A MAN and A WOMAN
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Posted:Jun 7, 2008 9:14 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2008 2:27 pm
10840 Views
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Give me a sense of humor, Lord; Give me the race to see a joke, To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk. Amen!
A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, who was taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched
as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unconcerned that her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.
" The woman calmly looked up at her and said,
"No he didn't. He just walked in the door".
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True Friendship None of that Sissy Crap
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Posted:Jun 7, 2008 9:05 am
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2008 6:17 am
10567 Views
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Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well Again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsiness.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth.
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POWERFUL WOMAN
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Posted:Jun 3, 2008 5:32 am
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2008 7:54 pm
10299 Views
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...
'Oh shit....she's awake!!
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CSI ~ COWBOY POEM
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Posted:Jun 1, 2008 12:57 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2008 5:21 am
10454 Views
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I was watching CSI the other night. (One of my most favorite shows ever.)
It was the one with the Cowboys and the rodeo and the death of the cowboy and his girlfriend.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.......
Before the Cowboy died, he had written a poem for his bull. If you do not know it is for a bull, it is a heart warming poem.
Can稚 help now but wonder what your brown eyes were concealing.
They just showed me reflections of all that I was feeling.
Our bodies close together like my ride hand in my glove.
Hearts pounding with excitement, and, dare I say it, love.
I know I値l never own you it痴 your nature to run free.
I pray the Lord above that one day you値l come back to me.
Then, we値l ride off in glory until our time is done
And, I will be your hero, your cowboy in the sun.
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Tips for the ladies in year 2008
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Posted:May 29, 2008 3:01 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2008 8:25 pm
10384 Views
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1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.
2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colou
3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves
nothing; and makes you walk funny.
11. When life gives you lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.
12. Remember every good-looking, sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend!
Now smile and send to any girl wasting time at work, suffering from a hangover, or just suffering from work, that might need
a reason to smile!
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Circumcised
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Posted:May 27, 2008 6:31 am
Last Updated:May 31, 2008 4:59 pm
10900 Views
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A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
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HYPOCRITES
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Posted:May 25, 2008 1:52 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2008 6:27 am
10100 Views
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There exists a kind of people,
Who always want their way.
Sarcasm and taunt abound,
In whatever they do and say.
Always needy for help from others,
They exclaim “What is there?”
But when comes their sweet turn,
They vanish in thin air.
To be eulogized they crave,
To be praised to the hilt.
Whatever they do, is only perfect
That’s the way they are built.
They always want to be served,
By every Tom and Dick.
Whether hale and hearty,
Or when they feign sick.
To issue commands they do love,
To get their work all done.
But when comes their turn to deliver,
Then it’s no longer fun.
Fault finding is their forte,
With always a pointed finger.
Generous to their own flaws,
On a heap of excuses they linger.
That’s the world of today,
With hypocrites abound.
And if you have gotta live
Then better hold your ground.
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Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy
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Posted:May 25, 2008 6:41 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2008 3:02 pm
10557 Views
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With ALL that has been going on lately, I came across this today and thought it was OH SO PERFECT.
Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy
Author: Heyn, Dalma
Genre: Psyche
Publisher: Rodale
Released: 2005
Look Out, Ladies
A Review by Kim Lumpkin
11/07/2005
As if finding the right guy wasn't complicated enough, there is a new (or maybe just unrecognized until now) type of man to avoid. He's not openly abusive physically or emotionally, and he's often very successful, sexually satisfying, and charming. The problem is, he's so emotionally stunted that he consistently avoids true intimacy even as he seems to crave it. Welcome to the world of drama kings ‒ with five subcategories, no less!
It may all seem a bit daunting and maybe too cynical, but any woman who's had experience with guys will recognize a lot of truth in what prolific author and researcher Dalma Heyn writes. Furthermore, she doesn't place blame on either the men or women; she simply wants to help women avoid the pitfalls of these kinds of relationships in the future. As she explains:
These strong women I speak of are part of a large and growing phenomenon, the next leap in women's evolution. Long considered the “natural” relationship pros, they're now also gaining strength out in the world, where upper- and middle-class men once possessed all the power. As women painstakingly accrue the material strength they have lacked, Drama Kings have not kept up their end by developing the intimacy skills that they have lacked.
