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Reality of online dating, in any forum
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Reality of online dating, in any forum Online dating is hard. I don't care if it's POF, Tinder or WHY, even Senior Sizzle. It's difficult shit. Most profiles are dreadful and completely devoid of any content, photos or text because it's hard to do. It's like writing a resume! First, texting is the WORST form of communication. There is what is said and what is heard. All of which you have no control of how the reader is going to process it all in the context of their own shit (emotional trauma, etc). We approach online dating with huge expectations and we're doomed to be disappointed. Many have this laundry list of things we want in someone else and none of us even come close to having those items on the list in ourselves. Texting is completely devoid of tone of voice and body language, all which are big contributors to communication. So it takes nothing to get one's nose out of joint over the most innocuous of things. If that happens, I try to look at is as a blessing. I have the same outlook when it comes to ghosting or getting stood up on a date - and yes - it happens lots. But when it happens, look at is as a blessing that this person gave you a true insight into the very salient fact that they just aren't worth your time. And another thing, perviness of Senior Sizzle aside, i think it's a great medium as people are more incllined to be honest about their pecadillos. After all, whatever online dating site you choose, you're not likely to get into a relationship with anyone if the sex sucks. And so at the end of the day, all dating sites are sex sites. Even Christian Mingle. Discuss... |
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Like you, I lived much (if not most) of my life before internet. Until we were swept into the digital age, our *worlds* were smaller and more self-contained. We did not prepare *laundry lists*; we socialized, bonded quickly (often on the flimsiest of commonalities), took chances and did hard work building relationships (although it was easier when the sex was good). Often, we loved across long distances. Such romances were sustained with handwritten (sometimes typed) letters, posted back and forth. Long distance phone calls were expensive and thus a rare extravagance. Despite our best intentions and efforts these, of course, were doomed). Of course, everything has now changed. The breadth and speed at which we now connect and communicate have made *everything* possible. To what effect? As our social network expands, so do expectations. The bar is raised for the *unicorns* that we seek. So, even as the *candidate* pool expands, viable options remain elusive (diluted with trolls, posers and ghosts) and we find ourselves even more frustrated. I am certainly not advocating that anyone *settle* for less than they desire. But we should appreciate that our quests have become no less arduous. Regarding texting: it's a tool that supports flexibility and multi-tasking, albeit with limited efficacy, as you highlight. That said, it is now conventional and it will be part of Life until the next game-changing appliance is released. As to your summary judgment on *dating sites*, I concur. However, I also hew to Oscar Wilde's observation, "everything in the world is about sex- except sex. Sex is about power."
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5/2/2020 2:53 am |
good rant! if you find texting to be the worst form of communication, then do not use that form of communication. the best cure for ghosting (for me that is) is to set the first meet someplace where i do not mind eating, or snacking alone... that way if they do not show it is a two phase win (1) i know that this person is fake (truth is what i chose to believe) (2) should i choose to continue to interact with them, i know not to take it past the written stage i think too many people learn modern social skills from negative blog posts. by this i mean that after reading countless blogs about receiving explicit pictures on first contact.... be it positive or negative becomes secondary. the belief that it is normal to send nude photo with the introduction email becomes the norm. therefore one feels pressured to send offensive material just to comply with the perceived norms... nothing like a good catch 22 welcome to internet dating where thanks to cams and technology we can have sex without fears of covet 19 bonne chance there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity
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lol 😂... True... and quite succinct! ❗ Especially that comparison with ALL sites. I agree that texting and IM are NOT good indicators of another's personality. I prefer the phone... at least as an introduction. In the end - is there a better way to do things? 🤔 I put a touch of effort into my profile - so I seem to attract those who can read. 😶 Have a great day! 👍 🍷🍷😎 ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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Excellent observation! Although this is my primary go-to site, I have found sexual partners on other platforms besides this one. I am simply honest about my need for sex and accompanying physical intimacy and hope that the other person can be as open to the wonderful experience of getting acquainted in bed. And I too prefer a phone conversation before meeting, as opposed to texting -- you can tell a great deal from how a person talks.
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Good post. The thing with text is I always use emoji's to confirm (hopefully) what i said,, i.e something was said in a jokey manner, not meant to be taken seriously. Tinder is a nightmare, it's based solely on face pics and some guys can't even manage to do that properly!.. an up the nose shot is classic! and some don't even put a pic up but claim they're single! 
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totaly agree
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basic human nature makes true comunication of actual thoughts very unlikely . We are by nature ,self focused, emotional to a fault, dishonest and untrustworthy , blame shifters , deceitful when it serves our self interest , insecure , quick to take offense , controlling for security . We are a disaster for true communication from the get go .Very rarely is another willing to share all their real actual thoughts .Too much risk in not meeting various societal standards shoved down the throat about "kind,"nice ' or correct thinking . It is amazing anyone finds a mate and they make it work for long term . too many design flaws in the software of humans to allow it to be easy or correct most of the time. lol Truth will set you free . truth does not have any feelings it just is truth no matter how you feelabout it . truth is not a living being ,it cannot be brutal , or loving , or scarey the listener adds that to it in their own head right or not . be well , nothing is a disaster in relations unless you make it one . face to face communication is best as that is what we were made to do ,not use technology to make things harder .
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Tienes razon , es mejor en persona
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