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| Blogs > VenusRedux2 > Conversing with the Divine |
Being a Gentleman in a Digital World
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Being a Gentleman in a Digital World Women aren’t looking for Prince Charming, we’re not some helpless damsel in distress you have to rescue We certainly don’t want Don Quixote, as misguided notions of chivalry is only going to make you look silly Here’s how to properly display chivalry in the digital age Old-style chivalry dictates that ALL women are beautiful and wonderful beings who should be exalted to some lofty pedestal just by virtue of being … I dunno … alive? … The idea that women are going to magically fall in love with some stranger who slayed a dragon in our behalf is just silly. Also, dragons are mythical, as are the most of the things you men seem to think we women need protection from. Chivalry isn’t simply odd etiquette standards that society has deemed "things gentlemen ought to do for ladies." In its proper historical context, it served a purpose. Chivalry was intended to do things that needed to get done. It was practical. As such, how a gentleman conducts himself should change and conform to the circumstances of the day. That is my issue with chivalry and why I feel modern men need to dispense of many of the chivalrous standards that they were brought up with. They are no longer applicable. Here’s an example of what I mean... When Victorian ladies wore hoop skirts and had to get that thing up and into a carriage, yeah, it mattered to have a man assist. Today, I don’t like men helping me into or out of a car. For me, it has nothing to do with new-age feminism. I’m in a skirt most of the time. Getting into and out of a car is one of the most immodest actions that can be taken in a skirt. If you are so hell-bent on being chivalrous, give me my modesty, not your hand. Being a gentleman has NEVER been about being a doormat for women. However, as the need for chivalry diminishes, nobly holding onto such antiquated notions turns a man into just that – a doormat. I’m not suggesting scrapping the whole idea, I’m merely suggesting we rethink how it should be expressed on a site such as this. Here’s a few thoughts that I had that are FAR more important to me than opening doors for me or paying for meals: Text and chat without it always being a booty call For women, this needs no explanation. For men, it’s going to take 82 chapters with diagrams, footnotes, and cross-references. When you text "Hey" at 12:30 AM, that’s a<b> booty call </font></b>no matter what you want to later claim. Text me at lunchtime sometime while at work (that can never be mistaken for a booty call). If you absolutely MUST text late, make it obvious it’s not a<b> booty call </font></b>by asking "How’d you manage in all this crazy snow?" or "How’s that awful employee treating you this week?" Limit the foul language, the street slang, and the texting abbreviations When you’re just getting to know someone, it is expected that you’re putting your best foot forward. If this is your best, that doesn’t bode well. Too much of this is a signal of low social standing. Don’t try to be hip, trendy, or edgy. It ends up making you look like an adolescent with his first smart phone. If you want the conversation to be on what the film industry describes as "Adult Content," then you'll have to act like an adult. Be happy and upbeat While this should be true all the time, it is particularly important during face to face meetings, and absolutely paramount on a first meet. Not just to be with me, but with everyone we come in contact with in the course of the evening. Even if we get bad service at the bar, even if the waitress spills the drinks, even if I’m bitching and moaning about the depressing stuff in my life. You’re supposed to be the FUN part of my day. Offering her a shoulder to cry on IS noble and gentlemanly. It isn’t necessarily wrong in general, it is just wrong for you. This isn’t your role. That role is handled by her friends. Friendship isn’t what you’re offering her. Offering her friendship leads to … drum roll please … the Friend-Zone. Instead, be a gentleman by instead redirecting conversation back to positive topics. Treat other women with respect It goes without saying that you should do that for me, that’s expected. Where you really shine is when you do it for others. When you offer the older lady a seat without breaking stride in your conversation with me, all the while continuing as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, we notice stuff like that. Applying it to the online/texting world, don’t talk about the other women in your life in a negative light – even your ex who is batshit crazy. Be supportive without White Knighting Don’t be like that guy in the bar … you know, the one that’s a little too ready and eager to step in and throw a punch for a lady. She was never that helpless in the first place, and women don’t want a savior. I see a ton of this on the blogs. Women complain, and men can’t help but to come to their rescue. Must make them feel good to rescue the damsel in distress. Filling her head about how right she is, and how wrong everyone else is acting towards her is displaying misplaced chivalry. Women know how to handle themselves here … especially towards the sleazy guys who come onto them. They learned that the first day they got here. They don’t need you coming to their defense. By all means, offer an encouraging word. That’s appropriate in that situation. That’s all she’s looking for. That’s your role. She wants to vent, let her vent. You just don’t need to take up the crusade on her behalf, that’s a bit too much. Be interesting, conversational, intelligent, and fun I saved this one to conclude everything into one neat bow. This really isn’t a "gentlemanly" issue so much as it puts it all into its proper perspective. Being a gentleman is not some magical etiquette standard that can supplant who you are as a person. None of this is enough to offset your bad qualities. If you’re low class … if you’re dumb as a box of rocks … if you’re boring beyond words … no amount of chivalry scores you enough points to win a woman over. In other words, while this may be a worthwhile discussion, it takes a second place … a distant second … to being a fun and lively person to be around. If you’re a halfway decent guy, you’ll be doing all this stuff naturally, so it won’t matter. But if you’re not a decent guy at heart, you’ll only be able to fake it for so long. Next up, revisiting the discussion as to why men should NOT pick up the check, regardless of how chivalrous you may think it is. |
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Quoting VenusRedux2: Getting into and out of a car is one of the most immodest actions that can be taken in a skirt. What's the problem? You get to be a little naughty and he may get a brief flash.
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3/30/2017 10:55 am |
I owe my attitudes and respect for women not to my father, but to my mom. Respect for women began when I got my mouth smacked for showing disrespect. She taught me the value of good manners and being polite to everyone. What folks are calling chivalry these days, to me, is nothing more than showing respect to those that deserve it. My Mom always said respect is earned not given. Your article has many good points but it really boils down to one thing, the golden rule. Treat others as you would have them treat you. My take in this is if they offend you turn the other cheek. If they offend you again then all bets are off! My blog JimmyB7474 is called Into The Woods (erotica) entertaining stories about a guy named Jimmy. Enjoy.
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Ah Ha the Hotel Chapter is so fitting. The April Symposium Topic is Hotel- you peeked!!! (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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Great blog hun and Chivalry needs to be alive and well here on the site as well. In saying that I mean their chat MANNERS!!! Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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Thanx for sharing. Interesting and to the point post. I would not help anyone in a car, just open the door maybe. There are no dragons, but what about a little spider? Or a mouse? We would kill those too for our damsel you know?
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I enjoy reading your posts, they are always so informative and on point. Thanks for taking the time to share. If you wish to contact me, I've setup a private Mailbox affa1r4me in my Blog.
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Good Morning!!! I love this post and can't wait to see more of "Emily". I did some on- line research and found an old book by Florence Hartley that's part of the Project Gutenberg EBook on Etiquette for Ladies ( 26 chapters and entered in congress in 1860). The first chapter is on Politeness ( Imagine that being polite on the net???). Might make for some interesting reading one day. I did not find any publications relating to etiquette for men-- hmmm (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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Back to my regularly scheduled programming
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