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Growing Sexually
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Growing Sexually Things were getting more serious between them. Ever since he had introduced her to nJoy toys, she was finding out more and more about the physical side of herself. There had even been a day when she asked him to bring in out Mr. Eleven, the largest nJoy toy. He had taken special care to make sure that she was deeply aroused before he introduced it into their sex play. Then he placed the well lubed 11-inch-long, two-inch-thick toy at the entrance to her vagina, and whispered “imaging yourself pulling it in by sheer will power”. Once its head was in her, it seemed to go easier, filling her vagina and her mind with a sensation of fullness that she had never experienced before. She had not orgasmed in her usual way, but instead had what was a slow, long lasting out of body falling over the brink that went on and on as he slowing and carefully moved the large toy in and out of her vagina. They had started to spend weekends together. Their shared love of photography gave them a reason to travel to places and events they both wanted to shoot. Early on, she has established the norm that she paid her fair share of the way. Doing so gave her the feeling that she was not beholden to him in any way. She was there by her choice. She could leave at any time by her choice. The fact that he went along with this in a matter of fact way, without fuss, with just moment to moment practicality about who paid what when in a way that balanced over their weekends together empowered her. Although he led sexually, she never felt like she was owned or controlled by him, just guided into new sexual things she wanted to experience. Mostly he suggested them, but sometimes she did. For her, it was a time of exploration. She always took care to give back in return. She first read about and then talked about and then experimented with taking him in her month and throat. It took several weekends to get beyond her gag reflex, but eventually she was able to take him into her throat all the way to the point where her lips touched his balls. She learned about Kegel exercises, and practiced them during the week. She got to the point where she could straddle him, taking him up into her, and then milking him by combining the movement of her hips with the pulsing of her inner muscles. She often ended their weekend this way, totally entranced his facial expressions and the noises he made as she brought him to orgasm. There were times when doing so tipped her over into her own release. Then they ended up sunk together in one big entwined heap on the bed as they slowly came back, each from their own level of satiation. They seldom saw each other during the week. His job as an operational IT executive, and hers as a senior account manager for a software firm meant long days and fulfilling work for them both. But they mostly kept their jobs from getting in the way of their weekends together. After about 6 months, she began to experience a change in the way she felt about their relationship. She had learned much from her about sex and physical expression. She had been willing to follow and let him lead. Now she wanted to things, to go even further, to explore some of the things in Vernon’s “Boudoir Bible” that they had not yet tried. Their weekends together were a mixture of long pleasure sessions mixed with good meals and intriguing, often independent, sometime shared, sessions of photography. Their pleasure sessions where long and satisfying. More and more, they planned some part of them together. But they were oriented to her pleasure, although it was clear that he got a great deal out of giving to her. She felt that there was a lack of balance in them, with little opportunity for her to explore what it was like to lead, to be in control, except for the brief times she either took him into her mouth or rode him. She sensed that she had a darker, stronger side of herself that she wanted to bring out. She wanted to be the one to lead at times, to be the top for one of their pleasure sessions. In the past 2 months, some of her evenings had been spent on Internet dating and sex sites. She had started on OK Cupid, liking the range of questions that she could answer there. She pretended she was a man in one of her two profiles, so she could read the answers and comments on answers to questions she found intriguing written by women. She also found the crassness of responses to most of the men who responded to her minimal female profile deeply distributing. She moved onto Senior Sizzle, which seemed to allow her to be much more open about the fact she was there learn through reading profiles exchanging e-talk with others, including women. The blogs there intrigued her. She followed some women regularly. It was all about learning for her, about finding out about a range of sexual behavior that she had never known existed. On Senior Sizzle, she first learned about kink, tying some of the things she read in profiles there to some of the parts of the Boudoir Bible book. She moved on to Fet Life, again creating a minimal profile. She spent several weeks the exchanges in the groups there and the postings by individuals. She resonated with the exchanges around sensual domination and submission. She was delighted by some of the images she saw there, of men and women. Photographers like liquiderotica gave her a sense of the power and the depth that was possible in this darker side of sexual exchange. At the same time, she was appalled by some of the harder, harsher sides of kink, especially the pictures uploaded by women after they had been beaten or marked with canes and whips and hands. The range of ways in which human beings expressed their sexuality and the ways they related to one another astonished her. She began to wonder about the pain / pleasure threshold, and went looking for clearer insights in the more medically focused and sex education sites on the Web. She found much of what she saw on Fet Life and Senior Sizzle as too extreme for her. But she was becoming aware that she was probably what Fet Life called a Switch – a person who got as much pleasure from being in charge – the top - as being the one who was led during sex – the bottom. She realized that she wanted to do her partner as much as she wanted her partner to do her. She also was aware that even though she let him lead, she was the one setting the limits to their own sexual expression and exploration. Control and power were more complicated in sexual exchange than she had at first believed. It was not as simple as who was apparently in charge. She now knew there were layers in all this, some as basic as “who decided what they did at any particular time sexually” and others deeper, more complicated, such as “who decided who orgasmed when”. She realized that although she set limits on the things they did together, at first he had been the one made the who orgasms when decisions. But as she became more proactive during their sex sessions on the weekends, she was now also making these decisions from time to time. She wanted to be able to talk about all this, find out how he was experiencing her taking charge at times, how he reacted to her deciding when to bring him to orgasm. It was clear that she was pleasing him physically. But she wanted more. She wanted to intimate with his mind and his internal feelings as much as she was when she was pleasuring his body. For some weeks, she struggled with bringing these issues up with him. He seemed to be happy with the way things were. She was worried that she might spoil what up to now had been a good thing between them. But then she read a blog post by a woman on Senior Sizzle. In it, the 65 year old woman clearly described what she had given up by always agreeing to follow the men in her life in bed. This woman was disappointed in herself. Only now, in her mid 60’s, had she insisted that her ways of expressing her self sexually, that her desire to be in control at times, were as respected in her relationships as those of her male partners. The woman wrote about what she had missed in life by letting a socially conventional tradition run her sex life. A day or two later, she read an answer to a question on OK Cupid that completely blew her away. The question had been “would you do things sexually that your partner asked you to do that you were uncomfortable with?” The women who had answered it had been clear. Sexual exchange was as much as giving, taking, and caring as was ever other part of the relationship. Everyone in a relationship needed to take responsibility for helping the others in it experience themselves in as full a way as was practical. “Sex is just one part of a relationship. To make any relationship work over the long run you need to take all your partner’s needs into effect. Refusing to work though what it takes to do for you to the things your partners want you to do to them sexually, as long as those things are not physically damaging or dangerous or so odious that any only the deranged would do them, is to not care for the person whose full being you are committed to. Just because I don’t enjoy it being done to me does not mean that my partner does not enjoy experiencing it. If I care for my partner, my caring will help me get over my limits, so that I learn to give and to care in in the ways that work for them, even if they don’t work for me. And you know what, over time, I learned to enjoy doing things that I at first thought I could never do.” She read and re-read this, being moved to a different place by it. She wanted to be cared for and care for her partner in this way. She wanted a full partnership with an equal, not one defined by social roles. She decided it was time to risk and see if they would grow together in ways that let her be the full person that she was becoming. She might lose this man who had given her so much. But it was better to move on now she knew about these sides of herself than give up them up and find herself disappointed in her self later in life. Thanks for visiting Hope that my words Left you with a stirring or a thought or two Leave a comment please even it is only a word or two ... |
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