What a time to be alive
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Posted:Mar 9, 2018 2:08 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2024 3:13 pm
1366 Views
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I have long been fascinated by American History. I have closely studied it, and I find no period more interesting than this current moment. This is such an incredibly historic moment in the history of the United States. It is also an incredible moment in world history and human history. I am often astounded at this current amazing and unique historical moment. We are living through a period that will be studied by myself and many others for decades to come.
Just to try to put it into perspective: In just the past few decades we have gone from computers that could barely fit in a single room, to a supercomputer that I can fit in my pocket. During that same period we saw a transition from a tense Cold War to the end of the Cold War to the War on Terror to the current U.S. withdrawal from global engagement and trade wars. And just as these changes have taken place, the world has become much more interconnected in every sense of the word. The Internet and globalized trade and the increased ease in travel, has made the world a truly global environment commercially, culturally, economically, militarily, politically, etc. So just as we reach this point of heightened inter-connectivity, we see the most divisive election in decades. Not since the Vietnam era has the country seemed so at war with itself and the world all at the same time.
And now we sit perched at this surreal historical moment. Discussing the very real possibility that we will see people on Mars, Artificial intelligence, genetically engineered babies, etc. all in the very near future. I mean it was only a century and a half ago that they started figuring out how to harness the power of electricity and here we are now. And in all this amazing technological progress we seem more at odds with ourselves as a country and a culture and a society than possibly ever before. And we are living through all this. What an exciting time to be alive.
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Uncomplicated Fun
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Posted:Feb 15, 2018 7:51 pm
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2018 11:04 pm
1341 Views
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What I seek is “uncomplicated fun.” I have stolen this phrase from another member. I really like the concept of "uncomplicated fun." It quite accurately describes what I am looking for. I want to be friends with benefits but without drama and with no strings attached. Fuck buddies with an emphasis on both the fucking and the buddies. FRIENDS with BENEFITS. I do not want a one night stand nor do I seek a long term relationship. I do not expect monogamy and request that you not ask it of me. I want to enjoy sex and sexual experimentation and all the intimacy and connection which comes along with that. I am polyamorous but I am also open to the possibility of a single encounter. I do not want to be tied down by traditional definitions of "love," and "marriage," and "monogamy," etc. I want the freedom to explore sexually while allowing myself to connect with people on a variety of levels. Uncomplicated fun is what I seek.
So to everyone out there who is not sure how to answer when asked, "what are you looking for?" Please feel free to use this phrase to answer that ridiculous question.
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Labels
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Posted:Feb 14, 2018 2:58 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2018 1:58 pm
1355 Views
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I have been thinking a lot about labels lately. Labels for sexuality, gender, orientation, and what kinds of sexual activities I enjoy. It is hard to put names on some of these things. Whenever someone asks, "what are you into?" I find myself saying really broad and general things. I think I do this for 2 reasons. The first is that I do not want to limit myself by labeling myself and putting myself into a narrow category. Secondly, labels can be confusing. For example, I am a straight male. I am not generally attracted to other men. But I am comfortable playing with some men if I feel at ease with them and if I know that is something their partner wants. So what label do I put on myself? Bi-comfortable? Straight but open-minded? Pan-sexual? Or some other label... And thus I return to the problem of labels. It is not so much that I do not know how I feel. It is that I do not want to limit myself or misrepresent myself, so I shy away from labels anytime I do not fit cleanly into a category.
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Moving to Thailand
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Posted:Oct 6, 2015 10:48 pm
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2015 11:00 pm
3592 Views
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I recently got a job teaching English in Thailand. I have never been there before and I leave in two days. I do not know anyone there and I do not speak the language. Am I crazy? I really do not think so. I am so excited to go on this amazing adventure and to meet new people and learn a new language and a new culture. I am so ready for a change and I am so excited to get to do something like this. I will miss my friends and my family, but I will not miss living in Utah. I feel like this is an important and valuable step in putting my past behind me and moving on to something new. There is so much memory and so must personal history here that I cannot seem to start anew the way I want to. But I do not feel like I am not running away. Instead, I feel like I am running toward something new and exciting and interesting. I love to travel. I have lived overseas before and I loved it. So this is a great opportunity that may lead me to amazing new things. Or it might be a mistake and I will realize that and return back to the USA. I doubt I will ever return to Utah, just because I have so many issues with a place that is so full of judgmental and closed-minded people that I think I would be very mad at myself if I came back here to live. But who knows. Maybe I will miss it (ha ha, I really really doubt that). Mostly I am just excited to see a whole new part of the world and meet new people and learn so many amazing new things. I am really excited. If you in the Bangkok area or if you will be traveling around there, then please let me know. I would love to meet you if we click. 
