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Chapter 2 - The Process
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Chapter 2 - The Process It took a few months from the nuclear explosion of her declaration for me to work through what it meant, and believe what she had said was her true position. As my options began to develop I started considering how I would go about looking for someone else to connect with sexually. I had heard about<b> internet dating </font></b>sites and started researching those. It wasn’t long before I came across a couple that appeared to be exactly what I was looking for. I signed onto those sites and became educated on how to go about connecting. It was quite an education. To start out, you must fill out a profile on yourself. That is a challenging ordeal if you want to shield yourself from being recognized by someone who knows you, yet provide a somewhat accurate description of who you are and where you live. Then you must go through checklists of likes and dislikes on various topics and create a narrative of what you are looking for in a relationship. The narrative is one of the trickiest parts to develop. It didn’t take me long to understand that the members on these sites are overwhelmingly men. I heard the ratio was around 20 to1. That’s a lot of competition for a guy. A woman new to the site can be slammed by dozens, if not hundreds of inquiries. You can stick to using a checklist of stuff you like. You can stick to stock suggested help tips. Or you can skip the narrative altogether. But these ‘techniques’ don’t get you past the ‘delete’ function on the receiving person’s computer. If you want to have any chance of getting noticed, you must put some honest thought into who you want to attract and aim the narrative to that person. And then there’s the pictures. I struggled with the idea of putting my picture on my profiles. Some women on the sites will not even respond to your query if you don’t have a picture on your file. But for me that was not an option. What’s the point in trying to disguise your identity if you post a picture of your mug on your profile? There are guys (apparently, a lot of them) that post pictures of their cocks. And there are a lot of women that immediately dismiss inquiries from guys that post ‘dick pics.’ So, I included a statement in my narrative that I would make a picture available for serious inquiries only. My initial objective was to see what was out there and to see if anyone would respond to my profile. My profile was targeted to someone near my age, plus or minus ten years. Being in my 50’s that was very limiting, but I was being realistic in who might be a likely candidate. I was also interested in attracting a woman who was attached, but was in a similar situation. I figured there were married women out there that were being neglected for various reasons and wanted to have their needs fulfilled without separating from their husbands. It was also safer for me it they had something to lose if they weren’t discrete and careful. After I posted my profile on a couple of these sites I got some immediate responses I didn’t expect. They were from young women in their late teens to late 20’s. I’m not a brain surgeon, but I could tell that they were either prostitutes, girls looking for ‘sugar daddies,’ or just fake members. I wasn’t remotely interested in any of those come-on’s. The demographic I WAS interested in wasn’t responding to my posting, and I was going to have to reach out and show interest in them. I also came to find out that there were far fewer candidates to reach out to if you lived (like I did) in a rural part of the country. In large cities or metropolitan areas there are far more members of both sexes on the site versus small rural towns and cities. Also, the ratio of men to women seemed to be more skewed in women’s favor. When you add to that the increased need for being more discrete, hooking up with someone was more problematic. After learning about how these dating sites work, building and modifying my profile, and seeing what was available, I started sending out inquiries, or ‘winks’, to those women who met my criteria. Hoping to at least get a response and start a conversation. The silence was deafening. For the first few weeks I sent out a few winks to women I thought would be good matches, and got no responses. I thought maybe I was either being too nice or reserved in my profile, or maybe too explicit in what I wanted. Without some kind of feedback it was impossible to tell. And then I got a response. It was a canned response to a wink asking to send a real message. Now what? I sat down and drafted a short email detailing my situation, then discarded it. Too many details about my marital relationship made it sound like I was whining. Besides, I was sure that my particular situation wasn’t unique. There had to be a lot of men out there with the same story of sexual abandonment by their wives. After a few more drafts, I came to a version I liked. It touched on my life in general, including some information on my career and . But mainly it focused on what I was looking for and offering. I also made it clear that I was not a ‘player’ but a guy looking for a sexual NSA friendship with one woman. When my final draft was completed I sent it on to her, hoping to hear something back soon. Days went by, and I started second guessing what I had sent. Was it too strong? Too weak? Not enough details? About a week later she sent me a note saying she appreciated the response and provided a few details about herself and her situation. I was happy that I hadn’t made a total fool out of myself. The woman who responded, and I struck up a conversation with, was in her mid-40’s and married to a man she said was no longer interested in her. She was at her wits end, and was looking for some kind of sexual fulfillment. She wanted a friend and a lover that she could go to for relief. After a few exchanges, we agreed to meet for lunch. This was another step toward infidelity that I wasn’t sure I wanted to take. But it was still harmless and I was curious as to how I was going to act after over 20 years of not going on a date. She lived in a large city so we arranged to meet at a restaurant downtown. It was carefully selected to be someplace that would be a somewhat intimate setting so we could talk without being overheard. I also wanted a place that wasn’t a fast food place. I didn’t see those as being places that would give a good impression. The last thing I wanted was to have her think ‘cheapskate.’ Next: Chapter 3 - The 1st Encounter |
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