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Sex vs. Love, a question  

AlyTal 32M/28F  
290 posts
7/1/2021 3:55 pm
Sex vs. Love, a question

As usual, anyone is invited comment however they may wish.

The Subject: Sex vs. Love: Food for thought, a rather large question in the mind of Tallie, a modern wife.

The question: Should we have sex with the one we love or is sex a different thing entirely than having a loving relationship? 

I suppose this question boggles the minds of many. A conventional wife would naturally glue physical sex with a relationship in terms of a commitment. That at least sounds convincing as well as the logical explanation on the face of it in traditional society. I believe this is because when in a relationship, it’s easy get laid, and once you possess something you start losing the value and the true potential of it. 

Let’s this phenomenon from another perspective. Think of the days when you were and had discovered your sexual appetite. You were not having a relationship back then, but you were still attracted the concept of getting physical with a guy of your dreams. Why did you get wet and pleasantly titillated when your best friend was sharing her sexual encounter with you? Have you ever wondered why nature has put the element of sexual curiosity in you? Let’s try gather some answers.

The human brain is made of parts. One part of the brain controls our physical life functions, ie, the heart beating, the blood and organs pumping and working correctly. That is not the part of the brain we are concerned with here. Another part of the brain, the frontal lobe, is for logical reasoning, the mammalian brain with feelings of association and the most basic part is the strongest of . Then there is the Reptilian brain. The reason we it the Reptilian Brain is because it is the part reptiles have. This part is programmed for four functions. I it the 4F brain. Food, Fuck, Fight and Fear (or Flee). If you study the life of a reptile, you would notice that its life is revolving around the 4 Fs . In that sense humans are part reptilians as well. Sex is one of the four feelings processed by our reptilian brain. This is the part of our brain that makes us feel we want have sex when we a picture of a model. Even if you are married or in a very strong relationship, you still feel attracted sexually a model with a sexually appealing body.

Ok, enough of medical crap. Lets try translate it in simple words. Nature has made sex a necessary requirement of our body. If we don’t have sex then it’s like missing an important function of your body. But the interesting thing is that sex is like food. It comes in many flavors. It is difficult for many of us think we have stick just one flavor the time. But our society has trained our brain’s reasoning system convince us have sex with the one we are married . Basically society is fear us. The fear of being judged as a corrupt person.

Ok, lets get into this and think about this further. The reason our dominant society is this fear is because this is the way men can control women, the object of desire from the Reptilian Brain. We often see this in the animal world. Think about the way many four legged males, bulls, enter into literal battle to protect their females from other bulls. Most men are too scared to lose their power and control over women if they see her sleeping with another man. So in order to avoid that, society has been linking sex with relationships. This is where my hubby and I defied nature as it made us down through our respective family trees and various generations of our traditional oriented families in a larger society.

Fear is very powerful. The thing which is more powerful than fear is hope. Stop fearing about what if things would go in a wrong direction, and start thinking about how beautiful our life could be if both you and your partner develop a strong bonding and trust to the extent that you are willing to let go of each other from sexual exclusivity. Think about a million new possibilities of pleasure and happiness that actually could bring your life to an even stronger and strengthened bond with your partner. In such a bond no situation can ever create and maintain a misunderstanding between you. 

In order to be happy and leave guilt behind, we need to learn how to unlink sex from commitment (the salesmanship of traditional norms by society). We need to accept the fact that sex is a basic need of our human body and life would be enhanced by our need to be fulfilled with all possible variations, flavors and combinations. This will nurture our personalities and will make us more of a complete human being than ever as well as a complete partner to our spouse who does the same for us in return. Speaking of the way males and females attract each other, as we observe others in society a complete human being is the most attractive to us. So we have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I mean, if having sex with another man makes your partner crave for you more, what is more interesting, more emotional, more pleasurable, more bonding, and more cooler than that?

My hubby and I talked this subject through for many hours over many days and nights, and in the intellectual depth we didn't even realize we had. The result of our discussion was so very exciting to both of us we were like waiting to hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve. On the final evening of our discussion when our quiet little agreement and pact was made with such mutual excited enthusiasm, it was like we were standing out in the rain together with each drop falling on us enhancing our genuine recognition and love for each other. We literally thrilled with an increased love for each other in the very pleasant feelings we had for what we had accomplished to understand so much more than we had before.