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Intimacy and sex: Related but not the same thing
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Posted:Sep 6, 2015 3:28 pm
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2015 3:36 pm
3820 Views
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I believe that true intimacy is about being vulnerable and letting people in (no pun intended... but I did not realize how funny this sounds until I reread it). In my opinion, there are three types of intimacy: 1- Sexual, 2- Non-sexual, 3- Both. The third one is the most intimate. Sex is often a very intimate act. But sex can also just be sex with very little intimacy. You can copulate without even talking or opening up or even knowing one another’s name. That is not very intimate. On the other hand, you can be very intimate with someone and not have sex with them. The deepest intimacy is when you are very emotionally, mentally, and spiritually open and honest and unrestrained with someone and at the same time you can also be sexually intimate with them as well.
We all have things about ourselves that we are afraid to share. For some it might be getting naked, or sharing embarrassing stories, or sharing fantasies, or farting, or trusting, or being touched, or kissed, or letting someone else watch you masturbate. Whatever it is, those are barriers. They are safety walls we have erected to protect ourselves. Just like soldiers who wore armor to protect the most vulnerable areas of their body (head, groin, stomach, etc.), we put on a type of armor to guard those parts of ourselves that we are most vulnerable about. So opening up those areas and letting people see and touch and experience that part of us is a very intimate act. Removing that armor and taking down those barriers can be a very frightening, liberating, and refreshing experience.
Sharing ourselves in such intimate ways can also help us build trust in people. When we open up and people do not recoil, but accept us for who we are or celebrate that they may share some similar insecurities… Those are powerful experiences. Those are truly intimate moments for which I strive to share with others that I care about. So why do we not seek them out more often? It is scary but it is also exhilarating. It is such a reciprocal act. We must open and up and share if we expect others to do the same. We cannot just let them open up and be vulnerable all the time while we remain closed off and unavailable.
Some people are more comfortable opening up than others. Maybe this is just how they are, maybe it is because they have more practice, maybe they are just more secure with who they are and they are less vulnerable to the scorn of others. But I think everyone has something that is very personal and vulnerable about themselves that they usually hold back. It would be very hard to be completely open to the whole world.
I absolutely love the scene in Good Will Hunting when Robyn Williams’ character (Sean the psychology teacher from South Boston) talks about intimacy. He says something to the effect that “Some people think that our weird quirks and peccadilloes are flaws. But no, those are the good things. Those are what make us unique and who we are. And we get to decide who we will let in to our weird little world.” I believe that goes right along with my thoughts on intimacy. It is the act of sharing yourself, your true self, without restraint. It is intoxicating and frightening. It is empowering and overwhelming. It is standing at a precipice and jumping off in the hope that the other person will catch you and not let you fall.
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Guilt, Judgment, and Fear
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Posted:Aug 2, 2015 6:04 pm
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2015 3:52 pm
4019 Views
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Has anyone ever really examined why we do many of the things we do? For example, I always hear people apologize because their car or their apartment is "such a mess." Sometimes it really is, but I do not care, I don't live there. Other times it seems like they are just saying it because it is expected or because they want to hear someone respond, "no, it looks great." So why do we do things like that? I recently cleaned my apartment because it was just bugging me. I did not do it for anyone else. I did not do it because I felt guilty or I worried what others would think of me. I did it because I felt like it needed to be done so I would be more comfortable in it.
This example got me thinking about many other things in life. For example, how often does fear or guilt or our concern about what others might think dictate what we do and don't do? A perfect example of this for me is the relationship many women have with their own sexuality. I have recently noticed how there are about 20 words in the English language to describe a woman who has lots of sex, and they are almost all negative in connotation. Examples of this would be words like: slut, , , , tart, loose, floozy, tease, skank, hootchie, etc. Now, is there an equivalent word to describe a male who has lots of sex? I can't really think of one. Sometimes people will call a guy a "man ," but the fact that they take a female word and put man in front of it actually proves my point.
