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true love  

damngina39 46T
34 posts
12/3/2020 12:22 pm
true love

wrote this in 2011 ish let's see if it still rings true to , its 3 parts and excuse the grammar it was a rant and i never spell check stuff, fyi i did write this before I came out so the language is centric in some areas but I didnt want to edit it to revise history since there are a few things I have learned since then I would clarify more on:
True love, nice guys, and monogamy are mostly bullshit Part 1
Think about the most fictional love story in your head. Disney fairy tales usually comes to mind along with every romantic comedy from your teenage years till now.
One thing that always bugs me about them all is the fact that one little detail completely ruins the whole thing until a grand gesture or something terrible happens that they have to work together on to bring the lovebirds back together by the end of the film but before I go on I suppose true love should be defined so for the sake of argument.
True love may mean the following to you and I call bullshit on every one:
love at first sight
high school sweethearts still together
a connection that withstands turmoil but remains victorious
kindred spirits or soul mates
happily ever after
Love at first sight - You step on a train and look up just long enough to lock eyes with some beautiful girl getting off and something draws you to get off the train and try any chance to get to know her. This must be true love! It could also be only one of the key pieces needed for you to actually have a relationship. All you have established is you would like to fuck this woman based solely on looks. If you miss your chance you may have to post on Craig’s List under missed connections to see if you pair up in the wanting to fuck just for looks before it is on to step two actually judging for basic likes and dislikes. Once you are done with that there are logistics of distance and the range of things like mutual life plans but no, you're golden with just one look.
Kindred Spirits- You all of a sudden have some profound connection with someone in class or work because you both listen to Death Cab? How fucking sweet to find your soul mate in this whole world of people they ended up being 10 feet from you or were friends of a friend. The problem with this thought process is that you are basically only checking the shit that you like about this person at this point in time. Likes dogs, check! Likes similar music, check! I guess this is what Sade was singing about. Yes, it is awesome to find people like this but some measurement should be done to weigh in the negatives which will soon want you to stick a steak in his back as he snores loudly. I have been stuck in this trap where I thought someone was more special due to the new and freshness of it all only to realize most people are good at hiding shit at the beginning. Have you ever heard of the phrase “He is ok outside of work but working with him is hell”. You can replace working with living or being married to but the fact is that he is a dick all the time and only when trying really hard can he be an actual human being. This stage is where most people lie up the ass so when they say they love hiking to find some reason to hang out they may not.
High School Sweethearts - So once again the universe aligns and pairs the two people that should be together with each other and turns out it only took 3 relationships all of them no more than 3 months long to find the perfect yin to your yang. I take issue with this the most after being through something similar I can tell you right now you are just fucking lying to yourselves and that is the only thing that will keep this going is your need to prove that this lie isn’t one. This one is just dripping with traditionalism and a few religious overtones. I have seen it in practice and it seems to be a unanimous vote that when this sham ends it should be around the late 20’s early 30’s. I was lucky enough to get in a lifetime in my teenage years before pairing up like an idiot when I was bound to change so largely over the course of 18-30 which is normal. This is why you rarely have more than a few friends over the course of your lifetime that remain close because people are always fucking changing. At age 17 you have a better chance of being hit by a meteor than finding someone that will change along the years in the exact same way. See that is what it would take really to be a match made in heaven with a love that would outlast the stars is to be perfectly in tune into current likes and dislikes throughout your adult life. This is where tradition dupes people by giving them default things to expect universally. Get married, Start a family, Work, and enjoy the holidays.
The whole thing takes a turn when you want the love of your life to piss on you or on someone else while you watch. Of course, I am joking and exaggerating but even tastes in music can be rifts if you have to sit through some shit in the car. What if you don’t like tattoos or piercings but now your girl has one on her vag. What about a stupid guy hobby you can’t stand or the biggest one of all which is that people mature at different ages and while you may have liked gold rims, scarface, and oldies back in the day you don’t want to go to clubs anymore
or watch Tyler Perry’s bullshit. It will piss you off if they do and there is the crux of it, dating is an adaptive process that should be done over and over in small timelines so you can find out who you want to be as much as who you want to be with to pair up and claim all doors are now shut is idiotic.
Happily Ever After - Nothing should be measured on a choice of this being the end goal. You end up ruining all the candidates by putting some much pressure on the longevity of it all. What chance does a relationship stand if you can’t enjoy the first day without the prerequisite of it being longer? Why can’t it be we had fun and had a blast for x amount of time until we didn’t then we went our separate ways?
Oscar Wilde couldn’t sum it up any better than this:
“Always! That is a dreadful word. It makes me shudder when I hear it. Women are so fond of using it. They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever. It is a meaningless word, too. The only difference between a caprice and a life-long passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.”

