$500 Nightgown
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Posted:Jul 15, 2008 1:24 pm
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2008 8:41 pm
9821 Views
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A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- The more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy-), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
He never heard the shot.
Funeral on Thursday at Noon.
Closed coffin.
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Grandpa and the FROG
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Posted:Jul 15, 2008 1:19 pm
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2008 3:41 pm
9530 Views
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A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpa's room.
Grandpa, Grandpa,' he says excitedly, 'as soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!'
'What?' said his grandpa.
'Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're going to Disneyland!
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Senior Sizzle Rumors
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Posted:Jul 6, 2008 3:07 pm
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2008 5:58 am
10614 Views
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There have been a lot of RUMORS going around lately. A lot of he said, she said CRAP and LIES and mysterious texts and private calls. A lot of people trying to find out who is doing who and WHY they are doing them or MAD cause they are not the ones being done. People saying things that other have SUPPOSEDLY said.
MOST of us here on Senior Sizzle have real lives and do not dwell in the Senior Sizzle rumor mill. But there are those that spend day and night trying to HATE or BLOCK on others.
What keeps these RUMOR fueled is that people tend to BELIEVE what they have heard instead of contacting the other person involved.
SO let's ALL BE ADULTS (the first A in Senior Sizzle)and make an ADULT decision to stop the RUMORS!!!
GROW UP PEOPLE!!!! GROW UP PEOPLE!!!
Rumors are a lot like a match
Once you start it,it'll burn all the way
And it won't stop for Logic's charade
It won't stop 'till the end
Fast it burns
And people do pretend
While second by second it widely turns
Spreading more vigorously until it's too late
And not even simple water
Can stop the ferocious fire it's made
It burns down the house
Ruining people's lives
But no one cares...
The burned up flesh wasn't theirs.
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6 most important men in Womens life
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Posted:Jul 1, 2008 2:13 pm
Last Updated:Jul 3, 2008 6:45 pm
9556 Views
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THE DOCTOR - because he says, "Take your clothes off!"
THE DENTIST - because he says, "Open wide!"
THE MILKMAN - because he says, "Do you want it in the front or back?"
THE HAIRDRESSER - because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
THE INTERIOR DECORATOR - because he says, "Once it's in you'll love it!"
THE BANKER - because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lost interest!"
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I'm Proud To Be An American
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Posted:Jul 1, 2008 9:41 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2008 1:14 pm
9794 Views
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I'm Proud To Be An American
Written By Lee Greenwood
If tomorrow all the things were gone I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again with just my and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars to be living here today,
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can't take that away.
I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today, '
Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land God Bless the U.S.A.
From the lakes of Minnesota to the hills of Tennessee,
Across the plains of Texas from sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston and New York to L.A.
, There's pride in every American heart and it's time we stand and say:
I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today, '
Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land God Bless the U.S.A.
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I AM HAVING A BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD MONDAY!!!!
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Posted:Jun 23, 2008 11:46 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2008 3:22 pm
9668 Views
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Monday must be the most horrible of days.
The reasons its horrible are too horrible to say.
But with that said, I'll try to explain
Why Monday must bring us oh so much pain.
You see on Monday, you work with a frown.
The full work week ahead has gotten you down.
The weekend has come, and the weekend has passed,
And like all weekends it just didn’t last.
But Monday sure lasts, it lasts so long.
You keep checking your watch to see what’s wrong.
But against your wishes your watch is just fine.
Against your wishes you can’t speed up time.
So you sit and you wait and you pretend to work.
You dream of a boss that isn’t a jerk.
But then you wake up and you almost cry.
You wish and you wish that the day would just die.
But wait, please listen, don’t worry my friend.
For one thing is certain, all Mondays must end.
Now that it’s been said, I’ll say it again.
More Mondays will come and more Mondays will end.
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My friends love me because..................................
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Posted:Jun 22, 2008 4:34 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2008 8:58 am
10600 Views
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...I'm thoughtful, amusing,witty,sarcastic, an utter bitch with the shortest of fuses who simmers in a matter of seconds...because I live the life they sometimes dream of...
My friends love me because I respect their choices, rarely judge, am consistent and supportive...
My friends love me because they tell me I light up a room when I walk into it and I am smiling.......I'm reliable...I make an effort...
Why do your friends love you?
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WHY DO FOLKS LIE?
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Posted:Jun 20, 2008 3:36 pm
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2008 10:39 am
10700 Views
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We all have a strong affinity to understanding things, especially understanding other people’s behavior that causes us concerns or problems. Lies are always destructive in the end, and when they happen in a personal relationship they are the termites that eat away at the fundamental trust foundation at the center of the relationship. Relationships are extremely important and valuable in life and no relationship can survive with lies. Understanding why people lie is critical to understanding the purpose of relationships and learning how to make them better for ourselves and others.
The purpose of a relationship is to give two people the experience of learning how to love and be loved and how to grow into their best signature selves. To love and be loved requires the most honesty of anything we can try to do in life. The honesty required to build a positive, healthy and productive relationship is the ultimate test of character—the process will bring out the absolute best and worst in you.
