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Retrospect
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Retrospect Just posted this as a reply on someone's blog..... thought I would throw it out there for the masses..... I was on this site for a couple of in secret. Wife didn't know. We had sex maybe 2-3x a month and it was pretty vanilla, definitely nothing write home about! Fact was, she wasn't into it. She was a tired, worn-out, mother - feeling worthless and without purpose, outisde serving her family. I tried everything I could to spark the romance. Date nights out, massages, Spa treatments, hot baths waiting for her, trips, etc.... I tried everything BUT the most important thing of all..... Communication! Don't get me wrong, I tried to talk with her about it - and not from a manipulative or demanding position. I truly wanted to know what was wrong. Why was she not interested. Was it me? What could I do to help her? I suggested counseling...but she wouldn't. After of rejection, I eventually gave up and started<b> surf </font></b>porn sites (this one included). I engaged in countless conversations, chat sessions and email exchanges with other people in similar circimstances. I eventually graduated from the prison of anonymity and stepped away from the "Electrified piece of sand" that I spent hours staring into (my computer) and began meeting people. I needed a physical outlet. I felt terrible about what I was doing, and hid it for a few , but I couldn't stop. The affirmation felt amazing. The sex was exciting and new! The charge I felt from the taboo practices I was engaing in kept going and craving more! After a while, it became more difficult hide. I found myself disengaging with the wife and family and was consumed with the "hunt" and the feast that followed. My position within the community and my career were high-profile and I couldn't risk being exposed. I had a few close-calls and tried call it quits while I still could. I would always find myself back here.... after a few of this madness, I had enough. I sat down with the wife and disclosed it all. It was the worst experience I have ever been through - and that's saying a lot! I felt horrible for what I had done her and my family. I could no longer live the dual-life. It wasn't fair her - no matter how bad things were between us. She deserved better. That was a couple of ago. We both committed and pursued extensive individual counseling. We learned, changed and grew more than I ever imagined we could or even needed ! I wish I had insisted we do counseling ago! Had we, I am pretty confident it would have saved our marriage. You cringe at the thought..... you think your spouse will never agree it. You see too much heartache and pain involved and it just seems impossible.... It's not! The discomfort you might experience int he beginning will be FAR LESS than what awaits you, should you just continue-on in your masquerade. I can tell you, my dear reader, all of the hook-ups, naughty chats, flirting and sex will never satisfy that black hole that led us here in the first place. I have learned from experience over the past few . The wife knew things weren't good. She blamed me for most of the problems. It wasn't until she went thru a year of counseling that she actually owned her own issues and began making changes. I knew I brought baggage into the marriage. I knew I had my share of issues to address. I was willing to take a look at myself and I committed to working on my stuff and she did the same. We are still seeing counselors and working on being the best versions of ourselves we can be. Who knows where we both will end up in the future, but even tho it's been the hardest season to endure, it's been the best thing that could have happened to each of us.... If anyone reading this is still lingering in the shadows.... still lying, cheating, manipulating, gas-lighting and grooming others, STOP while you still can! Sit down and have a heart-to-heart with the spouse and lay it out! Make those decisions now - while you still can - or the decisions will be made for you later! You can't hide this stuff forever. Trust me... I had MUCH to lose and worked my ass off to keep it all under-wraps. I got tired. It became too much. I got sloppy and even found myself wishing (at times) I would just get caught so this facade would finally be over. The lies will eventually catch up with you and your life will become a serious "shit-show". I promise. Greater people than I have gone this route before me, warned me of the same, and I wish I had learned from them. I was too stubborn and prideful. Too afraid of the outcome. Too involved in the game to let it go. It cost me dearly. I almost lost everything.... and for what? What do I have to show for it all now? Not a damn thing. At this stage in life I am starting all over - from scratch. Never would have thought this is where I would be. I am happy about a few things and grateful that some good has blosssomed out of all of this. Here I am - single - and still working on me. It's a good thing. Like the forrest showing signs of life after a devestating wildfire, the buds are appearing and the spring is coming..... |
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good post
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2/4/2020 10:29 am |
Thank you!
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Nice, keep posting
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2/4/2020 11:02 am |
Thank you "tgmancouple" - WISH I could find a couple to play with here in UT!!
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2/5/2020 9:27 am |
Thank you, my Neighbors to the North! I appreciate the comments. Too bad we are so far apart!! I just may need to take a road trip!
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