I'm Going To Be a Lady
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Posted:Oct 8, 2016 12:31 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2016 1:48 pm
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I got bored writing the second part about alligators and since no one commented on it, it will remain in fragments on my hard drive.
When we welcome someone new into our lives, it’s usually because they fill a certain need we have. These needs can include having common interests (i.e. an activity companion), financial, the need for a trusted advisor or confidant, and of course, sexual needs. In the marketing world, this is referred to as the value proposition.
In the case of dating, understanding a potential date’s value proposition tends to be paramount. If a potential date / partner / companion didn’t serve at least one important need, you likely wouldn’t have an interest in them. Of course, the Holy Grail for all of us is to find that one person who ‘ticks all the boxes’. Many of us will accept an ‘interim’ companion who fails to meet many of our needs, yet fills our most pressing needs, at the time. The perfect example of this is a fuck buddy. They typically aren’t LTR material, but they meet our sexual needs.
Over time, a ‘companion’ may come to meet needs beyond those that attracted you to them. You find your fuck buddy shares some interests with you or your conversely, activity partner is amazing in the sack. However, when a new companion decides they want to shift their value proposition before you’ve really gotten to know them, it can be maddening.
This is all a nice way of leading into my rant of the week. I think most guys, who do the online dating thing, have encountered this scenario. You begin chatting with a woman and the conversation turns to sex. She shares some of her many, many instances of being slutty (which I use as an adjective and not a pejorative). She can’t help but sleep with someone on the first date, if there’s chemistry. She’s excited to meet and do all of those things with you as soon as possible. She may even say ‘let’s skip dinner and go right to your place’. Then comes the appointed day of your interlude and she leads off with ‘I’m don’t want to be slutty anymore (for one reason or another). Instead, I’m going to be a lady. We’ll wait to have sex.’
Wait, what??? You just now decided to make a change in your behavior? You’ve slept with half the free world but you want me to wait? In short, she’s attempted to change her value proposition before delivering any benefits. The woman who makes this proclamation is invariably someone who you wouldn’t be terribly interested in without the sexual component.
Before I go any further, let me be clear that I respect everyone in my life and value them uniquely. If I don’t respect someone, they’re not in my life, period. Before I get raked over the coals for trashing women, I’ve heard more than one talk about a boy toy who was so nice to look at and was great so long as he kept his mouth shut.
The most recent offender was the perfect example of the above. She was stuck in all sorts of drama with her ex; and loved to talk about it. A lot. She said up front that she wanted something semi-casual and definitely physical. Perfect; I just finished a less than pleasant relationship experience myself, so that would fit the bill nicely. We exchanged dirty talk and at one point, she said she wanted to meet at my house (‘dinner would just get in the way’), where I’d immediately shove her to the floor and fuck her mouth.
We were to get together this past Thursday. A few days before, she began to waffle a bit and asked to meet for dinner first. No problem; we’ll have a lovely dinner before heading to my place. Then, the day of, she tells me that she’s decided to be a lady and will not, under any circumstances, come to my house.
To recap, we had agreed on what needs each of us would satisfy and at the last moment, she decided to change her value proposition. Except that she’d really lost any value proposition at that point. I wanted to grab her and tell her that the only reason I tolerated her constant tales of woe was because sex was imminent. Of course, I’d never actually say that to someone.
I understand why women make these leaps. In every case I’ve encountered, their self-esteem was trashed. They see not jumping in the sack as a way to gain back some of that self-esteem. You’ll respect them more if they withhold sex. Actually, I’d respect them more if they remained true to themselves and didn’t subject me to their swings in insecurity. Unfortunately, in addition to losing respect for them, it’s frankly difficult to not get angry for what essentially turns into a bait and switch.
There’s no moral or wisdom to come from the above. Actually, in terms of dating on vanilla sites, if you want sex, skip the women who say that’s what they want. In fact, I’ve found the ones who complain loudest that all men want is sex are the most likely to ‘skip dinner’. Strange but true…
Update - OMG, two times in one week! Yesterday, I began trading notes with a woman, yada yada yada, I want to be your dirty girl. We agreed to meet at a local cafe, before heading to my place. Except, she rolled in and shares that she's not dated in 15 years and is nervous as hell. Long story short, we never left the cafe. For the love of all that's holy, know what you're open to before you make a commitment to someone.
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Of Alligators and Intimacy Issues
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Posted:Sep 1, 2016 2:56 pm
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2016 2:02 pm
7609 Views
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There once was a man who loved alligators so much that he decided to keep one as a pet. He named it George and he loved George dearly. He gave George only the best alligator food and kept him well fed. He would spend hours talking to George lovingly, giving him massages, and bathing him. Every day, he told George how much he loved him and that they should be kind to each other. Then, one day, George wrapped his jaws around the man’s head and killed him. When the man reached St. Peter’s gates, he was in great conflict. Had he not loved George enough, that George mauled him? St. Peter looked at the man and said ‘What did you expect? It’s an alligator, you moron, and that’s what alligators do, they bite people!’
