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Update  

EnigmaInitiative 52F
2121 posts
9/23/2020 9:54 am
Update


Continued, first comment

In a sense, sexuality is the built-in psychedelic experience that only a very few people manage to evade.

~Terence McKenna


EnigmaInitiative 52F
4056 posts
9/23/2020 9:54 am

Sooooo....

I'm...um...what's the word I want to use here...struggling.

Physically speaking, I'm still in pain from the surgery on my femoral artery. This is causing a limp when I walk which has created muscular pain in my hip and lower back. Though, my strength is coming back and I'm able to take a shower without getting out of breath..which is what I was dealing with last week.

I spoke with my Primary Care Physician for the first time since all this went down in a TeleHealth visit. The first thing he said after I got done telling him everything I went through the first couple weeks of September? Wow. Yep, the doctor literally said wow when I was done talking.

That said, it's my mental health issues that have me on the edge of my seat. I'm experiencing flashbacks of the day I almost died....like full on sweat filled, hyperventilating feelings of overwhelming helplessness.

I literally feel like I'm going to die....again.

I get them during the day

I get them during night

My brain doesn't seem to care that I need to be careful of stress.

Oh No

It wants to stress me out, reminding me of that day over and over and over.

Fuck, trauma is a bitch.

So, yeah, that's my update.

Please don't expect me to be around the blogs much....I just plain don't have it in me right now.

In a sense, sexuality is the built-in psychedelic experience that only a very few people manage to evade.

~Terence McKenna


crosstraining 67T  
2278 posts
9/23/2020 12:01 pm

Thanks for the up date , you take care , and get what ever help you need {=}


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:06 am:
Thank you

japaneseass 53F  
49866 posts
9/23/2020 12:24 pm

i am sorry...you don't have to comment back to me...just want you to know...i am thinkin of you...and prayin you feel lil better...you need some time right now...hope the doc will give you something to calm you down? maybe?


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:23 am:
I appreciate it japan

lindoboy100 57M
22299 posts
9/23/2020 12:43 pm

So sorry to hear you're struggling both physically and mentally McTive, those flashbacks sound like waking nightmares......

I hope things turn a wee corner for you soon.

Pull ma finger.........


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:23 am:
Thank you lindo

lustasaurus 43F  
1794 posts
9/23/2020 12:51 pm

*hugs* you do what you gotta do to take care of YOU!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:06 am:
hugs, thanks lust

superbjversion2 65F
20908 posts
9/23/2020 1:02 pm



Sex is to Fun as Square is to Rectangle


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:07 am:

Massass1963 57M
388 posts
9/23/2020 1:39 pm

Wishing you the best! Feeling unwell isn't any fun, I am sure! But hopefully you're seeing some progress however slow it maybe! Hang in there!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:07 am:
Thank you Massass

redrockrascal 62M
21731 posts
9/23/2020 1:56 pm

Relax and get well

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:07 am:
Thank you redrock

69ereatwetpussy 58M
3929 posts
9/23/2020 2:27 pm

Prays for you for a full recovery sorry your in trouble.xoxox


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:07 am:
Thank you thomas

resant78 41M  
2811 posts
9/23/2020 2:57 pm

Lots of hugs to you my friend.
take care


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:08 am:
Hugs

Thanks resant

mc_justmc 60M  
6616 posts
9/23/2020 3:31 pm

I know that feeling. It seemed like everything was closing in on me when I turned out the light, like they were closing the lid of a coffin. I always remember the continuous lights on in the hospital, so I turned on my bathroom light and left the door cracked. That really helped me, and I started off sleeping propped up on pillows to make it easier to breath. A Valium or a Xanex sure would have helped.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:08 am:
Thanks mc...things are getting better

pagancountrygirl 62F
5354 posts
9/23/2020 4:53 pm

YOU are your number one priority. We enjoy reading your blogs but also understand you need time to heal. You've been through a hell of a lot of trauma and your body and brain both need time to process it and start the recovery process. Hugs to you and wishes for your recovery. We'll be here when you feel like popping in.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:09 am:
Hugs, thanks pagan

jajo696 65F
2517 posts
9/23/2020 8:14 pm

Thanks for the update....i was wondering and you know you are always in my thoughts. Two things...1. calm.com...get the music, imagery and breathing exercises. Get the roomies to breath with you. 2. talk to your service provider for a referral for hypnotherapy for a visualization technique that you can immediately get to when the flashbacks begin. Sending you good vibes only kiddo ....Huggzzz~~


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:09 am:
Thanks jajo, I've been listening to the music and doing the breathing.