The reason I highlight this is that I think there is an unhealthy social pressure on females to resist, deny, or ignore their own sexual impulses. It seems to be a strange double standard where men are expected to be sexual. But if a woman is, then many people seem to think that she somehow deserves these negative labels. That truly saddens me. Sex is part of life and everyone has unique sexual appetites, interests, passions, and styles. And in my opinion, as long as your desires and appetites are not hurting others, then you should fee free to explore them and enjoy them without fear, guilt, or concern about how others will judge you. But I feel like many people do not see it this way. So back to my original question: What motivates us? Are we too often motivated by our fear of how others see us and by guilt that results from the judgments of society? I think that we should simply be ourselves and that we should figure out our own comfort level and our own style. And we should accept ourselves for who we are and try to be our best selves. But we should not try to cram ourselves into a box that other people have designed for us in order to make us become what they want us to be. The world would be a much better place if everyone stopped worrying so much about what others think of them and if we tried to accept each other and ourselves for who we are. But that is just my opinion.
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Ignoring the past is not a good idea
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Posted:Jul 8, 2015 11:21 pm
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2015 11:22 pm
4301 Views
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So normally I love to post on things that make me laugh or that relate to dating or things like that. But lately, and for obvious reasons, I have been thinking a lot about race and racism and sexual identity and all the various things that makes us all different and unique. And I think there are so many different views that it is really hard to even talk about. But the thing that I wish more people understood is that it is really really hard to understand racism if you have never been a minority. It is hard to grasp what it is like to be gay if you have never felt like the only one in your neighborhood who is gay. It is hard to grasp what it is like to be discriminated against if you have never experienced it. I have recently had several experiences that have given me a very new perspective on this fact. I will not go into any details, but I have recently made some major life changes and it really helped me get a glimpse of what it must be like to be considered "different." I felt like I was sort of coming out of the closet in a way. (No, I am not gay, but I do think I finally have a bit of a grasp of how terrifying it must be for some people to share those kinds of things with their loved ones.)
So when I hear people say things like: "I hate being falsely accused of racism," or "does the Confederate Flag really need to be removed from iconic images like the General Lee in Dukes of Hazard?" I sort of cringe because I think these attitudes miss the point. Most of us want to believe that we are not racist and that we are open-minded and accept everyone for who they are. But I think that if we are not willing to reexamine everything, even a stupid car from a dumb old TV show, then we are harboring a form of complacent bigotry.
I do not say this to offend or call people out. I say it because I had never thought about it much until recently. But think about the Confederate Flag and what it stands for. I loved the Dukes of Hazard as a . And I never knew what the symbols on the car meant or why it was called the General Lee. I just liked how fast it could go and how cool it was to see them jump in and out of it. But now I understand that those aspects of the car are symbols of hatred and bigotry. They are inherited traditions of an ugly past that we have tried to ignore, sugar coat, or rewrite. And in not being honest with ourselves and our past, we have allowed racism and other forms of bigotry to remain as a part of our culture whether we want to admit it or not.
I know this sounds simplistic, but maybe a comparative example might help explain what I mean. Think about the Nazi flag and what it stands for. Think if the Germans today had a TV show where a bunch of skin heads drove around in car called Der Führer and it had Nazi Flags on the car. And let's say this show become a popular cultural icon in Germany. Would we not find it incredibly distasteful and offensive? Even if it was not intended to be offensive, I think we would have a hard time ignoring these associations to an ugly and horrific historical reality. Even if the people who loved the show swore that they did not believe in any of the things that the flag and the name represented, I think most of us would still shake our heads and say, "Ok, but you are still driving around in a car that honors Hitler and everything he stood for."
Now comparisons are odorous and I do not mean to suggest that Robert E. Lee is the equivalent of Hitler. But I do believe that this is a fair analogy. Lee and the Confederacy fought to continue the enslavement of nearly four million human beings simply because of the color of their skin. And I believe that any form of celebration of that type of historical figure or political entity is wrong. So I stand by my comparison and I hope that we as a nation can do some real soul searching and stop this childish bickering over "what is racist" and what is not.
Let's just be honest with ourselves and acknowledge the ugliness of our past. We owe it to ourselves to stop this destructive and divisive collective amnesia. We owe it to every person who was intentionally humiliated and hated because of his or her physical appearance. We owe to every female who was told she was less than a male, and every slave who was whipped or tortured or forced to sleep with her owner or separated from their family. We owe it to every immigrant who had to change their name and learn a new language and assimilate into a foreign culture and work the dirtiest job for the lowest wage in a dangerous and often deadly environment just to feed his or her family in the hope that future generations might have a better life. We owe to every homosexual who was told that he or she was "perverted" and "broken" because of their inclinations and who were thus legally banned from seeking and loving and even marrying the person to whom they felt attracted. And we owe it to every religious group that was ever discriminated against or hated or persecuted for daring to believe in something different or new or unorthodox. This is our past. These are our ancestors. I have no doubt that I have ancestors who were treated this way, and I am sure that all of us do. So let us stop denying and whitewashing and ignoring our past. We need to accept it and learn from it and try to be better.