The moral of the story is that some creatures will behave in a certain way, because they’re hard wired to do so. There’s no logic and no amount of reasoning that will change that behavior. This can often apply to people as well. In a previous post, I related how my borderline ex-wife would do horrible things to me as we went through the divorce process. My friends would constantly ask why I didn’t get angry over the garbage she pulled, to which I replied that she was an alligator. As a borderline, she was hard wired to hate me for abandoning her (asking for a divorce).
In most cases, animals are hard wired at birth and people tend to have their wiring modified by experiences.
I’ve obviously encountered alligators in the past but their number seems to be growing, based upon recent experiences. While I haven’t had much free time to blog, I’ve actively dated over the past twelve months or so. I’ll chronicle some of the more interesting (both sexual and non) moments in a later post.
Before I get to the first toothy beast, it might be worthwhile to make the concept of a human alligator a bit more concrete. I already covered the more extreme behavior of a borderline but there aren’t a ton of those running around (Thank God!!!). The most common alligators I’ve run across have been women with abandonment issues. For the sake of brevity, abandonment issues are almost always the result of someone (or someones) important leaving a person’s life. Abandonment issues tend to form in (death of a parent / parent not there / etc.) but can also take hold in adulthood through the loss of a spouse. There are a ton of ways abandonment issues can affect behavior (Google is your friend), but the one trait I’ve encountered more than once is that, when they sense you might exit the relationship, (regardless of whether you are or not), your status as human gets changed. You are now seen as anything from super scary to useless piece of shit, and everywhere in between. Once that switch has been flipped, no amount of reasoning, explaining, or threatening will flip it back. It’s destructive to the person with abandonment issues for a number of reasons. But it’s also tough on the perceived abandoner, as I’ll share later.
But the bottom line is the person with abandonment issues is going to act the same way to certain stimuli, regardless of what you do. Because that's what they do! Maybe better than having your skull crushed but sometimes, that might be preferable.
I’ll break it off here, so the reader isn’t stuck reading one of my typical epics, and can digest the material in pieces. In the next installment, we get to the intimacy portion of fun and games.
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The Blowjob Rule Exception
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Posted:Aug 20, 2015 3:23 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2015 5:03 pm
11452 Views
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Those who have waded through my previous posts have read about my assertion with regard to blowjobs. I've found that women who brag about how much they love to give them and how good they are...well, they aren't. Well, it seems as though I found an exception to that rule. I might add that I'm happy to report this finding.
I was chatting with someone about meeting, last weekend, and she brought up her love of fellatio. I immediately thought 'no, you're not'. However, when we got together, she blew my assumption out of the water (pun intended). She was incredibly talented and immediately rocketed to my top 5 list. It didn't hurt that we had a great connection too but that's another story.
As a side note, she did a great job of further inflating my already immense ego when she proclaimed that I made her orgasm more quickly than she could do it herself. So much for humility...
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Cum on my Tits - A Love Story
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Posted:Apr 23, 2015 4:32 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2016 9:54 am
14466 Views
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Here’s another true story of one of a hot night of debauchery. After all, I really do need to either live up to my blog’s name or change it. 99% of the dialogue is accurate; certain things become lodged in one’s brain, when they occur in the right context.
Jane has shown up in my blog several times before, although I’ve never referred to her by name. She’s the girl for whom I became a reference fuck (see previous blog entry for more). Jane and I were on again, off again with regard to a real relationship but got together occasionally because we enjoyed each other’s company; plus the sex was always good. A couple of years ago, I decided to have Jane over for dinner, just before Christmas. We hadn’t seen each other in awhile so I wanted to catch up. As usual, we had a great time over dinner and several glasses of wine. My intent wasn’t to sleep with her that evening, since our last encounter had been my breaking up with her. Yes, I have somewhat of a conscience. That all went to hell after the second bottle of wine was polished off. One can only expect so much will power when confronted with an attractive redhead who loves to please in the bedroom. As I uncorked our third bottle of red, we stood in the kitchen flirting over small talk. With little fanfare, I grabbed her and kissed her. There are women who can kiss and those who can’t; Jane represents a true talent in that department and our kissing has always been an event in itself. We kissed passionately, her lips and tongue tasting of the wine we had just been enjoying. Our hands groping each other from both excitement and a bit of drunken reverie. She broke away from me and exclaimed, ‘finally, a man who knows how to kiss me.’
We continued to kiss and my hand found its way under her skirt. ‘Someone’s definitely excited. I love how wet you get for me’, I said. She responded that I always made her wet.
Then she told me what she wanted. ‘Will you stroke your cock for me tonight? It’s such a turn on to watch a guy stroke his hard cock. I want you to cum on my tits too. Will you do that for me?’
I can’t recall exactly how I responded but it was an affirmative. Duh!