It wasn't long after that when my wife title became so pleasantly official. That was about years ago. Our thinking, and our feelings for each other have not changed even one little bit since then because… because… start at the top and read it again

Just as an fyi, I allowed a friend to take the pic during our recent<b> trip </font></b>to the Caribbean (June 2021). The man took the pic my hubby's request because my hubby wanted a pic to be taken a certain moment. He snapped the pic just as I was beginning to have a really nice orgasm with another friend that felt so beautiful. Knowing that my hubby was also there watching and feeling his own pleasure by seeing mine made me want to experience the most intensive orgasm I could possibly have for him, and for myself. The freedom to just be myself and do what I really wanted to do was so wonderfully relaxing, helping me to just open my mind and body to drop every inhibition, and I fucking loved what was happening for both my hubby and for me. Although it was another man giving me the most beautiful orgasm my hubby and I were perfectly together enjoying what I was getting from the other man. The pic had to be chopped because there were two friends who were in the camera range, both married, a men and a woman, one of which was making whale sounds in my naval. LOL

Tallie


Luv24Q2 45M
809 posts
7/3/2021 5:43 pm

"if having sex with another man makes your partner crave for you more, what is more interesting, more emotional, more pleasurable, more bonding, and more cooler than that?"

Tallie, you are truly a woman among women who GETS IT, literally!

I too Just got back from the Caribbean as well and it was just what I need to recharge my Covid weary batteries & psyche.


AlyTal 32M/28F  
134 posts
7/3/2021 7:40 pm

    Quoting Luv24Q2:
    "if having sex with another man makes your partner crave for you more, what is more interesting, more emotional, more pleasurable, more bonding, and more cooler than that?"

    Tallie, you are truly a woman among women who GETS IT, literally!

    I too Just got back from the Caribbean as well and it was just what I need to recharge my Covid weary batteries & psyche.
Luv24... Thank you for the very kind words We were in Belize for a few days on business and pleasure and had a total blast, which was also what we needed to recharge. In such things the mind and body do seem to work well, and sometimes quite nicely Never stop recharging. It is good for the psyche


DiscreteSlowRide 52M
384 posts
7/4/2021 3:32 am

Hi Tallie,

I would LOVE to read about the college professor and the week in Sturgis! I think there are a couple of stories there, the first being how you and your professor crossed that line between student and professor. A good second story would be the week of debauchery in Sturgis.

K


AlyTal 32M/28F  
134 posts
7/4/2021 7:56 am

    Quoting DiscreteSlowRide:
    Hi Tallie,

    I would LOVE to read about the college professor and the week in Sturgis! I think there are a couple of stories there, the first being how you and your professor crossed that line between student and professor. A good second story would be the week of debauchery in Sturgis.

    K
I'll think about that. Maybe I can. I've been pretty rushed here lately trying to help my hubby with some of his stuff. He is going to have to go back to Belize on business, but I don't get to go this time Wah wah wah. LOL

Hang in there. Keep doing it


DiscreteSlowRide 52M
384 posts
7/4/2021 8:38 am

Hey there

I'm sorry he has to go to Belize solo. I'm sure you will manage to keep yourself occupied. lol
How long will he be away?

Oh yes, I am definitely I'm still doing it. I have some time this weekend so I have another story that's going out today about a late night office tryst/rampage (non destructive rampage). There is that one and possibly writing about a funny threesome experience I had a few years ago.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

K


AlyTal 32M/28F  
134 posts
7/4/2021 3:20 pm

Discrete... My hubby is going to Belize (after we were just there a couple of weeks ago) to work on an investment opportunity that I shouldn't detail in this open forum. He'll only be there 3-4 days maybe, and then we are traveling again when he gets back.

You just reminded me of a funny threesome experience of my own, and I think I will put that one in soon.

Have a fantastic week


DiscreteSlowRide 52M
384 posts
7/4/2021 4:24 pm

Ok the interesting stories you have to tell me about are stacking up!

I would be very interested in hearing about the investment you are pursuing as I am.an investor myself. All U.S. based.

I see you emailed me, unfortunately I can not open it since I.am.not a member. You are more than welcome to contact me on my private area on my blog and I can share my regular email with you, if you are alright with that.

