This is why I don't want to have sex with you right now.  

Slaveanna 71F
14 posts
4/27/2020 7:47 am
This is why I don't want to have sex with you right now.

Please note that I (slaveanna) did not write this but I am front line at a hospital and can attest to the validity of this writing. Our governor is a worthless pos just like the orange baboon in the White House. Shame on you conservatives for putting politics ahead of the country's welfare. Maybe their beliefs will thin out the gene pool. I fear many, many people are about to find out this isn't a hoax. Also this is long but worth taking the time to read!

Running out of Outlets
Apr 2020
Posted by kristenfmartins in New Jersey 2020

Wake . Eat breakfast. Put my mask and walk work in the brisk, early morning sunlight of New Jersey. My shift starts at 07:00. As I walk into the hospital, like every day, I am stopped for a forehead temperature scan and asked if I have any flu-like symptoms before proceeding to the ICU. I gather my one N95 mask for the day, a single hair net, shoe covers if available, a plastic gown and a pair of hospital issued scrubs. I reuse my face shield everyday.

I head down two floors to the makeshift ICU. The entrance is blocked off with heavy-duty construction plastic as an attempt to make the OR and PACU ‘negative-pressure’. [COVID can stay airborne for several hours with aerosolization and the negative pressure means particles will flow into the COVID area, not into other surrounding hallways]. This area is filled people, each crammed side-by-side, with just enough room for a ventilator and few IV poles between patients.

Report is quick and straight to the point. Keep them alive. This place is incredibly noisy. A place of excessive audio and visual stimulation. Constant dinging vents, monitors, IV pumps. Lights flashing on the monitors for low oxygen saturations, low blood pressures, dysrhythmias. Lights flashing on vents for high peak pressures, low minute volumes, low tidal volumes. You have to literally yell to the person next to you because of all of the noise, coupled with the muffling that occurs when wearing a respirator and face shield. It is hot. Stressful. And I am rebreathing my own exhaled CO2 for the next hrs in these masks. They’re are so tight that I have bruises behind my ears and wear a bandaid my nose protect myself from a pressure ulcer.

Supplies in this area are sparse. I run around asking people just find saline flushes. Alcohol pads. Linen. We are running out of syringes. Running out of IV fluids. Running out of places plug in of the electronics that are keeping my patients alive. Needing prioritize which patient is the Most sick see first. Stabilize as much as possible and move the next. There are between 4-6 critically ill patients per nurse. Each patient with a minimum of titratable drips and fluids means managing a minimum of -18 IV pumps, and that is being conservative. We have anesthesiologists and specialized physicians working as attendings. Nurse anesthetists working as attendings. People doing jobs they have never done before this pandemic. We must work as a team keep the patients viable and each other sane. Or mostly sane at least.

I auscultate my patients lungs. I hear fluid/mucous. They need be suctioned. We have run out of in-line ETT suction catheters. The only option is sterile suctioning, which would require unhooking the patient from the vent [aka aerosolizing] and putting COVID airborne. But the patients O2 sats are dropping, their heart rate is increasing, they are visibly in distress. Intervene immediately or likely respiratory arrest followed by cardiac arrest. Benefit outweighs the risk. Exposed.

I do not beat myself for not being able give personal care any of my patients because keeping them alive is more important. I run my ass off day and literally have no time even go the bathroom myself. I happen have a few helpers with this particular day which means my patients can get some much overdue cleaning . They are with the patient right behind , giving him a quick turn, wash down, and clean sheets. I hear the alarms start ringing. O2 sats in the 80s. I give him 100% oxygen and suction down is ETT and in his mouth. They turn him his left. Flat line. I check the carotid. Nothing. I lower the side rails and get onto the bed, hands on his chest, while simultaneously yelling if anyone else feels a pulse?! No pulse. I immediately start CPR. “I NEED HELP!” GET THE AED!” I feel his ribs cracking under my palms with each compression. Getting adequate CO2 capnography, meaning compressions are good, at this point. His chest recoil is shit. Doctors are at the bedside. Quickly discussing how long to attempt resuscitation. Epi is given. No pulse. No rhythm. No shock. CPR. Bicarb given. He starts profusely bleeding, spraying bright red blood from his mouth, around the ETT tube, and nose. Code lasts under seven minutes. My first<b> death. </font></b>This is only 09:20.

This man, who had no past medical history, had become so sick he was requiring daily dialysis. I have said in the past, getting a breathing tube is a<b> death </font></b>sentence. More accurately, I would say if a patient gets to the point of needing a dialysis catheter, it is just prolonging ‘life’. That being said, there has only been one person who wasn’t taken to the body trailers after their breathing tube was removed. One.

As soon as one body goes out to the trailers, a new person is being admitted from the emergency department or someone is transferred from the floor who needs ICU care. I admitted more patients by the end of the shift, giving the opportunity care for patients. One of my admits coded as soon as she got . Two codes and two deaths in hours. I needed dust myself off and get back at it. I had four others people who needed my best. No time grieve. Crying is for my days off. When I am alone. When I can process and decompress. My husband and my big sister are my people. I can vent, cuss, cry, yell, scream, feel of the emotions and they will be there hold , even if it is virtually from 1,200 miles away.