We made our way to the bedroom, tearing off clothes as we stumbled. I threw Jane down on the bed and continued to kiss her, while my hands began exploring her now naked form. Caressing her breasts, feeling her nipples harden with my touch. Moving my head down, I began to explore her breasts with my mouth. Lips at first, then brushing my tongue over each one, then sucking with a bit more intensity. My hand moved down to touch her sex, her legs parting automatically to receive me. Just a bit of touching to start, then a bit more pressure on her clit, slowly rubbing in a circle. Her breathing continued to get heavier and more ragged as I touched her. I’ve been here before and remember just how she likes to be pleasured. After taking a break from mouthing her breasts to watch the look of bliss spread across her beautiful face, I return to the task. She pushes her head up and joins me. Our tongues dancing across her pink nipple together. The site is intoxicating as we both surrender to our pleasure. I slide one finger into her very wet pussy, causing her to moan. Jane’s a g-spot girl and it’s time for her to cum for me. I slowly work my finger in and out of her, finally settling on her g-spot, massaging it in a circular movement. I can feel her begin to build toward her first orgasm as I vary the pressure to touch her just right. Her hips begin to move ever so slightly and I ask her if she’s going to cum for me.
‘Mmm, hmm’
‘Then do it, honey. Cum for me. Give me what I want.’
And her first orgasm hits; it’s always the mildest for her.
‘Oooh, ooh, ohh…’
I kiss her passionately and take her hand in mine, guiding it back down between her thighs. I position my hand over top of hers, finger for finger, so I can slide both of our middle fingers inside her as one. Then I begin to masturbate her with her own finger, making it my own little sex toy. After a few moments, I can feel her reach that point. Women know what I’m referring to; it’s that point where whatever stimulation you’re receiving has to end in an orgasm. Once Jane reaches that point of no return, I remove my own finger, leaving her climax in her own hands, as it were.
‘God that’s so hot, Janey. I love watching you touch yourself for me. Will you make yourself cum for me? I want you show me how much I excite you.’
As she touches herself, I return to her breasts and pleasure her that way. Then, she cums for me. Her ‘ooh, ooh, oh…’ accompanied by the soft spasm in her hips.
Once she recovers, it’s clear she has her mind on her own oral arguments. Jane loves to suck my cock and shoves me back on the bed so she can get to work. Tonight, there’s no teasing…no playful licking. She’s hungry for me down her throat and devours my cock over and over. After deep throating me for a bit, she moves up and straddles me. I love how her hips move as she rides my cock. I reach up and play with her nipples. She’s moaning louder than normal tonight; I can hear the urgency as she works me. But the urgency somehow transitions to frustration. She wants to cum again and just can’t get there. She rolls off of me, onto her back, and begins to thrust her fingers in and out of herself. Her body spasms in a way I hadn’t seen before and she screams as her orgasm rips through her body.
‘Fuck!’
She then pulls me on top of her, wraps her legs around me, and tells me to fuck her. She needs to cum all over my cock. Honestly, the next few hours remain a bit hazy for me. We continued to use each other in every position we could think of, stopping occasionally for a bit of a rest and more wine. Ultimately, I wound up behind her (for the second or third time), grabbing her hips and thrusting deeply. Over time, I’d worked out just the right angle to best ravage her g-spot; a move that caused her to orgasm almost constantly and always made me cum as well. The combination of not lasting much longer inside her as well as fatigue (3 hours of fucking will do that to you!) made the decision easy. I pulled her shoulders up so I could stay inside her while I whispered in her ear.
‘Do you want me to stroke my cock for you and cum all over your tits?’
‘Yes, do it.’
I moved to where I was standing next to the side of the bed, allowing me to lean on it slightly, and she immediately dropped to her knees in front of me. She couldn’t resist sucking my hard cock for a bit but then moved back a bit to watch the show she wanted. I started masturbating for her, milking my hard cock. As my shaft would become dry, I’d pull her head forward and she’d deep throat me until I was lubed up from her saliva.
As I resumed stroking my cock, I watched Jane watching me and I’ve never seen a look on a woman’s face quite like hers that night. Her expression was one of pure, unadulterated lust; her eyes burning as she watched me stroking my cock in directly in front of her face. I’ll never forget that look on her face as long as I live nor will I forget the scene; it was one of the hottest sexual experiences I’ve ever had.
Jane would occasionally interrupt my stroking to enjoy playing with my cock. She’d stroke it herself, then lean forward and bury it between her breasts, wrapping them around it so she could feel me fucking her tits.
After providing her with her value for the price of admission, I decided it was time to grant her second request. I asked her if she was ready to feel my cum all over her tits.
‘Yes, cum all over me. I want to feel your hot cum.’