K


forgotforgetting 56M
8134 posts
7/5/2021 8:56 pm

Sex, marriage, society, psychology, sociology, religion, politics, and a dozen other factors all intertwine and interplay to create a sense of ourselves and the others. I have written about it both on and off this site. The one thing which is clear to me is that no two relationships are the same. You post is fascinating to me.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde


AlyTal 32M/28F  
134 posts
7/6/2021 9:22 am

    Quoting forgotforgetting:
    Sex, marriage, society, psychology, sociology, religion, politics, and a dozen other factors all intertwine and interplay to create a sense of ourselves and the others. I have written about it both on and off this site. The one thing which is clear to me is that no two relationships are the same. You post is fascinating to me.
Thank you for your comment. You are always interesting, and inspiring to me and undoubtedly others as well. All the subjects and topics you mention are definitely players and influencers on so called morality and sexuality. All I can do is try to understand it the best I can. Regardless of all of it, however, is the fact that women are now more liberated than ever before, especially in my generation, and in such matters we are now equal to men who have enjoyed their more/less unfettered run for a long time, and there is no way we are going to go backwards to being barefoot, pregnant, and staying at home to wash the dishes. You are a really smart guy, and YOU are sort of fascinating yourself Kudos and gold stars on your manly report card LOL


forgotforgetting 56M
8134 posts
7/7/2021 10:47 am

Why thank you for my report card. I admire your generation's improved attitude to gender roles. We now need to work on the overall social structure.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde


rakordubro 56M
26 posts
11/11/2021 12:01 pm

I learned in college that sex and love are only partially intertwined. The best model for love is a triangle. See the picture (by noted psychologist Robert Sternberg). It is my personal opinion that one can have passion with or without sex, because that point of the triangle (in my view only, not approved by Dr. Sternberg) is made up of sex and intensity. In some cases, sex isn't an option (due to physical limitations or "waiting for marriage" or some other reason), but the intensity can be there.
.
Tallie, what you're describing with Aly is "consummate love" - you have the passion and commitment, and you've worked very hard on your intimacy as well.
.
It is my personal opinion that consummate love is impervious to a side relationship based only on sex, or even intimacy (liking) and sex, with or without the intensity. In my opinion romantic love is liking, intensity, and sex. Friends with benefits is liking and sex, but not necessarily with intensity. In some wonderful circumstances like AlyTal, the relationship is reinforced by side relationships with only passion or even passion and liking, though not nearly with the intensity Aly feels for Tallie (and vice versa).
.
What about jealousy? As Tallie says, that is just a symptom of fear. It is incomplete commitment, and thus not consummate love. For me, that is the way I feel about my wife. I love her. I'll never leave her willingly. I don't care if she has sex with other men, women, non-binaries, whatever. I don't care if she sleeps with super-hung 9 inch black men twice a day and thrice on Sunday. I don't care if she lets 10 men gang bang her, drinking their cum like a person in a desert drinking water while they have two dicks in every hole. As long as she wants to be my wife, I'm keeping her, and I'd be glad she's having fun. That is real commitment. We can talk about anything, and our passion is still high, especially for 30 years in. Jealousy is SO primitive and stupid.
.
I'm comfortable with my sexuality, and I am free to declare I love my male friends. I will listen to anything they have to say, and keep it confidential as long as they want me to. I can tell them anything. We don't have sex, but that's just because we're all boringly straight. I don't care that they have other friends - why would I? They are still my friends in the final analysis.
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I've had a few friends with benefits. I of course am not a hypocrite, and they had/have other sexual partners. Again, jealousy is poison. I prefer healthy, uncontaminated relationships. I can't tell you if other men fucking my wife would make me horny or more loving, because she hasn't indicated any wish to try. I suspect it wouldn't be a benefit, for the same reason it isn't a problem. In my mind, sex isn't the end-all and be-all of a relationship. It can be an important part, but not a necessary part. So my wife's (or FWB's) sexual fun with others doesn't affect me in any measurable way.

Nothing changes faster than the speed of love.
- Rush


AlyTal 32M/28F  
134 posts
11/11/2021 3:39 pm

D... Wow!!! THAT was well said, and well done. Kudos for your Great understanding of... continued, enduring, deep love along with one of the (separate) nicest freedoms that anyone can have as an individual, which put quite plainly is the freedom to be oneself, to be true to yourself, and granting your life partner to do the same. I believe you have pretty much nailed a large part of the way Aly and I relate together, and in "certain situations" with others. If you don't mind, I am going to show him your well written response to this blog item, and I have no doubt it will spark an additional discussion between he and I. I will be sure to catch you via message to ask your permission.


rakordubro 56M
26 posts
11/11/2021 8:03 pm

I assume you both read comments, since yours is a joint profile. Feel free to share.

Nothing changes faster than the speed of love.
- Rush


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