The Best Part  

Ineedtoseeyousla 40F
13 posts
7/17/2021 11:58 pm
The Best Part

Here it is. Confessed all to him 2 days ago. Wanna know what I've gotten as a response?

I bet you can guess the gist of it, right?

Alright. I suppose this is the most important question of my life, so far.
Are you the greater force that needs to move me or am I the greater force that needs to move you?
I'd love to lie to myself and say there could always be something more after but it's a fucking lie. I know you. This is the kindest way to give me the answer I am desperately afraid to ask but at the same time, allowing myself to float on. You already know whats been in your head. I don't. I am scared to<b> death </font></b>to know. And I'm scared to<b> death </font></b>that I allow for possibilities to roam through my head that if I am thinking as you, have never actually been possibilities. I just get messed up, by outside pcs that could just be rocks in the driveway instead of whatever the fuck I'm seeing in them instead.

Your statement meant something that is one of two options.
You know what happens when you tell me which one it is.
And as much as I want to hold onto you, because I've never had a home until you (yes, I've erased many manipulative words already but this I can't, you already know but I can't help leaving it anyhow) you are suffering the same way. Either one bc of me or the other because of you. But either way, I know you won't lie to me. And when you tell me the truth, I'm gonna do all I can to stop myself but something is going to sneak through at times. I'm actually sorry I'm not more sorry about those. I try so hard to be selfless but I'm only human. At least I'm apologizing now bc I'd never want to hurt you (unless it benefits me of course by getting what I want.) I'm taking big breaths now and going to make a sandwich. I love you. I have loved you almost every moment since I found out I did. That has never meant you have the same obligation. I'll miss you forever and then another lifetime.

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