I repeated the exchange a few more times, further working us both up, then took a step forward so I could explode all over her pretty tits. There are few times that real life lives up to what you see in porn but this was one of them for me. I groaned that I was going to cum and then began to erupt just where she asked. It was one of the biggest loads I’ve ever mustered and it truly splashed all over both of her breasts. She pulled me against her and rubbed my cock in the hot, sticky mess that pooled between her tits.
At that point, we both pretty well collapsed. It was quite the marathon, lasting until just after three a.m. and I still had to drive to Florida the next morning. Yes, it was a long drive but well worth the pain.
I hope you enjoyed reading this and appreciate any feedback. I’ll pass it along to Jane too 
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A Man Should Be Able To...
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Posted:Apr 7, 2015 3:01 pm
Last Updated:Jul 28, 2016 5:48 am
13835 Views
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Reading a blog, this morning, about how men on this site don't know the first thing about women got me thinking about the old standard of what men should be able to do. I find Robert Heinlein's classic quote to be a bit ambitious. It says "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
I have my own list, which after reading the aforementioned blog post, had one item added that truly makes sense (at least to me) and is quite applicable in the Senior Sizzle context.
A man should be able to:
- Change a flat tire - seriously, do you want to look like a pansy in front of the cute girl in your car?
- Drive a manual transmission - yes, it's still a valid skill and you're not a man if you can't use a clutch
- Cook well enough to sustain himself - I'm not referring to whipping up a souffle or coq au vin but at least be able to make bacon and eggs, mac & cheese (box is fine), and the like.
And my recent addition:
- Seduce a woman - If you've never made a woman desire you, you're not a man. Knowing what a woman wants and needs (and being able to properly respond with how you'll satisfy each of them) will ensure you're never lonely. This applies to whatever a woman is seeking at the moment, whether it be hot NSA sex or something more.
And, to the point - why is the ability to seduce a woman particularly important on Senior Sizzle? This has been covered before, ad nauseam, but let's try a different tack and think like a guy. Let's say the ratio was reversed on Senior Sizzle so that there were 100 women for each man. You get dozens of emails per day, offering to fuck your brains out. How do you pick the ones that you'll let into your bed? Sure, you'd grab the hottest ones (if you were dumb because hot doesn't equate to good in the sack, but that's another blog post) but, if you were smart, you'd likely pick the ones who seemed like they'd rock your world the most.
As an illustration, you've narrowed your Saturday night debauchery to two women. But all you have to go on are photos, their profiles, and their first email.
Woman A - Bombshell hot, vapid profile, and her email said 'Wanna fuck? HMU'
Woman B - Nice looking, profile that tells you what turns her on, and her first email told you what she wanted to do to you in just the right way.
If you're smart (or think like most women), you'll go for B. And let's face it, women tend to not be stimulated by visual cues as much as men so your good looks aren't going to save the day, if you can't seduce a woman; at least on here.
Now man up and get off my lawn.
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You've Never Thought of That? Really?
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Posted:Apr 7, 2015 9:01 am
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2024 11:42 am
13465 Views
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I'll keep this short for once and will preface by saying I endeavor to maintain my humility as best I can and only rub my intellect in someone's face when they need to be taken down a notch or two.
Anyway, I currently have my own consulting firm (sales and marketing in the electronics industry) and it's doing fairly well, which honestly surprises me a bit. For me, the biggest fear I have is meeting with a and coming to the conclusion that they're doing everything the way they should; that there's no value I can bring to them. This, of course, never stops traditional consulting firms as they have a seemingly inexhaustible supply of useless templates and meaningless recommendations that invariably include multiple references to levering synergies.
Back to the fear; this hasn't been an issue with most of my previous as they'd identified specific needs and wanted someone to address said need. However, I met with a new last week, who had retained me to essentially fix their sales and marketing strategy. They had a great product offering but their sales were stagnant; could I recommend how they could be better. Pretty nebulous stuff and as such, the fear kicked in.
However, by the time I left their facility, after two days of meetings, not only had the fear subsided but I felt like a sales and marketing god. After receiving some product training, I asked to review their current sales and marketing strategy. 'We don't have one.' Okay, so how do you choose your target customers? 'We don't; customers call us.' Alright, how about your advertising strategy and materials? 'Just the catalog you've got in your hand.'
From there, it became even more humorous as I asked about various things and saw they'd never considered most of them. It was amazing to see their thoughts about their business change and was quite rewarding on my side, knowing how I was impacting them just from a couple of days bantering back and forth. It was all positive as they truly wanted to know what they were missing. Plus, I told them at the beginning, we all leave our egos at the door.
If there's a point to this, I guess there are two. First, I should never be surprised by what plans successful businesses don't have. The other is that I'll never grow tired of the feeling of reward I get when making a positive impact on people.
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Make Me Want to Scream!
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Posted:Mar 27, 2015 3:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2015 7:40 am
13282 Views
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A company in CT has retained me to retool their sales and marketing capabilities / strategy. After 10 years of flat revenue, they think they need a change. Ya think?
