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My Struggle(?) with BDSM
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My Struggle(?) with BDSM ago when I decided to Transition, one of the first procedural steps in the process was to see a Psychologist for an evaluation of my wishes to become more Feminine physically. The Psychologist my doctor recommended was a wonderful and understanding woman who not only deemed me mentally competent but also became a friend and the source of much help and assurance over the . She help me through a period of depression and self doubt when my hormone treatment was causing me to to wonder if I should stay on this path. She identified my for acceptance as being the cause of my anguish and guided me in to believing that my own acceptance was more important that of others. I still see her on yearly just to check and discuss where I in my new life. As was the case a few weeks ago when on a business trip to DC I was able to see her. Just to let you know, she believe I doing just fine and comfortable with where I . That discussing was pretty quick but since I had time left I brought up something that I had never told her about before. My desire to be Punished occasionally. I explained to her that at times I so regretful of my sexual exploits that I feel only being Punished, or harshly Disciplined, can relieve me of my anguish. That I seek men, strangers, who will beat and humiliate me until I free of my self contempt. And, in my opinion, that “cheating” on my boyfriend Richard, who I love deeply, is what causes my mental torment and makes me seek Punishment. We discussed this newly revealed aspect of my life but fail to reach any conclusions. The Psychologist asked if I could come back the next day to try to analyze this further and I agreed. I called Richard and told him I would have to stay in DC overnight for work, stayed overnight with an old friend and took a Sick Day the following day. Back with the Psychologist the next day she told me she had spent much of the night studying my case and asked a few more questions. As you can imagine, these were deeply private discussions in to my past and my transition. She finally got to the bottom line. I may just be acting out from being sexually abused as a youngster, which I had been often by my mothers boyfriends. The twist in all this may be my HRT has complicated my feelings toward being Punished. If I was still a male, I would probably be the Dominate member in the BDSM relationship but now that I identify as a Female I have taken the Submissive role which is more common in Women but becomes less prevalent in Bisexuals. Confusing, I know. It still is to me and the one who should understand this the most. Final Diagnosis is that if I take certain safeguards, it is alright to occasionally venture into the shadow of BDSM and not feel ashamed of my desire to be Disciplined. Finding pleasure from pain is no longer considered a mental illness. So it seems I can call it what I want, do it if I want, enjoy it if I want and it’s OK. People who are in to the Pleasures of BDSM are no longer misunderstood as they have been in past . Now BDSM is looked at as just another sexual pleasure that some people enjoy just like oral sex. Just keep it safe.  |
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Great post have you ever considered yourself to be a switch? There is no reason why you can't be a Domme is you have a desire to play with others. We all have or likes and dislikes you consider one of yours to be punishment but is it really punishment? Punishment is handed out when someone does something their Master/Dom doesn't like. If you haven't then don't you think it's because you like the pain because of the endorphins it's causing? Keep on your journey and I'm sure you will find other things you also enjoy very much. I wish you all of the very best in your journey. John We have two lives, and the second begins when we realise we have only one - Confucious
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1 post 12/11/2018 5:59 pm |
Cam in Italia my ospidar
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Great post! I love giving myself mentally and physically in BDSM. I enjoy being bound and taken on a wild trip that I have no control over. I would for you to be my DOM. You can, if you want too. I think you are right on when saying that BDSM is now accepted as a sexual flavor among adults. Also, like you say..keep it safe. I believe to just live the Fantasy
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