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my adventure to the florida keys
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my adventure to the florida keys even though it is not a sexy story. its still a fun one to tell and read about. i hope you enjoy. Ah, the beautiful crystal blue ocean, one of the many places you find peace and tranquility. I woke up one morning thinking of a place I could go to relax and enjoy a relaxing scenery. It must have been about 9 a.m when I received a call from chucky Charles. He wanted to know if I had picked a place to go, for our next trip. I suggested we head as far south as possible, he says Mexico, no I tell him, not that way south, the other way. Oh Florida, he says. I tell him that Key West is suppose to be a really nice place. He agrees with this, and starts to make plans for our trip. We decided to check on one of our buddy’s, who we will call PC and see if he wants to journey with us. Since PC loves to party, he gladly accepted the invitation. So the 3 of us, chucky, pc and I begin packing for Key West. The Day is Friday, I got off of work at 3pm. Chucky and pc, are already waiting for me in the parking lot. Apparently they just couldnt contain them selves anymore, and wanted to get a jump on traffic. So we leave the DTC area, jumped on the highway and drove like a professional NASCAR racer all the way out of Colorado. Our 1st stop is a motel 6 off the Texas highway. Since we all worked that day, no one really wanted to drive throughout the night. If you have ever stayed before at a motel 6 you know what there are like. Some of them are nice, and some are not so nice. Well this one, was not a nice one. In fact it was one of the dirtiest, smelliest motel 6 I have ever stayed in. Sure I might have only paid 30 bucks a person, and I guess you get what you pay for. When I checked in, a huge bearded hillbilly named husky joe was working the front desk. Yes his name really was husky joe, and husky is what he was not. Good ol husky joe had that Texan country accents. Now I was born in Texas, therefore I reserve all the rights to make fun of people who live there. This guy husky joe, must have been an inbreed from 3 generations back, cuz he was as dumb as Paris Hilton<b> drunk </font></b>and on psychedelic mushrooms. He attempted to start a conversation with me, which of course lasted longer then I wanted it too. Husky joe: were u be froam boy Me: Colorado, (while I was thinking if this fat fuker just called me boy) Husky joe: Oh u froam up der in da hillz, Me: what did u say, oh am I from the hills, well yeah pretty much Husky joe: whearz yallz headed too Me: Key West Husky joe: I been der, lots of prettay ladiez, day dont wear nuttin Me: yeah cuz, its hot Husky joe: it hot heya too, an my cuzins dont dressas like dat Me: yeah, cuz this is Texas, not KeyWest, Husky joe: whatchu tryn to say, boy Me: hay man, I am not your boy, dont call me that Husky joe: aight, howz manyz roomz youz wantz. Me: 1 room, 3 beds Husky joe: wez onlay gotz 2 bedz in da roomz Me: ok fine, then how about a rollaway Husky joe: a rolla whatz Me: u know a roll a way bed, the kind you have for people that want one room, but need an extra bed Husky joe: dats why wez gotz 2 bedz in da roomz Me: I am thinking now, that we should have gone to the comfort inn ok, fine man, give me the 1 room with the 2 beds. And extra pillows Husky joe: dats gonna costa mo, howz youz gonna pay fo dis Me: cost more for extra pillows, ok fine I am paying with cash Husky joe: yo friendz likez youz Me: What, no man, I am tired can I get my key please Husky joe: herz yahz go, an dont be havin dat loud muzac playn alz nightz Me: ok man, no loud music gottcha, I basically ignored the rest of his comments, took my key and went back to the car. After explaining, what just happened inside, pc and chucky broke out in uncontrollable laughter. They heard how Texas was, but didnt think that the stories were true about country folks. When I opened the door to the motel room, a strong scent of cigarettes and sweaty azz punched me in nose. I had to open up all the windows, and tried to turn on the A/C which only made the stench worse. The floor was stained with what looked like dried blood, but who knows what it could have been. I was to scared to sleep under the sheets, with my bare skin touching the covers. But that quickly changed once I passed out, I started off on top of the sheets, and somehow someway, I ended up underneath them with my head covered and