Anyway, I was supposed to be on site for meetings a few weeks ago but my flights were cancelled due to weather. So, we rescheduled for this week. Last Friday, I get a call from the saying his sales manager wouldn't be in the office this week and that perhaps we should reschedule for next week. Uh, yeah your ineffective sales manager should definitely be in our meetings. So, I change my flights and tell him I'll be on site next Wed/Thurs. All is good.
Wrong...I get another call from him this afternoon saying he forgot Easter was next weekend; he has family plans from Wed p.m. onward. Can I come up for Monday and Tuesday. Sure.... At least he told me he'd pick up the change fees outside of the contract (in which he paid me a flat expense figure). But Jesus, can you get your shit together??? No wonder you're stuck in no growth hell.
Okay, I'm done ranting. Now get off my lawn!
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Loss of a Friend
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Posted:Jan 28, 2015 7:28 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2015 12:07 pm
16785 Views
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It's strange fascinating how we react to certain events in our lives. Rob was a colleague of mine, based in the Netherlands, from a previous company. While I was there, our mutual respect for each others abilities forged a friendship. We were both complete motorheads and Formula 1 fanatics and would debate various aspects of drivers and teams whenever we saw each other, chatted on the phone, or traded emails. We'd wind up getting together two or three times per year; sometimes in Holland, others in the US.
When I moved to another company, Rob and I kind of lost touch, as often happens. We'd fire off the occasional email to one another but we probably went four or so years without any interaction. About a year ago, I learned Rob had cancer that, short of a miracle, was terminal. I reached out to him and we exchanged a few notes back and forth, catching up and bitching about the new rules in Formula 1.
Today, I received word of Rob's passing. I'm a guy and, therefore not allowed to show or feel emotion. But the truth is I'm a bit taken aback by how hard his death has hit me. While there was a great deal of mutual respect between us, our friendship wasn't incredibly deep. But the punch in the gut happened just the same. Perhaps it's the whole 'taken before his time' dynamic. I won't speculate because I just don't know. What I do know is that tonight, I'll break out my bottle of Remy and raise a glass to Rob. Rest in peace, my friend.
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Kindle – It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
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Posted:Jan 27, 2015 3:19 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2024 11:42 am
15293 Views
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Several years ago, I succumbed to the siren’s song of the Amazon Kindle. I initially resisted but, as someone who travels frequently for business, often internationally, it was the perfect solution. I could get books on the run, avoiding a last minute run to the bookstore. Plus, I can tell you it’s no fun being stuck in Tokyo, and the flight back, with nothing to read. Yeah, not so many books in English floating around over there. But more importantly, it was a major space saver. The three (or more) paperbacks, necessary for a longish trip to Asia take up a lot of real estate in one’s luggage. So, I bought my first one and never looked back.
Owning a Kindle has turned me into a voracious reader. Kindle Unlimited isn’t making a profit on my account. Admittedly, there are more fluff novels on my device than books with depth. Yes, I’m an action / espionage / assassin with a heart of gold junkie. If a book came from the keyboards of Vince Flynn (God rest his soul) or Brad Thor, I’ve read it. In my defense, a large part of this has to do with where I digest much of the content. The stuffy, diminished oxygen air you’re sucking at 35k feet isn’t conducive to Tolstoy or Dostoyevsky. I know this from personal experience, unsuccessfully trying to get through Dante’s Inferno on a few flights.
But lately, I’ve noticed a trend that is both encouraging and irritating. I don’t think there can be much debate that the proliferation of e-readers has completely changed the paradigm of publishing. On the positive side, by utilizing the digital format, an author can be ‘published’ and build an audience that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. As a result, I’ve discovered a number of new authors who likely would remain unknown without the e-book format. For example, if you’re a special ops fan, you need to read Jack Murphy’s works. As a former operator himself, his books contain a gritty realism that draws you in.
But as much as Jack Murphy exemplifies the positive impact of the e-reader, he also provides an excellent example of the downside. As good as Jack’s books are, the best of them also seems to have not been seen by the eyes of a proofreader. And his aren’t the only books to suffer from this affliction. Other works I’ve read take lack of proofreading to a new level, well beyond the occasional transposed word or an errant spell check suggestion. The one I just finished took the parenthetical phrase to new levels of disaster. I’d reach the end of a long sentence and have to go back to the beginning to reassure myself that, indeed, the whole string of words made zero sense. It becomes a bit frustrating when you have to piece together groups of unrelated words and phrases to figure out what the hell they’re saying. Even more so when the nonsense refers to a critical point in the plot.
So, there’s the good, bad, and ugly. What’s your take on the Kindle and have you noticed the same issues or am I more pedantic than I give myself credit for?
Oh, and you get off my lawn!
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Parenting - The Sequel
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Posted:Jan 25, 2015 2:31 pm
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2015 5:42 pm
15982 Views
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This has been sitting in my folder for a few weeks so I thought I'd throw it online sans final anal retentive editing.