True love, nice guys, and monogamy are mostly bullshit Part 2
Love is a word I would use to describe my relationship. I genuinely love hanging around this person and I would really miss this if I ever had to part ways but to say it could stand the tests of hell would be ridiculous. If I decided to have an affair it wouldn’t last. If I decided to be a continuous dick all the time I would be dropped like a bad habit. If I chose to take up heroin I think the strain may be a bit too much to put up with. Deeply ingrained in every relationship is a “what have you done for me lately?” clause and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I will always have to try and I will always have to follow the direct agreement me and my girl shook on when we started. This will be different for each relationship as it should cause not one relationship is the same.
One example I would give is that one day I pull your unconscious body from a burning building if next month you walk in on me with your mom and the love of your life knocking generational boots you would be just to the shit out of . That is the way it goes. Yes, you can learn to put petty differences aside in a relationship when the rest of the reasons you wanted them are still there.
What it comes down to is this idea of undying true love is possibly the weakest thing in the world(Princess Bride excluded). Here is my list of what true love can’t conquer:
a white lie
a big lie
long distance

different work shifts
weight gain
health, mental or physical
Most of these on that list are relationship-enders for valid reasons some are superficial bullshit or selfish. I am not stating that dropping your wife in the middle of her cancer treatment is not the shittiest thing you can do but even then stress brings out the worst in us. If I were to be paralyzed tomorrow via some accident I wouldn’t expect it to be that much fun to be around me even if I took a positive outlook. Fitness can retard the aging process but even after all the effort you may not age graciously and this may come to a head with the other person but I don’t think it is fair to just drop someone because they get crows feet even after they bath in the blood of the innocent. There are some just deal breakers though:
No happy couple really cheats if there is any value on the stakes or their needs being fulfilled. If all it takes is for me to get hit in the dick and be stuck in a cast for 2 weeks before someone else’s is needed we don’t really have much to discuss besides who is taking what. It isn’t a moment of weakness as much as an opportunity.
If all it takes for you to fuck up is a bad day then you aren’t that happy. This seems to be the biggest reason why people end it when it is more like stage 3 of a cold. It came to this because the other person didn’t end it when they should have.
What better segue in this subject. It is a really simple point, Jealousy is a self-fulfilling prophecy and a waste of time. It is a warning sign of an egotistical person or the distrust in a relationship doomed. Its distrust is most likely due to someone letting the other reasons go which is just a prolonging of a failed relationship. You aren’t a fool for believing that someone will come to you end it before they cheat and if it happens you don’t get a reward for finding out so don’t bother wasting your time.
Most people here will brag about their dedication to monogamy, I have been monogamous in my current relationship but I also don’t look like Brad Pitt or work on Wall Street. Just because you fight off a few mild advances at work doesn’t make you a patron saint. The un-fuckable need not chime in here because there is little risk and even then if someone comes along and shows a slight interest I bet you would. You can avoid single situations by not going out places but that is simply the fact that the is chained up not that it is loyal. If you are a classically handsome total package star with up the ass the amount of shit you have to beat off will be unbearably harder than some overweight secretary having to fight the urge to make out with the security guard from your work at the latest happy hour.
Weight gain
It isn’t about the fact that you gain weight as much as stop giving a shit about looking nice for your partner and the fact that you basically worked to win someone over then stopped working once you got them is deceiving all in itself. I have seen couples marry than one person blow up immediately which makes me want to ask the question of how quick it happens. This is where some valid excuse may come to your mind but before you start thinking logically maybe you can explain to me why the weight gets dropped so fact when they eventually become single again? To me, this is deceptive but also one of the many reasons why commitment should never have the label forever on it.
Long Distance
What is a relationship if you aren’t present for it? I am not talking about someone taking a week-long trip for work but over 6 months of not being together the relationship may stretch thin. Does being a biological parent make you a one or is it the field trips and piggyback rides? What is a relationship defined by if not time spent with the highest level of friendship? What was the distance that caused the distance if not the fact of the most apparent example of two people choosing different paths?
Who wouldn’t want to split if your partner gets addicted to crack but what about prescribed bullshit? Today we have a cure for everything and all it takes is a pill. Even the biggest health nut will take a pill to “feel” right and it the most successful excuse ever invented was the “chemical imbalance” excuse. So somewhere is a pill that will make you forget your uncle played with your balls when you were young. I won’t get too deep on it but even the most regular lightweight anti-depressant can make life a living hell for your partner when those mood swings eventually happen.

