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Nauseating Nature of nice people
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Nauseating Nature of nice people One of the few advantages of being trans and coming out late is the contrasting perspective and experience of living as a different gender. In my past life, as a male, I've always hated the saying "nice guy finish last." But despite finding it utterly illogical and nonsensical, not to mention stupid, that girls like jerks, there was a truth to it that couldn't be denied. So at the end of it, it was just accepted but not understood. It wasn't until recently, 2 into my transition, that I came to the realization that I absolutely dread the men that are nice. It's not a preference for jerks but rather, that by default jerks are not nice and I want absolutely nothing to do with nice. So I put on my psychoanalytical hat and examined myself and finally made sense of something that never had any for 30 some odd of my life. --- There are 3 main nuisances of nice people that I find to be . --- Nice People are Agreeable. It is nice to be agreeable. That is true. So what do nice people do? They agree with you. They agree with you when you see things a certain way, They agree with you when you choose to do something. They also agree with you when it turns out to be a mistake. They agree with you with the same excitement when you say something<b> witty </font></b>and profound or daft and ignorant. The root reason why agreeing is nice is because it is observed with couples that are compatible. Being agreeable is trying substituting compatibility because compatible people are, more often than not, believed to be agreeable. Nice people rationalize that if compatible people are observed to be agreeable, and if i show that I am agreeable, then we would be compatible. This is false. Let's apply the same pattern of logic. If Asian people are observed to be good at math, and If I am good at math, then I am Asian. This is why through the same or similar actions given, how it is received is massively different. The habitual agreeing from a nice person only seems attentive but in reality, it is a lack of attention that is being given. There is a lack of thought given when everything is agreed upon all the same. Agreeing is an action done for the sake of being nice. Compatibility is the consequent reward for long-standing relationships that have depth. Agreeable people are displeasing because they are trying to substitute compatibility. They're trying to take a short cut. Reaching for the reward without putting in the effort. If you're wondering if this means that I prefer you to disagree with me then you haven't been listening! Of course, I don't prefer you to disagree with me, nor do I prefer you to agree with me. I prefer that you agree with me only if you truly agree with me or disagree with me if you disagree with me. I prefer honesty and you being genuinely who you are. Don't be afraid to disagree. Disagreements are not a bad thing by nature. To disagree where neither party's dignity is on the line can be very cognitively rewarding. --- Nice People Compliment The second thing nice people do is they give compliments. They do so constantly and consistently. From how blue your blue jeans are to the way you hold your fork or of how great your sibiling are. Everything that they can compliment they will compliment. They way you od this is perfect, the way you say that is perfect, everything is goddarn freaking perfect. Whatever! This is no different. Compliments are given without care or effort made towards the other person. These nice compliments about anything and everything devalues the compliment. The blanket giving of compliments is an attempt to show support but attempted without putting in the time and effort to find out what we actually value. What ends up happening is what we find to be meaningful is treated the same way as the things that are meaningless to revealing how equally meaningless they both are to you. This doesn't mean don't give compliments. Compliments are meant to support someone right? So show support where they . where it is valued. Know that when compliments are paid to where it is not valued, that it devalues the compliments that are meaningful. Take the honest time to understand someone before complimenting them. Nice People Praise The last thing that nice people do is that they give praise. Similar to giving compliments but praise is more about celebrating achievements. The problem with praising what we achieve is that it paints us only in a positive light. This raises the cost for us to reveal the things that are on the opposite side that is a part of everyone. It becomes harder to talk to you about the things that are not praiseworthy, the darker and more melancholic side. Instead of praise, celebrate the path that was taken in our accomplishment. Celebrate the struggle that we overcame to get to where we have gotten to. It might look like the same thing at the end, but the difference is thousands and thousands of words that make up the story that is included only in the latter of the two. It is the only one that includes the story of us at our best and at our worst. --- Obviously, I can only speak of myself and what I have come to realize to be true for me. However, I do believe that the 3 areas that these 3 things touch on are somewhat universal as to what we are all looking for in a relationship. We're looking to know that we are not alone. We are looking for someone that will make us feel good about ourselves, compliments that raise our self-esteem. We are looking for someone that will make us feel confident about ourselves and proud of the things that we have done. At least that's what I look for and what I would want to provide for my significant other. But it could just be me. ℒ⚩v𝔢 ♡ℓⱳays , 𝕊𝕡𝕦𝕟 𝓢𝒽ℯ𝓇𝓇𝓎 {=} |
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