In reading some of the comments to my Crap Parents blog post (Thank You!), a few parenting stories of my own have popped back into my head. I’ll admit that the memories are somewhat bittersweet, as I no longer have contact with the step I grew to love as my own. Distance and a vindictive ex-wife, unfortunately, were enough to seal that fate.
Anyway, I thought I’d share some real world examples of my own on how not being afraid to be a hard ass as a parent, can be a good thing. Both stories involve my step-; the one with screaming ADHD and resulting impulse control issues. Keep in mind, particularly for the second story, that I was known as the hard ass of the two parental figures in her life.
One Saturday afternoon, I was alone in the house with my . She was planning to head to a music festival and was eagerly waiting for one of her friends to pick her up. I knew she was excited about the concert, having mentioned it several times during the previous week. At some point, my attention was drawn to noise coming from the street / cul de sac in front of our home. Looking out, I saw a worn out Chrysler minivan attempting to do donuts. I called up to my and asked if that was her friend. She said that wasn’t his car to which I responded that it had better not be because there was no way my , step or otherwise, was riding with that idiot. I was also pretty angry because we lived in a rather nice neighborhood; yes, part of it was being a snob but a larger part was because there were small present.
The next thing I knew, you guessed it, the minivan pulled into our driveway and honked the horn. I reminded my of the time honored father’s code of ‘if you honk your horn in my driveway, you’d better be dropping off a package because you ain’t picking up my ’, and made it very clear she was not riding with this moron. She was not so happy but said she’d tell her friend she wasn’t going. The next thing I know, the aforementioned friends (another friend had tagged along) were on my back deck, where I was smoking a cigar (still not sure what I ever saw in those things). In a respectful tone, he asked why I wouldn’t allow my to go with him. After I laid out the reasons, he proceeded to explain to me why I was wrong. To this day, I’m quite proud of myself for not having two bodies to bury in the back yard. However, after about two minutes of discourse between the two of us, I informed him his departure would be a wise move. That a strange telling a man he was dumb in his own home was no different than specifically asking to have the living daylights beaten out of him.
Numb nuts finally left and my sequestered herself into her room. Much as I wanted to just let things lie, I decided a good father would chat with his about the event. Knowing how much she was looking forward to the concert, I knew I’d be facing the untamed wrath of a teenage girl. I knocked on her door and walked in.
Before I even got two words out of my mouth, my jumped up and threw her arms around me. With tears in her eyes, she told me how grateful she was to have me as her dad. That she’d never had anyone she could count on to protect her until I came along. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. That moment still brings a tear to my eyes.
The other story I’d like to share happened about six months after their mother and I separated. I was chatting with my step and she told me how much she missed me. She said that she missed the structure I brought as a parent. This shocked me a bit and I jokingly reminded her of her and her brother’s comments about my being the hard ass parent. And then she said something I’ll never forget, so long as I live. ‘You were firm, but you were fair, and we always knew you loved us.’ Wow, pretty powerful stuff, at least for me.
Beyond recounting seemingly self-serving stories, my point is that need a healthy, repeat healthy, structure during their formative years. Regardless of how much they fight it sometimes, they crave structure; they appreciate it. Honestly, it’s sometimes easier to let things slide. You think ‘I just don’t feel like dealing with the drama right now. I’ll deal with it later.’ If you’re not prepared to enforce your rules, then don’t set them.
At the risk of going into full babble mode, I’ll share one more story. I was with a female friend recently. Her had his three cousins staying with her for a few nights over the holidays, so there were four pre- boys in the house. They were typical rambunctious and a lot of fun. At 8:45 pm, she announced that lights out would be at 9:00. 9:00 came and went with no effect on the mayhem upstairs. At 9:15, I reminded her of her lights out time. She responded that they were just being boys and I shouldn’t be such a hard ass. She completely missed the point! I had no issue with the boys having fun. What I had an issue with was her drawing a line in the sand and walking away from it.
You might read this and think I ran my home like Army basic training. You’d be wrong. I didn’t have rules for everything; trust me, I’ve seen the damage that can do to . Rules and limits were in place where it made sense but, in general, my had a fair amount of autonomy, so long as they continued to earn it. When rules were broken, there were consequences commensurate with the importance of the rule. Those consequences were consistent and uniformly enforced.
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Rant of the Day - Socks
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Posted:Jan 13, 2015 2:27 pm
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2015 5:35 am
15992 Views
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The most thought provoking, titillating topic of the day - socks. My question is why on God's green earth I can't buy a pack of blue socks where all three pair are identical???? But nooooo....you'll get three different pairs, including one you wouldn't wear to change to scoop out a septic tank, it's so ugly.
And you know damned well that one of those new socks will make a break for sock heaven, whether it be in the recesses of the dryer or behind a piece of furniture. But instead of having two pair left, with a reserve, you've got two pair and an orphan bastard of a sock that you'll have to put out of its misery.
