their home in yours
You shift us from spoons
Your full weight on me
Fingers entwined you head close mine sheepish grins
You whisper “Good morning”
2 Comments
The best sex you are having is in my head with her..
Posted:Mar 15, 2020 2:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2020 12:13 pm
5337 Views
The most amazing sex is happening.. in my head you.. and someone else.
She doesn’t know how lucky she is… the way you take your time to learn your lovers.
What they feel like inside and out. How you explore the body, listen, pay attention to every move, every sound.
How open-minded you are to try new things.
How you love to please.
How you taste, you smell… how the weight of you wraps like comfort…
In my mind you are having the best sex with someone else. Bodies moving perfect synchronicity.
My hands caress the air remembering the feel of your skin, your form imbedded in my fingerprints.
Your taste lingers in my mouth, your smell caught briefly in wafts of wind.
In my mind she’s giving you the perfect blowjob..
My skills forgotten, pale in comparison.
You both come over and over again.
In my head you have found your future
And I’m holding the memories of the past.. getting heavier as I catch our time together being replaced..removed to make room for her.
8 Comments
Full Moon Feels and Triggers
Posted:Mar 10, 2020 4:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2020 10:03 pm
4557 Views
The last 48 hrs. have been interesting to say the least. This full moon is to be used as a clearing, a cleansing of toxic people or relationships: friends, family.,, anything that does not serve your highest good that brings you positive feeling. Which brings me to two difficult choices... know I take time when making decisions I don’t like making decisions based on emotion because I know those emotions will eventually go away, so I will sit a day or two or three and really think about what’s going to be better in the long run. For example on one hand I have a 30 year friendship with someone, my soul sister that I can no longer tolerate. Life is full of ups and downs, And I understand that, but creating unnecessary drama to get attention and not listen to any solutions anyone has given her over the years including her own parents… Tough decision. Relationship number two In which I was the toxic one, I learned from it, went and sought out guidance and ways to not repeat the same steps and yet even though I was forgiven I feel as though I am being tested, like I’m walking on egg shells but these egg shells are more like razors and there’s no right move I try to be very still but that’s not a friendship that’s just an extended punishment. And again I’m taking into consideration that it’s that I’m being triggered by a few different things, so I’m not making any decisions... on one hand the friendship that I can no longer tolerate being in, the other hand a friendship that I would love to have back. The second person got me through what was one of the most horrific times in my life to date whether they know it or not...There were 5 people that I could stand to be around, and this complete stranger to my life, made the shittiest occurrence in my life not so shitty….maybe it’s just my not being able to forgive myself for treating somebody who was so kind to me so disrespectfully… but I did learn from it and I Did what I needed to do to ensure that it would never happen again. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells and those egg shells feel like razors like I can’t move or talk, containing my bubbliness and my happiness because I don’t want to be too much. I’ve asked for open honest communication… and I’m still waiting to hear the open honest communication from this person I can’t force it out of them, I’ve spoken my truth…. And I stand here on these razors that are cutting deeper and deeper into my feet into my skin ready for what I already know is coming or at least what I think is coming...
so two friendships polar opposites…
One spanning 25-30 years the toxicity is not being removed there’s no attempt for positive change..
the other I was the toxic person dealing with a tragedy and I hurt somebody that I thought understood, who I thought I was building a solid foundation for our friendship to sit on but there’s cracks in that foundation… so do I wait out friendship number two, see if there’s a chance for improvement it’s only been a few days of reconciliation… and friendship number one where I have expressed over and over again different ways to look at life and to try to draw in more positive aspects with no change do I throw that away for 30 years.
As for the title Full Moon Feels and Triggers…
As I contemplate ending a 30 year friendship rolling in the back my mind is something I used to say to myself...negative self talk “why am I disposable“ “how could I have been thrown out into the cold like that….I don’t feel like that anymore I am not disposable…. friendships change maybe it’s time to say goodbye to both of them. And the funny part is the second person is never going to fully comprehend, never going to fully understand exactly how much their openness and honesty and conversation and everything is something that I will never forget and some thing that I will always cherish maybe they have forgiven me and I just can’t forgive myself… maybe they haven’t forgiven me… maybe they never will…
Or maybe I just need to show them who they met was just a shadow coming back to a new reality and that they actually haven’t met me, yet.
I’d like to re-introduce myself to them...I hope it’s not too late… I hope that what I think is about to come doesn’t. And if it does, the cracks in the foundation of our friendship hold together nicely.
I hope you read this I hope you understand I hope you know.

6 Comments

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