Change is hard. Changing our thinking and our attitude and our perspective is very difficult. It is so much easier to retreat to what we know and what we are comfortable with. I think this fact as much as any other accounts for the continued racism and bigotry that remains beneath the surface in our culture. It is not that most people want to be racist or bigots. It is just a long held tradition that has never really been erased. It is like our refusal to use the metric system. Most of us realize that it is crazy to stick with the old English system of weights and measures while the rest of the world uses something else. But change is hard and we really don't want to do the work of rewiring our brains in such a dramatic way. So too, we subconsciously cling to old ways of thinking.
If you have read this entire post, thank you. I would love to hear your thoughts. And if you totally disagree with me, I want to hear that too. Just don't be rude or ignorant in your replies. I respect those who disagree with me. But I have no respect for someone who cannot articulate a well thought out idea, even if they agree with me.
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Flakes
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Posted:Jun 4, 2015 9:39 pm
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2015 10:28 am
4246 Views
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So I have discovered that my number one pet-peeve in the world is flakiness. It just gets under my skin when people are so disrespectful of my time and of me that they flake on me. There are many different types of examples of flakiness in my opinion. I will just mention a couple and why they really bother me. One that I have noticed a lot is the non-committal response. For example, you ask someone out and they say "Maybe." That is such bull shit. Yes or No. I mean if you need to check your schedule and get back to me, I understand that. But so often it feels like I am a place-holder. Like they are waiting for a better offer before they fully commit to going out with me. That drives me crazy. Most of all because it means I can't really make other plans. I have invited this person, and they have said "maybe." So I am stuck waiting for them to make up their mind. Then if at the last moment they decide not to go, I am stuck sitting at home or whatever. That is my biggest issue with it really. If someone does not want to go out with me, that is just fine. They should just have the courtesy of saying no. Then I can go ask someone else out. A maybe is often worse than a no in my opinion.
Another example of flakiness that I have noticed a lot is just the non-reply. You send someone a text, or an email, or something and they just seem to ignore it. I know that happens a lot on here, but I think that is different. If I send a message to someone I do not know and they do not reply on here, then I just assume they are not interested. But if I text or email a friend or someone I know and they just do not respond, that really irks me. Especially if it is a question I am asking or if it is about something important. I mean at least have the courtesy to respond if at all possible. Just so I know you got the message.
I feel like a cranky old man damning the "young hoodlums" but this is how I feel and apparently this is the place I put my thoughts. Lol. Enjoy.
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Confidence, Overly-Aggressive, or Just an Asshole
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Posted:May 5, 2015 3:47 pm
Last Updated:Aug 2, 2015 5:30 pm
4505 Views
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So I have been pondering the question of how to strike the correct balance between being confident and being laid-back/accommodating. I know that many (probably most) women find confident men very desirable. I have always considered myself confident. However, I don't think my confidence always comes through in a way that indicates I am confident and comfortable and self-assured. The problem is that I do not want to come across as overly-aggressive or as a flat out asshole. I am very laid back and easy going. That does not mean I lack confidence. It just means that I try to adapt to what people want and I try to be accommodating and reasonable. However, I think this is often interpreted as weakness or as a lack of confidence. So I am curious how to strike that delicate balance of showing others that I am confident and self-assured, but also letting people know that I am reasonable and accommodating as well. I would love to hear anyone's thought on the matter.
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To show or not to show male nudity
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Posted:Apr 7, 2015 1:30 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2015 11:56 pm
5836 Views
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It seems like a lot of guys are under the impression that pictures of themselves naked is the way to get attention on here. I am curious if that is the case. I have no problem showing off my naked body. And I love see other people (especially women) naked. But I have gotten the impression from a lot of women that they are often more interested in getting to know a guy and his personality and that sort of thing, before they worry about what his equipment looks like. Men are generally the opposite. We can't get enough of seeing sexy naked women, and then after we like what we see, we want to get to know them. I am curious if this is generally true. Or if I am mistaken on both or either accounts. I would love to hear your thoughts. In other words my question is: Should I post naked pics of myself in my public profile? Or should I keep them private and either send them or invite friends to see them if they are interested?
Hope all is well. Thanks.
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