Just because you find this person you can connect with doesn’t mean that all of it will be fine when it comes to family. How many times have you seen a family member take advantage of someone your dating? This may bug the shit out of you and cause a rift. How many times have you dated someone with a family that is just pure shit? I have literally been shot at by an in-law while they were attempting to jump me and that was the coolest in-law family I have had to deal with. Either way, we all have to deal with shit in life anyway but don’t think dating Belle wouldn’t get annoying when you try and convince her to put crazy old Maurice in a home.
Mental/Physical abuse
What relationship couldn’t withstand a bitch slap or two? Maybe you are drawn to it cause the wiring is all jacked up but good luck staying alive. Once it gets physical you need to run as the only thing that will happen will be an escalation to the end. I have seen people be selective on who they abuse which in a<b> weird </font></b>way it shows they know that this person will take it and that person won’t. This speaks volumes on their overall respect for you specifically but even more of a warning is the fact their basic problem solving doesn’t involve words when it comes to a head. What bugs me the most about people caught in these types of relationships they won’t leave because they don’t like living with their mom or they don’t want to lose their possessions which is full on retard and equal to continuing to live in a home you now know is haunted. For me, I can’t be around this type a person because I don’t like being threatened and I fight back when I am. It would be really hard to turn the other cheek when slapped for whatever so I avoid this like the plague.
On the mental side when it comes to women I see a disturbing and annoying trend that seems to start on the women side and before I get lit up give me answer this question.Why do most women stop hanging around their support of friends when they get in a relationship?
I have seen tons of women living through the side of friends and my girlfriend has a hell of a time hanging out with her friends when her friends couple up. I don’t think it is a good idea to lose all your alternate support as I have some much as a . I have my friends, family, and girlfriend and I bitch to one about the other all the damned time. When I have a big argument I can rely on my friends to get me through. With most women, they cut off all ties almost immediately leaving them trapped if the guy is a dick in the worst case or in the best case no one to vent to until she blows up on her partner. Keep your friends and get hobbies and don’t bend on any of the bitching he may do when it comes to your wants.
Monogamy and marriage
Both have shady beginnings in agriculture and equal to the linking of the wife being the property for the sake of securing birthrights but on the rare occasion I see the merit in them if one person desires it enough but it isn’t for most people like tradition assumes. Most traditional things, in general, are one-size-fits-all setups which I can only reiterate that you are not the same as your parents and every relationship is not the same. Most people have a set of rules and if you are honest they should be easy to follow unless you try to lump in traditional versions of shit which most likely do not apply to you and yours.
The Reality
What you really have is a small agreement that states I will hang around as long as we have fun. There are plenty of people just like me better for my current girlfriend and if she wanted to she may be able to find that one perfect match but as long as I keep her happy and she does the same we won’t be actively looking. Over the course of my life in another relationship, I found at least 5 people more of a match than the one I was in because I had changed so much. I can say right now I have the best I have yet to come across in a match with my current squeeze but if she changes it may not be the case for me or her later. Some people trap themselves with marriage or large investments that make it very hard to leave so they stay in these unhappy relationships due to laziness or the lack of options. I don’t want to muddy the waters and I want to make sure that investing in me as a partner is strictly because they like me.
They now have a tv version of the movie called “Catfish” and in it a bi-sexual woman finds out the man she has been talking to is an overweight female who is in the beginning process of becoming a man via hormone shots with plans to remove all that is female in the future. In the end, the couple is still together. Now if this is true it is actually the greatest love story ever told. Most likely people are just too nice to be good “guys” and I would like to point out a few subjects on the matter.
You have to be a dick to be a nice guy
The worst thing you can do is be too worried about hurting someone’s feelings. People are constantly changing and when you come across that fork in the road you really should part ways. No deal-breakers have to take place, you just are a different person now and your desires and plans do not coincide with that of the other person. When this happens you may have to be a dick and break up. The alternative is to stay living that lie and ruin 5 more years of this person's life where the decent with continue to show and eat away what you guys were to each other. You will slowly become a person you hate and compromise all the rules you would prefer everyone else to apply to. Be the dick and stop wasting some nice persons good years.

Leegs2012 49M
96134 posts
12/12/2020 2:29 pm

Yes, either people grow together, or they grow apart. You are gorgeous!! Sexy Body!! Sexy LEGS!!

FunCoolOralReady 60M
108 posts
12/15/2020 8:37 am

True life conquers true love most of the time.

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