The honesty ingredient of loving and being loved requires two people to do two things they usually resist, at least in proceeding with the right order. The very first thing relationship honesty requires is the complete and unconditional acceptance of the person to locate at safe neutral place in space and time where two people have the freedom to go and communicate openly and honestly, without fear of rejection, judgment, control or other negative, defensive reactions.
This safe, neutral, magical venue is the only place where the peak communication that is necessary to build a loving relationship, can occur. It is either there or not in the beginning, mostly depending upon the two people’s level of emotional and spiritual development going into the relationship from past life experiences. If it is not there, the challenge to the communication process can be overwhelming and a near impossible one to overcome, even with expert communicators. That takes a level of courage and patience that many of us don’t possess, because there is no guarantee of safety or certainty that we paradoxically need to proceed.
The other thing that builds honesty can also build dishonesty if it isn’t delivered correctly and in the right order. Unconditional acceptance, and the peak communication in which it is delivered, has to occur first to set the stage for the other ingredient that is necessary for giving and receiving love. We were all born to grow into our best self and through love, we can gently encourage and wisely help each other do that, once we have established complete acceptance and trust. Both intentions have to be fulfilled, but in the right order.
At this point this is all psychobabble theory. The practical application comes in understanding what goes wrong in relationships and working in some real solutions to correct what can be corrected or dismiss what must be dismissed. And the biggest thing that goes wrong in relationships is reversing the order of these two primary goals—to accept the other person for exactly who he or she is now, foibles, flaws and all, and to encourage the growth that allows the person to fulfill the potential for greatness we all have. We are all meant to fly high, and nothing can substitute for that achievement.
The best solution to this lying problem in relationships is to learn how to be completely open and honest yourself, putting your own lying tendencies to bed, and then you will be better at spotting the level of lying that might be going on with the other person to determine if it is fixable or not, with open, honest and loving communication. The assumption worth making is that we are all capable of lying, given the right conditions. After all, people do what they perceive they have to do to either survive or thrive. It is a behavior we have to strive to understand and overcome. Maybe that is the real purpose of relationships.
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THE OLD ROOSTER
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Posted:Jun 20, 2008 6:34 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2008 3:37 pm
10679 Views
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A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
'OK old fart, time for you to retire.' The old rooster replies,'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has
done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?' The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am
taking over.'
The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud . I will race you around the farmhouse Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the
entire chicken coop.'
The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'
The old rooster takes off running About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farm-house and the young rooster has closed the gap.
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he
blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
'Dammit.....third gay rooster I bought this month.'
Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance.
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Things to make you laugh...................................
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Posted:Jun 17, 2008 5:28 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2008 12:45 pm
10538 Views
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I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 , but she doesn't really care.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him!
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
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Last Tears
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Posted:Jun 11, 2008 10:55 am
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2008 8:37 am
10462 Views
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Each time tears end
and my heart begins to heal
you rip the wounds open again
I gave the depths of my love
and all I asked in return
was yours
It took a long while to realize
I want what I can never have
You can’t or won’t love
the same intense way I do
So I made up my mind
no more
Life is passing so fast
I don’t intend to spend it
wallowing in pain and tears
Too late to take back my heart
but not too late to say
it’s over
I weep my last tears today
for what if’s and can’t be’s
I’m putting these tears away
and if I ever cry over love again
it will be for someone who truly
loved me
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What Everyone Wants
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Posted:Jun 11, 2008 10:52 am
Last Updated:Jun 13, 2008 8:38 am
10559 Views
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I made you love me
I just wouldn’t stop loving you
and you found that you couldn’t keep
lying to yourself and maintaining
that you didn’t really love me at all
I brought something into your life
that had been missing for so long
It wasn’t just a deep friendship
real friends are hard to find but
you have had your share of them
Not romance alone, you can find that
almost anywhere if you only want to play
at love and loving in a fairytale land
I gave you more than romantic feelings
I gave you something much more intense
Not just sensuality, though we both know
we burned for each other like none other
You can always find someone to hold you
and cater to the carnal imaginations
No, it was so much more than that
What I offered, some wait a lifetime for
I was there for you, everyday with
the sweetness of love laid on your doorstep
Like a the daily newspaper to be explored
with new thoughts to inspire your mind
I cared about you when you were ill
and whenever I sensed you were down
even when you refused to open your heart to me
I sent you something cheerful or risqué to
brighten your dark world, make you feel my love
What I gave you can be summed up
in one word I thought it was something
everyone would want forever
Guess I was wrong about that because
in the end you threw my “Devotion” away
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POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM
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Posted:Jun 9, 2008 10:16 am
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2008 2:26 pm
10831 Views
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I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm, Belinda!"
This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned,
"All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?"
I'm thinking, "Belinda , try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It turns a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B into a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds.
Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice....it's Spandex. We can't be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"
Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining
circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!
Complete darkness and the power went off!
"What?" I yelled.
"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag" Belinda headed for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's wide open so you'll
have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."
Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from
the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I
totally forgot about you!
And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps........
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To link to this blog (blkdcklvr) use [blog blkdcklvr] in your messages.
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