19:30 Night shift shows . Fresh faces as compared my sweaty, worn out face. I feel as if I have been by a train. Again, the report/handoff is quick and talking about only what is essential. Is anyone teetering on life and death? Is anyone actively trying die? I wish them luck and leave the unit. I doff my PPE that I put thirteen hours earlier. I wipe down my face shield for use my next shift. Noticing I have been wearing specks of my patient’s blood day that I was sprayed with during CPR. I recognize my shoulders and chest ache from performing those chest compressions as my mind replays the whole scenario. The pain I experience when removing my mask is a deep ache radiating on bony prominences of my face and head. I scrub my hands, my arms, my face with soap and water. I put on a simple mask return the ICU change and gather my belongings before walking home.

It is now 20:45. I am walking down the streets, alone. I hear the alarms in my head. They sound like a chorus of emergency vehicles sirens going off simultaneously. An occasional car will drive by, but it is otherwise silent. It is dark. I again feel the brisk cool wind on my face. I slide my mask down and take a deep, cleansing breath of fresh air. I look at the stars. My eyes well with tears for those I lost today. As much as I need the rest and sleep, I know I am needed in that place and am anxious to go back. I am honored to be able to be a part of something historic and to help save lives each day.

My message to those protesting the stay-at-home orders in Minnesota, Tennessee, Washington, Colorado, Florida, Illinois, California, Arizona, Montana, and any other state & to Trump:

Come take a step into my daily hell.

Come tell me to my face that “fear is worse than the virus!”

Come walk into the trailer full of dead, rotting humans, and I will pick out a spot for your body, since it is “your body, your right”.

If “Jesus is your vaccine”, tell me why I am taking the rosary off my patient’s lifeless body?

Anyone protesting should forfeit their rights to receive any medical care. NONE. You are putting the lives of anyone you come into contact with because of your boredom and selfishness. You are putting every single healthcare worker’s life not only at an increased risk, but your disrespect for humankind because of your ignorance and stupidity is beyond appalling. You are a disgrace.

justaguyinalaska 56M
879 posts
4/27/2020 8:50 am

Brilliant and terrifying.

Outside of down-range soldiers, I do not think we have had a group of First Responders who have put more at risk in trying to save so many lives. The long, grueling hours that you are asked to work are testament to your amazing strength and endurance.

Please accept my sincere and enduring gratitude.

txfreebird454 68M
13 posts
4/27/2020 9:40 am

Well there went the boner you gave me with your pic and videos. Replaced by a huge salute to your tremendous courage, extraordinary hard work and dedication and your caring and loving soul. Humanity's debt to you and those working at your side can never be repaid. My sincerest love and respect to you.

Slaveanna replies on 4/30/2020 5:00 pm:
Thank you!

Paulxx001 65M  
22616 posts
4/27/2020 11:44 am

That does paint a bleak and desperate situation. 😶❗

lok4fun500 M
51906 posts
4/27/2020 12:54 pm

Thank you for your service

I also have family on the front line here in Canada.
I have a relative who thinks he is immune to the virus and disregards and disrespects every warning . I sent him this and haven't heard from him since. He is NOT allowed near my house.

thinksmiles1 64M/66F
1352 posts
4/27/2020 1:25 pm

Thank You!

citizen4722 64M  
74582 posts
4/27/2020 3:58 pm

God bless the 'heroes' working on the front line.

jajo696 67F
4287 posts
4/27/2020 6:21 pm

Very well said.!!! My bro in law passed on Psalm a hosp in the Bronx ...alone. That fact , without any other ingredients is heartwrenching and has me in tears whenever i think abt it. I have said all along that we dont hear ANY of the health care professionals clamoring for re opening . Its always the ones concerned abt their 401k's and the economy .It disgusts me to no end. We have people like you , putting your life on the line everyday.....and people like me...who are staying put, wearing masks when we go out for only essentials. I truly believe there should be a waiver of health care services for those who are not heeding the warnings. Maybe thats what we need....culling of the herds of idiots thru their own doing~~

Thank You and Yours for ALL you are doing ..hugggss ~~

Slaveanna replies on 5/3/2020 10:50 am:
Lost my bro in law Easter Sunday. Sorry for your loss!

SingleATLdude91 31M
8 posts
4/29/2020 12:28 pm

THIS!!!! Articulate and precise. Thanks for posting!

Slaveanna replies on 4/29/2020 3:59 pm:
You're welcome. Wish more people could read this!!!

greatFUNinNC 49M  
4 posts
5/3/2020 8:12 am

Very well said. And THANK YOU for all you do at this difficult time.
BTW... you're beautiful!

Stay safe!

LVFunCpl 71M/66F  
14 posts
5/30/2020 11:13 pm

Thanks and prayers for you and your coworkers as well as the patients. I can't understand why people aren't taking this seriously. The recent stats say that more lives were lost to this pandemic than all of the combat victims of Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq . People protested in the streets about the senseless loss of those lives, but in this case, they are so concerned that they can't get a haircut or go to the beach that they are willing to sacrifice lives to sit in the sun...astonishing....

Thank you and all of those in the medical professions for your efforts and risk in this most trying of times.

This will end in some fashion at some time. Once it does, and you are ready to sit back and have things done for you, put me/us on the list of those who "owe" you and want to bring you joy.

Bnormalfun 36M
20 posts
8/25/2020 7:11 pm

Best wishes and stay strong!

2SexyFifties 74M/74F  
1 post
8/30/2020 4:28 am

Much respect. Thank you for what you do, and be good to yourself.

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