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CLEVELAND!!!!! THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!
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CLEVELAND!!!!! THIS ONE'S FOR YOU! What the FUCK???? Thanks LeBron – WHAT THE FUCK??? It’s not his fault really, but damn I wish I’d been smarter. Who the fuck thinks that when a 79-year-old woman ask if you want a ticket to an NBA finals game, you shouldn’t say, “Hell yeah!” Well, here I am, and regretting and dreading the prospect of what I am to pay for that ticket. 70 fucking 9 years old. I was flying in first class on my employer’s dime. She<b> engaged </font></b>me in conversation in the club cabin as we are waiting for authorization to begin boarding the plane. Truth be told, I am only here because the airlines made a mistake. I could never afford first class fare for this trip. My first mistake was walking over when she smiles at me. Truth be told, I thought she was in her early 50s. I was to learn later how wrong I was. She stood about 5’8 and 240 lbs. but her long hair once ruby red was more than tinted with grey. I did not expect a white woman to speak so intelligently about basketball or the NBA (That was obviously a mistake… perhaps built on racial or gender prejudice. I don’t know. I do know I will try not to make that mistake again.) I found myself drawn into conversation with her while admiring her legs and her large breasts. (It was crazy but it looked like her nipple was hard.) She smiled again and told me that while she was flattered, I really couldn’t handle her so I should stop staring and tell her my prediction for game 3 of the finals. Who was staring? (Well maybe – just maybe I was, but meant no disrespect by it.) and who was trying to handle her? I was just shocked. I couldn’t believe that at her age her nipple was hard. (Yes, I fell for the “she drops her purse on the floor and everything spills out”. When I picked up her passport I was flabbergasted to see her age.) I quickly gathered myself and told her there was no way Lebron was going to allow his team to get swept nor for the Cavs to go down 3-0, so I was taking LeBron and 3 and half. She looked at me for a moment, put her drink down and emitted a deep belly laugh that I never would have imagined could come from a woman. (Some of the other people turned – now what they were doing is called staring.) “” she told me, (yes, I took exception to the word “” although I didn’t say anything about it.) “You have lost your ever-loving mind. When the game ends LeBron is going to have a triple double, but the Cavs will be eliminated in the next game.” Here is where I put my foot in my mouth…. There is a reason for the saying, fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Now, I am no fool, but I should have been more cautious in my words. “No way”, I said, “Put up or shut up!” She beckoned for another drink, while looking me straight in my eye then her gaze travelled slowly down my chest to my crotch, then back to my eyes. I felt a cold chill slide down my spine, but found my dick getting hard as well…. (“What the hell?”, I thought, “She can’t be serious. This woman is in the same generation as my grandmother.”) Her evaluation seemed to go on forever. Finally, she asked, “What can you afford to bet stranger? Most people would have introduced themselves by now. You’ve seen my passport, so you know my name, but I still don’t know yours. Here’s the deal. I’ve got 2 tickets to game 4 of the finals. I will consider giving you one of them because I think you could be fun to hang out with. Here’s the bet. If you accept the bet one of the tickets is yours: win or lose. If the Cavs win, you get the second ticket. If the Cavs lose by at least 4, I get you in my bed anytime I want until I check out of my hotel on Sunday.” I didn’t know what to say. A ticket! To the finals! Are you kidding me? DAYUM, DAYUM, DAMN! (Thanks Florida of Good Times fame) I couldn’t take the bet. My return flight was scheduled for Saturday afternoon and I told her so. She laughed again. “Ok” she said, “Saturday noon…. And just to make it interesting, I will add an extra $10 for every $1.00 you put up. “I calculated quickly, I only had $20 in cash. “Can I go to the ATM?” I asked. “No, whatever the cash is you have right now. No more and no less” she replied and reached out her had for my wallet. “I have $20” “Show me” After showing the money, she took it and tucked it in her bra. She replied, “$200 it is, and I’ll hold on to this until after the game. You won’t need it on the plane anyway. By the way, what hotel are you staying at?” I hesitated in answering. “Listen” she said. You have a great bet going right now. I like you. Don’t mess that up by not being honest.” I told her my hotel. “I tell you what” she replied “Call and cancel your reservation. You can stay with me free of charge” Stupid as it sounds, I cancelled my room even though I didn’t have the slightest idea where she or rather we were staying. It was then our flight began boarding and in just a few hours my life would not be my own for more than 2 days… |
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