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Advice to Husbands
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Advice to Husbands OK...so I have had a bad night and a few glasses of wine. I think about my 23 year marriage and know that I had a great time. I have no regrets and it came to an end because two adults grew away from each other. I did most if not all of these things but she made it difficult by not responding to many of them. I thought this was an excellent post by a great friend of mine on another site. _______________________________ 1) NEVER STOP COURTING. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love. 2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there. 3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her. 4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love. 5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not. 6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love. 7) NEVER BLAME your wife If you get frustrated or angry, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.  ALLOW YOUR WOMAN TO JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier. 10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel loved. 11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable . She is. 12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully. 13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid. 14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have . She needs that space to renew and get re-centered.) 15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fear and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes. 16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, and part of that courage is allowing her to love your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be. 17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is for a relationship that isn’t focused on growing. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards. 1 DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. MONEY is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. Forgiveness is freedom. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love. 20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure. In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily Ever After. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time. MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about. It is all about attitude, approach and presentation! What is your AAP? |
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I did most if not all of these things but she made it difficult by not responding to many of them. So really you're just spouting nonsense. After 1980, for a man to get married [to contract a deed of marriage], is making a big mistake. Allow your woman....No change that... tell your woman, "You live in your place and I'll live in my own".
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We all have great intentions in marriage, but like you say, many take each other for granted. There are so many distractions now that divide our attention from the other. Thank you so much for being the one consistent visitor to my blog! It is good to have a friend out there! It is all about attitude, approach and presentation! What is your AAP?
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I did most if not all of these things but she made it difficult by not responding to many of them. So really you're just spouting nonsense. After 1980, for a man to get married [to contract a deed of marriage], is making a big mistake. Allow your woman....No change that... tell your woman, "You live in your place and I'll live in my own". I am not sure what you are trying to say here, but it didn't sound very positive. Thank for the visit and the comment....it is good to hear all sides. It is all about attitude, approach and presentation! What is your AAP?
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Seems , lately, on social media , when people say , "Be positive", this is another way of saying be vaginized, and if one is not vaginized, then apparently that's negative. The list is for marriage advice, and not very good. For one, it vaginizes the male, and two, you're better off not contracting yourself into a this position where you basically become ball-less emasculated bonehead.
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There you go again spouting negative crap against women.... That's funny. So if women don't get their way, all of sudden it's considered "Negative". You're making my point. Very disrespectful .... The above terms have not earned my respect. They are mostly fantasy jargon inciting the make-believe. Respect is earned through behavior. and not all of us both men and women share your points of view.. ... Not all of us, men and women, share yours either. The majority of us don't. .. On this lovelorn-come-fuck-me site, maybe so, however, that's not my concern. .... I couldn't care less. Example one, of the above nonsense; 1) NEVER STOP COURTING... Courting is process to woo and to get to know a woman, to help decide if you [the male] actually wants her. Obviously after marriage this usually stops, due to over familiarity. Married couples start to take each other for granted. So obviously marriage is not eternal. It does have an expiration tag. Never stop dating. .... Boredom sets in, people stop dating once married. "Dating" [aka having sex] becomes the same-old-same-old. Some couples have creative ways to around this, such as "Open marriages", "Swinging". NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. ... Well that goes for both of you. Unfortunately , you can't say , "Never do that", because that is unrealistic. Part of taking the man for granted , which women do, she cuts her hair short . When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. ... See that's romantic nonsense. Usually when a man asks , or even tells, a woman to marry him, he is either commitment-age ready, or too young to know better, or tired of single life, or finding that most women don't want anything to do with him. Which is the worst of all, because now any woman he marries may just turn off the sex, and he has nowhere to go. That situation often leads to the woman getting beaten. This [her heart] is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. .... Actually your retirement fund, your 401k, is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. And if this marriage situation dies, you can say goodbye to your sacred treasure. She'll take half or all of it. SHE CHOSE YOU. ...Not entirely so. He actually chooses the woman. The primary reason a man asks/tells one woman to marry and not another, is that each woman treats him differently. Competition. If a man doesn't have this competition going on, he should never ever get married.. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love. ... Funny, the writer of the original article of this , seems to speak of love as something that constant work will support, That is erroneous too. Eventually the human can become just no longer interested , by no fault of your own, and so leave the marriage. Don't get blinded by romantic nonsense. And that is just a dissection of item 1.
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There are a couple of locations where I see the typical male bravado within the lines. .... Actually you do not. For some reason you have adopted an effeminate outlook. Possibly because you met and married your woman within the most feminist decades ever. You choose her, she chooses you. .... No, you chose your woman from handful or more of other women. She accepted. If you didn't, then you really had no business committing to a marriage. Unless of course you needed to find a mail order bride.... This is just another form of "The male making a choice". However there are pros and cons to choosing a wife, this way. I could give a rat shit about money in this life. .... and that was probably a great contributing factor to your divorce. Yes...my ex wife got half of my PERS and maybe because I am not a planner, or maybe I believe that she deserved it .... She didn't "Deserve" your retirement funds. because we had a great partnership for over two decades, I am happy to give half of it to her. .... You didn't have a "Partnership", you had a "Marriage". And you were a fool to give up any of your PERS. This last tirade is scary. .... It should be scary! It's real, not romantic fantasy. It is not all about men in this life ... If you are a man, it's about you. the woman in our life is a partner..... No. She is either your woman, your girlfriend, or your wife. If you contract a marriage with the woman, she is your wife, not a partner. Men do not run the relationship .. Yes you do. If the woman is not to your liking any more, you dump her , or you dissolve the marriage contract.
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