Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > JaniceJanes > Jan's Thoughts |
My Worst Day in Years
|
My Worst Day in Years About a month ago the wife of one of my Partner, Richard, Managers asked me to help plan and put together a Party for her 5 year Twin sons. Not that many other would be attending, mostly adult friends of theirs. No problem I said, I love to organize and cook for gatherings. Late Sunday Brunch is one of my favorite events to host. Only difference was that this was going to be at someone else’s apartment but with careful planing and an easy to prepare meal plan, it was very doable. We worked out two shopping lists. One for her of items to have ready for Sunday and one of the items I would bring over. My list was mostly the food items. If I was going to be responsible for the food, I wanted to pick out the best ingredients and make sure everything I needed would be available. I even prepared each dish I planned to have in my apartment weeks in advance and carefully wrote down everything that I used from the actual kitchen items (Pots, pans, utensils ) to every ingredient (Spices, oils, vegetable}. I’m a very careful and detail planner when it comes to a meal. I’m never hurried looking for a substitute or a forgotten item. I believe a great meal start with a good plan. Saturday evening Richard and I went out for dinner. Beautiful night so we decided to check out the Jazz Clubs in the for a nightcap or two. Luckily we got a good table at Smalls in the Village a had a wonderful night. Only problem, we were there until they closed after 4 AM. W got home about 5 in the morning and I had promised to be at our friend’s place around AM Sunday. OK, quick three hour nap and I’ll be fine. Except Richard ( and I admit me also) was feeling frisky so the nap was somewhat delayed and was pretty short. You know you’re in for a bad day when a good hot shower doesn’t wash away your hangover. I let Richard sleep while I cleaned up, got dressed and collected all the stuff I was taking. Two really heavy bags and caught a cab to their place. When I arrived, I was shocked. Their apartment was a mess. Breakfast hadn’t been cleaned and the kitchen looked like it hadn’t been cleaned all weekend. I had to clean the kitchen before starting on my Brunch preparation. Now, this is were the my day got was absolutely ruined. While I’m washing her Breakfast dishes she says to me, “Janice you’ll never know what it like to raise two little ones”. She knows I’m a Transexual Female but I just heard a comment that took all my restraint not to react to. She might as well have said “I’m better than you, I can drop ”. And I’m sure she meant to say it to put me in the place she felt that I belonged, an inferior Woman lacking the ability to Reproduce. A Vagina-less sub human not worthy of membership in the Sorority of Bearing Females. I don’t get angry often, but when I do, it takes me a long time to calm down. Especially when I can’t do anything about it. After all, her husband, who probably only had sex with her once, was Richard’s Manager. She is just the small minded person that would take revenge on Richard’s career thru her husband. All I could do was tell her to take care of the and leave the kitchen to me. I didn’t want to see her or talk to her at this moment, just go away. for the next few hours I was like a Volcano, ready to Erupt but couldn’t. I wanted to leave but couldn’t. I wanted to scream but couldn’t. And most of all, I wanted to cry. Maybe she was right, I’m fooling myself trying to be someone I can never be. Biologically a mix of two persons that can never be completely either one. I not a Trans anything. Just someone in the middle lane that can’t go right of left. Cooking has become my greatest accomplishment these last few years and I’m proud of the fact I did this myself. But looking around this kitchen, that I didn’t want to be in, I really didn’t care how things turned out today. I just wanted Richard to show and take me home. He didn’t show up till after 4. Well rested, feeling good, well dressed, smiling. I hated him. I blamed him for getting me in this situation and then prolonging my anguish by being late. When he got through all his charming Hellos to everyone else he finally gave me a hug. I whispered to him, “You better get me the fuck out of here!” It was obvious he had no idea what had just hit him. Totally unexpected. I told people I had a sudden bad headache, collected my thing and told Richard I needed to go home and lay down. He sensed I was mad and suddenly looked meek and timid. He knew he was in trouble but clearly didn’t know why. When we got in the car I unloaded on him. I yelled at him all the way home calling him every dirty name I could think of. Plus I had a few angry words about the Bitch I had spent the day helping. At home I dropped my things, grabbed a bottle of wine and went in my bedroom slamming and locking the door. Fortunately I found some friends on the internet who understood what I had just been though. Their sympathy was very comforting and I really appreciate their friendship and helpful words. Friends are very important to me. I love them for being there. I usually get up early and make the coffee and fix a light breakfast Richard. Not today. I stayed in my bedroom till he lift for work. I called in sick today and am home analyzing what had happened and what I am going to do. I thought writing this would help me get it out of my system. Clear my mind of angry thoughts. I just remembered the one nice thing that happened to me yesterday. One of the at the Party ask if I was the twin’s Aunt. I was touched by that. At least in his young mind I was a Woman. Jan |
|||
4/23/2019 4:24 am |
First I am not a cook so you doing all that work definitely required sympathy and support. Also, the next time you come home late from a night of drinking, take an aspirin before bed and you will wake up without a hangover. Finally, she mentioned the word "raise", not be pregnant and pushing them out a vagina. Many women never have or can't have children. Many also adopt kids and go through raising them just as she did. I can tell you that 50 is usually a cut off age for adoption so it is still a possibility for you. Being a parent does not have to mean birthing your own. I can say that while a relative was in the hospital for 2 weeks I took care of her three young kids and it was brutal hell. I congratulate you for staying calm and composed. Take care and do be nice to clueless Richard.  Gina
| ||
4/20/2019 10:03 am |
wow that is amazing
| ||
|
I "Liked" this post more in empathy, with you in sharing what was a very traumatic experience for you. I have never been treated as badly as you experienced, but have experienced great anger. Anger that afterword scared the hell out of me. It is such a primal human emotion than rises up and can be all consuming. Writing and sharing it here, for you, was a healthy thing to do. I am writing this after reading your subsequent posts. Hindsight is always 20/20. I am grateful that you felt comfortable enough to share your terrible, experience with you friends here. Thank you for your trust that we will understand and not judge you. I am so glad that in the end you remembered the nice thing that happened that day. "One of the young boys at the Party ask if I was the twin’s Aunt. I was touched by that. At least in his young mind I was a Woman." I am so glad he shared that question with you. The wisdom of the young without a tinge of hate. Please also remember that here you are a woman. A warm wonderful, kind and considerate woman. A woman with a great partner, friends, and lovers. We also love you, as a woman here on Senior Sizzle. Great big warm hug to you. Peter 
|
Become a member to create a blog
