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Why On Earth  

Secret_Explorer_ 52M
1 posts
4/14/2021 2:38 pm
Why On Earth

This is a work in progress.

You agreed to be my wife, though I never meant to ask you.
You acted like you cared for me, though my memories there are askew.

My life was going laissez-a-faire, I wasn't careful or too harried.
My parents really loved you, though, and died knowing I was married.

Your family is always nice to me, and mine are all but dead.
I would cut myself from all of them, just so I'm not alone in bed.

And knowing all of that is true,
How on Earth, could I leave you?

Our honeymoon was quite a trip, I should have known something wasn't right
Though we were having loads of fun, you wouldn't sleep with me at night.

You were affectionate until you had the ring, said hold off so that it would be special.
Didn't think much of it at the time, wedding planning can be stressful.

Should have felt it then and there, you just didn't need it to be happy.
You don't see it as a soulful need, it's nothing missing from your fancy.

And knowing all of that is true,
why didn't I leave you?

You're the mother of my babies, you kept them safe and loved and warm.
You taught them swim and fed them right, and kept them far from harm.

My daughters whose lives I hold so dear, they think of you as mother.
You helped me teach them right from wrong, and they wouldn't want another.

And remembering that all of that is true,
how on Earth could I leave you?

But I know that you don't love me, not in any way that counts.
More worried about what the neighbors think, and the pressure mounts.

Your heart just does not flutter, you don't think of me as good.
If you could trade my life for money, I know that you surely would.

It doesn't matter what your words are, I can see it in your face.
If I were dead and buried, you would not miss me from this place.

And having faith that all of that is true,
why must I stay with you?

Its been this way for twenty years, you shy away if I try to touch.
You kick and punch me in your sleep, you hate me just that much.

You told me it was all an act, that all our love was just a trauma.
You really cut me to the quick, turned my life into a drama.

Every tender moment that I had with you had clearly been a lie.
You think of me like your ape-ist, and you wish we would all die.

And because I fear that all is true,
how on Earth can I love you?

How sick if I could still want you, knowing what it would put you through?
How can I want to be with you, because I do still love you.

It is such a thing for you, how could I be human and not want out?
The guilt has eaten through my brain, and riddled me with doubt.

But it really is a need for me, one I cannot do without.
Its been more than fifteen years, and that is a painful drought.

And because of what you've put me through,
Why on Earth don't I leave you?

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