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I Got A Crush On.... Just Saying
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I Got A Crush On.... Just Saying I Got A Crush On... Just Saying So, I am going to ramble about a subject that I am kind of twisted about. I had a huge crush on this one guy. If I am being honest... what the hella, let me just be honest. I still have a little crush on him and I think about him on a blue moon. Especially if anyone brings him up. He seemed to be popular, but I didn't care about that. I got to know him for awhile. He seemed like such a sweet guy to me. The nicer he was to me, the more I liked him. I would be so happy to see him in the chatroom. I probably looked like a fool around him. I just could not help myself. It was thrilling to go all out and flirt with him. I liked who he was as a person. To me, that was his biggest attraction. Not his sexy pictures or videos. We got to chat a lot. In the room and out of the room. But, I was not encouraged to. Some people, who previously lauded how sexy he was, started telling me how ugly he is. I really couldn't believe it. Why would they publicly say he is sexy and privately say he was ugly? This upset me greatly. If I said anything about it, I knew that I would be endlessly persecuted. I hate knowing that I allowed myself to be cowardly. I just decided to try to stick by him in and out of chat. It was not appreciated. I was later told that he was in a long distance relationship with someone in the chatroom and that I was being used. I refused to believe it and I ignored this. Soon after, the person they said was in a relationship with him was throwing her weight around and making possessive remarks that seemed to be encouraged by him. There was no promise between us, so I had no reason to do or say anything. I just stayed quiet. Finally, she ended up confronting me. Telling me that they were together. She knew about me. She was pretty cruel. Telling me that he told her all about our conversations and how they would laugh together at me. Well, I refused to argue with her. I let her run out of steam to get it all out. It did surprise me how much it hurt as much as it did. However, I decided to step back gracefully. I stayed quiet and I avoided both of them as much as possible. No reason to make it into a huge dramatic deal. He didn't seem to care that I was around or not. So I found a distraction who kept me busy a few months. When I came back they both were gone, probably they are still together. Who knows. I regret not standing up for myself. I regret not standing up for him. I regret being a coward. Closure would have been complete and I could have been able to wipe him completely off my mind. All I can say is that it was a lesson I hope that I do not repeat. I never thought he was ugly. I should have stood my ground and said so. I did not completely confirm if he was the total douchebag that was portrayed to me by others. I should have asked him directly. This is one ending that will not have a satisfactory closure. But I still move past it. I was a fool. I chose to make those mistakes. I am just a human being. This is just to share that I am just as vulnerable as anyone. I have no reason to look down on anyone. My glass house is full of cracks from throwing stones at myself in frustration. That is part of life. The hard times you look back on and think, wheeew, I am not there anymore. I am where life is better than it was. That's what I'm working on now, that better life. A person can have a crush at any age, maturity does not safeguard emotions. I heard this line somewhere. "Crushes are hard. That's why they are called crushes. If it was easy, they'd call it something different, like pillows" Sakura Just Saying, Be kind it doesn't cost you anything |
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You're a smart lady, go with your instinct. Trust yourself first and ignore the others.
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5/12/2020 7:53 am |
if you are right about him he would have put on his shiny white armor, mounted his steed. charging to your defense against the great black witch.... but his silence shows his true intend to mount all mares and spread his seed reality sometimes is like a kick in the teeth ps closure is the act of understanding excepting forgiving forgetting and do not forgive others for what they do to you but rather for being who they are there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity
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Wow... I haven't had a crush on ANYONE for years, decades, ever? 🤔 It's been so long I forget. I almost wish I did. 🤔😶🌹❗🍷🍷😎 ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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