RyuFujin 53F  
1286 posts
9/23/2020 11:12 pm

Do you or the roommies have pets? Petting and lightly playing with a cat or dog is great therapy. The sound of a cat's purr when its human is holding and petting it has been documented to lower blood pressure and help the brain to create serotonin, the feel-good hormone.

If there aren't any cuddly furry critters around, there are small decorations that also are "white noise" producers, things like ocean waves, falling rain, crickets chirping, etc. I have one that's smooth rocks and water. Plug it in, flip a switch, and the water cascades over the rocks in a constant recirculation, producing white noise to help me sleep.

Many years ago, my roommate and I were both in a bad rear-end collision with another car; he hit us. It took me a good four, possibly five years to get over the sound of the impact, and to not jerk violently awake as I'm drifting off to sleep.

PTSD comes in many forms; I feel for you.

"Be who you are and say what you feel. Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." ~ Dr. Seuss.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:10 am:
Thanks Ryu, I do have a cat and she's been of great comfort for me.

I appreciate all your suggestions.

easyrider4008 64M
1701 posts
9/24/2020 12:06 am

Could meditation help? best wishes.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:11 am:
Probably, but I'm real weird about taking pills like that due to a prior issue with addiction.

author51 57F  
102511 posts
9/24/2020 12:10 am

    Quoting EnigmaInitiative:
    Sooooo....

    I'm...um...what's the word I want to use here...struggling.

    Physically speaking, I'm still in pain from the surgery on my femoral artery. This is causing a limp when I walk which has created muscular pain in my hip and lower back. Though, my strength is coming back and I'm able to take a shower without getting out of breath..which is what I was dealing with last week.

    I spoke with my Primary Care Physician for the first time since all this went down in a TeleHealth visit. The first thing he said after I got done telling him everything I went through the first couple weeks of September? Wow. Yep, the doctor literally said wow when I was done talking.

    That said, it's my mental health issues that have me on the edge of my seat. I'm experiencing flashbacks of the day I almost died....like full on sweat filled, hyperventilating feelings of overwhelming helplessness.

    I literally feel like I'm going to die....again.

    I get them during the day

    I get them during night

    My brain doesn't seem to care that I need to be careful of stress.

    Oh No

    It wants to stress me out, reminding me of that day over and over and over.

    Fuck, trauma is a bitch.

    So, yeah, that's my update.

    Please don't expect me to be around the blogs much....I just plain don't have it in me right now.
You are so in my daily thoughts and prayers my friend and sending as much love as I can to you.....xoxo

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:11 am:
Thank you joy, I appreciate it. xoxo

PonyGirl1965 54F
11985 posts
9/24/2020 12:46 am

Please g oogle to find your state mental health help people. There are people out there who can listen and give you suggestions to ease you thru this PTSD.
Feel free to vent to us. We love you.
You are in my prayers!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:12 am:
Aw Pony, you're so sweet. I have a therapist and have seen her through telehealth visits, just limited by insurance on how often I can see her sadly.

pal334 66M  
41247 posts
9/24/2020 6:42 am

I send you my virtual support and a few

Please cum visit my blog,,,,,,,,,,,,pal334



EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:13 am:
Thank you pal!

citizen4722 62M  
68473 posts
9/24/2020 9:41 am

You went through a lot and it's no wonder you're still finding it difficult to cope
You're not going to die. You're going to get better.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:13 am:
Thank you citizen, I am getting better every day. xoxox

secret_lade 46F
4683 posts
9/26/2020 6:10 pm

Sending you strength and healing thoughts....


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:14 am:
Thank you secret. xoxo

MyContinuingSaga 36M
40 posts
9/27/2020 6:39 am

Sending peace and healing vibes your way. Rest and rejuvenate. Don't worry about your blog - Senior Sizzle certainly isn't going anywhere! Do what you need to do and to take care of yourself first!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:14 am:
Thanks My...I appreciate it.

lunchandconvo 50F
1267 posts
9/28/2020 4:56 am

wishing you the best in your recovery.

i went through a major trauma in 2008. i got mauled by a dog. i spent 2009 in PT for the full year to relearn to walk. and i have PTSD as a result. physically i keep improving part a cut off point of recovery. mentally i sometimes shudder but am doing much better. i hope you can figure out ways to help you through this. rest. i took a five year hiatus from my blog. be well. XO!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 10/4/2020 10:15 am:
Thank you lunch, it's getting a bit better...they're less frequent. I appreciate your well wishes and thoughts.

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