Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > rm_Package1971 > Damaged: The Package1971 Story |
Flipping the minivan
|
Flipping the minivan One of the hardest things about becoming gay in recent weeks, other than my penis, has been learning all of the gay lingo. This can be especially confusing in the bedroom. For example, the other night, Rupert asked me if he could “toss my salad”. I’ve heard that before, so I knew what he wanted, but then he asked me if I’d rather do a Spiderman. “What’s that?” I asked. He said, “That’s when you cum in the palm of your hand, curve your middle finger in, and flick your hand at the wall.” So I’m constantly learning something new in the bedroom. It’s been wonderful! Now, I know this is Senior Sizzle, and you’re all just dying to hear my stories about all of the sex I’ve been having, so I’ll tell you about last night. I have to warn you though, some of the descriptions get pretty graphic. We started in the living room on the couch. We had just finished watching “What Not to Wear”, when he put his hand on my thigh and started stroking my chopstick. He leaned in close and put his parking space right next to my landing strip. “I want you so bad,” he whispered into my dumbo. His words sent shivers down my catwalk and I almost completely overloaded the washer right then and there. “Well,” I purred coyly, “this applesauce isn’t going to make itself.” That was all the encouragement he needed and, before I knew it, his licorice mixers were all over my candy apple condos. It didn’t take long before the onions were peeled and our paisley shrouds were hanging from the stadium lights. “Oh my god,” he said almost under his breath, “I’m going to go digging without a permit.” Then he grabbed my steering column in a quick, deft move and hungrily yanked my Bert & Ernie into his Big Bird. It was almost too much to take. I was so caught up in changing the bulbs in the Christmas lights, but I was more than willing to give Tinkie Winkie back his purse. I stopped him just long enough to ask for a life raft. “You’re right,” he said, panting, “here, I have a collection in my panic room.” He asked me to emcee the mike stand but I hesitated. It was the first time I had ever put the toupee on the Shatner and I didn’t want to jump the shark. “That’s it,” he instructed. “Just ride the wave into shore, and put a little vinaigrette in the bag.” “Really?” I asked, perplexed. “How do you keep the squid in the jar?” “It’s just like cobalting your squeegee,” he assured me. “Tame the lion.” He was right. I spent several minutes serenading the lighthouse. His barnswallow migrated slightly, but that will happen sometimes when you baste the turkey too liberally. Soon, he was stuffing the teddy bear in such a frenzy of excitement that he almost foreclosed on my loan. Before long, it was my turn. I almost couldn’t wait to rubberstamp his admission form and, looking down at his winking Palin, I couldn’t help but grease the hippo. And then I was in heaven. Riding the dolphin like a debutante at homecoming. The feeling was incredible! I trotted the coastline, my eyes blazing like the lightning from a thousand neon flamingos. Nothing, I thought, nothing can orchestrate the deacons like an honorary fish baker<b> stoned </font></b>out on a mixture of cobwebs and bliss. There will be peace in the valley tonight and you just KNOW the munchkins won’t rest until ALL the soldiers have been melted. When it was over, we lied in each other’s arms. “That was Dumbledorian,” he said, “absolutely wonderful.” I couldn’t have agreed more.  |
|||
3/6/2009 2:02 pm |
Yippee! Package1971 Classic is back. There's never anyone funnier even if he has jumped the fence, RT. Snorking coffee out my nose is the least of my problems when I laugh so hard. But, since he's gay now, he'll get a pass on menopausal female incontinence issues. Gosh, going gay sounds great! Where can I sign up?
| ||
|
I wonder if The Divine Miss Sarah P. knows there's a gay move named after her?    
| ||
|
Hi, Package, I'm frustrated since my profile has been closed AGAIN by the Abuse Department, even though they've never said what I did to abuse the Terms of Use. I'm unwilling to spend lots of time arguing with the Department of Non-Customer Service, or pay again for membership, so I've activated a new blog: askaphrodite with a new article Is Semen Good for You Hope you're well! AskAphrodite formerly known as bipolybabe
| ||
|
If I've said it once- I've said it a thousand times... "This applesauce is definitely NOT going to make itself!"
| ||
|
Woohoo - maybe I'll get laid if I go gay too...wait a minute, I am not sure that will help men sleep with me - where are they, damnit???? Nice to see you are still delivering the funny - miss you guys!!! Back off, man! I'm a scientist - Bill Murray, Ghostbusters
|
Become a member to create a blog