She later notes that going through a relationship with a Drama King isn't necessarily bad, but can actually be a very educational experience:
While loving a Drama King may temporarily call up everything in a woman that's both culturally and individually regressive ‒ sapping the very strength she's so proud of ‒ her stamina returns with surprising force once she's out of these depleting relationships. It's as if grappling with a Drama King were part of an emotional circuit-training program that's exhausting but worth it because the woman grows healthier, happier, and more resilient afterward. By recognizing him, experiencing him, and ultimately freeing herself from him, she's slowly working out a new way to be in relationships.
Heyn gives examples of the five basic types of Drama King that most women will recognize instantly, like the first type, “the Visitor,” who happily comes and goes into a woman's life and home for brief liaisons, expecting little commitment and offering even less. Heyn recognizes that this kind of relationship can be very appealing to a woman who has a busy life of her own, but eventually, even if she isn't after a full time husband and family, she craves true emotional connection and support, which the Drama King is not prepared to give.
Is it possible to change a Drama King and make him realize the self-defeating nature of his behavior? Most women are certain that they can, at least at first, but Heyn strongly advises against it, noting that dealing with the deep seated issues of Drama Kings is a job for a therapist, not girlfriend or wife. More and more women of all ages are recognizing this and choosing to leave their Drama Kings and either find a new man, experience different lovers in multiple casual relationships, or live alone. Heyn concludes with some interesting and insightful observations about the implications of this trend on the family and society in general. It is not good news for proponents of traditional family values, but the evidence is there if we pay attention.
I would higly recommend this book to both men and women who suspect that something is missing in their love lives, because it is only through better understanding of each other and themselves that both sexes can overcome attitudes and behaviors that simply don't work and achieve happier, longer lasting relationships.
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DONKEY GOES TO JAIL FOR ASSUALT - - TRUE STORY
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Posted:May 22, 2008 1:14 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2008 12:47 pm
10171 Views
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TUXTLA GUTIERREZ, Mexico – A Mexican donkey has been freed from jail after doing time for assault and battery. The Televisa network on Wednesday showed "Blacky" gobbling food from a bucket after spending three days in a jail that normally holds people for public drunkenness and other disturbances.
Blacky was jailed for biting and kicking two men near a ranch outside Tuxtla Gutierrez, the capital of Chiapas state.
Officials freed the donkey after its owner paid a fine of $36 and the $115 hospital bill of the men, who suffered bites to the chest and a broken ankle. Authorities say he also must pay $480 to each man for missed work days.
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DO THEY BLOOM??
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Posted:May 22, 2008 12:33 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2008 5:13 am
10254 Views
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I wonder if they come in different colors?
I wonder about the fragrance?
I wonder if it would help to put those preservative packets in the water?
I wonder if they bloom?
I wonder whether they would look better on the kitchen table or in the entry?
I wonder i f they're cheaper by the dozen?
I wonder if they come long-stemmed?
Captured at 115th and Allisonville Rd. in Fishers, Indiana (near Indianapolis ).
The sign is real and was up for two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell PEONIES!
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FRESH START
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Posted:May 18, 2008 6:36 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2008 3:57 pm
10260 Views
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We are new today.
We are fresh and clean.
Today is the first day of everything!
The smell of a new beginning fills the halls! Reentering life, meeting friends.
They may be new, but sooner they'll be your friends.
It's nice to get a fresh start.
You are finally entering a brand new start.
It's a new beginning!
Brand new life!
You are amazed that you made this far!
A fresh start!
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You must not know about me
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Posted:May 14, 2008 10:49 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2008 4:04 pm
10237 Views
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Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it nigga please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It's my mine name that is on that Jag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
So go ahead and get gone
And call up on that chick and see if she is home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys hurry up before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I am such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
[ Irreplaceable lyrics found on http://Senior Sizzle.com ]
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I will have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
So since I’m not your everything
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shead a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
To the left
To the left
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
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