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| Blogs > gymrat1974 > ManwranglerJen |
Maybe it's more than a lack of desire
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Maybe it's more than a lack of desire I am completely mystified by all the husbands on here who say they love their wives and don't want to leave them but are on here searching for a partner because they are in sexless marriages. I'm single. If I were married or had access to a playmate, he would be too busy keeping up with me to be going out to find it elsewhere. But these men say they love their wives, and they claim they wouldn't want to lose them. So what's going on at home that make these women not interested in sex? I am not a sex therapist, a doctor, or a physical therapist, but I can speak from my own personal experience enough to say that I might have some answers for you. Maybe your wife doesn't enjoy sex because it's painful. Maybe your wife doesn't enjoy sex because she is physically incapable of having an orgasm. Maybe she is embarrassed because things aren't in the same place as they used to be, and this embarrassment leaves her unable to give or receive pleasure. A few years ago, I hurt myself in the gym. Well, I guess I had hurt myself giving birth to my , but the symptoms developed and were exacerbated after I started working out like a steroidal maniac. Little things like sit ups, lifting heavier than one should, holding your breath during any form of exercise, and certain moves in Pilates and yoga even can cause damage to a woman's pelvic floor. Sometimes these problems manifest in the form of an organ prolapse, sometimes they manifest themselves in a tight pelvic floor, and sometimes it's both problems rolled into one. I was the lucky one who suffered from both. My prolapse is relatively minor, but it upset me emotionally. My bigger problem was the pelvic floor tightness. And it took treating the latter to help with the former. And it was because I didn't want my sex life ruined that I went searching for answers and found physical therapy. A prolapse occurs when the bladder, uterus, vaginal fault, urethra, or rectum (this last one occurs in men, too) falls out of its location due to weakened or overly stretched muscles. Heavy lifting is often the culprit. Prolapses often exist for years without any symptoms, or they cause mild symptoms like an urgent need to use the rest room, even after you have emptied your bladder. As the prolapse progresses, you can even feel something protruding from your body. Even if it doesn't cause pain, it can cause mild discomfort or embarrassment. Doctors say that men can't even feel it or see it, but knowing it is there is detrimental to a woman's psyche. The other issue is common in men and women. A too tight pelvic floor is when the muscles in the pelvic floor don't relax.It can be caused by physical injury, emotional stress, poor breathing or posture, a lack of relaxation after one exercises, and sometimes it happens for unknown reasons. Some women who suffer from pelvic floor disorder also have a prolapse, which can make treatment difficult but definitely not impossible. Symptoms of pelvic floor disorder include an urgent need to use the restroom, an inability to go once you've found the restroom, pain in the pelvic region, and pain during sex. And there is treatment available. The problem is that the recognition of these things is relatively new, and the treatment is newer still. Women are often told to do their kegels, but kegels are limited. And when women have a tight pelvic floor, kegels are actually the last thing they need to do. Kegels contract the muscle, so when the muscles are too tight to begin with, they spasm. The alternative treatment has often surgery. For what? For a leaky bladder? In recent years, physical therapy has become a viable option. Physical therapy helps women learn how to relax the muscles that need to be relaxed and strengthen the muscles that need strengthening. And in as few as a session or two, recipients of physical therapy often see and feel results. Women are taught stretching and relaxation techniques that target their pelvic floor. Therapists also use techniques that stretch the muscles of the pelvic floor that help release spasms and tender spots. These techniques not only help alleviate over active bladder symptoms, but they also allow women to be penetrated sexually and achieve good, strong, mind-blowing orgasms if you are capable of giving them to her. So guys, where do you come in? Has your wife ever complained that you hurt her during sex? Have you ever heard her wince or suck in her breath as soon as you tried to penetrate her? Have you ever not even been able to penetrate her because everything felt too tight? Has your wife ever complained that she couldn't reach orgasm, no matter how much effort you put into it? Of course, there could always be more to the story, but there is a strong possibility that her problem is not that she doesn't enjoy you or that she doesn't like sex. The problem might be that her body physically cannot relax enough to take you in. The problem might be that the muscles in her pelvic floor are pulled so tightly that she cannot achieve orgasms. Hey, look, I can't tell you not to be here. And I don't know how to begin to suggest to you that you question your wife's pelvic floor. Maybe you can intimate that you are the one with the problem since it can happen to men, too. Maybe you can tell her about what you've been trying as far as treatment is concerned. Maybe you can try couples yoga for a while, and focus on things that help relax that portion of the body. Maybe one day she will feel the difference and attack you in the hallway leading to your bedroom. If this post can save even one couple's sex life, then I guess telling you about my own personal issues with both a prolapse and a too tight pelvic floor was worth it. |
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Thanks for your post...
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  Thanks for sharing your experience...didnt thougt gyms and Pilates where so dangerous.. To answer your question..i thought it was just the natural predator instinct,anyway Agree with you,on your last paragraph!  
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sometimes women are just too damn tired from trying to be supermom...you know, the mom who does everything from cooking, cleaning, and food shopping to running around chauffeuring the kids to play-dates, practices and anywhere else they need to go...by the end of the day we're just too tired to think about anything but sleep... don't get me wrong, some men are good husbands and fathers...they help as much as they can with everything...on the other hand there are the men who expect their wives to do everything because they work hard and provide for their families...what about the women who work and STILL do all of these things?... and what about romance?...when was the last time these men actually took their wives out on a date?...women like to feel appreciated...a Thank You and a paycheck aren't always the way to our hearts... there are many factors as to why some women don't want to have sex...personally I think the biggest issue is lack of communication...men have no problem discussing this with perfect strangers they met on a sex site but why not have this conversation with the most important person in your life?....your wive, your best friend...try it...ya never know
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Of course some people just aren't happy with what they have or they are too tired. There are any number of reasons why sex isn't happening within the marriage. And of course, just as many women stray as men. Nevertheless, PFD is an all too common and all too often overlooked issue. Again, if this post can help even one couple or one individual, then it's no harm no foul. There is a huge percentage of women out there with pelvic organ prolapse, women who have had bladder sling surgery, and are still miserable. Why? Because whether they have surgery or not, the physical therapy route is still a necessity.
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Communication definitely plays a role! Whether it's a physical issue, a hormonal issue, or an emotional issue or even a combination of the three, communication would help. And I certainly didn't want to go telling people there was something wrong with them. But what if it was something that could easily be corrected, but people are too fearful to find out? If you tear or pull any other muscle in your body, you can treat it with physical therapy. Your pelvic region can be treated the same way, but because it's taboo people pretend it's not a problem. I say go see about it.
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