I'd ask the question of who thought this was a good idea but I know the answer. The sock manufacturer! It's a win win for them. They move the ugly styles that the boss's in law ordered. Plus, they know that smart guys like me will order two packs to ensure they have backups. Well, no more, I'm taking a footwear stand!
Oh, I do have more important things on my mind than socks but I just got done ordering some and decided to vent.
Now you get off my lawn!
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Crap Parents
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Posted:Jan 10, 2015 10:38 am
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2015 6:40 am
17554 Views
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I’ve noticed a recurring theme with a number of women I’ve met recently that both irritates and scares me. Being the blunt person I am, I’ll come out and say it; they’re crap parents. Before I head down the path, let me provide some context. First, I make no claims to be an expert on parenting. However, I do have experience with my (former) step in raising them from preteens to majority. One was ADHD as well as the ‘black’ of a BPD mother. For reasons that will become obvious later, I’ll also mention that I was an only and ADHD myself, before anyone knew what ADHD was. I’ve done a fair amount of reading on ADHD as well, so I’m pretty in tune with the condition.
So, what makes some of the women I’ve met crap parents? A few things, actually. First, comes the irritating part. It seems that the ones with who have behavior problems (and there seem to be more than I’d thought there would be out there) are the ones who want absolutely no input from anyone else on attempting to modify that behavior. They discount any knowledge you might have gained by raising your own and are often combative when you try to share some of that knowledge. One of my favorites was with a woman I was dating who couldn't get her 12 year old ready for school without having to yell at him multiple times for each step. Get up, brush your teeth, get dressed, etc. The would stop after each step and wander into space. When I told her that something needed to be done to get his act together, she replied ‘that’s how teenagers are but you wouldn't know anything about that.’ Uh, yeah, I’ve got no experience with teenagers, particularly those two who ran around my house and were getting themselves to school way before age 12…what was I thinking?
As you can imagine, regardless of how compatible you might be with someone, it’s a bit difficult to respect them when they tell you to butt out, that they know how to parent their . Then those same have a meltdown and tell their mother they hate her, for no apparent reason, ten minutes later. Yeah, you’ve got it well in hand, ‘mom’.
From my perspective, the common thread in most of the poorly behaving , is lack of consequences and boundaries. Certain behavior is par for the course with . Messy rooms, some whining, sneaking cookies, etc. Obviously, it shouldn’t be encouraged but you have to roll with that stuff and not harp on it. Hell, it’ll kill you if you don’t learn to pick your battles. I’m a big fan of the 7 positive comments to each negative; I saw great results when I consciously incorporated that into my own interactions with my step .
However, there are behaviors that cross a boundary into completely unacceptable behavior. Meltdowns, mouthing off to parents (hell, anyone really), stealing, etc. Yet, I see parents letting these behaviors occur and excuse it as their ‘expressing themselves’ or some other bullshit. ‘We need to find a positive reward system for their good behavior.’ Yeah, that’s worked great so far! If you allow a to get away with this behavior without appropriate consequences, you’re teaching them that it’s okay. Furthermore, what do do best? They push boundaries.
A friend of mine is the perfect example of this. Over the course of the three years I’ve known her, I’ve observed her ’s behavior progress from bad to worse. He’s never had any compunction over having a meltdown in front of me, over something trivial like not being able to take his tablet to bed (which should never even be considered, IMH . Nor has he shown any hesitance to mouth off to me, although he tends to do that once he’s mostly up the stairs. In general, he’s a spoiled little brat. Never have I seen any consequences dished out for the bad behavior; only excuses of how he’s ADHD and unable to control his impulses. Well, sure enough, a few weeks ago, he went off (again, over something trivial) and out it came…’Fuck you!’ Surely, there were consequences for this outburst. Nope. Nor were there any for him attempting to physically take something she had confiscated in a rare instance of attempted punishment.
The bottom line is that a parent treats mouthing off / defiant insubordination the same as the having a dirty room, how is the expected to differentiate between the two? If you haven't taught your (ren) proper boundaries, and refuse guidance from those who have (or sought other assistance), you are a crap parent. End of story.
And this leads me to what will likely be a controversial assertion; that single women are at somewhat of a disadvantage in raising . Be very clear that I’m not saying they’re not good parents but just at a disadvantage. The advantage of having a father in the house is that it brings the ‘nuclear option’ to the table. For example, you can imagine being an only , I was pretty spoiled. And my ADHD could have meant trouble with my poor impulse control. However, I knew there were boundaries on what I could spout off to my parents. I also knew that, if I exceeded them, my father would kick the shit out of me. As a result, I never told my parents to go screw themselves or anything of the sort.
My step was screaming ADHD; her therapist told me she was the most impulsive person she’d ever met. Understandably, there were unpleasant encounters from time to time. Only a matter of time before I received a ‘fuck you’ right? Or maybe from my step , asserting his manhood. Nope, there were clear boundaries in place so that both knew exactly how the script would read. ‘Blah, blah, blah, fuck you….hey, how’d I get on the floor?’ I don’t doubt for a second that many readers had the same dynamic in their homes growing up.