buried. Morning time, I now understand why I didnt care about the sheets anymore, its like 40 degrees in the room. Yeah, PC doesnt like the heat, so he turned the A/C on its lowest setting. It warmed up pretty quickly though once we opened the door, since its like 8 a.m and already 90 degrees out side. After about another hour of sitting on our azz, not really wanting to go out side in the heat, we sucked it and loaded back in the car. Thankfully husky joe was absent during check out, replaced by some unimportant person. We drive and drive and drive some more, its nothing but oil fields, cows, dry but not quite desert. Look there is a tree, and one of there then all of sudden, bamm, welcome to Louisiana. Home to the Creoles, Cajun food, swamps, and Hoodoo Voodoo. This is were we experience our 1st Mardi Gras, but thats another story. I will press on through now Alabama, to good ol Mississippi. We make a pit stop at the IHOP, why oh why the IHOP. We walk into the IHOP and are seated by a young black male, with a silver grill (cuz it sure wasnt platinum). Oh but it gets better, you see the waitress, yeah she has a grill too, but hers was a mix match of gold n diamonds. Oh great I am thinking here we go. Grill guy; sup, welcomez tooz I H O P, smokin o not smokin Chucky; um, not smoking please Grill guy: ights, yallz followz me peeaz PC; (looks at me, like this a golden opportunity to get another laugh). Grill girl: Hi yallz, whads da drink, (she goes and gets our drinks and when she comes back she starts an argument with grill guy) Grill guy; Wer yo cuzin at Grill girl; shez ats homez, an shez donts wanna talks to youz Grill guy; ah fukz dat , let me hollas at har, Grill girl: whatz ah nawz niggaz, u betta shutz yoz mouf Grill guy; hay dem niggaz iz waiten to orda, go do dat Grill girl: aight, Ima fukz youz ups whenz I doune, (she takes our order like nothing happened, and then goes right back to talking sht to this guy) Grill guy; lets me geit har numba Grill girl; I saidz no, whats youz dontz heyars soswell, youz dontz undastandz englash Grill guy: Yo yallz niggaz, tell yo waitras shez betta pays respacta whenz wevess gotz custamas PC: oh I am not getting into anything with her Chucky: yeah me either, I dont like the look in her eye Me: so I just have to ask, why do you have all that crap in your mouth Grill girl; itz jus a thang down herez, itz lookz good donna it, werea yallz frum anywayz Me; well we live in Colorado, Grill guy; oh Ivs been da befo, firsta tima iz seenz snowo Me; yeah we see a lot of it during the winter Grill girl; itz dontz snowo heya mucha Me; I wouldnt think snow, we are pretty far south Grill guy; hayz uz likz muzac, iz gotz somz cdz, (he walks over to a little boom box they had while rolling silverware, and turns it up). Grill girl; ohz datz myz shtz Me; um ok, we r done eating can I get the bill pleases Grill girl; holdz upz, gotz toz heyas my songa firsat, (before I can respond she runs over and turns up the music) PC; oh yeah, thats tight, u go girl shake that azz Me: fuking dammit Pc, why do you have to encourage the fat biach to shake her dump truck booty after I just ate. (of course she didnt hear that) Chucky; hay, I bet she got it from her momma. (laughter erupts) So after she is done performing my interpretation of a broke down generic Britney spears back up dancer. There are shty servers out there, and I have had some of the most unusual waiters and waitress around, but these guys took the pie and it. after all that I just needed to grab a hand full of mints to help with the nasty taste left in mouth. A few more hours of driving and we will be in Florida, and I am thinking that its about damm time. I have had it, with these crazy accents and country attitudes. We get into Florida in the late evening, and its time for a refuel at a highway gas station. I step into the gas station, and the clerk a elderly man is having a conversation with another elderly man. Wouldnt you know it, I just so happen to walk in on them while they were discussing when the term colored people was no longer the correct terminology to use anymore. Fuk it, I turned right around, and got back into the car. |
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Dearie me McCul, this would be funny of they weren't so fucking offensive. I have to congratulate you on being able to keep the head and walk the other way!! ps - from your profile name I was expecting a different kind of recipe!
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