And it was a universal truth both for me growing up, as well as for my step . If you laid a hand on your mother, you’d be visiting the ER.
Wow, threatening your with violence; how horrible! Funny thing is I don’t recall my father ever threatening to beat the hell out of me. I know I never threatened my . It was just a given that crossing certain lines would not be tolerated. And, to be clear, the only physical punishment I got from my dad were limited to a few well deserved spankings. Furthermore, I never raised a hand to either of my . Much like maintaining a nuclear weapons arsenal, just having the capability and willingness to use it ensured I never had to.
Back to my assertion. Unfortunately, the threat of physical consequences to a teenage boy from a 5’4” mom just won’t be as much of a deterrent as from a man. So, moms have to be even more resourceful and, quite frankly, more vigilant in establishing and enforcing clear boundaries. And they must do so much earlier, when they are still physically imposing to their demon offspring.
So, there’s my usual epic post. I’d love to hear opinions from others. Perhaps I’m way off base; if so, tell me. Also, I feel like a curmudgeon with my ‘downer posts’ but I tend to write about what’s sticking in my head, mostly as a cathartic exercise. I promise to return to fluffy material for my next post. In the meantime, in the spirit of being a grumpy man for the week, get off my lawn!
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Damn That's Hot! - Part C
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Posted:Jan 8, 2015 7:33 am
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2015 6:50 am
16539 Views
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Here's the final installment of the series.
4 – Take an active role – One of the things I pride myself on, is the skill to ensure sex with me is more of an experience than a standalone act. Kind of like Disney World, but with sex toys. Not going to go into details beyond that it’s about setting the right mood for the direction the evening’s play is going to take, usually keying off my partner’s vibes prior to the funky stuff. I’m a Type A and very competitive, so my goal is to make my partner remember me with the right amount of dampness. Physically, I’ll work my ass off to insure she walks away with a bit of stiffness in her thighs. That being said, it’s nice, to occasionally not be the one to take the lead. Even nicer is to ensure I get to cum, from time to time. Yes, a guy just said that and this is not an alternate universe.
You see, after 45 minutes of proper thrusting, one’s johnsonrod tends to become desensitized. Plus, by that point, I’m hitting the wall, in terms of general stamina. Throw in more than one partner who could be referred to as ‘gushers’ (where friction becomes almost non-existent), then add certain women’s tendency to buck their hips when they orgasm, and you wind up having a coronary before your own orgasm. Again, I’m all about pleasing my partner but, if we’ve had sex half a dozen times and I haven’t had an orgasm, I’m probably gonna lose some interest. Yeah, it’s nice to hear ‘you’ve screwed me into a catatonic state’ or ‘I think you broke me’ but, for cryin’ out loud, suck it up and finish me off once in a while!
5 – The right amount of submissiveness – Being a Type A personality, both in and out of the bedroom, it follows that I appreciate when my partner is on the submissive side. Surprisingly, this isn’t as important as I’d initially thought. In fact, there is such a thing as a partner being too submissive for me. Exhibit A would be a woman I dated for a year or so. She was incredibly sub in the sack. It seemed that no matter what I envisioned in terms of dominating her, she would get more excited. Tie her to the bed and violate her in nasty ways? She was in. Inflict pain and humiliation? She’d be first in line. You’d think that having what I would consider the ultimate fuck toy would be awesome. And it was, for a while. But I ultimately hit the realization, much like in some of the other examples, that I was doing all the work, all the time. It seemed that there was more ‘doing to her’ than ‘doing things to each other’. Sure, I pride myself on putting in the effort blah, blah, blah. But, if I’m the only one putting in any effort in the bedroom, you’d better start putting effort elsewhere, like cleaning my kitchen. Yes, that was a chauvinistic comment and I’ll own it.
6 – A Connection – Yep, it helps to respect the person you’re about to get naked with. To want to spend time with them beyond the bedroom. It makes you want to put the effort into making the experience as gratifying for both parties as possible. Respect is so key for me, in terms of sleeping with someone. As I told a woman I was dating, I truly can’t treat a woman like a unless I respect her.
Respect builds trust and trust is crucial toward trying things that push your partner’s comfort envelope. Without it, how can you ever expect him/her to live out your fantasy of having sex dressed as Rocky and Bullwinkle, while riding a unicycle through an actuarial convention? It just isn’t gonna happen, no matter how you attempt to convince your partner how hot it would be.
So, that’s my list. Sure, there are other things that are nice to have, like your partner being vocal (but don’t blow out my eardrums while my head is next to yours!), but those are the attributes that I’ve found rock my world.
Which begs the question to my readers – what do you find to be world rocking in a partner? I’d enjoy hearing what others find to be complete turn-ons.
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